....again.... It seems as if I might want to camp out in Chapters 3 and 4 for a bit.  I've been mulling over these words, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on..." (Philippians 3: 13b-14a) 

Life seems to be a journey in the desert right now. I've been comparing it to the 40 years that the Isrealites wandered in the desert before entering the promise land.  While there are no pressing trials, there are still thorns from years of fiscal struggle poking unrelentlessly, and life seems stagnant...almost still.  There's really no good option to pluck these thorns from our life, and yet I know they're there, and am reminded, at the most inopportune times, that they're there.  It's a battle with an overpowering opponent and I'm given no obvious and immediate weapon.  And despite it's potentially crushing weight I'm determined to live joyously and with victory.

So reading Paul's words encourages me to continue straining forward. The reality is that I'm not defined by these thorns, and that my Savior knows full well they are there.  He's heard my prayers for victory for years. The greatest defeat would be living bitter, scared, sullen and resentful.  At that point, my earthly trials would be trumping my eternal reward.  Where is the vision of hope and future? 

When the Israelites were wandering there had to have been a vision of hope. Hope that is less  self-centered, but more generational driven. After all, only the new generation was allowed to enter Israel. What would be the goal of walking and wandering for them if it was only based on their own life?  They'd never get the earthly reward.  However, there children, and their children's children, and on and on - would reap rewards for their faithfulness. Of pressing forward, of obedience, repentance, and listening to the Lord.  

Parallel that to my life, the vision needs to be not only mine, but also one for my children. A life vision rooted in the Lord. Living defeated and burdened by fiscal thorns that I can't attack now would, in a sense, rob my children of the parent that they need now.  I've had to learn to let go, to forget, and press forward.  Faithfully doing what I can to resolve issues, and if nothing can be done now, letting myself release any anxiety to the Lord.

I can't imagine how Paul felt.  Here he persecuted the very people that He was now working to bring to Christ.  I'm sure that it would be easy to allow guilt to plague his thoughts and slow his mission.  Imagine the weight of his errors, the lives lost.  And, yet, he allowed himself to move forward straining to a goal that is centered on Christ.  This life is hard.  I can truthfully tell you that.  I've spent my share of time being angry and questioning the love the Lord has for me.  And then, humbled by His amazing and undeserved love, I've been redeemed by His  grace - not of me - but from Him. Despite all the trials, losses, and defeats  He is still worthy of praise.  And not just a wimpy voice, but a surrendered life screaming "ALLELUIA!" 

So I press on.  Enjoying my son's sixth birthday today. Laughing with my children.  Praying to the Lord. Praising Him.  Forgetting.  And living a life of joy from Him.

Blessings friends,

Rachel

For the past week the skies have been overcast.  The sun, while still underneath the cloud's blanket, seems to be a thing of the past.  My three year old, confused, will ask me, "momma, is it really morning now?" because there has been no cheery morning sunshine lighting his room.

The lack of the sun wears us out.  Moods seem a bit shorter, and tiredness has crept into my family's day.  My five year old moaned this morning because it was "yucky" outside again today.  The days creep by, and we all seem a bit more agitated.  Exhausted.  Where is the light?

It's become difficult to manage time these past couple days.  I've been excessively busy with outside commitments (which I discussed in the previous post), and on top of it, have been trying to deal with the fatigue that I feel when I don't get my daily vitamin D source.  But, despite the physical tiredness, I feel mentally alive and alert.  And that is not from myself, that is from the Father.  When He fills me with His hope and Word, then I can move forward alive and full of life. 

There are seasons where everything is dark and dismal.  Perhaps it's finances, or a relationship, or health, or just general exhaustion with life.  During those times if the only source of strength is self - then I became quickly discouraged and as Brennan stated "yucky."  Still it is difficult in the midst of trials to look beyond the present reality and set of circumstances.  Society and human nature can apply pressures to our lives at an unrelenting pace.  After awhile, our view of the future can be tainted a dismal and cloudy gray. 

Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,

for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

and you wil find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

In the NIV I believe labor is replaced with the word - weary.  Oh, how true those words of Jesus are for us today.  As wives and mothers, we labor endlessly.  Our work doesn't cease when the skies of life become overcast, no...we press forward.  And yet, after awhile, the yoke of the world wears us out.  We allow the agitation of reality to sink into our souls.  There is no rest when our spirit is overcast! 

