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Poor Boy Hat
Nov. 17, 2007
Thinking about relationships
Before I plunge into the thoughtful part of this post, I went hunting up at the B's today. I've never before hunted so much in one day, but I am unfortunately still deer-less.
It was fun anyway, though. I even got to drive Mr. Roy's ATV and help dismantle Tanner's dirtbike. Although I'm not sure if anything good will come of that endeavor.
Oh, and I'm noticing a distinct lack of entries for the Fall Poetry contest. At this rate the whole thing will die before it starts. :P So get writing!
- - -
And now, on to the serious . . .
The idea of relationships (as in boy/girl relationships) randomly popped into my head a while back, and I decided I should write a bit about it. This is going to be kind of "on the fly", but we'll see where she goes.
First, before I go any further, I need to mention some things. To begin with, I realize there are all sorts of "methods" for finding a wife nowadays (i.e. dating, courting, betrothal, having your parents pick, whatever), but I really think every situation is unique, and most methods are only defined after the goal has been reached. Plus, when I say "courting", you may think of one thing, and somebody else may think of something else entirely, so that really doesn't help. So, I'm going to try to avoid mentioning specific methods and instead focus on the actual real-life aspects.
Second, the term "dating" has such negative connotations (especially in conservative homeschool circles), that it gets in the way of having a meaningful discussion. So I'm specifically going to try to avoid that word.
Third, I'm not going to try to endorse any particular method or scheme, but instead try to establish some logical points from which one can build their view of relationships, whatever they end up calling it.
Fourth, being male, I'm obviously going to be writing this from a guy's perspective. :)
So, to begin.
To start off, there's one thing about relationships nowadays that I think is really harmful and, well, stupid. This is the idea that you see a girl, think "wow, she's pretty," and ask her out. Very bad idea. This approach essentially preempts any chance of you actually learning who the girl really is, because it stands to reason that if she feels the same way about you, she's going to try and impress you. Much better to just be friends and observe who she really is, don't you think?
And there's another thing that bothers me quite a bit. A lot of guys seem to view girlfriends as something that you acquire. In other words, you don't enter a deeper relationship, you just get a girlfriend. And then you go tell your friends "hey, I got a girlfriend today" in the same way that you would tell them about your new car. And since so many people do this, it's like having a girl/boyfriend is a way to elevate your status. So, just like you might want to get an iPod, simply because everybody else has one regardless of whether or not they're the best, most guys simply want to get a girlfriend, even if their "relationship" is really something ridiculously superficial.
I think another problem is that teenagers don't have the end goal in mind. Now, this applies for the most part to Christian teenagers, because most non-Christian teenagers do have their own goals in mind when looking for "relationships", and they generally get them, too. But for a Christian, the goal is to find a suitable wife/husband. And since we've already established that you won't learn anything reliable about a girl once you've entered a relationship with them, then the big question is this: would you ever have a relationship with a girl you wouldn't be willing to marry? If you do have such a relationship, you're headed for big time pain in the near future.
And then there's the issue of age. It logically follows that the further you are from being old enough to marry, the less likely it is that your relationship is going to hold up. But that said, many people have ended up marrying their "high-school sweetheart", so that isn't necessarily a rule. But if your relationship is going to succeed it has to be something different than what most people think of as a relationship.
The previously mentioned relationships of getting involved with a girl before you know her and "acquiring a girlfriend", will most likely not end happily. So you're going to have to find something deeper than that. I have a friend who is very close with a certain girl, and you could reasonably say they are best friends. They know everything about each other, they support each other in their Christianity, and their relationship is very much deeper than just a boyfriend/girlfriend match. In fact, if you were to ask them if they're "in a relationship", they would probably say no, but they most definitely are. This is the kind of mature pair that will probably succeed, even though it will be 2 or 3 years before they can consider marrying.
Now, a relationship like that obviously comes along gradually. So, once again, if your goal is just to get a girlfriend, you're going to fail. This is where patience and following God's leading play a big role.
Which brings me to my final point. This whole relationship game is another one of those "gray areas" that I mentioned in a post a while back. So you have to remember the deciding factor: what is God leading me to do? Although you may not feel like it's true, God really does lead teenagers, and I can assure you he will lead you as you look for "the one." So instead of just picking up on a method like another label and formula to follow, look to God and the mature people around you for guidance, and you'll be able to break all the stereotyping and all the failure that is so common these days.
And don't forget to lend a hand to your friends who are caught up in today's destructive ideas. :) |
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Nov. 18, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Very well written, Tim!
This is excellent.
This is one of those issues that some teens might find to be slightly "awkward" and prefer not to talk about. But you laid it out very well and it is something that should be discussed.
I really like what you had to say here:
"And then you go tell your friends "hey, I got a girlfriend today" in the same way that you would tell them about your new car. And since so many people do this, it's like having a girl/boyfriend is a way to elevate your status."
This is unfortunately very true.
A lot of people are (mentally) too immatures for relationships anyhow. They jump into one 'cause they think, as you said, it'll elevate their status.
Well, written and I agree with you completely!
In reply to your comment,
Man, we need to get together soon... and play some more football!
Haha... I don't understand it one bit but plowing through people is fun! :D
You beat HL2 already!?!?
Ah man, I so want to see the last boss.
Invite me over!
Hahaha...
Ok, yes, I'll add you to my friends list!
TTYL!