How do you define yourself?  Tell me a bit about you. 

Life is full of labels.  I've pondering the use of labels, and what place they have in my life.  Some labels are good.  They are labels that I am proud to wear.  Labels that state that I am a child of God.  But, there seems to be an excessive amount of time spent on other labels.  Labels that aren't about our Lord, or our Lord's view of us, but are, in essence, labels that are more important to the world...or in building ourselves up. "I don't do that..." or "I only do that..." or "I'm a *inset own phrase* mom."

Before I go farther, I know that as a society we need labels in order to define ourselves. How else do I inform others that we homeschool?  Or that I stay at home?  Or that my dh is a cancer "survivor?"  We use them as descriptors and to explain our convictions.  But, what I am concerned with is when these convictions surpass who we are in Christ.  For those times when we will fight for a personal conviction yet we are not operating with the fruits of the Spirit.  You know what I mean.  There have been numerous debates on message boards, email loops, in the world etc...about certain issues.  I've seen them become venemous and hostile.  Seeking knowledge is no longer present.  It becomes a need to be right, to press one's convictions and beliefs onto another.  We could start a debate here over them.  Homeschooling.  Vaccines.  Diapering practices.  Parenting practices.  Churches.  Type of worship. Birthing preferences. Homeschool methods.  Books.  Television.  Health care.... The list could go on and on and on.  What I've seen is that too often personal conviction starts to be presented as dogma. 

Life on this earth is ultimately about living for Christ.  For spreading His message, and being salt.  When I fall prey into trying to fit into a particular identity (besides Him) I can begin to allow a sort of self-righteousness to cloud my thinking and interactions with others.  However, when I frame everything through Christ, then I can be firm in my personal convictions without feeling the need to be threatened and hostile towards others who hold ones different than my own.  Now, please know that I am talking about issues that are NOT clearly defined as right or wrong in the Scriptures.  I would die for Christ.  Know that.  Jesus is God is an absolute truth.  There is no debate in that statement.  Jesus died for my sins.  Another truth.  Non-debatable.  At all.  That is a label, an identity that I proudly wear.  These are not the types of labels with which I am referring to.

 You see, what has happened to me is that when I give earthly labels too much power and then when I don't "fulfill" them to the expectations that I've set then I can get down on myself.  Discouraged.   I'm not fulfilling the parameters set out in that role. When I live my life, again looking through the lens of Christ, then I am free of the earthly expectations of that label.  The Scriptures are full of guidelines and wisdom.  My definition for self needs to again be matched up with the truth fond in the Bible.

Of course, I know that there is no way to get away from labels.  How else would we relate?  This post isn't really about the need to abolish living by labels, but rather serves as a reminder to not allow the labels to trump defining ourselves as children of Christ.  And perhaps to serve as a gentle reminder to remember that others out there, whose opinion on some issues vary with your own, are people just like you.  We all need to remember to respond with grace and understanding.  Seeking first to understand.  Discussion about topics is a great thing.  That is where I learn!  But I learn best when I seek to understand someone else's opinion and where I feel that they are doing the same.  Otherwise my words are guarded, tempered, afraid of the response. And perhaps that fear is because I am giving too much power to other's words and not enough confidence in my self and the life the Lord has for me.  However, a healthy dialogue is an excellent tool in learning.  And I appreciate looking at many views and choices.  Ultimately, I believe that each family is responsible for their family's choices.  And I respect that.

I don't even know if this makes much sense, it has just been on my heart lately.  All that I wrote was written in love.

On a different note, if anyone knows of a good sight to stream music for my blog I'd appreciate the recommendation.  SonicSpot went out of business.  And, another request, is if you'd pray for me with regards to my allergies.  There are pretty intense right now.  I know the season will end, but sometimes in the midst of an allergy attack it feels a bit hopeless.   They do serve as a reminder to the faithfulness of God!  He is good and will work through anything.  Even in the midst of a storm He is there, and it will end!

Rachel

Time when normal life is challenged by allergies.  As I sit here and type this one of my sole reasons is to distract myself from the intense attack that I am in right now.  My eyes are so inflamed.  And what set them off?  Not the outdoor allergies, but rather peeling a jicama and then inadvertently touching my eyes.  Now, since by body was already overloaded and taxed this extra allergen has triggered a full-fledge breakdown.  If I hadn't been in a state of allergy overload already my body simply would have dealt with the allergen in the jicama,, had a mild flare-up, and been done.  The jicama was the last straw.

