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Homeschooling Moms Who Have Influenced Me-- Laurie Bluedorn
There is a lot I could write about Harvey and Laurie Bluedorn, but suffice it to say that I just have a lot of respect for both of them. Years ago we heard them speak on classical education and were a little taken aback by their laid back approach to the early years of homeschooling. But the proof is in the pudding, folks, and what their children went on to study makes my paltry 13 years of public education look like child's play.
Often, however, we tend to have a starry-eyed view of those we've never met. If we finally do meet them, we find that they are human like us. Last spring on a whim, two friends and I were in Chicago during our annual get-together, and one of us said to the other two, "Wanna drive out to the Bluedorn's tomorrow? I'll call Laurie and see if we can come." She did, we did, and what a fun time it was.
I loved seeing their home, filled with the obvious signs of years of home education. Beautiful artwork rendered by their children lined the walls. Books, books, books, which of course prompted us to ask which were their favorites. Johanna showed us her latest painting, there on its easel in her bedroom. There were cookies to share, and afterwards, someone in that home had to wash the plates, just like in our homes. See? They're normal.
I asked Laurie to contribute something for my readers here, and this is what she sent. But don't cast it aside if you only have little ones. I think these are excellent things to keep in mind as our children are growing, particularly as we mother boys. They need us to respect them, and finding the balance between homeschooling/mothering and respecting them can be tricky.
I thought I would share with you a few of the things I've learned over the past several years. This is addressed to parents of adult children, but parents of young children could perhaps benefit, since, in no time at all, you will all be parents of adult children.
How to treat your adult children:
1. The majority of the time that you are talking with your adult child, you should be doing the listening, not the talking. Real and attentive listening. Respectful listening -- not appearing to be listening or thinking about what you need to be doing next or what you want to say next, but real listening.
2. Talk to your adult children in the same way which you would talk to any of your peers. Your body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, language, and level of respect should be the same as what you use with your peers.
3. There must be trust. The members of a family must trust each other. Without mutual trust there can be no family peace, order, fellowship, respect, or communion.
4. Address the concerns of your adult children in a timely manner. Don't continue to put off resolving issues or acting on matters, but have enough respect for your adult children to move forward, making decisions promptly on issues which are important to them. Don't be eternally saying, "Well, I'm praying about it."
5. Avoid exaggeration -- it undermines trust and respect. Exaggeration is a learned behavior and your children will most certainly adopt the behavior if they see it in you.
6. If children are exposed to a steady stream of negativity and criticism, leveled against them or against others, it will undermine their trust and confidence in you, and it will interfere with their ability to respect you. When the parent is negative and critical, his intended result is that the child will become more discerning and careful. But in actuality, the effect of steady negativity and criticism is usually the opposite -- it serves to pull down and inhibit growth, and causes the child to not take the parent seriously.
7. It is most likely that at some time in his life and in some area of his life, your adult child will disagree with your views on different issues, be it politics, nutrition, music, dress, courtship, or (gasp!!) theology. Have enough respect for your adult child to discuss these differences in the same way that you discuss differences with your peers.
Good stuff, isn't it? Come back tomorrow and enter to win some beautiful prizes that Laurie has graciously donated, just for Preschoolers and Peace!
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Homeschooling Moms Who Have Influenced Me-- Linda Hobar
Anyone who has known me for the past five years knows what a The Mystery of History zealot I am! Linda Hobar's excellent history curriculum has touched the lives of our family in many ways, and we are happy to be back in Volume I this year.
I loved reading Linda's answers and I hope you will, too. And of course, be sure to comment (don't forget to leave your name and contact info!) and you'll be entered into a drawing for either The Mystery of History, Volume I, Volume II, or the recording Linda has done of Volume I. We are using that this year and are loving it, too.
Contest ends Friday, October 26th 2007, at midnight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.Tell us about your family.
This is a dangerous question! There is so much I could say. My family is the most endearing part of my life. But I’m preaching to the choir here as most of you feel the same about your little ones. So, let me give some basics so you can meet my sordid crew.
Ron – hubby. He is a strange mix of fun and overachievement – I fell in love with him upon our first meeting. I married him 6 months later. It was a landslide experience from which I’ve not yet recovered. Ron and I are a high maintenance couple – we require a lot of TLC to keep ourselves on track with one another. We’re both very obsessive compulsive, driven, and manic. We’re a perfect match! Our favorite past time together is kayaking. We make it a regular date for relaxation from our extremism. Ron works for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes as director of youth baseball. We are trying to relocate to Memphis, TN for greater opportunity in his field.
Heather – she is our lovely college graduate and much like her dad. Heather beat us all with brains, after 11 years of homeschool, she soared through college with a degree in communications from Dallas Baptist University. Presently, she is employed at Starbuck’s – loves the company and hopes to get into management. She is also working for me doing all of my shipping, which is a growing job requiring good management. I love having her as part of my business. It bridges our worlds. She aspires to write historical fiction for children. You can only imagine my delight. She has a special young man in her life who we hope to see her marry about a year from now. In the meantime she is living at home to save money. We love having her back around.
Kyle – my only son, with eyes to die for. After 9 years of homeschool, he is a freshman at Greenville College in Illinois. To his father’s delight, he is playing baseball. To my delight he’s making great grades. He is to biology what I am to history. It is his passion and he aspires to join the medical field in some capacity. He was articulate by age 4 and I think he could be a great writer. He makes me laugh and loves a good back scratch.
Ashley – if any of my children are me, it’s Ashley. Looks and personality – I can not deny she is mine. Ashley is currently in 9th grade, homeschooling after a break of a few years. She is enrolled in Veritas Academy as we are leaning more toward classical education than in the past. I’m very proud of her self- determination and well roundedness. She is a friend to all; bright and cheerful. Presently, she likes math, hates economics, and hopes to be a news anchor one day.
