Hi Kendra,
I have a question for your wisdom whenever you get a chance. What table manners do you enforce with your kids? I just realized that our table is quite loud and my girls are always trying to talk (instead of eat), which means interrupting adults. I don't want them to never be allowed to talk, but I'd like to converse with my husband or guests without constant interruptions. I don't think they have to sit like silent statues or anything, but I'm finding myself frustrated with their table behavior rather often, without really knowing how they ought to be at the table at their age. I'd love any suggestions as far as eating, sitting nicely, talking, and what table manners in general look like for 2 and 3 year olds! Thank you in advance for any suggestions!
Melissa
God has blessed me with wise young and old women surrounding me. I recently had a conversation with Susan, mother of Zack (6), Seth (3), and Elizabeth (18 months) on this very topic. I asked her to answer Melissa's question and she graciously agreed to allow me to post it here:
Hi Melissa,
We too had the same problem last year. My husband decided that they (ages 6, 3 1/2, 1 1/2) would not talk unless they were spoken to. It sounded so rigid at first but when we thought about it, it really wasn't as bad as it was always made to sound. It's wonderful for children to be able to sit and observe conversation between their mother and father - how orderly conversation takes place, the things which Mom and Dad feel are important to discuss on a day to day basis, the way decision making is played out, and listening to logical steps in figuring out an issue. It is the children's opportunity to learn by observing the proper means of communication.
Of course, we had to make a concerted effort to engage them in our dialogue. When they were spoken to, it was their time to give their opinion or to tell about what they learned that day or fun stuff they did.
After that was going well, they were allowed to raise their hand when they wanted to say something. If it started to get out of hand, then my husband would simply say, "No talking," and that took care of it until we could give them a little more rein. (Rein like a horse, not reign like a king.) : )
I think that was pretty much a training time because I can't think of the last time anything had to be addressed. It's not a rigid, formal dinnertime and now they do probably converse with us about 30% at the table. It is very relaxed but we don't seem to be interrupted at all and they don't seem to dominate.
I think it all had to be taken away and slowly given back as we saw that they were ready and mature enough for it.
When we do go to our friend's or family's to eat, or have guests over, the rules go back in order that they do not speak unless spoken to. We have to remember to speak to them so they do feel included. But, it was so funny the other day when we had some guests with 4 very well behaved children ("Yes ma'am, Yes sir.") and their 6 year old son kept talking at the table. My boys' eyebrows raised and they were kind of giggling to each other because they knew it was inappropriate.
Hope that gives you some ideas. :)
Susan