Isn't that how life is?  It is so easy to allow burdens to accumulate over time.  When we keep adding them slowly we can become immune to the strain they are causing on ourselves.  In fact, it is easy to overlook that we are adding burdens to our lives.  And then, something out of the blue, something that isn't a huge burden or crisis comes around and it sends us into a tailspin.  It unleashes all the emotions that were stuffed down. Ignored.

Our Savior tells us to cast our cares on Him.  In the beginning, it can seem all to easy to ignore the anxiety in our hearts.  We hide it with humor, food, avoidance, and disbelief.  Time and time again, burdens that wear us are ignored and not brought to the Savior's feet.  And then what?  Then comes the jicama moment...when a seemingly small incident is the catalyst for a breakdown.  Jesus wants us to sit at His feet daily.  He desires relationship with us.  If daily I pray and release my anxiety, worries, and fears to Him then, in essence, I am releasing some of the load to Him.

Sitting in anxiety, anger, fear, bitterness, worry, and despair divert our lives from being lives of abundance and purpose.  Each of those emotions wears away at our time and frame of mind.  Each brings us closer to a breakdown, a melting point moment.  Each shades our views, and blinds us from the truth. It is like dwelling in the pit just as Beth Moore describes in "Get Out of That Pit."   Life is not about living in distress, it is about living.  Living alive, living aware, living for Christ.  He tells us in the Psalms, "The Lord is near to all who call on him." (Psalm 145:18)  He is near, He is there.  Hope and life comes from Him.  The same Jesus who wants all of my negativity, all of my emotion.  "My hope comes from Him." (Psalm 62.:5)   Giving up the burdens, the worries, and the emotions is a tough choice.  So many times, I believe, there is fear in letting go.  Fear in being forgotten, in change, in no change, fear in being hurt.  Letting go and moving forward is a choice.  We can choose to live trapped in our worries or we can choose to walk this life with Jesus helping to carry them.

Maybe in the beginning, it's best to let go of them bit by bit.  Releasing worries to Jesus is a discipline.  It isn't a one time statement, "I give it all to you Jesus."  Rather, it is a daily, and hourly, and sometimes a statement that is continuously uttered.  "Jesus, help me have faith now, " or "Jesus, take this burden, this fear from me.  Replace it with the peace and hope that can only be found in you, " or "Jesus, I need you now.  I need you to step in, to redeem this situation."  The list could go on and on.  But, the point is that there is an active recoginition that we need to release those fears and burdens to Him.

As I finish typing this (and need to get back to teaching History) my eyes are feeling a bit better.  Not great, but better.  I am praying that your journey is just a little bit lighter today, and that your mind is filled with hope and peace. And that if you were weighed down with worries that you, too, are feeling a bit better.

Rachel

I can't figure out a title for this post.  Normally, I sit down, type a title and start journaling.  However, I can't think of a title.  I know that I should journal, that I should blog, and yet I can't think how to begin.  Isn't that ironic?  In life there are end destinations that we want, we know the path, yet beginning seems complex.  How do we start?  How do we move on when we don't know how?

Lately there have been events in life that have left relationships unsettled.  I've been doing hours of self-examination.  Hours of prayer and trying to understand how to move forward in life when where I am starting is a place that is, well, uncomfortable.  Does that even make sense?  It's almost as if I have been given a map with directions, yet the directions are starting from the destination.  Or almost to the desitination. 

Both Todd and I have been really praying about purpose and passion in life.  As I had blogged previously (can you believe it has been that long?) I've had increasing clarity with regards to the value of time.  We only have one life to live.  And in that life there are a set number of hours, days, minutes, and even seconds.  Not one more, not one less.  Those precious moments need to be guarded.  I am to be a steward of my time.  Just as I train my children to be a steward of their possessions, I also need to train them and myself to be a steward of the time the Lord has given me.  When the time is gone, this earthly life, this time will be finished.  How do I want to live?  Do I want to spend my life on this earth in places of bitterness, anxiety, anger, or despair?  Despair and bitterness.  What fruit do they produce?  When I look at my time, in order to guard it, I need to keep my emotions in check.  If bitterness creeps in, it needs to be snuffed out.  How sad it would be to use up time wallowing in despair.  Now, please keep in mind that despair is different than sadness and grief.  There is a time for sadness, a place for grief.  But, if left unchecked, again life can cease to move.  Instead of being productive, I become stuck.