2. What prompted you to write The Mystery of History?
The Lord – through my kids. I used to stay up at night trying to mesh Bible and world history. I had limited resources and said, kiddingly, one day I’ll write my own curriculum. I knew exactly what I wanted – it was in my mind, but not on paper. Then one day, while cooking dinner, I felt as if the Lord gave me the title of the series. I recognized it right away and believe it was a calling of sorts. I went downstairs right then and there and wrote a dedication page to my kids. It remains as is in Vol I. That was the beginning. The Lord provided for the rest. When I heard The Mystery of History, I believed right then and there that I was to communicate the Gospel, the mystery, through my love of history. I wasn’t seeking a career – but am happy now to have one. By being such a leaky vessel, I know it is God’s grace that allows me to write. He has used my quirks, my passion, and my obsessive-ness to further His name. He seems to delight in showing up in such unlikely candidates.
3. How do you think moms can light a fire of enthusiasm for history in their
children?
Read it yourself and find a time period that excites you. Not all will, but those that do will be contagious. Well, not always. None of my children are as enthusiastic as I am about history, but how could they be? It is my calling, not theirs. I think sometimes they humor me when I ooze my history stories over dinner. At the same time, they are very proud, and they do know their history. I think it influences and strengthens our faith as a family as we cannot deny the truth of the gospel. That is one of my points of teaching it all- it is to see God. My kids may never love the stories of history like I do, but I think they’ve caught my love for the Lord. They of course have some growing and testing yet to go through as they are just starting their young lives. But I see them, praise the Lord, on the right track. Their world view is secure – I trust the Lord for the rest to follow as they hit those inevitable bumps and bruises of life.
So, to answer your question. Read with them, show your own oohs and ahhs while learning or relearning the parts of history that got past you the first time. Most of us, 30-40 year olds, had terrible world history growing up. We are playing catch up! Be transparent about that with them and learn with them. It makes for a great growing time together. My kids realize I’m still learning a lot as I go – and I think they admire my passion and will apply it to their loves.
4. Your connections between Biblical history and world history have been
fascinating to our family. We have also learned about so many bold
Christians who went before us. What do you hope to impress upon the young
(and old) minds who are using The Mystery of History as their core history
curriculum?
I think I just answered that question above. I hope to inspire a love for God in it all. History is sometimes just history. Sometimes it is a compilation of facts that don’t move us. But other times, it is so real I can touch it. I feel it. I breathe it because it is God’s hand I see in other’s lives who lived long before I did. The common experience of man with the Lord does more for my faith than I can express. When I turn to the Word and it speaks to me, that is life changing. When I read of someone else having that same experience a thousand years ago – I feel part of something so much bigger than me, bigger than this world. It’s inspiring and prompts me to want to “do” my part well. I’ve got one chance at this life. How will I live it? What damage or contribution have others made and where will I fall on that spectrum? I hope others think about these things when reading The Mystery of History. What would their biography look like stacked up against Cleopatra, Jean d’Albret, Oliver Cromwell, or Leonardo da Vinci? (Just to name a few famous faces.)
5. What are the most important things new homeschooling moms should know?
Relax, breathe, and keep good records. Others are watching, but don’t perform for them. Lay it before the Lord. Pray and ask, “Dear Lord, what would you have our family school look like?” It might surprise you. If we all prayed that, we might chuck a ton of our books and be out serving more. Pure religion is caring for widows and orphans but some days its easier to read. Keep a blend of real life with academics. That’s what our kids are desperate for – keep it real. Meals, helps, scripture, service, modeling the Christian life - and then some math and English. That’s teaching.
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Homeschooling Moms Who Have Influenced Me-- Sherry Early
Sherry Early writes a literary blog called Semicolon, and it is there where I first discovered her Picture Book Preschool, which accompanies me every time I reserve books from the library online.
Sherry Early
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
1. Tell us about your family:
My family consists of Engineer Husband, who works at NASA, and me, a former librarian and teacher, now homeschool teacher and mother. We have eight urchins: Eldest Daughter is 22 years old, graduated from our homeschool and from college and looking at graduate schools. Computer Guru Son is 20 years old. He's taking a year off from college after completing his freshman year so that he can work, earn some money, and decide what he wants to do next. Dancer Daughter is almost 18, and she's also working this year to earn some money for college since she completed all her high school work a year early. Elven Daughter is 16, and she's a sophomore in high school. She spends a lot of time on the computer, Brown Bear Daughter is 12 going on 20. She dances, plays the flute, and reads her favorite books over and over again. Karate Kid, age 10, has moved from karate to drama and canoeing this year, but I still like to call him Karate Kid because it fits his all-boy personality. Bethy-Bee is 8 years old, and she's the quiet, gentle, delicate child of the house---except when her stubborn streak is aroused. Sh likes to arrange and decorate and draw and write. Z-Baby is just 6, and she's still learning to read. So I still have one child to whom I can read picture books. All the others listen, too, though, even when they are pretending to be too old for picture books.
2. How (or why) did you develop Picture Book Preschool?
I started putting together the lists in my book Picture Book Preschool when Eldest Daughter was a preschooler. I liked having themes for the week or for the month, reading lots of books about the same subject, and so I began to write down the titles of the ones that I knew of or that I borrowed from the library that were the best. Then, I kept notes about the simple activities that we tried out to go along with the books. And then I thought, "These lists, with a little work, could be a book." And with a lot of work, they did make a book.
