"Stop going in a circle!" my daughter yelled to her brother. Her baby brother kept crawling around her and crossing over the toy magazine that she was excitedly browsing. What is it about kids and running (or crawling) in a circle? Over and over. Is there something to be learned in that circle?
How many circles do we loop over and over? How many ruts have we found ourselves stuck in? We go round and round doing the same pattern, yet complaining that nothing has changed. It is easy to think about the future and attach with it the addendum that nothing will change. To allow the past events, past responses, past ideas to determine what will happen today, tomorrow, next year. We take the etched circle of past responses and events and superimpose it over our future.
But before we do that, perhaps we need to look at the circle, at the scratches of the past, and use that map to learn how to stop going in a circle. And then we shatter the circle and break out of that rhythm of disbelief. It is too easy to dismiss change as, "he's/she's/it's never changed in the past, how in the world will it change now?" But, the Lord doesn't want us spinning in a circle. In Romans he writes, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2) The world tells us that things won't change, and slaps our past mistakes and circles in our faces. The Lord tells us not to adopt the pattern of the world, but rather to renew our mind. Renewing our mind means challenging past circles and beliefs that have us frozen. Frozen in fear, disbelief, depression, anger, anxiety, and bitterness.
Paul writes, "...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable, if there is any exellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me -- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9) Are we practicing thinking and believing in God's truths when we believe that the past's circle is the only way? We need to boldly step out of the paradigm of past beliefs and move forward meditating and believing the truths of God. And we need to be in His Word. The Bible is full of truths, answers, and encoragement. In Psalm 1, the psalmist tells us a promise. "but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of waterthat yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." (Psalm 1:2-4) There's a promise in those verses, my friends! It states he meditates on the Lord's law, his truths, day and night. And what is the result? That he is like a tree by water...what he does prospers. And that promise is for us as well. We don't need to be rotating and dependant upon the past, we can be free to live in the now, in the future. We need to be at Jesus' feet in the morning and the night. We need to say, "no" to the thoughts that tell us that life won't change, that we are stuck, that it's too late.
These promises aren't only for us, but they are for our children. Think about the power of raising up a generation of children who are able to recognize the trap of living based upon past circular ruts and mistakes! We can teach our children to recognize mistakes, but not be bound be mistakes. We can empower them to rebuke the traps of the world, the traps that can keep them spinning. We can equip them with Scriptures, and emphasize and example the power of being in the Word of Christ. And by living, believing, and having faith that the Lord is in control, that He has plans for us. Plans to prosper us!
Hold to these truths! Look at your life...is there a circle that you are stuck in? Boldly pray that the Lord will give you the courage and the steps to break out. Meditate on His truths. Have faith! He is an amazing God!
"I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith."
What's a good fight?
Faith. For years I've blogged about faith. And now, tonight, I return to talking about faith. In the above verse faith is something to be kept. So often it is easy to look as faith as an inanimate action, a goal to obtain. When, in reality, faith is something that needs to be continuously nurtured. Maintained. Faith, for me, is an action. It is choosing to look beyond the current circumstances of life. It is in believing that there is more, that God is in control. It is crying out to the Lord pleading for faith to believe. It is releasing anxiety and replacing it with trust. And it is living a life of joy in whatever circumstances.
But how in the world does one keep the faith? Especially in a world that preaches self, floods us with anxiety, and where hardships are the normal. Take for example the "self-talk" that saturates our society. The Lord desires that we cast our cares on Him. The world tells us to solve the problem on our own. The world preaches self-empowerment. The Bible tells us to live by faith. Does that mean doing nothing? Absolutely not. It does mean living a life that is dependent upon the Lord AND using the talents that He has blessed us with. Think of the Parable of the Talents. The individual who hid his talents was a disgrace to His master. Our Lord blesses us with a multitude of talents and gifts to use. As a homeschooling mother I need to rise up and lean upon the Lord every day. Every hour. He sustains me...through prayer and faith I can move forward with my day with a heart of peace. There is something freeing in the act of releasing anxiety and worry to the Father. The anxiety is at His feet thus freeing me up to look at the problem objectively.
