Aug. 7, 2008 - No News Isn't Necessarily Good News
Have you noticed I've been gone awhile? I have! Unfortunately I haven't been gone on a whirlwind vacation to the beaches of the Riviera or anything glamorous like that. I have been here in the trenches and I thought I'd give an update of sorts and write out some of the lessons/struggles from living what feels like a life under siege.
If you've read my blog from the past months, I have had a few entries that dealt with some of the financial struggles we've endured as my husband has been working to get his business off the ground. And you know this is something that we have prayed for God to make His plans and ways for us clear. And honest to goodness, every time we pray that prayer, what comes across our path in relation to his business is to keep hanging in there. So we've done that and kept waiting for the struggles to lighten up somehow. And at this point, we are just hanging on by a thread! This has been a real spiritual test for both my husband and me. It is literally a minute by minute struggle to obey the words of Jesus when He tells us not to worry. In fact we have really had this come to the forefront for our whole household as to what exactly "not worrying" looks like. Where is the line between taking the steps the Lord wants us to take- doing our part, but also resting in Him? For the life of me, we just can't figure it all out! We've done everything we can think of to do. We've put out resumes- nothing. We've cut expenses until there's nothing more to cut- still drowning. We have prayed and prayed until we are blue in the face. And sadly, it usually goes something like this:
Us: Dear Lord, we know you know our needs. We present our struggles to you. Please help us with this.
Please let ABC go through/happen. ( Much annotated version)
Then, you guessed it, instead of the ABC scenario, we get the XYZ occurrence, the exact opposite or exactly what we were desperately praying wouldn't happen!
Needless to say, this has all been very unnerving and made prayer quite daunting at times. However there are some conclusions that I have come to here at the end of my rope.
1) I am resolved to simply praise Him. Whatever happens, it doesn't change his greatness, power, majesty, goodness, etc. To put it like the movie Facing the Giants says, I'll praise him when we win, and I'll praise him when we lose.
2) Even though there are plenty of times that coming to prayer is more than a little difficult, and there are times that I really have to lay my questions before him and pray for him to help me in my unbelief even, I still feel peace from having done that. If for nothing else, prayer has accomplished that.
3) This whole experience has taught me just how precarious life can be. Before, when John was bringing home the healthy paychecks, I always thought myself grateful and I would have said that I realized God was my source. Now? I realize how little I depended on God then. I assumed/knew the check would be in the bank. No prayers needed, right? Wrong! Money is easy come, easy go. None of us knows what tomorrow holds. Yes, we plan and try our best to prepare. But that doesn't mean that any of us are immune to the unexpected or even catastrophic from happening. A while back I was in Sunday School and the lesson had to do with Proverbs and how that speaks to finances. And it was very hard to sit and not scream! Over and over I heard:
"I know _______ can happen and catch you unprepared and you can find yourself in trouble. But if you would have only... then that wouldn't have been a problem."
Yes, that is indeed true and the reason why we should take preparedness very seriously. But we never need to lose sight of the fact that we are finite. Our bank accounts are never limitless. Our abilities are not guaranteed. Our resources can be tapped out because we have limits to what we can do and what we can handle. In short, we are NOT God! Only he is boundless, never toppled, never failing. It's like we think that by following God's principles, then that will make us like him. Yes, there is protection in living according to God's principles, but we will never take on his omnipotence.
Thanks for listening if you've made it this far. I feel better just getting a little of this down on "paper" so to speak. I've asked for prayer here before, and I ask again. Would you please pray for us whenever God brings us to your mind? We could surely use it. I the mean time, I keep waiting, praising him when I win, and praising him when I lose.
Kim
Comments
Aug. 8, 2008 - <em>Untitled Comment</em>
Posted by nikkisimcox
Kim ,
I just wanted you to know that you and your family are my prayers. I've been where you are many times and it never seems to get easier.It's a good thing God knows what the whole puzzle looks like cause the pieces we can see are always such a confusing jumble. This song by Casting Crowns came to mind when i read your post. I'm going to put them here to hopefully encourage you.I hope that its ok . ~ God bless you ~ Nikki
I WILL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
Chorus:
I'll praise You in this storm
And i will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
Edited by nikkisimcox on Aug. 8, 2008 at 8:30 AM
Aug. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Kim
We do tend to get comfortable when things are easy, don't we. Now I know why you have been in my thoughts and prayers lately. I will continue to pray.
Sep. 22, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Kim~
I wish we talked more...you are truly a inspiration to me. I clicked on your blog and what I read I needed so much today! Thank you for sharing your thoughts...
Pam