3. What advice can you give a mom who is struggling with a child who doesn’t like reading?
A child who doesn't like reading? Some kids never will be readers in the same sense that I am a reader. I read all the time, always have. Eldest Daughter is the same way I am. My other urchins enjoy reading, but are bit more moderate about it. I am convinced that all of us need and crave stories. If children don't get their stories from TV and movies, they'll be more inclined to read. If they don't read for some reason, maybe a physical or mental problem, they still need stories, and parents can provide those stories by reading aloud and by telling stories about their own childhood and family. Bottom line: reading is great, and most kids who are read to and who see their parents reading will become readers sooner or later. But sometimes God just hasn't wired them to be voracious readers, and that's O.K. He made them, and there is no verse in the Bible that indicates that it's a sin not to read.
4. Besides reading aloud, what do you feel are other necessary components of a preschooler’s day?
I adapted and expanded Melissa WIley's Rule of SIx to fit our homeschool and came up with the following ten things that I would like to include in every day at our house. I don't always do all of these, but it's a goal:
1. Meaningful work
2. Meals
3. Prayer and Bible reading.
4. Poetry
5. Good books
6. Mathematics
7. Beautiful art and music
8. Play or work outdoors
9. Imaginative play
10. Adventure
Here's my post from August about this list.
5. What are the most important things new homeschooling moms should know?
New homeschooling moms should . . . take it easy. Enjoy your children. If you surround them with books and nature and art and music and mathematics, they will learn. You don't have to buy expensive curricula (even though it's fun for mom). Try to relax and don't over-schedule. Pick a few things (math, reading, nature study) and do them consistently, daily if possible. Don't let anyone steal your joy.
And that's good advice for me, too. I have to remind myself frequently that joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit and that I need to demonstrate the joy of the Lord to my urchins.
~~~
Thank you, Sherry. Hey everyone- don't forget to leave a comment to be entered into the drawing for a copy of Sherry's book, Picture Book Preschool! We'll close the drawing on Sunday, October 14th at midnight.
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Homeschooling Moms Who Have Influenced Me-- Ann Voskamp
***I will continue to post this interview as the first post until the contest closes on Sunday***
Today begins the first in a series I'm calling Homeschooling Moms Who Have Influenced Me. I hope you'll glean good things from them, too. At the end of each interview, post a comment about something you felt was applicable to your own homeschool and you will be entered into a drawing to win something wonderful from each of the women I interview! How's that for encouragement?
Ann Voskamp is a mom and writer who has given her gifts in the form of books our family has delighted in. You can read her blog, Holy Experience, and be encouraged to seek Jesus anew each day.
1. Tell us about your family.
~Darryl and I are high school sweethearts; it's always been just us. We laugh
that I am his Rebekah: He was my Dad's hired farmhand for nearly five years
before we were married. Darryl is the youngest of nine in a family whose
spiritual heritage goes back as far as is known. I am the oldest of four, a
first generation Christian, saved at fourteen. Mercy and grace is fresh and
dazzling in my life; I remember life B.C., the time in my life before
Christ.
God has bestowed 13 years of a marriage I could only have dreamed of, 6
exuberant children (Caleb 12, Joshua 10, Hope 8, Levi 6, Malakai 4, and
Shalom 2), and a good, quiet life in the country working His land. It is a
gloriously crazy life where sometimes I feel like it's all whirling a tad
off kilter--but we are all together, three meals a day, and our exquisite
God is in the center, so it is all so very good.
2. How did Holy Experience come about?
~I simply wanted a quiet place to scratch down His story on the pages of our
lives, a listening place to hear what He wondrously speaks into our very
common days, making these days hallowed and holy, because He is here....
3. How do you think moms can grasp the idea of living a spiritual life as
opposed to having a "Bible Time" as part of school?
~This, for me, is at the heart of what kind of life I am praying to live. I
don't want to box up God into a "quiet time," as if that is the only place I
can meet Him. I want Him to flood all of the messiness and craziness and
beauty of every moment of my day. I think everyone wants that. But what does
that look like? What does that really mean? For me, the notion is
encapsulated in the thought of a One-piece life. A one piece fabric. No
fragmenting. No tearing. No seams. My existence yearns to be just that: a
life of one piece, God woven through the laundry, and the cooking, the walk
down the lane, the changing of diapers, the learning gathering times, the
times when I feel engulfed by it all.
“Now the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece. They said therefore to one
another, ‘Let us not tear it…’ (Jn 19:23).
Too long, the fabric of this life of mine was torn up into secular and
sacred, "Bible time" and "to-do list" time. Yet such a dichotomy is mere
façade, mirage.
"The Bible makes no room for the idea of the secular. In biblical worldview,
there is only the sacred and the profane, and the profane is just the sacred
abused, unkempt, trampled down, trivialized, turned inside out. It is just
the holy treated in an unholy way.” ~ Mark Buchanan
I have profaned the sacred, treated the holy in an unholy way. There are
times, I still do. But I am prayerfully purposing to walk towards all of
life as sacred ground, all of life as hallowed--because God is here,
everywhere.
For me, it is about holistic living. We know that our health is not limited
to just what we eat, or just if we exercise, or just where we live, or only
what medications or vitamins we take, but it is about being a whole
person--all of those elements factor into our being healthy. To live a
spiritually holistic life, one can't simply have "Bible time" and expect to
nourish an intimate relationship with Jesus. It is about keeping company
with Jesus for the other 23 hours of the day, speaking with Him, singing to
Him, praying to Him, calling out to Him, resting in Him--living in Him.
