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For me, the hardest thing about raising my children isn't the attitude or rebellion. Praise the Lord (and I do not say this lightly) that our children love the Lord, have servants hearts, and have been fairly obedient. Oh, they do have their moments, you can bet on that. They are only human, but we feel very blessed to have loving, caring children. So, no, the hardest part isn't what you'd normally think.
The hardest thing for me in raising my family (four teenagers and a middle-school aged daughter) is the lack of quiet time personal quiet time, time with my husband, and time with the Lord. It is also the magnitude of busy-ness we find ourselves in. The older the children have become, the less time there seems to be for anything but them! Thing is, there is so much more to do than it seems we've got time for. Some days it seems that as their lives have grown and "become", mine is diminishing before my eyes!
Not only is this a difficult period in my life as I face the reality that my children are forging paths to their own lives, it is also an odd time in life for them as young people. It is that time when they aren't quite adults but neither are they quite little children any more. One odd way that this is evident to me is at bedtime! They are not tired or sleepy at that time when I used send them to bed, but by golly I sure am! Sometimes it seems I'm lucky to get them in bed by 11:00, then they want to lay there and talk to one another.
I've noticed another funny thing: I am beginning to change places with my children! I remember the days when I could stay up half the night watching movies, reading, or talking. Now I am doing good to keep my eyes open past 10:30 or 11:00, but it seems the kids are full of energy at that hour. My exhaustion at such an early (??) hour and the childrens' second wind means that quiet time with my husband is pretty much shot or carried out to a very late hour. Of course, staying up late also means having to sleep in late because I'm still tired in the morning. This just won't do anymore! Something's got to change.
I think I should be fair and say that I do let them stay up later than I would like because hubby works such long days. Sometimes it is 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. before he gets in. Most mornings the gang doesn't get to see him before he leaves and I feel they should get some time with their dad, even if it does cut into my time with him. Also, at this point, we have 4-H on two nights of the week and church on another. Dinner usually gets pushed to later in the evening on those nights. Thankfully some of our activities will be ending in early May and there can be some changes around here. So, anyway, back to my story . . .
My personal quiet time is a whole 'nother story! It's really frustrating as it seems at this point it's either spend time with my husband or spend time with the Lord. I can't seem to fit both into my day. It used to occur in the early hours of a new day. I liked nothing better than to get up about 6:00 or 6:30 in the morning, get dressed, start a load of laundry, pick up any messes in the house, and sit down with my Bible to fellowship with my Father. I could accomplish so much while everyone else was still asleep. It was especially nice to do it all when it was so quiet around the house. I would also slip outside in the spring and summer months to watch the sun rise or to check on my garden in the cool of the morning. It truly was a valuable and precious time to me.
Since my husband's job has changed considerably over the past few years, it now keeps him from home for much longer than I'd like. This means I am having to stay up later to have time with him. This also means I have been having a terrible time getting up in the mornings because I haven't gotten enough sleep. It really throws my day off in more ways than one. First of all, there is no quiet time for me to straighten the house and do a few things before everybody is up. Second, my time to spend with the Lord gets pushed aside (ok, maybe that should have been the first thing I mentioned!). Lastly, I'm just plain tired and there's really not any time for a nap! HA!! That's another thing that's change in my relationship with my kids . . . they used to need the nap to make it through the day, now I'M the one that needs a nap!
Once everybody is up, there goes my day (so to speak). Besides school, there are various activities the kids have each week, plus I am a volunteer for 4-H. Then there is laundry, household chores, meals, and other responsibilites that I can't even touch during the school year. I'd type out my weekly calendar for you, but I'm afraid you'd have me committed to some sort of institution for insane homeschool moms. :)
My eldest doesn't quite understand why mom is sometimes a little grouchy! I tried my best to explain it to her the other day, but I don't know that she ever got it. With five kids and running a household, there never seems to be time for mom to just BE! And, really, in the end, I think that's all I'm looking for in my search for a little quiet time. A time to just BE. This reminds me of something God told us to do. He says "Be still, and know that I am God . . ." (Psalm 46:10)
Uh, right. I don't think I'm one bit still these days! In fact, do I even remember HOW? It seems that I am in constant motion, both physically and mentally! My body is moving is aa hundred different directions, but my mind is constantly abuzz with a million thoughts. Nothing about me is still.