Jesus tells us to come to Him.   In Him is true rest.  I always chuckle when I think about a yoke being called easy.  When is it easy to be constrained?  But, when I read these words I don't picture life with Jesus being constrained...rather in yoking myself to my Savior I imagine and know that there is real freedom.  Freedom in the midst of overcast and weary days. 

Who knows when the skies here will finally part and the sun will shine.  I know it's under there, waiting to shine.  I have faith that there will be sun again.  I also have faith that our Savior is always there, wanting us to release our fears and anxieties to Him and that He will give rest.  A rest that cannot be found in self or in this world, but a rest that is sweet and peaceful...in any weather.

Blessings,

Rachel

It's snowing today.  The snow has been falling since this morning. It's been coming down at a steady clip.  My driveway was covered with snow.  Heavy snow at the end, left by the plow.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful neighbor who will plow our driveway on these heavy snow days. However, there are still areas that need to be shoveled.  Sidewalks, the mailbox area, the edge of the driveway.  I'm not exempt from the work.

I have to shovel.  Well, I don't have to, but the mess of a driveway that is left behind would be a hindrance to our family. I'd be avoiding work now, and yet would be creating more work for the future.  Getting the snow off then would be exponentially harder.   I need to be diligent about constantly removing the snow.  I can't shovel once in December and hope it holds till March.  I need to keep shoveling, keep removing.  And, not only that, but I need to constantly work on chipping away at the hard snow and ice that has packed onto our driveway.

As I was shoveling, I was thinking about my last entry about the Suburban.  (Which, thankfully, is working right now.   It was simply a loose connection.) I was mulling over where my lifeline is connected and why it jiggles loose at times.  And, while I was pondering connections, I was pounding  the hard snow caked onto my driveway.  And then I realized that not only does my connection to the Lord need to be tight and firm, but I also need to make sure that there's not packed snow...ie strongholds, regrets, fears, bitterness, etc...that could cause me to slip.

Sometimes the thoughts and actions that can hold us back are buried so deep.  It's easy to brush off light powdery snow, but that hard stuff on the bottom takes work.  Hard, hard work.  There are lies that have become so imbedded in who I am that it involves persistent work to uncover them and destory them.  Lies that involve shame...there's no place in a daughter of the Lord's for shame. Years ago I wrote about the lie, it doesn't matter , on my blog.  I've had to be aware, vigilant, about exposing that lie.  If I didn't give it over to my Lord then it would begin to harden and solidify.  The fallacy of "it doesn't matter" would begin to wear down my heart and loosen the connection to our Lord. You see there are many times were actions and responses to the now and future are determined by these deep lies or hurts that are secured to our heart from the past. 

Heat melts the snow.  Heat from the sun, heat from the friction, heat from the force needed to chip away at rock hard ice.  When we read His Word, and pray about being set free from the lies that hold us back we are applying heat.  We are replacing the fears and lies with His truth.  His truth that builds us with hope.

It can be easy to pretend that we are okay, that nothing is holding us back.  When snow first falls it looks beautiful.  Yet, underneath that blanket of whiteness can be a layer of slippery ice.  One mistep, and you've fallen.  Work at shoveling away the barriers that hold you back.  Work, and better than that, rely on Christ to be there with you.  He wants me, He wants you, He wants us to live a life of freedom!  Remember...with Christ we can do more than we ever could imagine that we could do ourselves.  The song, "You Raise Me Up" just came on our radio.  "I am strong when I am on Your shoulders....You raise me up to more than I can be."  Our Lord, our powerful Lord, can lift us up, can free us, and can make our path right.  With Him we have the strength to pick up the shovel once again and start working.  To have faith when the world tells us we should have none.  To not listen to the lie of "it doesn't matter." He is our strength! 

Keep chipping away, keep leaning on Him.  The great thing about living a life for Him is the freedom that can be found in the midst of the greatest storms.  No matter how hard the snow, the rain, the storm, there can be peace.  Peace given to us from Him.

The Bible verse from Romans before is taken from my daughter, Grace's, Bible.  I love this verse.  I think this translation beautifully reminds us to examine our hearts...to chip away at lies of the world...and to be transformed in Him.  It reminds us to regularly examine our hearts, looking for lies, and to surrender to the truth found in our Savior.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world,

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Then you will learn to know God's will for you,

which is good and pleasing and perfect."

Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Blessings,

Rachel

Yesterday, I took the tree down.  It was shedding like crazy, the green was fading, and several lights were no longer working.  The ornaments were all moved, many of them finding their way to the upper portion of the tree due to my little ones curiousity. 