There is no divide between holy and sacred. God wove life to be seamless, a
tunic like Jesus’: one piece. For all is in Him. “In God…we live and move
and have our being” (Acts 17:28). “Where can I go from Thy Spirit? Or where
can I flee from Thy presence” (Ps. 139:7).
Some may think of this as "Practicing the Presence of God"--but to do
that we have to practice being *aware* of the presence of God. He *is*
already here--we just need to wake up. We do not have to practice *making*
Him present--He walks this moment with us.
His word is not confined only to a quiet time for “they are not just idle
words for you—they are your LIFE”( Deuteronomy 32:47).
Life is our liturgy. *All* of Life is our time with God.
4. How do you bring the littlest ones into the spiritual ebb and flow of
your days?
~ For us, we simply bring these little children with us, to Him whom we
love. We worship Jesus around each meal gathering, closing the meal with
the reading of Scripture, singing hymns, praying together--feasting on
Living Bread. From the time little ones join the table gathering, they
learn to feast from His table: always God's Word, a hymn, prayer. We learn
to hunger after Jesus too, to have an appetite for Jesus.
As a family, we memorize chapters of Scripture together, Dad leading us in
review at the close of every meal. Darryl photocopies the 4 new verses we
are learning for the week,and the review sheet, and even gives little
non-readers their own sheet to put in their pockets for "review" throughout
the day--so they feel a part of our seeking to make His Word our life.
Throughout the day, we endeavor to keep company with Jesus: we pray for lost
toys, and sibling squabbles, and for Mama to have grace, and for diligent
hands and focused minds, and for forgiveness for blustery words...and for
Mama to have grace. We try to remember, and gently remind ourselves aloud
often, that "Christ is the head of this House, the unseen guest at every
meal, the silent listener to every conversation."
I don't pack my time in Scripture into an "away time", but an "in the midst
time," primarily because I want our children to see that we hold unto Jesus
in the midst, that His Word comes with us into the messiness of everyday
life. So little ones color pictures in their own "prayer journals" in the
morning, while the olders and I write in our own prayer journals and read
from His Word.
And come day's end, we tuck little ones in, pray together, bless each child
and offer a Little Pillow. We begin in Him, we live in Him, we end in Him.
We are a broken family, sin-marred. And yet we are, staggeringly, beloved of the Beloved One. We are learning and seeking to make the wonder of grace and mercy, His unmerited love, seep through
every fibre of our beings, and moment of our days, living out the hope of the Gospel: not that we are perfect, but that His Grace perfectly saves us.
5. What are the most important things new homeschooling moms should know?
.
~ I've botched much on this homeschooling journey, and He is abundantly
gracious to take my messes and use them for good. Two fundamental things I
wish I knew when I began:
~ Do not try to replicate the institution of school. Light yourself to the
wonder of each day, what *God* would have you discover, to a holistic life
of learning and curiosity, service and love. I am still very much in process
in this regard, but we are determined to infuse our days with the wonder of
God, and the fantastic creativity He's expressed in the world all around us,
to the purposes He made us for. Read living literature, listen to music,
dance, create, make, study art, go for long walks, explore, research,
discover, serve, give, sacrifice. Let God out of the box we make for Him,
and think out of the box. Listen to His Holy Spirit as You homeschool--not
scopes, sequences, or curriculum catalogues. Don't escape the world when
you homeschool, or live in a homeschooling "ghetto" where all of your
interactions are only with other homeschoolers. Christ called us to be in
the world but not of the world, to be a light of love. Make sure your
homeschooling mission includes answering Christ's Great Commission to go
into all the world, to be His hands and His feet to a hurting, wounded,
seeking world.
Formative books on our journey: ~John Taylor Gatto's "Dumbing Us Down,"
Schaeffer Macaulay's "For the Children's Sake," Andreola's "Charlotte Mason
Companion," Bluedorn's "Teaching the Trivium," this piece... And this absolute must-read article,
which I read again, and again, and so wish I had in the beginning.
~That homeschooling is not a formula for perfection, that homeschooling is
not a panacea for all the sin in this world. Your heart is flawed, broken,
cracked, and your children are born sinners. Homeschooling will not fix
that. Only Jesus and His *grace* can.
And He will use homeschooling as your crucible, to reveal your impurities
and your sinfulness, and the brokeness of your home. Homeschooling will
hurt. It will disappoint. You will cry and wonder if you are insane to try
to educate these children, to disciple these little hearts, while
laundering, cooking, cleaning, managing a household, and still being a wife,
a sister, a daughter, a missionary in your community, a servant to Christ
and in your faith community. And He will smile and say that He walks with
you, has grand and glorious purposes, and He understands radical and crazy!
Homeschooling *is* about going higher up and deeper in, for you will learn
to sacrifically love in ways you have never loved before. You will know
your own heart in ways you never imagined, the souls of your children in
intimate, very real ways. For you will *be* together, making memories
together, laughing together, crying together, praying together, and asking
forgiveness together. Throughout your day, you will worship God, together.
And you'll learn to die to self together. There will be no fragmented scraps
of learning, home-life, friends, work, God.
You will make a one-piece life--hallowed threads of parenting, love,
education, living, creativity, wonder, sacrifice, and God all woven
together. You'll wear it, and it will fit: Grace, Love, Gratitude.
~~~
With warm love...
Ann
Thank you, Ann, for being so generous with your time and answers. Ann is offering your choice of her excellent books for someone here, so go take a look and then be sure to comment below! We'll close the drawing at midnight on Sunday, October 7, 2007.
A Child's Geography
A Child's Geography- Explore the Holy Land
The Glorious Coming- A Jesse Tree Advent Celebration
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Dreary Days
Are You Trying to Be Someone Else?
