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Aug. 20, 2008
Step one: Find a grenade...
Step 2: Pull out pin.
Step 3: Place grenade in you kitchen junk drawer.
Step 4: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Step 5: After the smoke clears, return to junk drawer. Try to pry out the junk that has now been loosened slightly by grenade.
Step 6: Give up and find a jack hammer.
Step 7: Since your parents won't let you bring said hammer in the house, try to find a chisel.
Step 8: The chisel is in the junk drawer. Try to pry it out with your bare hands.
Step 9: Find band-aids.
Step 10: Try to lubricate the junk with vegetable oil.
Step 11: Unfortunately, your mother found you.
Step 12: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Step 13: Return to drawer without oil.
Step 14: Ask your brother to clean it, but he won't without sufficient pay, which is an amount that should keep you in debt until your 67th birthday.
Step 15: Give up and have lunch.
You've completed that? See? It wasn't so hard, was it?
I'm at 6 and 7. You should be laughing by now, realizing that being at "sixes and sevens" is a British term for utter confusion. Which is about accurate, looking around at the kitchen, which I have pretty much covered with junk and/or destroyed. There's ink smeared on my hands and all kinds of fun. Good thing my keyboard is black! (No, Mom! I'm joking, I'm joking!)
Now. Allow me to describe how I clean junk drawers. I mean, what I posted up there is standard procedure for everyone, right? *Everyone nods* Right. This is what I do:
If it doesn't work, I pitch it.
If I don't like it, I pitch it.
If I see no need for it, I pitch it.
If I haven't seen it since the last ice age, I pitch it.
I put it straight in a trash bag, because if I were to put it somewhere to be donated, inevitably, someone will wander by and say, "Hey! That is cool! I think I could use that at some point before the next ice age!" and put it back in the junk drawer. It never fails.
I mean, why do we need 2,597 gel pens that don't work but look pretty? Exactly how many bent paper clips do we need? Why do we have receipts crinkled up in the corner? And do we really need a whole hamster cage in there? What about the world's biggest collection of pennies and ancient keys? 75 decks of cards that are all mixed together? NO! Be gone! All of you!
Everything other than that gets sorted into containers, color-coded, alphabetized, and thoroughly cleaned. Well, in my mother's fondest dreams. I do sort them (markers in one, pens in another, pencils in another) and put them back in a way that it will appear as though I thought for a long time about the placement of them.
And, now, if you will excuse me, I must get back to work. There are some things to take care of.
By the way, I never exaggerate. Ever. |
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Posted by Another Homeschooled kid 
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Aug. 20, 2008 - Funny!