In my life, our finances are still daunting and difficult. It would be so easy for me to give up, to throw in the towel, to not care. Oh, how alluring the idea of not caring can be. If I didn't care, then I wouldn't hurt. But fighting a good fight means caring even when there is pain. Fighting means keeping the faith...and in this case faith that the Lord will provide, that these trials will end, and that there will be victory...despite the world telling me that we have lost. The Lord doesn't want us to live in a place of loss. Through Him we are victorious, my friends!
And there is NO SHAME. I'll say it again...there is NO SHAME in Christ. For years the struggles of finances wore my spirit down and I began to feel intense shame. And so I hid. I didn't discuss the pain and ache. But, several weeks before Todd was diagnosed with cancer I knew I was to release the mask and talk. So for three years now I've talked. And I've healed. And others have come forward and dropped the shame, the masks, that they were clinging to. So I talk about the struggles, I talk about how I desire to lean on the Lord, and how I want to fight. And fighting is what I am doing. I will not back down and let this world determine my hope. My hope is in the Lord! He is good!
As you journey forward in life, keep up the shield of faith. In Ephesians it is written that the shield of faith will "extinguish the fiery darts of the evil one." Hold your shield high. Lean on Christ. Keep up the fight!
I can't figure out a title for this post. Normally, I sit down, type a title and start journaling. However, I can't think of a title. I know that I should journal, that I should blog, and yet I can't think how to begin. Isn't that ironic? In life there are end destinations that we want, we know the path, yet beginning seems complex. How do we start? How do we move on when we don't know how?
Lately there have been events in life that have left relationships unsettled. I've been doing hours of self-examination. Hours of prayer and trying to understand how to move forward in life when where I am starting is a place that is, well, uncomfortable. Does that even make sense? It's almost as if I have been given a map with directions, yet the directions are starting from the destination. Or almost to the desitination.
Both Todd and I have been really praying about purpose and passion in life. As I had blogged previously (can you believe it has been that long?) I've had increasing clarity with regards to the value of time. We only have one life to live. And in that life there are a set number of hours, days, minutes, and even seconds. Not one more, not one less. Those precious moments need to be guarded. I am to be a steward of my time. Just as I train my children to be a steward of their possessions, I also need to train them and myself to be a steward of the time the Lord has given me. When the time is gone, this earthly life, this time will be finished. How do I want to live? Do I want to spend my life on this earth in places of bitterness, anxiety, anger, or despair? Despair and bitterness. What fruit do they produce? When I look at my time, in order to guard it, I need to keep my emotions in check. If bitterness creeps in, it needs to be snuffed out. How sad it would be to use up time wallowing in despair. Now, please keep in mind that despair is different than sadness and grief. There is a time for sadness, a place for grief. But, if left unchecked, again life can cease to move. Instead of being productive, I become stuck.
Life has certainly taught me that there truly is not much that is certain. When Todd was diagnosed with cancer people would ask me, "why? why would this happen?" I don't know. Is there an answer to why? Truly? I could spend time desparately searching for an answer for why...and yet never come to an answer. Do I know the results of his next screening in May? No. What I do know is that I have time now. Time with him. Time with my children. Time with my friends. And this time I want to spend living wise, living joyful, living as the daughter of the King. My King, Jesus.
It's interesting that when I look at time as a precious commodity I undergo a paradigm shift with regards to daily living. No longer is it a chore to make dinner, rather a joy, an honor. I enjoy my children much more. Their laughter, their tears, their joys, and their sorrows. God has gifted them to me for a time. I desire to be a steward and use that time to His glory. It's also quite convicting to me with regards to how I spend my day. Am I using this day wisely? Or am I allowing externals to dictate my mood and my time? It's difficult to recognize that there are situations in life where no is the answer. I tend to like everything to be fixed, as if in a nicely wrapped present. But, there are also moments, times, in life where there is no neatness, no present. And in that mess, I still need to be wise. My children are young...once. That is it. There are no do-overs, no back tracks, nothing. This is their childhood. I want them to remember their mom as engaged and joyful. If I allow events and negativity to creep into my demeanor then that in turn creeps into my children's day. No longer is the atmosphere in my home that of joy, but rather anxiety. And what I've discovered is that I need to intentionally examine how my time, and thus where my thoughts and energies are placed.