Howiesgal and I frequent a nearby Starbucks at least once a month. We have had some great heart-to-heart talks, and after nearly six years of friendship, we know each other’s faults and strengths pretty well.
One evening we were talking about the pressure new homeschoolers often feel when they begin to learn about the methods of other homeschooling families. Caroline confessed that she had succumbed to such pressure when she began, and so I asked if she would be willing to write an entry for Preschoolers and Peace. I think she covered it beautifully:
My Last Name is Not Smith
Wow, I don’t think I can do this homeschooling thing. The Smiths teach their kids Latin as part of their curriculum. That means I have to teach my kids Latin. Latin?! Are you kidding me. I don’t know Latin. How am I supposed to teach it to my kids? I will fail. I will fall flat on my face and my poor kids will suffer because their mom can’t do all of this.
The Smith’s house always looks so put together and clean. How do I keep my house sparkling clean? The Smiths take their kids to do volunteer work every week. How will all the laundry get done while I am doing volunteer work with the kids? Did you see Mrs. Smith’s detailed schedule she had hanging on her refrigerator? How can I stick to this schedule that I spent hours coming up with? How will ever do it all just like the Smiths do? Oh wait- my last name is not Smith. My last name is Howard. So why I am I trying to do everything just like they are?
This is how I used to think. I thought that my house and my school had to look just like everyone else’s did or I was failing. I thought I had to live my day by one of those calendars that had everything all scheduled out so nicely. I even really did think I had to teach my kids Latin. I had myself so worked up for failure that I had a nervous breakdown. I went to my husband and told him all that I was feeling and how I just couldn’t do this homeschooling thing and we should put our kids into the system. Do you know what his response was? He laughed! Yep, he laughed. He told me that he never expected me to teach our kids Latin. That was not how the Howards were going to do it. Yes, it is fine and dandy for others to that because that is how they want to do it. But that did not mean that we had to do it that way.
I can’t even begin to tell you what a huge burden I felt come off my shoulders when he told me this. Then, of course, I had to laugh at myself. Why was I trying to be like everyone else? God did not make me like everyone else. He made me different with my own unique traits. He did not make me to be a scheduled person. I hate schedules. They drag me down and I end up getting less done when I try to stay on one so I threw all my schedules out. I had wasted so much time making all those schedules. That was precious time I threw away trying to be someone I was not.
We spend so much time looking at how everyone else is doing it and thinking that we want to be just like they are that we miss out on what God really wants us to be like. I had a friend say that she wished she did more fun and crazy things with her kids just like so and so did. But that’s not her. That’s not me either. And you know what? That’s OK. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom because you don’t take your kids to the ice cream parlor on a whim. They will not think any of less you. Trust me. We all have our own unique traits. A specialness that God put in us just for us to use. We need to focus on that and not on all of the things that He did not give us. Because when we focus on that we are really telling God that we think He messed up because he did not make us like he made Mrs. Smith. Oh and yes, she does make great pies, but who cares! My point here is that you will never be content with your life if you are always trying to keep up with the Smiths (I know some people with the last name Jones, so that is why I went with Smith here). Your main focus should be “what does God see fit for the_______ (insert your last name) family?” Once you figure that out you will find peace in your days and contentment in your life.
So, no I will not be teaching my kids Latin and I will not be running our day by a schedule and my house will not be cleaned on a regular basis and no I don’t have a specified laundry day, but I am Howard and that is how we do it at the Howard house.
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This blog has been hijacked to bring you an important message…
It’s Kendra’s Birthday!!!
In tribute to my best girlfriend here, in no particular order, are 36 of my favorite things about Kendra:
1) She can down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in no time flat
2) She doesn’t focus on externals
3) She talks to my kids when they answer the phone
4) She almost always has a solution to my organizing dilemmas
5) She expects my kiddos to obey her
6) She produced three daughters so I have little girlies to dote on
7) She knows my history and loves me anyways
8) She tells me when my, “slip is showing!”
9) She rejoices over little things like dry Bob the Builder undies!
10) She compliments my husband
11) She fixes my knitting disasters
12) She introduced me to Scharffenberger Chocolate
13) She’s always willing to prepare a menu, complete with recipes, when I’m entertaining
14) She’s always up for a trip to Bob’s at the Marina
15) She shares all the best books she reads
16) She figured out I was a Christian when she saw the Amy Grant CD in my hand!
17) She throws great parties
18) She’s almost always up late for an IM chat
19) She gave me a box in her bathroom
20) She brought headphones so I didn’t have to listen to Gregorian Chants during all-nighters at Denny’s
21) She understands what my life is like
22) She calmly talks me out of near nervous break downs when I think about teaching history
23) She let me watch her give birth
24) She answers my silly questions about cooking without laughing at me
25) She’s real about her struggles
26) She hates tomatoes, pickles, and coffee
27) She understands when I tell my daughter someday she’ll be my best girlfriend
28) She stocks Mountain Dew
29) She’s my daughter’s biggest customer…and she doesn’t even like soap!
30) She passed me chocolate in church when I was pregnant
31) She doesn’t like to talk on the phone
32) She knows my children’s struggles and encourages me as I encourage them
33) She makes great chore charts, schedules, and school databases that I can just plug my kiddos into!
34) She doesn’t mind me and my seven children just dropping in (or at least doesn’t show it!)
35) She cried with me during the birth of my last child
36) She truly has a peaceful home!
Happy Birthday dear friend; you truly are a gift from God to me!
Smidge
Please join me in wishing Kendra a happy, happy birthday! I know she’ll love to read your birthday wishes between dashes to the bathroom as she battles her morning sickness.
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Wonder
Remember what it was like to be expecting your first baby?
