~Priceless Purity...Making your lifestyle as pure as lilies!~

Aug. 1, 2008 - What Forgiveness Really Is

An incident happened recently, that was really very interesting. In fact, it's the inspiration for this entire article. (Surprise, surprise.)

The story goes like this: There was someone we had tried to make amends with recently, because of a silly little misunderstanding that had happened months ago. (Note the words misunderstanding - no one is right in a misunderstanding, so both sides are in the wrong and both sides deserve to apologize.) We made mistakes in this argument, but so did they. We were quick to judge what we THOUGHT they said, and they were quick to do so as well. Hence the misunderstanding. And as misunderstandings continue without any clarification, everything gets terribly mixed up, and when defending yourself, your tones and their tones are all taken in the wrong way. Okay, enough of that. To the POINT...

Anyway, like we mentioned, this happened months ago. So, recently, we felt led to write to them again, and try to be friendly, because we felt it was the right thing to do, and just avoiding one another wasn't appropriate. Most importantly, we wanted to make sure that we were fully forgiven, and that they had no hard feelings against us still. (To be honest, besides the misunderstanding, nothing else happened that could have made them stonecold towards us, so we were actually extremely confused as to why we had been ignored for the past few months.)

They informed us that they had long ago forgiven us after the incident, and that it didn't really matter anymore to them. But in response to wanting to be friendly towards us again, we were shocked. They informed us flat-out that they didn't want to go on being friendly as we had in the past.

  Even worse, their excuse for not wanting to be friendly towards us again was that they couldn't trust us after the incident, as friends, but could make "peace" with us, and leave it at that. Wait...Rewind!? Firstly, when you forgive, you're supposed to forget the whole incident - ENTIRELY. (Yeah, that means EVERYTHING.) Or, you're basically lying when you say the words "I forgive you". Forgiveness is not there for when whatever happened doesn't BOTHER you anymore, or when you don't care about it anymore. It's there to mend a broken friendship/relationship. "Sorry" is when you take back what you said/did, forgiveness is when you approve their apology, and take everything back as well.

Here are a few examples of how phony this way of handling things is - (We'll be using their definition of "peace" from here on out, so don't be confused with what we're saying.)

Example #1: It's not Christ-like. Imagine going to heaven and Jesus tells you He forgives you, but not enough to the point of loving you again. - He'd NEVER do that, so WE Christians should never have this attitude.

Example #2: Imagine this same situation in a marriage relationship, and you're trying to make amends with your husband and he says he forgives you, but no, he can't trust you as his wife anymore. So, he'll make "peace" with you and give you a divorce for irreconcilable differences. Still sound a little backwards?

Example #3: Here's your typical "prodigal son" example. You come to your father/mother and ask for forgiveness, they say they give you some, but you're still an outcast in their home because of what you did. Logical? No. Oh wait! They'll make "peace" with you! (But you see where this is going, right? This isn't PEACE if it's not a mutual thing anyway.)

Example #4: Here's another common example - say your family are members of a church, and they (the church), for some reason, throw you out. Your whole family. They may make "peace" with you, send you on your own way...But...Where is the love in this? This is how God's people are ACTING towards eachother?

Example #5: And lastly, the most common and realistic of all - this same incident takes place among friends all the time. It doesn't really matter how chummy you ever were with them, we are COMMANDED to love one another whether we like it or not. Friendship is mutual, yes, and good friendship really requires being mutual. BUT, in our Book, it doesn't say ANYTHING about Christians breaking off friendships because of whatever.

"If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?" - 1 John 4:8

Galatians 5:13 says "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love."

Do you see that love is so important to God? If God did not love US, He wouldn't have given us His Son for our Salvation. So when He sees His children fighting and arguing between each other, it saddens Him. This isn't all about us, and our feelings - it's about others, and most importantly about God.

And you must agree, that the best way to display this love amongst eachother is to be friendly; to forgive FULLY, not just half way, or to the point where you can stand something.