Every year I look forward to taking the tree down.  It's not because I don't like Christmas, in reality I love Christmas.  But taking the tree represents a new beginning to me.  A fresh year, a clean slate.  When I'm setting up the tree I'm remembering.  Remembering the year.  The good times, the bad, the struggles, and the joys.  And when I'm taking down the ornaments I'm letting go of the memories that hold me back.  For in some ways, I have a new start.

Nothing really changes...physically.  I still have the same financial crunches, scheduling issues, and daily life struggles.  Yet, somewhere, my mindset switches.  As my hands work to pack away the decorations my mind clears.  As I let go of the year past I begin to look forward to the year to come.  I start to anticipate the Lord's plans for this year, and realize the necessity of living for Him. 

It's hard.  Just yesterday I found myself overwhelmed with fear and worry over finances.  It's such a struggle to live abundantly and joyfully when the true and real pressures of the world squeeze in on all directions.  It seems like it would be so easy if everything was perfect.  But this world, this temporary home is simply not perfect.  There's sin.  And because of that strugggles and pain.  In the midst of all of that I desire to live alive and joyful.  But how?  How do you balance trials and joy?  In Hebrews 12:1 is states, "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entagles, and let us run with pereverance the race marked out for us."  With perseverence.  When you run, especially a long run, it burns.  Your legs want to stop, your lungs are begging for air...and yet you continue to run.  When the trials of the world overwhelm, then doubt creeps in.  Doubt and questioning about the future.  And when that happens, my "legs" want to stop, to give up.  That anxiety and fear needs to be cast aside, for that hinders the perseverance.  And the only way to cast it off, to let it go, is to surrender my fears to the Lord.   It would be so much simpler to simply give up, to let go.  Living for Christ is about pressing on, looking to Him, praying and releasing fears to Him.  Pressing on requires throwing off those ornaments of pain, hardship and doubt and running despite the ache to quit.

Yesterday, while I was putting the ornaments away, it would have been easy to become stuck remembering the hard times of the past year.  Those memories could easily have defined my outlook on today and the year to come.  I am to look to Christ for my future, to look to Him, to trust and have faith. To live joyfully now. 

Keep looking up---

The waves that roar around your feet,

Jehovah-Jireh will defeat

When looking up.

Keep looking up--

Though darkness seems to wrap your soul;

The Light of Light will fill your soul

When looking up.

Keep looking up--

When worn, distracted with the fight;

Your Captain gives you conquering might

When you look up.

(Streams in the Desert, pg.139-140)

May this be a year of looking up. 

Rachel

First off, I am simply humbled to be named Homeschool Blogger of the Week.  My blogging journey started three years ago under difficult circumstances.  In the winter of 2005-2006 I began journaling on Caringbridge about my husband's cancer treatment.  What started out as an update journal developed into an indepth and very real heart shot of me and my relationship with God.  There were many questions, much rawness, and throughout all of it I began to feel the hand of God in the midst of a turbulent time.  My journal began to be read by others, others who, like me, were caught in a life that made little sense to them.  I was desperately trying to understand God in the middle of a storm.  So, when treatment was finished, and after his first three month check-up I knew I didn't want to stop journaling.  And I had many requests to continue my journal.  I had never done anything like that before.  I homeschooled (and still do) so I turned to Homeschool Blogger.  And my friends followed.  And I've made new friends.  I wish that I was the consistent blogger like so many of you are.  I try.  But life happens, new babies happen, there are struggles, and time management.  When I do blog, my mind begins to think clearer, almost as if in the act of writing the fog of the days prior slowly dissapates.  And throughout it all I continued to write about life and God.  About faith.  About discouragement, and struggles.  But really about hope.  And lately...joy.

I thought I'd share a bit of who I was with you to give you some more insight into this blog.  I've always wanted to have one of those cool homemaking blogs full of tips and tricks.  And yet, everytime I sit down to work on one like that I feel the Lord calling me to continue writing here.  And to be real.  Raw at times.  But truly real.  I tell you about my life, about my struggles so that just maybe my words offer hope, joy and encouragment to you.

I wrote this three years ago on Caringbridge (www.caringbridge.org/visit/toddemartin):

"Stop going in a circle!"  my daughter yelled to her brother.  Her baby brother kept crawling around her and crossing over the toy magazine that she was excitedly browsing.  What is it about kids and running (or crawling) in a circle?  Over and over.   Is there something to be learned in that circle?

