Jan. 14, 2008 - My Friend Jana
I know in my last post I had all sorts of things that I planned to report back to you all- fudge... painting... fun stuff. However I must delay those plans to tell you about something that has happened that has sent me reeling.
Friday morning when I checked my email I learned that a dear friend had passed away in her sleep. Jana was only 34 years old and had been diabetic since she was seven. So everyone naturally thought it would be something related to that. In fact, Jana also had epilepsy (diagnosed when she was 26), as well as sleep apnea. To help with the sleep apnea she usually slept on her stomach. And on Thursday night/Friday morning when Jana suffered an unusual, unexpected epileptic seizure, she suffocated.
Jana and I were in the same Sunday School class for years. We had children that were only a month apart and were always very much alike and were pretty good little friends even if they were the opposite sex. And in that Sunday School class there was so much affluence, and unfortunately, often much shallowness. But Jana and her husband John were always so grounded, so real. They wanted the meat, to dig in deeper with God. They lived the phrase "Holiness matters most."
Another factor to this connection is that Jana was also our pastor's daughter-in-law. I guess when we were in class together I never really pushed to have a bosom-buddy relationship with her because I knew that because of their family connections, many pursued them. (I didn't want to seem like one of those kisser-upper types? I certainly do not want to imply that was the motivation on the part of others, but I was just always a bit leary of ever even having the appearance or hint of doing that.) But even so, Jana was still someone I looked for on Sunday mornings, someone I almost always had a meaningful conversation with. (and it was always more than just what I was wearing!)
After we began going to a different church this past year, things did change a bit. My husband and I have had to actively seek to keep relationships from our former church. I am no longer "bumping into" people every week. And Jana was one of those that I sought out to maintain that relationship, to go deeper, to have that one on one time with.
We shared emails and finally one Saturday morning close to Thanksgiving we finally got together for a few hours of breakfast and much talking. (We lived quite a distance apart.) Oh. My. Goodness!!! What a wonderful time! My poor husband had to listen to me for hours and hours about how glad I was to have reached out to her- how many similar thoughts, ideas, priorities we had. And I just couldn't wait to get another one of those breakfasts in... We had to get through the holidays, but all week I'd been thinking it was time to call her and see when she'd be free for another get together. Now that will never happen, and I am so sad- selfishly sad for myself.
But that doesn't even begin to compare to the sadness I feel for her family. Jana left behind a husband- and they had the kind of marriage that you know would make a wonderful Golden Anniversary party. They were a team... they were one. And that's saying so much considering what they'd been through. Jana had two boys- one 11, and the other 8. The 8-year old is severely autistic. Jana and John both worked tirelessly to make a better life for Sam. She homeschooled both her boys for several years and this year she was spending with little Sam. She was a community advocate and resource for families dealing with autism. And now? Who will take care of Sam? What about 11-year old Caleb who was just crazy about his mama? Her last blog entry was about having an afternoon on the town with Caleb and how much fun they had. She wanted to spend that time with her boys building memories, making bridges to where they were at in their young lives. Her entry was titled Making Memories and Banking for the Future. She lived her life thinking long-term, thinking eternally. She spent that time with her son in hopes that when he was older, that relationship would be rock solid. She asked him if he thought he'd still like spending time with her even when he was 15... As much as I'm sure he would have been thrilled to do so, that will never be. That just tears me up.
Today was her funeral. I cried at that funeral like I've never cried at another. I'm so happy for Jana- no more diabetes, no more worries, she's receiving her well-earned reward. But I'm so sad for the rest of us. She did so much good to so many... What a hole. As much as I wanted to be there to support her family and to show respect for her life, I hated it. I hated seeing that white hearse when I pulled up to the church. I hated seeing her in that casket. I hated seeing her sweet family walk into that same sanctuary door that I've seen them walk into thousands of times before, but today with no Jana. I wouldn't have missed it for the world, but I still hated it despite how lovely the service was.
The thing that has been resonating in my mind about Jana over these past few days is the title I always had for her in my mind. Whenever I thought of Jana, I immediately thought "God-pleaser." That was the label she carried in my mind. She obeyed God regardless of what the consensus was. She spoke up for what was right even if it was hard, even if she took a hit in the popularity polls. (I know that sounds silly, but that's just the only way I can think of to describe her level of obedience.) She looked different because of her convictions of how God was leading her to live. She spoke deeper, more lovely, more pleasing to God. And she did it all out of reverence and respect for God, and with humility and love for the people around her. That is a lesson I learned from her that I will never forget, and I will always be thankful for her example to me.
Whenever this family comes to your mind, please pray for them. They have always been so very tender before God. And if God brings them to your mind, I wouldn't doubt that the Holy Spirit is providing cover that they need. Thank you for listening to my thoughts on a dear friend that I wish I could have known even better. I just wanted to share a little bit of her and of my heart with you this evening. Somehow I think that's just a little more important than how that fudge turned out.
Comments
Jan. 15, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by lahbluebonnet
I read your comment about Mr. O this morning...and then to come here and read this. Oh, I'm in tears! I'm sharing your joy for who she and her family is/was in Christ...and where she is now...yet sorrowing for their/your loss for wife/mother/friend/daughter-in-law...
I'll certainly keep all of you in my prayers. I plan to run to her blog and learn more from her heart. Perhaps in due time, y'all can invite her dh and dc over and show them love...make fudge with the kids...help them to extend the legacy she has shared with you. I am planning on this with my dear friend, J. She is such a people person. We tried to get together years ago, but with her and our other friend being single, they were busy every night...and I'm here with the kids! I will just invite her over for dinner one night and she can finally meet my family and I'll be praying for God's timing on that. Thank you for sharing.
I hope Jana's dh keeps her blog up so the rest of us can benefit from how God worked in her life. Lots of prayers...
Blessings,
Laurie
Jan. 15, 2008 - I'm so sorry
Posted by KarlaKAkins
I'm so sorry you lost your friend. Friends like that don't happen very often. It seems like every time I get one, they get taken away by moving or dying. I don't understand, I just know that I can trust God above all else.
I wish so much I could help her family. I am a mother of twins, age 12, with autism. I know the challenges. She did, indeed, leave such a hole that only God's grace can fill. This thing I do know -- God is up to something good on that family's behalf. We just can't see it now for the tears.
Hugs to you, dear sister blogger!
Jan. 15, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by teachingmisssmartypants
What a beautiful tribute to your friend. I can only hope that when I'm gone, people will think of me as a God-pleaser, too. Somehow I think I still have quite a ways to go.
Jan. 16, 2008 - I'm so sorry .
Posted by nikkisimcox
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend . You have written a wonderful tribute to her . Our prayers are with her family and friends . Blessings to you and yours . ~ Nikki