"[ Love, for the Day is Near ] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." - Romans 13:8

And now, tell me what ALL these verses have in common -

John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

John 13:35
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Galatians 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Hebrews 10:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

1 Peter 1:22
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 Peter 3:8
[ Suffering for Doing Good ] Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

1 Peter 5:14
Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.

1 John 3:11
[ Love one another ] This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.

1 John 3:23
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.

1 John 4:7
[ God's Love and Ours ] Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:12
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

2 John 1:5
And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.

...That's right - they all have something to say about loving one another, that it's a must, and this definitely has something to do with forgiveness. And HOW many times do you think this is mentioned throughout the Bible? There are so many that are out there that would take forever to list.

Now...How many times do you find "making peace" (as this person described, basically being "divorced" from fellowship with eachother forevermore) with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?

And to be quite honest, this sort of "peace" is merely suggesting that you just kinda' sorta' co-exist. (But not quite - even worse.) Almost trying to make the entire thing like this - you argue, hold a grudge, and then the person dies and suddenly you're just at peace with them, and there's really nothing else you can do about it anymore. Okay? That's a little STRANGE.

To tell the truth, non-Christians behave ten times better than most Christians in these cases. Who DO we Christians think we are? Exactly.

The answer is NEVER. NEVER does it say anywhere, in the Word of God that we are to treat ANYONE with this "treatment".

This is what Satan enjoys - he loves to see these goofy and pathetic things stand in the way of people - he totally loves this. In fact, he's probably laughing about it right now.

And why do these arguments keep on thriving between brothers and sisters in Christ?

There comes a point when people have to decide between God's way and the way they'd rather take.


But now, it gets to the point where you almost think there's no such way at making amends to these things. Listen - Christ did not give His life for us because of these sorts of squabbles. How can people both love God, yet hate and despise each other? Just tell me HOW?

The truth is - Christians shouldn't be fighting amongst eachother. Brothers and sisters in Christ do not have the right to shun one another because of this or that. These little conflicts won't even matter one day, so why not just make atonement for it all with love and forgiveness?

If there were some case against an unbeliever and they were unwilling to forgive, that's sadly a different situation - but when you're a Christian, and you're not only given the chance to forgive someone, but also believe in forgiveness strongly, then...well...DO so.

It seems like we are more prone to forgiving non-Christians, in our efforts to being a good witness and example, than we are to forgive the other followers in Christ.  There should be no such thing as "irreconcilable differences" if you claim to have the love of Christ in your heart. TRUE peace is found in happiness in friendship and contentment. So this term of "peace" that this someone used, is sadly abused.

People shouldn't be focusing on breaking off other fellow believers - that's undoubtedly a terrible witness to unbelievers. If we're all going to be before Christ one day, living in paradise, then WHY, I say WHY, act this way on earth? Just because you can? Because you want to?

And what would you say to this person who would much rather be an enemy, than a friend, on account of some imaginary conflict in their minds? Is the one trying to forgive right, or is the other? We'd really like to know.

Friendship IS mutual, so it really does make a difference whether this person wants to be friends to you again, but the fact is, the right way for them to go about it would be to silently accept, whether they appreciate it or not. It's not every day someone offers to take back everything and go on being friendly. Why is it so hard for people to learn that love covers a MULTITUDE of sins (1 Peter 4:8) - and in most cases of forgiveness, love should be found, but it seldom ever is.

People tend to just say they've forgiven someone because they don't want to appear as the "criminals" in whatever the argument was. But forgiveness shouldn't be used for the sake of your image and reputation. It should come from a pure, mature and loving heart. It takes so much of one to soften their heart, especially when their view of someone is distorted by what they THINK one's intentions were/are, but it's something that has to be done. Hate is strong, and takes over love in a fury - it sticks to you, while love seems to just wear off. It's not that it wears off, it's that sometimes it leaves you completely - the love of God leaves you, and your sin nature bleeds through in a merciless fury...