I have a sweet friend who is expecting her first, and her blog entry yesterday really touched me. It just reminded me that I need to see each of my children in this way:
Yesterday was my third doctor's appointment. Our little baby is growing and healthy. It is so awesome, and reassuring, to hear his (or her) little heartbeat. Thump-thump, thump-thump. . . 156 miraculous beats per minute. God is amazing.
Her little heart has been beating for almost as long as I've even known of her existence. And, God already knows the exact number of beats it will beat. Every beat of our tiny child's heart is counted out and each of her days is numbered. God is amazing.
I have difficulty grasping the magnitude of the fact that inside me is a tiny eternal being. This baby, measured in ounces and inches, has an infinite number of days ahead of him. God created an everlasting soul. God is, right now, inside of me, wrapping that soul in sinews and skin. God is amazing.
Hearing that heart beating so rapidly and strongly is a tangible reminder of the increased responsibility I have to pray for the baby to whom that heart belongs. To pray that she will have a soft and teachable heart. To pray that God would be gracious and cause this little one to seek and love Him early. God can hear and answer those prayers. God is amazing. |
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Extraordinary Preschoolers
My sweet friend Caroline has been given the gift of an extraordinary preschooler. I recently asked her to share with you how she maintains a peaceful home while homeschooling a special needs daughter...
I have two daughters, Gillian is seven and Emma is three. Gillian has moderate mental retardation and sensory processing disorder. Her mental level at this time is that of a two- year-old. We decided to take on the wonderful task of homeschooling her when she was four. Little did I know that I would be doing preschool work with one child for more than three years. But now I am becoming somewhat of a pro.
In order to have peace in our home we have to keep the routine going. It is so easy for me to just get caught up doing other things that I let the routine go and soon look back and realize there is no sense of peace in our home or our school. I am just coming out of one of those times. The last month has been filled with everything but the routine that we so desperately need.
So what is that routine that keeps this peace in the air? It is simply doing the same thing day after day after day. Gillian requires lots of consistency in her life to stay calm. She has different routines in her life and if you veer away from the routine she gets confused and just shuts off. One example just happened the other night: After taking a bath I always have Gillian put all the tub toys in a bucket before she gets out of the bathtub. She knows the routine so when I tell her it’s time to put the toys away and get out she does it right away. Well, the other night my husband was getting them out of the tub and he told her to get out of the bathtub. She just stared at him. So he told her again to get out and she continued to just look at him as tho she was confused. I explained the ‘routine’ to him and once she was told to put the toys away and get out she did immediately.
So we do many of our daily activities with a routine. I do not do well on a schedule with time frames so I don’t keep one around. I like lists where I can cross off what has been done. I know what needs to get done everyday and I know it needs to be done before the end of the day. We don’t really have a set schedule- just a list of things that need to get accomplished in our own time. This has worked best for us and kept me sane and peace in our home. It also doesn’t ever make us feel rushed. I can take my time working with Gillian on getting dressed, brushing her teeth, etc... It just works better for all of us to not be bound by time constraints all the time.
One of the key things to our day is something that my wonderful husband taught me and has brought me so much peace. I use to go about my day doing my chores and being apart from my children. Emma would be doing something in her room and Gillian would be doing something destructive in another room. I would get done with what I was doing and find Gillian pouring water all over the coffee table. While I was cleaning up that mess she would be in my room emptying out all the videos from the cupboard. While cleaning up that mess she would go into the bathroom and unroll the toilet paper roll into the toilet clogging it up. This is what everyday was looking like and I was frustrated and exhausted. So in order to avoid this kind of day the girls became attached to my hip. Not literally, of course, although sometimes it would be nice to have some velcro. They follow me throughout the house doing whatever I am doing. This has been a help in more ways than one. Not only am I avoiding "Gillian messes", the girls are learning how to do all the chores around the house. We do the laundry together, make the beds, do the dishes, etc.... When I am getting ready in the mornings they sit on our bed and watch a movie or read books. If I am doing something they don’t know how to do I have them sit and watch me so they will eventually learn how to do it. I have found that this makes all three of us girls in a much better mood. They love doing the chores with me and we play and sing as we are doing them laughing and being silly.
In order for Gillian to learn how to do something she has to see it being done about a hundred times. She requires lots and lots of repetition which is good for Emma and for me. I usually have Emma working side by side with us when I am teaching Gillian something new. So Emma is seeing or hearing it over and over again as well and she can pick up the new skill right away. I even have Emma do therapy with Gillian sometimes. It’s good for both of them.
We don’t do a lot of actual school work. Most of what Gillian does right now is therapy and learning daily life skills. The only sit down work we do right now is "Handwriting Without Tears". My struggle with doing work that required my complete attention on one child was what to do with the other child. This is where blanket time has come in handy. While working one-on-one with one child, the other child sits on a blanket nearby with either a couple of books or some flash cards. They get to pick which one they want which makes them more excited about it. This keeps them quiet and I am able to get more accomplished with the other child.
What we do is extremely simple. It does not take a lot of planning on my part, mostly patience and diligence. But those are good virtues that I am more than willing to learn. |
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Persistence
The last in a series written by Melissa, mother of four daughters under the age of three.