Life has certainly taught me that there truly is not much that is certain.  When Todd was diagnosed with cancer people would ask me, "why? why would this happen?"  I don't know.  Is there an answer to why?  Truly?  I could spend time desparately searching for an answer for why...and yet never come to an answer.  Do I know the results of his next screening in May?  No.  What I do know is that I have time now.  Time with him.  Time with my children.  Time with my friends.  And this time I want to spend living wise, living joyful, living as the daughter of the King.  My King, Jesus. 

It's interesting that when I look at time as a precious commodity I undergo a paradigm shift with regards to daily living.  No longer is it a chore to make dinner, rather a joy, an honor.  I enjoy my children much more.  Their laughter, their tears, their joys, and their sorrows.  God has gifted them to me for a time.  I desire to be a steward and use that time to His glory.  It's also quite convicting to me with regards to how I spend my day.  Am I using this day wisely?  Or am I allowing externals to dictate my mood and my time?  It's difficult to recognize that there are situations in life where no is the answer.  I tend to like everything to be fixed, as if in a nicely wrapped present.  But, there are also moments, times, in life where there is no neatness, no present.  And in that mess, I still need to be wise.  My children are young...once.  That is it.  There are no do-overs, no back tracks, nothing.  This is their childhood.  I want them to remember their mom as engaged and joyful.  If I allow events and negativity to creep into my demeanor then that in turn creeps into my children's day.  No longer is the atmosphere in my home that of joy, but rather anxiety.  And what I've discovered is that I need to intentionally examine how my time, and thus where my thoughts and energies are placed. 

About two years ago, a counselor friend of mine discussed the story of Joseph with me.  He asked me, "how did Joseph keep himself moving, himself motivated, while in the pits of Egypt's dungeons?"  I remember thinking how in Sunday School the length of time that Joseph spent in jail is truly never discussed.  Wasn't it like twenty years?  Can you imagine?  What I learned that day was that Joseph had faith in a future that didn't match the present reality.  He believed, he had faith...knowing without seeing...that he had a purpose beyond the cell.  Do I think every day was easy there? Absolutely not.  But, I do believe he had faith in his calling.  Faith to rise in the morning.  Faith to continue believing.  Living conscious of time is living in faith for me.  Even though my life is difficult now, I have faith in my future, and because I have faith I desire to live to the fullest today...thus cherishing and valueing the time my Lord has blessed me with. 

Friends, my prayer for you is that you are aware of the great gift, the commodity of time that our Lord has blessed you with.  I pray that you recognize if you are wallowing in places where you shouldn't. And then, that you are able to redirect your energy, refocus your time. 

I wish I could tell you that I would be this once a week blogger.  I've been praying for quite a while about journaling and wasn't even sure if I should continue blogging.  But, lately, I've felt as if it is important that I do journal...it helps process the stuff inside.  So, in that spirit, thank you for being willing readers of a sporadic blogger!

(I've figured out my title....It's about Time...)

Blessings to you!

Rachel

These past weeks have been challenging.  There have been many events where I've found myself in this place of disbelief, fear, or anxiety.  Life has thrown some new curveballs, and even though I've blogged about faith I've still found mine tested and stretched. 

Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair.   If there was a scorecard on fairness I'm sure most of us would believe that ours was in the red.  I've spent many hours grumbling about how this world has ripped me off.  But, seriously, is the world entitled to give me anything?  Absolutely not.  What matters in this life is my choices.  How I respond to a situation.  What my heart, my mind dwells upon.  Does my mind wallow in self-pity, resentment, or fear?  Or am I giving these thoughts, these anxieties over to my Savior?  We all know that He wants them, we are not to carry this burden. 