The comical (yet extremely SAD/true part of this) is that this person probably would hate us even more just reading this article. Why? Because their excuse is not right, not Christian, and most definitely not God -approved. I still have it in my heart, if they ever change their mind, to forgive them fully. I really do. They may acknowledge in their hearts that it's wrong, but just don't have the nerve to admit it. I'm just praying that God can work things out of this - it's just so amazing to see all the things you can learn from things like this.

It's really hard to forgive and FORGET, especially when you're wrong, but it's the right way to go. It's what God desires for us to do. We can't say we're these God-loving Christians when we have these bad attitude problems holding us back from acting lovingly towards each other, just because we don't feel like it, just because we don't want to, or because we think it will hurt us, ruin us, damage us. It most certainly WILL NOT. If God prescribes this medicine then it can't be misleading. Being kind never hurt anyone. So why is this so hard? Why so stubborn? It's admitting you're wrong, and stepping down a level, and that is what some people cannot allow themselves to do. Call me judgemental, but there is a thing called pride that I see in people, that simply cannot enable them to even do the simplest, sweetest things. And those are the most important things of all.

God bless everyone! And may this article be something to think about and to ponder in your hearts...

Purely,

~RACHEL & JILLIAN~

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Aug. 1, 2008 - To clear some things up

Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES

just for the record, I could not bring myself to read on and on and on, so I read only half of this and then skimmed the rest.- though I did read the last paragraph.
You are VERY harsh for being so "humble".

You girls are arrogant and not telling the whole story here.
You are the reason that Christians do not know the true meaning of love. And sinners do not want to become Christians.
If you are so righteous, then why are you taking this to the street? (blog)

Honestly, I won't let Jocelyn be friends with you girls - IRL or on the blogs - for this very reason. You and the crowd you hang with are untrustworthy and use the Word of God to fit what you want it to mean.

And btw... if a husband cheats on his wife.... she can forgive and still not trust him and still deal with the aftermath of the situation. Trust is not just something that is doled out without regard. Just because you say you are sorry does not mean you have changed.

Why why why do you EXPECT to be trusted? Is it owed you?
I believe you girls have a very shallow and self-centered look at life and only do it as it pertains to you and makes you look good.

And, as to the honesty of your email - and the timing - it just so happened to coincide with your wanting to exchange links with the Feelin' Feminine site, which I think was wrong. And it is wrong. And you know it.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.

You make it appear in this post that you were good friends with the "other person". You were not. You have never been good friends, but rather acquaintances. All of this is being made to appear in a way that it is not.

I know how disrespectful you were to me in the emails, and I do not appreciate this at all. I have read comments that members of your family have left in a mocking and disrespectful manner to other interested parties in the past few months, and you need to also do a study on gossip.

As to your part in this. If you are truly humble and not worried about retribution, you will accept her forgiveness and TRUST HER that she is being honest. If you believe that you had a reason to ask forgiveness in the first place, you will be HUMBLE and ask it with no strings attached, but only humility.

I am surprised that you would be allowed to post all of this on a blogging community like this. This post is precisely why you cannot be linked on any of our sites. Precisely.

Matthew 28:
Take it to them privately. That has been done.

Take it before two or more witnesses. That has not been done in our presence, though I am sure you did it on your end.

Take it before the Church. I am assuming this is your taking it before the church.

However, your premise is off, and you are not telling the truth before God of the whole issue. You are to do this to bring someone to repentance and to win a sister in Christ. This is obviously not your goal. Your goal is to appear holier than thou and bring condemnation to Jocelyn.

Yes, I know you did not mention her name. So what. She knows who you are writing so hatefully about. I know. Amanda knows. You know. Your family knows. I am sure there are others that we both know who know who this post is about. It is shameful.

I am telling the parts you left out. This is wrong. This post should be removed.
Praying you will look at the WORD in light of TRUTH.

And by the way.... you CANNOT claim the word PURELY. At all. Not in this post. Your motives are anything but pure.

Sincerely, Mrs. Dixon

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