Mar. 29, 2008 - Young Boy Apprehended at Church
(In case you haven't heard, the Front Porch has issued a little challenge to write a blog entry ala newspaper style. Go check it out and join in the fun. But before you go, here's my story report.)
A young boy was apprehended at ******** Baptist Church. (Names have been blocked to protect the innocent.) Witnesses say an unusual occurrence happened this spring Sunday. The suspect is described as a little boy of four years of age, last seen wearing navy blue shorts and a short sleeved shirt with navy and yellow stripes. According to official reports, congregants were enjoying a time of music- praise and worship as it is known in some circles. Attendees had just been seated and a soloist had begun a slow, soulful rendition of "I Will Run To You." Everything was proceeding as planned, when the alleged boy slipped free from his guardian and ran across the front of the sanctuary. Sources close to the story say that the child's mother could be seen in the choir loft observing the happening with much emotion. Says parishioner Iva Gottatella, "At first his mama looked questioningly at what was going on. She wondered whose child was running loose in the church? After a few seconds it dawned on her that those shorts and that shirt looked just like the one her little boy was wearing. When she realized that it was HER little runaway, she immediately tried to stop him. She couldn't do much since she was stuck up in that loft, but she gave it her all, trying to will him to stop with the power of her eyes. She was mentally screaming at people- anyone close enough to do something, 'STOP THAT BOY, WILL YA'???' She just didn't know what had gotten into that boy! What was he gonna' do? Was he gonna' come bounding on up the platform? Was something wrong with him? She just didn't know..."
To give our readers a clear picture of what happened, the offender began his escape on the north end of the sanctuary near the front pews. His course took him all the way to the south end of the room. When he was midway in his flight, a pursuer came onto the scene. What has been described as a very large man wearing navy pants and a red plaid shirt gave chase to the little boy. He attempted to use a surprise tactic and to avoid notice of the congregation. However as the onlookers were all seated, his actions were in plain view for all to see. He did successfully reach the child when said child reached the southern-most front pew. After his apprehension, the little boy swiftly took a Kleenex and proceeded to wipe his nose.
After detaining the suspect who was no longer at large, the very large captor set about returning him to his rightful place where he could be fully detained. In order to allay suspicion, the very large man resorted to attempting to conceal his identity. He lifted his hand to shield his face from the crowd and stealthily tip-toed back to his original location, as sneakily as he possibly could. However despite his best efforts, his identity was in fact plainly observed.
Our newspaper has obtained exclusive reports from a probable cause statement that has not heretofore been released to the public. The officer in charge is quoted as saying, "I had him in my custody. Since it was allergy season, he was suffering acute hayfever symptoms. I released him to walk straight ahead, the distance of two pews and obtain a tissue that is supplied in the front pews at all times. The suspect issued some resistance to my idea, so I reiterated my course of action for him. Unbeknownst to me, given the suspect's small stature, he could not see the Kleenex I had indicated. Within his line of vision, were ones that were at the exact opposite end of the building from where we were stationed. When he bolted, he ran like a deer, and I was left with nothing to do except give hot pursuit. While I was successful in apprehending the suspect, I deeply regret that I was not able to preserve the dignity of my office as Keeper of the Four-Year Old. I know people will be talking about this for years..." After that heartfelt admission, the very large Keeper became too emotional to speak further.
So here we are left with some very embarrassed parents, but at least we can all rest easy tonight knowing that the four-year old boy is no longer at large, thanks to the very large man who managed to recapture his young suspect. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about his dignity... This is Kim reporting for Homeschool Blogger. Front Porch, back to you.
Comments
Mar. 31, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by momto4beauties
Loved the 'report' of the incident at the Baptist Church. Frightening, just how easily those four-year olds can escape like that. Hope the " Keeper's" dignity is restored soon...it happens to the best of us. (wink)
Mar. 31, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by servingtheKingofkings
Great story! Perhaps you all will laugh about it someday :).
Mar. 31, 2008 - That was great!
Posted by sagerats
Now we know the importance of offering seasonal allergy rehabilitation. Without it offenders will likely strike again.
Abiding in the Vine!
Apr. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by andijeane
That was great - I'm laughing my head off! So glad you participated in the challenge!
~Andrea
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/andijeane/344555/