The reality in this verse is that for me to know God, I've got to be still. The reason, I think, that God wants us to be still is found throughout this passage. Verse 1 says "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Verse 5 says that God is in the midst, while verse 7 assures us that God is with us. Verse 8 bids us to behold the works of the Lord, and verse 9 lets us know that He is in charge of every situation, not matter how bad it may be. If I don't stop, if I am not still, I will miss God and His mighty works! I will fail to see Him in the midst of even the worst days and most trying circumstances. Even though things might be crazy, hectic, and chaotic so that I am having a hard time finding (taking??) time to fellowship with Him in quiet solitude, He is still in the midst! I may be missing Him in one part of my life and relationship with Him, but I don't have to miss Him in the details of daily life. He is a refuge (hope, trust, shelter) to me, my strength (boldness, might, power), and my protector/helper. To see Him working in my life like this, I must be still!
Funny thing, being still. Among other things, it means to abate and cease (come to an end). What must end? Well, if we look at the synonym for this still, I think we can figure it out. Literally, it is to be tranquil, or free from agitation of mind or spirit. From this I can conclude that if I am to know WHO God is and WHAT He has set about to do in my life, if I am to witness His strength, His help, and feel Him in the midst, my worrying, fear, and disappointments must come to an end. I have to trust Him and believe that He is with me always, in every situation, and I will not be moved (slip, shake or fall)! When I am still, I am steady (a synonym of tranquil).
Steady is like a by-product of being still. It means I'll be firm in a position, fixed, and not easily disturbed or upset. When my life feels as if it is crashing down around me, I do not have to be easily disturbed if I am being still. I can resist stress and the pressures of life when I am still because I am able to recognize that He is my refuge, strength, and help in times of trouble. I like what Webster's says about fixed. It is to capture the attention of. I like to think of it as God capturing my attention with His mighty works and His presense! When I take the time to notice God at work in my life and that of my family, then that is when I can trust Him. The times when I can't see God is when my heart and mind are agitated and distrubed. If all of my attention and focus is on the problems at hand, then I miss God. When my heart is steady, firm, and calm, that is when God can capture my attention!
That little word fixed reminds me of Psalms 57 and Psalms 108 that talks of a fixed heart praising God. I can't do that when my heart and mind is troubled!
One of the most troubling things in my life right now is my husband's job and how much it keeps him from us. It is truly worrisome to me and oftimes I get down right agitated about it! But from this verse I have learned that I can't live like that. There is no peace in fretting over it and no trust when these troubles consume my heart and spirit! I can't change the way things are; I can only be still and know God is at work somewhere, somehow in my family and our lives. Though my life seems chaotic and out-of-control right now, I can only trust Him! I have to believe that He is in the midst!
I am also troubled about not getting to spend enough quiet time with God, my husband, or by myself. The thing I've got to learn and put into practice is that even when I can't have the quiet time I crave, I can be still because God is at work all around me! THAT'S an awesome thought right there!
Being still and having quiet time is more than just the absense of noise or distractions literally going on around me. It is trusting God, having a calm, fixed, trusting heart, seeing God at work around me, and feeling His presense during the chaos and trouble.
Prayer
Father, please teach me to be still. You are mercy, grace, and love. You show these things to me by your long-suffering, in being slow to anger, and in having compassion on me. Help me to be more like you in how I treat those around me, especially my family.
Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah 4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. 5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. 6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. 7 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah 8 Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth. 9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire. 10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. 11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
Love to you all in the name of Christ,
Julia |
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