Preschoolers and Peace - Can homeschooling and housekeeping co-exist?

Can homeschooling and housekeeping co-exist? • Sep. 22, 2007

Hi Kendra,

I have been reading your blog on and off for about a year now and it has been such a blessing to me. I am a mother of three, ages 4,2, & 1, and I hope to start homeschooling next year. I don’t know any women experienced in homeschooling, so I have really taken in your thoughts and advice as a woman dedicated to God and her family. Thank you!

This year I have started really getting organized with my house cleaning. It isn’t perfect but it is much better than it used to be. I finally realized that everyone is a lot happier, including mom, when they have meals on time, can find their clothes and can walk without tripping on something! Anyways, I have lists of different things that I do on different days to keep my house in somewhat of order and it basically keeps me pretty busy. So it is seeming overwhelming to add homeschooling to the daily load! Did you ever feel that way? Someone told me that if you homeschool you won’t have a clean house because there is just not enough time in the day and you just have to deal with that. I don’t want to deal with that because I get stressed out when the house isn’t in working order. I am not a neat freak at all, but I just want peace and order in my home. Is that possible? I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

Thanks for all you do!
Jamie

Hi Jamie-

Yes and no. Does that answer your question?

This is an area where I struggle, because I really like things neat, tidy, and clean. But there are nine of us living here all day long, and so I have had to learn to give it up to a reasonable degree. What is reasonable? Well, sanitary and tidy tend to be my criteria, but as my dear friend Cheryl has told me before, a perfect home is not worth sacrificing the relationships we have with our children. Amen and amen again.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that my first three children are boys. They do not see what I see. One is decidedly more organized than his brothers, but he is a pack rat and is learning what to hold on to and what to let go. And what *I* think is a clean kitchen and what *they* think is a clean kitchen are two different things. Entirely.

So now I have changed my MO. I still require that beds be made and rooms tidied before breakfast. I still require chores that help maintain cleanliness as much as possible, such as wiping down toilets with anti-bacterial wipes and emptying the trash. But I have also created a list that helps me to "hit" each room on a rotating basis to be cleaned out, decluttered, and put into some semblance of order. If it returns to disorganization within a few days, that's ok. I'll be getting back to it shortly.

I have written other posts in the past that address this topic, and I hope they are helpful on some level:

The Clean Team

How Can I Homeschool if I Can't Even Keep My House Clean? ( a reprint of an excellent article, but not written by me)

Large Family Logistics

Lastly, I am a huge proponent of hiring help, if it is within your means. Even if it is once a month to bail you out, consider it. We are one of a few nations who don't hire household help, and I think we women have come to believe that it is somehow shameful if we do. Nonsense! Think back in history- has there been a time when moms did all the laundry, did all the housekeeping, did the gardening or sewing or decorating, cooked three meals a day, did all the shopping, cared for and nursed the babies, drove children to appointments, and were solely responsible for the education of their children? When you see all of that in print, does it seem unreasonable to hire someone to help you? Are there young women at church who would be delighted to iron basic items for you for a quarter per piece? Or come alongside you as a mother's helper? Or weed, mow, or plant flowers? If you can get a few things off your plate, you might feel that the essential things like meals, laundry, household cleanliness, and school aren't quite so unreachable.

Blessings,
Kendra

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Sharing Thoughts

kids - Sep. 21, 2007

Shared by Anonymous

Teaching your 4 yr. old how to fold her own laundry and put it away and do some simple tasks around the house can be a tremendous help, too! If she can put all the clutter from one room (toys, blankets, stuffed animals, shoes, etc.) away, it can be a huge help and she'll be learning how to be a good helper and work hard, too.