How many circles do we loop over and over?  How many ruts have we found ourselves stuck in?  We go round and round doing the same pattern, yet complaining that nothing has changed.   It is easy to think about the future and attach with it the addendum that nothing will change.  To allow the past events, past responses, past ideas to determine what will happen today, tomorrow, next year.  We take the etched circle of past responses and events and superimpose it over our future.

But before we do that, perhaps we need to look at the circle, at the scratches of the past, and use that map to learn how to stop going in a circle. And then we shatter the circle and break out of that rhythm of disbelief.  It is too easy to dismiss change as, "he's/she's/it's never changed in the past, how in the world will it change now?"  But, the Lord doesn't want us spinning in a circle.  In Romans he writes, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  (Romans 12:2)  The world tells us that things won't change, and slaps our past mistakes and circles in our faces.  The Lord tells us not to adopt the pattern of the world, but rather to renew our mind.  Renewing our mind means challenging past circles and beliefs that have us frozen.  Frozen in fear, disbelief, depression, anger, anxiety, and bitterness.

Paul writes, "...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable, if there is any exellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me -- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."  (Philippians 4:8-9)  Are we practicing thinking and believing in God's truths when we believe that the past's circle is the only way?  We need to boldly step out of the paradigm of past beliefs and move forward meditating and believing the truths of God.  And we need to be in His Word.   The Bible is full of truths, answers, and encoragement.  In Psalm 1, the psalmist tells us a promise.  "but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of waterthat yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  In all that he does, he prospers."  (Psalm 1:2-4)    There's a promise in those verses, my friends!  It states he meditates on the Lord's law, his truths, day and night.  And what is the result?  That he is like a tree by water...what he does prospers.  And that promise is for us as well.  We don't need to be rotating and dependant upon the past, we can be free to live in the now, in the future.  We need to be at Jesus' feet in the morning and the night.  We need to say, "no" to the thoughts that tell us that life won't change, that we are stuck, that it's too late.

These promises aren't only for us, but they are for our children.  Think about the power of raising up a generation of children who are able to recognize the trap of living based upon past circular ruts and mistakes!  We can teach our children to recognize mistakes, but not be bound be mistakes.  We can empower them to rebuke the traps of the world, the traps that can keep them spinning.  We can equip them with Scriptures, and emphasize and example the power of being in the Word of Christ.  And by living, believing, and having faith that the Lord is in control, that He has plans for us.  Plans to prosper us! 

Hold to these truths!  Look at your life...is there a circle that you are stuck in?  Boldly pray that the Lord will give you the courage and the steps to break out.  Meditate on His truths.  Have faith!  He is an amazing God!

Rachel

"I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith."

What's a good fight?

Faith.  For years I've blogged about faith.  And now, tonight, I return to talking about faith.  In the above verse faith is something to be kept.  So often it is easy to look as faith as an inanimate action, a goal to obtain.  When, in reality, faith is something that needs to be continuously nurtured.  Maintained.  Faith, for me, is an action.  It is choosing to look beyond the current circumstances of life.  It is in believing that there is more, that God is in control.  It is crying out to the Lord pleading for faith to believe.  It is releasing anxiety and replacing it with trust.  And it is living a life of joy in whatever circumstances.

But how in the world does one keep the faith?  Especially in a world that preaches self, floods us with anxiety, and where hardships are the normal.  Take for example the "self-talk" that saturates our society. The Lord desires that we cast our cares on Him.  The world tells us to solve the problem on our own.  The world preaches self-empowerment.  The Bible tells us to live by faith.  Does that mean doing nothing?  Absolutely not.  It does mean living a life that is dependent upon the Lord AND using the talents that He has blessed us with.  Think of the Parable of the Talents.  The individual who hid his talents was a disgrace to His master.  Our Lord blesses us with a multitude of talents and gifts to use.  As a homeschooling mother I need to rise up and lean upon the Lord every day.  Every hour.  He sustains me...through prayer and faith I can move forward with my day with a heart of peace.  There is something freeing in the act of releasing anxiety and worry to the Father.  The anxiety is at His feet thus freeing me up to look at the problem objectively. 

In my life, our finances are still daunting and difficult.  It would be so easy for me to give up, to throw in the towel, to not care.  Oh, how alluring the idea of not caring can be.  If I didn't care, then I wouldn't hurt.  But fighting a good fight means caring even when there is pain.  Fighting means keeping the faith...and in this case faith that the Lord will provide, that these trials will end, and that there will be victory...despite the world telling me that we have lost.   The Lord doesn't want us to live in a place of loss.  Through Him we are victorious, my friends! 