About two years ago, a counselor friend of mine discussed the story of Joseph with me. He asked me, "how did Joseph keep himself moving, himself motivated, while in the pits of Egypt's dungeons?" I remember thinking how in Sunday School the length of time that Joseph spent in jail is truly never discussed. Wasn't it like twenty years? Can you imagine? What I learned that day was that Joseph had faith in a future that didn't match the present reality. He believed, he had faith...knowing without seeing...that he had a purpose beyond the cell. Do I think every day was easy there? Absolutely not. But, I do believe he had faith in his calling. Faith to rise in the morning. Faith to continue believing. Living conscious of time is living in faith for me. Even though my life is difficult now, I have faith in my future, and because I have faith I desire to live to the fullest today...thus cherishing and valueing the time my Lord has blessed me with.
Friends, my prayer for you is that you are aware of the great gift, the commodity of time that our Lord has blessed you with. I pray that you recognize if you are wallowing in places where you shouldn't. And then, that you are able to redirect your energy, refocus your time.
I wish I could tell you that I would be this once a week blogger. I've been praying for quite a while about journaling and wasn't even sure if I should continue blogging. But, lately, I've felt as if it is important that I do journal...it helps process the stuff inside. So, in that spirit, thank you for being willing readers of a sporadic blogger!
These past weeks have been challenging. There have been many events where I've found myself in this place of disbelief, fear, or anxiety. Life has thrown some new curveballs, and even though I've blogged about faith I've still found mine tested and stretched.
Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. If there was a scorecard on fairness I'm sure most of us would believe that ours was in the red. I've spent many hours grumbling about how this world has ripped me off. But, seriously, is the world entitled to give me anything? Absolutely not. What matters in this life is my choices. How I respond to a situation. What my heart, my mind dwells upon. Does my mind wallow in self-pity, resentment, or fear? Or am I giving these thoughts, these anxieties over to my Savior? We all know that He wants them, we are not to carry this burden.
I've been letting thoughts rumble in my head with regards to writing a book about living in storms, living in deserts. Life on earth is finite. There are no second chances, no do-overs, no going back. Even in the driest of days I desire to keep my heart lined with Jesus. My eyes locked on His. If I were to get to the end of my days and realize that I lived many of those years in fear, anxiety, anger, bitterness, or discontent then I know I would mourn my life. What did I do with the time that He gave me? It never states in the Bible that my life would be easy. No. It talks about the troubles, the storms, the pains. But, the Lord is also amazing because He is constantly telling us, commanding us, to give Him the burden, to have faith. And having faith is choosing a different response. It is in effect, setting your mind to things that you or I cannot see right now. The world preaches to me anxiety about finances. The Lord tells me not to worry...."Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. But seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you." (Luke 12:29-31) It's not even "maybe worry a bit about finances" it is simply DO NOT. When I wake filled with fear about money my first response should be to seek the Lord. Simply to seek Him, to pray to Him, to walk with Him. The world tells me that I am a fool if I don't have this, that, or everything planned the way the world deems right. The Lord tells me..."The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)
So I pray. I ask for faith even when I can't imagine faith. I ask for hope, for plans to prosper, for abundance. And I also ask that the Lord, my Savior, can use me, my life. That I can be a light to others. That these trials have not been in vain. That He can take the grossness of life and turn it into beauty. I don't want to live in doubt, but on the bedrock of faith. In James it talks about how the doubter is tossed about in the sea driven by the wind. (James 1) So, I cling to this verse..."If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain 'move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)
My dear friends, I know that many of you are in places in life where life seems to be beating you down. Where the thought of getting through today much less next week is simply daunting. I pray that these words were ministering to you. When I sat down to write this morning I wasn't sure what I was to say. I knew it had to do with faith and perseverence, but I didn't really narrow it down...I just wrote. I pray that these words give you hope. That they bless you, that they strengthen your faith. Our Lord is faithful. He will stand by you in the fiercest storm. He will hold your hand and help you walk. Seek Him. Let go of your anxieties, and choose to live intentional and full of purpose. Choose to laugh, choose to cry. Just live. Live for Him, my friends. He is good! Alleluia to our Risen King!
Blessings friends. I apologize for the lull in my journal. I've been doing some thinking these past weeks and felt I needed to wait to write. Will you continue to pray for our family? I'd truly appreciate our family being lifted to throne of Jesus.
My journal about letting go, seeking Christ, choosing to believe, resting in faith and how that integrates with daily life. Life with now six beautiful children, one devoted husband, and myself with all of my dreams.
