Sep. 29, 2009 - Maintenance Pt. 3
Maintaining your relationship with your Children
I have talked about spending time with God. I then talked about spending time with your husband. Will it surprise you if I say you need to spend time with your children in order to maintain your relationship with them? The time you spend with your children is very different than the time you spend with God or your husband. You are learning from God and giving Him your love. You are partnering with your husband and giving him your love. You are teaching your children while you show them love. That means that not only do you need to know what makes them feel loved, you also need to pay attention to what else they need to feel, understand, and incorporate into their lives.
Teaching is training and training begins at the beginning. It’s never too soon to train a child. We’ve heard that Classical Music is good for their math skills so we put the Classical Music on the stereo while we’re still pregnant. As soon as their little necks are strong enough to hold the big heads we’re holding them up to teach them to eventually walk. I once read a great book on training children. To Train up a Child by Debi & Michael Pearl is extreme. I personally do not have the discipline of this couple but the book gave great insight into the benefits of training. You don’t have to potty train your infants, but the truth is that the sooner you do it the fewer diapers you will have to buy and change. My children never learned to play only on a 4’x4’ blanket, but they didn’t run around and terrorize the entire house. When the children are trained to behave properly; the things you need won’t have to be replaced due to abuse, the children spend more time out of harm’s way, and you are seldom frustrated with them.
My first two children were very calm boys (believe it or not). Even with their peaceful normal demeanor, there were times when I needed to be able to put them into a playpen to keep them safe. They hated it! They screamed and cried and threw a fit the whole time they were confined. I could not figure out what to do. When I had my third child (my wild woman) somebody told me that if you want to use a playpen when they are two you need to begin when they are infants. I took the advice and started putting her in a playpen with toys right from the beginning. She happily played in that pen until she was tall enough to climb out of it. My fourth child was trained the same way and he never even climbed out of it. It was soooo great!! Training made all the difference in the world.
When you train your children, they know what you expect of them and that brings them comfort. When children have comfort, they feel loved. As we grow older we always need to follow instructions. We always have somebody we’re submitted to. The most important benefit of training your children from a very young age is that they will fully understand the value of authority. This will help them to understand the authority of God the Father. They will thrive in submitting to His authority. Isn’t that the ultimate goal for your children? Isn’t the ultimate show of love to them teaching them how to show love to God the Father? Jesus said, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.” John 14:23-24 By teaching our children to obey, and therefore obey God, we are giving them a chance at eternal life. What greater gift could there be?
We must always remember that until they are adults, we are not our children’s friend, peer, or equal. We are their guide, their comfort, and their security. They need to always know that we are there for them, that we are ready to defend them, and that we are on their side. When they are little it’s an easy task. Pick them up when they fall, hug them, encourage them, and then let them return to play when they’re ready. When they get a little older, have friends and … dare I say … hormones, it gets a little trickier. We’re all taking the first step in homeschooling them. We can much more easily spend time with them when they are at home. Be diligent! Discipline yourself to always be vigilant in training AND loving your children. Don’t be afraid to be tough if they fight you in this. Always remind them that you do what you do because you love them and want to offer them the best possible future. A future in God’s hands, a future in Christ’s plan is THE BEST possible future! 