“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galations 6:9
#6 PERSISTENCE
This verse probably encourages me more than any other. With so many little children, repetition is a key to peace. And remembering that at this age, they will need to be taught the same lesson over and over keeps me from getting discouraged. My pastor’s wife made a comment that illustrated this well. She said, “Melissa, think how many times a baby stands up and falls down before they learn to walk well.” And as my wonderful husband often reminds me, God teaches me the same lesson over and over and I still often seem to forget it! We must remember that whatever we do as parents, it is truly God’s grace that accomplishes peace in our homes. We are to strive to glorify Him in all these things, but we must not fret about the outcome of our work in the home. As His Word says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Ps. 127:1) We trust that God is at work in our family (whether it be through the means of a schedule or otherwise), and this must be our true peace. To this end, I asked my husband what he thought most contributed to peace in our home, and though he agreed with all of the things above, he immediately answered, “Family Worship”. Because we do nothing on our own strength (and if we did, it would fail to produce true peace), we must as a family continually show our dependence on, love for, and thankfulness to Christ by coming to him in prayer and worship. This is not to “check it off the schedule”, but because as we reflect on the love which God first gave us, we are truly able to love one another and live at peace.
These last few weeks especially, as my helpers have gone home, and I’ve grown into a new routine with all four girls, I’ve realized that I truly love my job! So many people (at the grocery store and such) see me with my kids and the comment is usually some variation of “You sure have your hands full”, but I don’t feel that way. I feel like my heart is full. With order in my home, I don’t typically feel overwhelmed at all. I so enjoy my days at home with all the girls, and I love that Matt sees our home as his peaceful respite. I’m definitely weary when I go to bed each night, but God has been so faithful and truly never given me more than I could bear. I can truly say that:
“The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places. Behold my heritage is beautiful to me.” Psalm 16:6
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Enjoying One Another
Number five in a series written by Melissa, mother of four daughters under the age of three.
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers [or sisters] to dwell together in unity!” Psalm 133:1
#5: UNITY/ENJOYING ONE ANOTHER
Many times new parents have asked me if my children are jealous when a new baby comes. I can truly say we’ve never had this problem, and I don’t think it needs to be a problem. If we as parents (by God’s grace) can train our children to wash their hands, to make a bed, or to obey cheerfully, I believe we can teach them to enjoy their sisters (or brothers). This is certainly not to say there won’t be times when they squabble with one another or are selfish, but this “being jealous” is just not an option in our home. Many things help in this. First of course is our example. If we are loving and enjoying our husbands and children, it is easier for our children to do this. We help prevent jealousy by making sure our little ones have things to occupy their time when I need to be with baby. We can also help them by teaching them to think of others’ interests. “Help sister be happy” has become a common phrase around here, and it makes for lots of “little mommies”. I now often have suggestions from my two and three year old that “maybe Juliette is tired”, or “Mommy, I think she needs your milk”. I think having the older girls try to help the babies be happy teaches them to think of what their sisters might need, instead of them feeling “jealous” that baby is taking mommy’s time. During one of Juliette’s feedings each day, the older girls have “dolly time”. They nurse their babies, or bathe them, or take them for walks. Things like this help them enjoy their sisters more, and not feel like they’re missing out on my time. They all know they will have their special time with me, but I desire that they would enjoy their special time with each other, too. A question in our little children’s Bible tonight asked, “Who do you love best?” The answer the book was looking for was “God”, but I liked Isabelle’s answer. She said, “I love God best, but I love my sisters, too.”
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Knowing Our Children's Frames
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Number four in a series written by Melissa, mother of four daughters under the age of three.
“Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our
frame. . .” Psalm 103:13-14a
#4: KNOWING OUR CHILDREN'S FRAMES
Along the lines of there being times to throw out the schedule, there are times I throw out the rebuke (so to speak) and concentrate on compassion. If my kids are being stinkers or I’m feeling annoyed, usually I’m either not having a merry heart myself or they need some “snuggle time”, whatever that looks like for them. I’m learning to be more sensitive to those times when I “feel” like disciplining, but my daughter just needs to have a tea party!
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Godly Discipline
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Number three in a series written by Melissa, mother of four daughters under the age of three.
Proverbs 29:17 “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.”
Hebrews 12:11 “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
#3: GODLY DISCIPLINE
Our children need to know what they ought to do. At these ages, we basically enforce that they need to obey God by:
*Cheerfully obeying mommy and daddy
*Having a happy heart (not whining and complaining)
*Not stealing (toys from sister)
*Speaking kindly
*Telling the truth (more for Isabelle at this point)
Of course there are lots of different situations, but they usually fall into these categories (most things just fall under obeying mom and dad). We always see a distinct difference in the peace of our home and the countenance of our children when we are not consistent in upholding these standards. Hebrews 12 is a good reflection for us of whether our discipline is as God would have it to be. When we discipline properly, we see the peaceful fruit of righteousness in our children, and we find we delight in each other’s presence. When I slip, and discipline in annoyance, the result is never peaceful! We also get a good review of our discipline in watching how our children “discipline their dollies” – if they speak sweetly to them or harshly, for example. |
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A Pleasantly Tidy Home
Number two in a series written by Melissa, mother of four daughters under the age of three.
“But let all things be done properly and in an orderly manner.”
I Corinthians 14:40
#2: A PLEASANTLY TIDY HOME
I know this verse is not referring to keeping a house, but it sets up a principle to follow. I looked up the word "order" in Strong’s Concordance, and there were exactly sixty verses listed. A very large number of them were referring to the order which God desired to be kept in His tabernacle. I take this to mean that order in one’s home is important. I know I never quite feel at rest when my house is untidy.
To this end, we have “tidy time” throughout the day, so as not to be scrambling to do it all in the evening. I try to instill that we don’t take out another project till the first one is tidied up, and tidied up in the proper place. Likewise we usually don’t start the next thing on the schedule till the last thing is put away. Two and three year olds are very able to tidy up their own toys, and to do so with a happy heart. This is one thing they often need to be reminded of, but we find it to be very worthwhile. This way we don’t have to stress if someone comes over unexpectedly, we know where to find things like favorite dollies, and the home is peaceful for daddy if he comes home for a bit during the day.