And there is NO SHAME.  I'll say it again...there is NO SHAME in Christ.  For years the struggles of finances wore my spirit down and I began to feel intense shame.  And so I hid.  I didn't discuss the pain and ache.  But, several weeks before Todd was diagnosed with cancer I knew I was to release the mask and talk.  So for three years now I've talked.  And I've healed.  And others have come forward and dropped the shame, the masks, that they were clinging to.  So I talk about the struggles, I talk about how I desire to lean on the Lord, and how I want to fight.  And fighting is what I am doing.  I will not back down and let this world determine my hope.  My hope is in the Lord!  He is good!

As you journey forward in life, keep up the shield of faith.  In Ephesians it is written that the shield of faith will "extinguish the fiery darts of the evil one."  Hold your shield high.  Lean on Christ. Keep up the fight! 

There is hope. There is victory.

Blessings,

Rachel

I can't figure out a title for this post.  Normally, I sit down, type a title and start journaling.  However, I can't think of a title.  I know that I should journal, that I should blog, and yet I can't think how to begin.  Isn't that ironic?  In life there are end destinations that we want, we know the path, yet beginning seems complex.  How do we start?  How do we move on when we don't know how?

Lately there have been events in life that have left relationships unsettled.  I've been doing hours of self-examination.  Hours of prayer and trying to understand how to move forward in life when where I am starting is a place that is, well, uncomfortable.  Does that even make sense?  It's almost as if I have been given a map with directions, yet the directions are starting from the destination.  Or almost to the desitination. 

Both Todd and I have been really praying about purpose and passion in life.  As I had blogged previously (can you believe it has been that long?) I've had increasing clarity with regards to the value of time.  We only have one life to live.  And in that life there are a set number of hours, days, minutes, and even seconds.  Not one more, not one less.  Those precious moments need to be guarded.  I am to be a steward of my time.  Just as I train my children to be a steward of their possessions, I also need to train them and myself to be a steward of the time the Lord has given me.  When the time is gone, this earthly life, this time will be finished.  How do I want to live?  Do I want to spend my life on this earth in places of bitterness, anxiety, anger, or despair?  Despair and bitterness.  What fruit do they produce?  When I look at my time, in order to guard it, I need to keep my emotions in check.  If bitterness creeps in, it needs to be snuffed out.  How sad it would be to use up time wallowing in despair.  Now, please keep in mind that despair is different than sadness and grief.  There is a time for sadness, a place for grief.  But, if left unchecked, again life can cease to move.  Instead of being productive, I become stuck.

Life has certainly taught me that there truly is not much that is certain.  When Todd was diagnosed with cancer people would ask me, "why? why would this happen?"  I don't know.  Is there an answer to why?  Truly?  I could spend time desparately searching for an answer for why...and yet never come to an answer.  Do I know the results of his next screening in May?  No.  What I do know is that I have time now.  Time with him.  Time with my children.  Time with my friends.  And this time I want to spend living wise, living joyful, living as the daughter of the King.  My King, Jesus. 

It's interesting that when I look at time as a precious commodity I undergo a paradigm shift with regards to daily living.  No longer is it a chore to make dinner, rather a joy, an honor.  I enjoy my children much more.  Their laughter, their tears, their joys, and their sorrows.  God has gifted them to me for a time.  I desire to be a steward and use that time to His glory.  It's also quite convicting to me with regards to how I spend my day.  Am I using this day wisely?  Or am I allowing externals to dictate my mood and my time?  It's difficult to recognize that there are situations in life where no is the answer.  I tend to like everything to be fixed, as if in a nicely wrapped present.  But, there are also moments, times, in life where there is no neatness, no present.  And in that mess, I still need to be wise.  My children are young...once.  That is it.  There are no do-overs, no back tracks, nothing.  This is their childhood.  I want them to remember their mom as engaged and joyful.  If I allow events and negativity to creep into my demeanor then that in turn creeps into my children's day.  No longer is the atmosphere in my home that of joy, but rather anxiety.  And what I've discovered is that I need to intentionally examine how my time, and thus where my thoughts and energies are placed. 

