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Jul. 1, 2008
Ponderisms
Miss Jocelyn sent me an email with ponderisms. I feel it is my duty to answer them as best I can. And, given the recently depressing topic (which has gone even further downhill since that post...), I am quite glad to distract myself. Thank you for your encouragement. Now I'm just really irked.
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Can you cry under water?
Only if you're in the ocean. If you're in fresh water, the tears could upset the water system and you could be sued.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
How important does the media think they are?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in' . . But it's only a 'penny for
your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Taxes on thinking!
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
I don't reckon you'd get 'stuck' anywhere in Heaven.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
So you still get a square meal.
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
like every two hours?
They were the ones who had nannies and nurses for their kidlets and slept on the other side of the mansion. :-P
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
DUH! Because movies are DVDs and VHSs, and so you are inside the plastic/metal tapes and discs. When the regular TV displays your image, you aren't in a little black box or DVD. You're standing there on a radio wave, so, therefore on TV.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
Because they forgot to bring binocs and climbing gear.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Because no decent human being should eat toast! (I am against anything crunchy in the morning.)
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
I dunno, but Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, and no one understands how he could pick something that was already pickled. And not only that, but Moses supposes his toeses are roses, and we all know he supposes erroneously. Why doesn't someone tell him so? Heavens to Betsey! That poor ragged rascal running round and round the rugged rocks! Someone should stop him until we can find out why!
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
I sure wouldn't want to be the policeman who pulls them over...
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because it would have ended the TV show.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
Some dogs just gotta be a little different.
If Wile E Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he
just buy dinner?
Getting there is half the fun. (Although Cayellis would say it's all the fun.)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know...
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
*sigh* Think of every movie with a moron in it. With the exception of Get Smart, isn't the moron always on the *bad* side?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn't. :-P
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
No, because Miss Jocelyn is sweet and amazing, and Miss Laura and Miss Katie should go meet her. She is a kindred spirit, not to mention my strange friend (inside joke having to do with the birthday card she sent me). :-D |
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Posted by 
Jul. 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Taxes on sense!