....again.... It seems as if I might want to camp out in Chapters 3 and 4 for a bit.  I've been mulling over these words, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on..." (Philippians 3: 13b-14a) 

Life seems to be a journey in the desert right now. I've been comparing it to the 40 years that the Isrealites wandered in the desert before entering the promise land.  While there are no pressing trials, there are still thorns from years of fiscal struggle poking unrelentlessly, and life seems stagnant...almost still.  There's really no good option to pluck these thorns from our life, and yet I know they're there, and am reminded, at the most inopportune times, that they're there.  It's a battle with an overpowering opponent and I'm given no obvious and immediate weapon.  And despite it's potentially crushing weight I'm determined to live joyously and with victory.

So reading Paul's words encourages me to continue straining forward. The reality is that I'm not defined by these thorns, and that my Savior knows full well they are there.  He's heard my prayers for victory for years. The greatest defeat would be living bitter, scared, sullen and resentful.  At that point, my earthly trials would be trumping my eternal reward.  Where is the vision of hope and future? 

When the Israelites were wandering there had to have been a vision of hope. Hope that is less  self-centered, but more generational driven. After all, only the new generation was allowed to enter Israel. What would be the goal of walking and wandering for them if it was only based on their own life?  They'd never get the earthly reward.  However, there children, and their children's children, and on and on - would reap rewards for their faithfulness. Of pressing forward, of obedience, repentance, and listening to the Lord.  

Parallel that to my life, the vision needs to be not only mine, but also one for my children. A life vision rooted in the Lord. Living defeated and burdened by fiscal thorns that I can't attack now would, in a sense, rob my children of the parent that they need now.  I've had to learn to let go, to forget, and press forward.  Faithfully doing what I can to resolve issues, and if nothing can be done now, letting myself release any anxiety to the Lord.

I can't imagine how Paul felt.  Here he persecuted the very people that He was now working to bring to Christ.  I'm sure that it would be easy to allow guilt to plague his thoughts and slow his mission.  Imagine the weight of his errors, the lives lost.  And, yet, he allowed himself to move forward straining to a goal that is centered on Christ.  This life is hard.  I can truthfully tell you that.  I've spent my share of time being angry and questioning the love the Lord has for me.  And then, humbled by His amazing and undeserved love, I've been redeemed by His  grace - not of me - but from Him. Despite all the trials, losses, and defeats  He is still worthy of praise.  And not just a wimpy voice, but a surrendered life screaming "ALLELUIA!" 

So I press on.  Enjoying my son's sixth birthday today. Laughing with my children.  Praying to the Lord. Praising Him.  Forgetting.  And living a life of joy from Him.

Blessings friends,

Rachel