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Untitled Comment - Sep. 22, 2007

Shared by Jackie

I have a lady from our church who comes to help me twice a week, being overseas it's very affordable. I'm so spoiled, and I only have two babies! But, if the PV 31 woman had helpers, why not me? :-)

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Untitled Comment - Sep. 22, 2007

Shared by Anonymous

We live in 900 square feet...so while we only have 6 of us here, it can drive me nutty sometimes. I'm not terribly tidy by nature, but in such a small space, even a couple things out of place makes it feel like the house is a mess because you will trip over it.

Thanks for the confirmation that you have to think about the relationship with your children, too.

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Untitled Comment - Sep. 22, 2007

Shared by Rebeca

I struggle with this one too- when will we have the time to do "real" school? (Not just because of housekeeping, but other things we do too.) Like an above commenter said, I'm amazed at how much my almost five year old can actually do, and it really does make a small, but real dent in my work. I also have a homeschooled girl who is thirteen that comes one afternoon a week to help me. Her Mom has another commitment at that time, so it's a mutual help to both of us, and they've made it clear that they don't want me "babysitting" her, but that she's here to help. Often, together, we tackle some of the housekeeping things that I don't get to otherwise. She's also a great help in the kitchen or with the kids. When my daughter is older, I hope that she can bless another family in this way. It's just an idea, but perhaps you could find a girl like this who may be willing to help out a bit.
Blessings,
Rebeca

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Take Heart Jamie! - Sep. 22, 2007

Shared by Shawnab

I just want to offer some encouragement to Jamie. Her children are very young right now, and while it makes it very challenging for mom to meet their physical needs (since they pretty much need help with everything!), their educational needs will be pretty minimal for a while still, until their physical abilities catch up a bit!

I have found that putting Kendra's advice of "Pause, Pray and Plan" to work in the area of home management is very helpful. I've been working on my systems for 2 years now, since I became a mom of 4, and it is paying off. I've found a few strategies particulalry helpful 1. Simplifying my home maintainance as much as possible (eg. streamlining cleaning products, etc.). 2. Decluttering, decluttering, decluttering...making a space for everything is key, and this often means keeping less stuff! 3. Training and allowing my children to do everything for themselves that they possibly can..even if its just putting their shoes and coat in their places, wiping the bathroom counter with a hand town after they wash their hands, clearing their plate from the table... and 4. hiring outside help!

Kendra is so right. There is no shame in this! And, having hired help is not an "all or nothing' kind of deal. I've had someone clean my house for 2 hours each week for the last 2 years. She only vacuums, sweeps and mops, and cleans the bathrooms. I can't afford hiring someone to clean the whole house each wek, but having these basics done consistantly is a HUGE help! Hiring a Junior High or High School student for minimum wage or less is a great and affordable option too, as long as you are prepared to train them and hold them to a high level of accountability. It gives students an opportunity to earn some money in a safe environment (eg, not fast food), receive some mentoring by a Godly older sister, and learn some valuable life skills!

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Thanks so much! - Sep. 22, 2007

Shared by Jamie

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement! I am sure things will get easier as my children get older and are able to help more. And, what a great idea about hiring help even if it is a teenage girl to come help out with the household duties. Why didn't I think of that? Why do we try to be superwomen and try to do it all on our own?

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Untitled Comment - Sep. 25, 2007

Shared by genamayo

Hi Kendra,
I am so glad I read this post tonight. It really encouraged me. One of my goals this year was to get away from getting cleaning help. I tried it for 5 months, and certain parts of my house didn't get clean AT ALL during those 5 months! I came to realize that it is impossible to expect my 5 children ages 6 and under to be able to help me to do it yet! So we're back to having the cleaning ladies come once a month. And it is so nice! But I was feeling really guilty. I'll try not to anymore!
--Gena

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Hiring Help - Sep. 26, 2007

Shared by PreschoolersandPeace

I don't know why we all feel guilty, whether we hire help or just accept it from friends and family. When I only had a few children and people offered me help, I'd say, "Oh no, that's ok." But the more I have, the more willing I am to receive help. I think it took me awhile to be humbled and realize that I cannot do it all.

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