About two years ago, a counselor friend of mine discussed the story of Joseph with me.  He asked me, "how did Joseph keep himself moving, himself motivated, while in the pits of Egypt's dungeons?"  I remember thinking how in Sunday School the length of time that Joseph spent in jail is truly never discussed.  Wasn't it like twenty years?  Can you imagine?  What I learned that day was that Joseph had faith in a future that didn't match the present reality.  He believed, he had faith...knowing without seeing...that he had a purpose beyond the cell.  Do I think every day was easy there? Absolutely not.  But, I do believe he had faith in his calling.  Faith to rise in the morning.  Faith to continue believing.  Living conscious of time is living in faith for me.  Even though my life is difficult now, I have faith in my future, and because I have faith I desire to live to the fullest today...thus cherishing and valueing the time my Lord has blessed me with. 

Friends, my prayer for you is that you are aware of the great gift, the commodity of time that our Lord has blessed you with.  I pray that you recognize if you are wallowing in places where you shouldn't. And then, that you are able to redirect your energy, refocus your time. 

I wish I could tell you that I would be this once a week blogger.  I've been praying for quite a while about journaling and wasn't even sure if I should continue blogging.  But, lately, I've felt as if it is important that I do journal...it helps process the stuff inside.  So, in that spirit, thank you for being willing readers of a sporadic blogger!

(I've figured out my title....It's about Time...)

Blessings to you!

Rachel

These past weeks have been challenging.  There have been many events where I've found myself in this place of disbelief, fear, or anxiety.  Life has thrown some new curveballs, and even though I've blogged about faith I've still found mine tested and stretched. 

Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair.   If there was a scorecard on fairness I'm sure most of us would believe that ours was in the red.  I've spent many hours grumbling about how this world has ripped me off.  But, seriously, is the world entitled to give me anything?  Absolutely not.  What matters in this life is my choices.  How I respond to a situation.  What my heart, my mind dwells upon.  Does my mind wallow in self-pity, resentment, or fear?  Or am I giving these thoughts, these anxieties over to my Savior?  We all know that He wants them, we are not to carry this burden. 

I've been letting thoughts rumble in my head with regards to writing a book about living in storms, living in deserts.  Life on earth is finite.  There are no second chances, no do-overs, no going back.  Even in the driest of days I desire to keep my heart lined with Jesus.  My eyes locked on His.  If I were to get to the end of my days and realize that I lived many of those years in fear, anxiety, anger, bitterness, or discontent then I know I would mourn my life.  What did I do with the time that He gave me?  It never states in the Bible that my life would be easy.  No.  It talks about the troubles, the storms, the pains.  But, the Lord is also amazing because He is constantly telling us, commanding us, to give Him the burden, to have faith.  And having faith is choosing a different response.  It is in effect, setting your mind to things that you or I cannot see right now.  The world preaches to me anxiety about finances.  The Lord tells me not to worry...."Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.  For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.  But seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you."  (Luke 12:29-31)  It's not even "maybe worry a bit about finances" it is simply DO NOT.  When I wake filled with fear about money my first response should be to seek the Lord.  Simply to seek Him, to pray to Him, to walk with Him.  The world tells me that I am a fool if I don't have this, that, or everything planned the way the world deems right. The Lord tells me..."The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1) 

So I pray.  I ask for faith even when I can't imagine faith.  I ask for hope, for plans to prosper, for abundance.   And I also ask that the Lord, my Savior, can use me, my life.  That I can be a light to others.  That these trials have not been in vain.  That He can take the grossness of life and turn it into beauty.  I don't want to live in doubt, but on the bedrock of faith.  In James it talks about how the doubter is tossed about in the sea driven by the wind. (James 1)  So, I cling to this verse..."If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain 'move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

My dear friends, I know that many of you are in places in life where life seems to be beating you down.  Where the thought of getting through today much less next week is simply daunting.   I pray that these words were ministering to you.  When I sat down to write this morning I wasn't sure what I was to say.  I knew it had to do with faith and perseverence, but I didn't really narrow it down...I just wrote.  I pray that these words give you hope.  That they bless you, that they strengthen your faith.  Our Lord is faithful.  He will stand by you in the fiercest storm.  He will hold your hand and help you walk.  Seek Him.  Let go of your anxieties, and choose to live intentional and full of purpose.  Choose to laugh, choose to cry.  Just live.  Live for Him, my friends.  He is good!  Alleluia to our Risen King!

Blessings friends.  I apologize for the lull in my journal.  I've been doing some thinking these past weeks and felt I needed to wait to write.  Will you continue to pray for our family?  I'd truly appreciate our family being lifted to throne of Jesus.

With love and gratitude,

Rachel