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A Family Routine
Today's blog entry is the first in a series written by Melissa, mother of four preschoolers and champion for peace in her home.
“Indeed my heritage is beautiful to me.” Psalm 16:6
Recently the number of little munchkins in our home has doubled, and we’re now blessed with four little girls age three and under. Isabelle was three in September, Hannah will be two in April, Naomi just turned one and Juliette is six weeks old. Kendra asked me to write a bit about the last few months with our four girls, and as her blog is entitled Preschoolers and Peace, I thought I would pick out the things (and favorite verses) that most contribute to making our home feel peaceful. These are just some thoughts on how our home runs – the same principles lived out may look totally different in yours.
“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. . . He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,11
#1: A FAMILY ROUTINE
I’m very much a routine oriented person, so having a basic schedule that flows well for our family is incredibly helpful to me. The book “Managers of Their Homes” is a fabulous resource in learning to create a workable family schedule, especially for larger and homeschooling families. I love having a schedule as the backbone for our day. I don’t always follow it to the letter, but it brings much peace, especially for little people who need something to do with all their energy, and a mom who still likes to accomplish side projects. Since all of my girls are preschoolers, there are a few things that are important in our daily routine:
*Special time with mom: I started feeling like I didn’t have the time to give that one-on-one lovey time my girls needed, so I scheduled it in. Even if it’s a short time block, having special time with mommy makes for merry girls throughout the day. It looks different for each girl, but they love their special time: reading their favorite books together, rocking, dancing together to a favorite song, practicing letter sounds –they just love that it’s THEIR time alone with me.
*Helping Mommy/Chores - It's important to me that the girls are part of keeping our home, and it also makes them feel very grown up. Isabelle is so proud that she can now make her bed and Hannah's by herself. She also folds all the small towels, burp clothes and wash rags, and hangs the little dresses. She and Hannah together take all the dirties to the laundry room each day.
*Time to play with a specific sister and keep her happy (Isabelle calls it “baby-standing”). I like this as it keeps the babies happy to not be alone, and it teaches my older girls to think of someone else’s needs specifically as it’s their job to keep baby sissy happy.
*Family Worship – More on this in another installment
*Naps and Sleeping – people have often commented to me that I’m lucky my girls sleep at the same time. I just reply that we taught them to. Having their nap time at the same time gives me quiet time to catch up on projects (or sleep while I have a newborn). And their nightly bedtime gives Matt and I our time alone as we don’t get out too much.
*Reading Aloud: I usually read aloud while the girls are having “blanket time” (this seems to work better for us than room time). They stay on their blanket and quietly play with a “preschool toy” while I read. Some favorites are chunky wood puzzles, Lauri Toys, lacing beads (BIG favorite), a bunch of dice and some Tupperware, and a wooden fruit cutting set. We read little books, and big books (like Narnia books currently).
*Chair Time/Standing Time – helps the girls practice for church, and helps me to make dinner!
Of course, it is God Who ordains our days, and this verse in Ecclesiastes also teaches me that there is a time to chuck my schedule in yielding to His!
“But let all things be done properly and in an orderly manner.” I Corinthians 14:40
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Michele's List
From time to time I will be posting the ideas and contributions of other homeschooling mothers of preschoolers. You all have so much to offer!
The following list was initially submitted on The Well Trained Mind K-8 General Board by one_1_michele in response to the question posed about what items might keep a 30-month-old busy during school. She then graciously elaborated in an email to me so that I could pass along her terrific ideas.
Craft Items That Aren't Very Messy
-twistable crayons (little ones can't peel the paper off and the crayons
don't break)
-marker-type stampers
-foam sticker shapes or shapes with a jumbo glue stick - my boys like to make their own designs and patterns with these
-hole punch
-stickers (can decorate with them, or use blank labels let them make their
own stickers)
-simple coloring pages (let them color the pages/book, then go back through and cut out the pictures to decorate other things or make their own scrapbook - we love the crayola spiral bound sketch books sold at
Wal Mart for this)
-connect the dots
- rubbing plates- my son got a really cool set from oriental trading that has the textures of grass, bricks, etc.
-true stencils aren't a hit here, maybe too detailed, but they love tracing shapes from the Lauri puzzles, then coloring them in and
cutting them out
-Perler Beads (craft isle at Wal Mart) - they love the tweezers too, good for fine motor - these get pulled out daily here, my kids can't get enough of them, the Perler website has some fun ideas as well
-pipe cleaners - bend into creatures or use to string bead patterns
-modeling clay for the preschoolers
-painting with water colors
-save empty containers/boxes for back up
Other Ideas
-retractable measuring tape
-dress up clothes & a laundry basket
-toss a king size flat sheet over the kitchen table
-pattern blocks and boards (my kids like Super Mind)
-Leap Frog dvd's - although math circus was a flop here
-Fisher Price Little People flash cards
-Leap Frog fridge phonics
-puzzles
-Kid K'nex
-primary bucket balance
-Melissa & Doug wooden clock (numbers, shapes, colors/shades & telling time)
-Touch & Feel cards - we have colors/shapes they are board type flashcards
-music favorites that don't annoy mom 
-Twin Sisters 25 Fun Learning Songs
-Discovery Toys
-Barney's Favorites Volume 1
Activities With Mom
-Brainquest - love the 2-3 & 3-4 year sets
-games: Sequence for Kids, Blokus, Sketch & Guess, Letter of the Day Bingo, Sesame Street Bingo (stationery aisle at Wal Mart),
Balancing Moon, CraniumHullabaloo, Hi Ho Cherry O
-books, books, more books
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