I've been letting thoughts rumble in my head with regards to writing a book about living in storms, living in deserts.  Life on earth is finite.  There are no second chances, no do-overs, no going back.  Even in the driest of days I desire to keep my heart lined with Jesus.  My eyes locked on His.  If I were to get to the end of my days and realize that I lived many of those years in fear, anxiety, anger, bitterness, or discontent then I know I would mourn my life.  What did I do with the time that He gave me?  It never states in the Bible that my life would be easy.  No.  It talks about the troubles, the storms, the pains.  But, the Lord is also amazing because He is constantly telling us, commanding us, to give Him the burden, to have faith.  And having faith is choosing a different response.  It is in effect, setting your mind to things that you or I cannot see right now.  The world preaches to me anxiety about finances.  The Lord tells me not to worry...."Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.  For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.  But seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you."  (Luke 12:29-31)  It's not even "maybe worry a bit about finances" it is simply DO NOT.  When I wake filled with fear about money my first response should be to seek the Lord.  Simply to seek Him, to pray to Him, to walk with Him.  The world tells me that I am a fool if I don't have this, that, or everything planned the way the world deems right. The Lord tells me..."The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1) 

So I pray.  I ask for faith even when I can't imagine faith.  I ask for hope, for plans to prosper, for abundance.   And I also ask that the Lord, my Savior, can use me, my life.  That I can be a light to others.  That these trials have not been in vain.  That He can take the grossness of life and turn it into beauty.  I don't want to live in doubt, but on the bedrock of faith.  In James it talks about how the doubter is tossed about in the sea driven by the wind. (James 1)  So, I cling to this verse..."If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain 'move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

My dear friends, I know that many of you are in places in life where life seems to be beating you down.  Where the thought of getting through today much less next week is simply daunting.   I pray that these words were ministering to you.  When I sat down to write this morning I wasn't sure what I was to say.  I knew it had to do with faith and perseverence, but I didn't really narrow it down...I just wrote.  I pray that these words give you hope.  That they bless you, that they strengthen your faith.  Our Lord is faithful.  He will stand by you in the fiercest storm.  He will hold your hand and help you walk.  Seek Him.  Let go of your anxieties, and choose to live intentional and full of purpose.  Choose to laugh, choose to cry.  Just live.  Live for Him, my friends.  He is good!  Alleluia to our Risen King!

Blessings friends.  I apologize for the lull in my journal.  I've been doing some thinking these past weeks and felt I needed to wait to write.  Will you continue to pray for our family?  I'd truly appreciate our family being lifted to throne of Jesus.

With love and gratitude,

Rachel

When I have painful scenarios, and "fires" to attend to, I've found itcan be difficult to embrace living in the present.  Somehow, a part of me feels as if I am entitled to feeling downcast, sullen, and worried.  I feel as if by living "normally" that I am ignoring the problems.  No, worse then that, part of me feels as if I don't deserve to be happy and joyful while in the midst of difficulty.  But, see, my friends, that's just a part.  A thought.   A thought that if left unchecked has the vicious potential to alter my mood so that I do live in misery and worry.  But, that is not how I'm called to live.  I'm called to be a child of the living God.  A vessel.  Not to live in the muck of this world.

So how does that relate to ambiguity?  When events are ambiguous there is no certain answer, no clear direction.  It's uncomfortable, even painful.  Our financial burdens have created an ambiguous filled atmopshere in our home.  There isn't the planning for retirement, there is only praying for today.  We live dependant upon our Lord.  Dependant and diligent.  And living in a place deemed ambiguous by the world.  I could choose to set my mind on the ambiguity, but most times I don't.  I refuse.  I choose to set my mind on Christ, on things not seen.  Looking at the ambiguity creates anxiety.  Scripture says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6)    I am to be anxious in nothing.  Even those ambiguous days of life.  When in those moments the trials of the world seek to swallow, I give them to my Savior.  Over, and over, and over.  And again.  The traces of restlessness  released  to my Lord.  He knows my needs and cares. 

How sad it would be if I "shut down" in the ambiguous times of life.  My kids and husband wouldn't have a mother present for them.  I'd miss the beauty surrounding every step.  In Proverbs it is written, "Watch your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23)  My heart, my heart, in part is my mind.  It is imparative that I keep a tab on the thoughts that rumble.  When I chose to let anxiety, enititlement, or worry rule my thoughts than I am not protecting my thoughts.  I am not setting my mind on things of Christ.  When, despite the circumstances I remain fixed and hopefully in Christ, I am guarding my mind, keeping it in check, and thus my outlook and demeanor in life.  And did you catch the second phrase of the Proverb?  "For from it (heart) flows the spring of life."  I can live fully even in the midst of trial.  I can be alive and present and hopefull. 

 May your eyes remain fixed on our Savior and may your mind rest in the knowledge of His love and faithfulness. Alelluia!

Rachel