Day Three:  Husband Encouragement Challenge

One of my favorite things about Sunday Worship is sittin’ next to my husband, because I get the chance to hear the most wonderful sound on earth...my husband’s singin’.  It isn’t because his falsetto is perfect, nor is it because he’s got a fabulous range for a tenor or bass.  Truth be told, my husband can’t carry a tune in a bucket.

I don’t care, his singin’ is precious to me.

When we first began attendin’ church, Carl would not sing.  He would stand there, reverent, but he would not sing.  I love singin’, it’s one of my favorite past times.  I sing all day everyday and worship through singin’ just really makes my heart reach for God in a way that nothin’ else can.  While I understood his self-consciousness, a part of me was sad that the joy of liftin’ our hearts together in song before the Lord was somethin’ that we would not share.  I never pressed him on it, I just let him enjoy the musical worship in his own way.

As time passed though, and as God worked in Carl on many different things, I noticed from time to time, he would maybe mouth the words.  Then I would hear the slightest bit of sound comin’ forth from his locked up vocal cords.  I learned real quick not to look at him, even with a smile, because he would immediately get embarrassed and clam up, but inside my heart was doin’ a jig before the Lord!

Today, I couldn’t suppress my smile though, hearin’ my husband’s boomin’ off-key, at times off-beat voice ring through the air.  He was totally unashamed, totally sold-out, praisin’ God with everythin’ in him, and everyone around us knew it.  I’ve loved music my whole life, I’ve sat in audiences for artists whose voices gave you goosebumps and brought tears to your eyes.  Hands down, my husband’s voice outshines them all.

We live in a world where real “dream come true”’s don’t often seem to happen.  I hear people all the time, even believers, askin’ “Where did all the miracles go?”  Well, I experience a miracle every worship service as my voice dances with my husband’s voice before the Throne, our hearts in total harmony…even if our voices aren’t.

A couple of weeks ago, our Pastor taught on Exodus 3 and 4, and Moses’ response to God’s impossible mission.  It really struck my heart because but a couple weeks prior I was talkin’ to my cousin about how difficult I found it that God might want to ever use me.  So many excuses stood in my path of obedience, I’ve messed up too much in my life, I’m not smart enough, I’m not eloquent enough, they won’t listen to me anyway, on and on and on.

Lately, I’ve been bombarded with situations that, frankly, make my insides quiver in fear.  I’m not comfortable with women approachin’ me for advice, for guidance and Godly wisdom!  Oh my!  My knee jerk reaction is, “Sweetheart, you’ve knocked on the wrong door, ‘cause I am in no way shape or form equipped to help you out!”  I have my own personal convictions that are very strong, but somethin’ happens in between the words leavin’ my heart and exitin’ my mouth.  I can’t seem to get stuff out right.  I either come across as arrogant and judgemental (usually when talkin’ with my family unfortunately) or stupid and illogical.  Yet, these women are there, askin’ me, “Patti, what do you do when…”  Aaaargh!

Carl had some very powerful “Come to Jesus” experiences while he was deployed.  God really used that time to shake up his world that forced him to look in the mirror and reevaluate the man he saw there.  He didn’t like what he saw.  His confidence in himself was shattered, his reliance on Jesus was made painfully obvious.  We spent so much time talkin’ about such deep things, amazin’ and powerful things that once “out there” cannot be covered up again.  Things will never be the same again, PRAISE GOD IN HEAVEN!  I was so happy, so thrilled for Carl!  While my heart ached that Carl was learnin’ some tough and at times humiliatin’ lessons, I rejoiced because I know that’s exactly where God takes people right before miracles happen.  HALLELUJAH!  I knew God was brewin’ somethin’ beyond my wildest imaginations in my husband.  YES LORD!  YES!

Then Carl mentioned the phrase that would bring every “hallelujah” to a screechin’ halt.  “Patti, I think God wants to use US in a marriage ministry to help others that are struggling like we have…”

Uh, what?  No way.  God might want to use you but if you think God wants to use me, you got it all wrong, Sweetheart.  That’s what my heart thought when I choked my whispered reply, “Oh Honey, that’s great!”

Then I learned what a daughter of Moses I truly am…

In Exodus 3:7-10 God tells Moses:

“And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;  And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites. Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.  Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

What an honor God bestowed on Moses!  God’s people were oppressed and broken and God wanted to use Moses to deliver them out of slavery!  How amazin’ is that?  God came down, set a bush on fire and spoke to Moses!  Incredible!

Then comes Moses’ unbelievable response, “And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11)

Like God didn’t know who and what Moses was.  Makes you shake your head, doesn’t it?  But look Moses’ doubt and disbelief continues…

“And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?” Exodus 3:13

“And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.”  Exodus 4:1

“And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.”  Exodus 4:10

“And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.”  Exodus 4:13

How many excuses does Moses intend to make as to why he can’t be the one to go?  His whinin’ seems neverendin’ but God puts rather abrupt end to it:

“And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses.”  Exodus 4:14a

Now, call me silly, but I think my heart would just stop beatin’ if God’s anger burned against me, how horrifyin’!  Yet, that is exactly what I am doin’ isn’t it?  Provokin’ God’s anger!  That’s serious business!

Then I considered Isaiah, “Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.”  Isaiah knew he was unworthy of the presence of God.  He knew his inadequacy, his wicked heart, his utter depravity, but when God issues the invitation, Isaiah’s simple, humble and honored response leaves me ashamed, “Here am I; send me.” (Isaiah 6:8b).

I stand at a crossroad, a challenge, a commission.  Whose path will I choose to follow?  Moses or Isaiah?

Dear Heavenly Father, give me the strength to be as Isaiah.  I don’t know where this road is takin’ us, I don’t know what this ministry is that awaits Carl and me, whether it be an actual occupational change, or more of an addition to our current life and circumstances.  I don’t know if it is a “formal” ministry or one that will be born out of relatin’ to others in our day to day lives.  God is doin’ somethin’ because men are flockin’ to Carl, askin’ for his guidance, his wisdom and by doin’ so, has forced me into the position of supportin’ the wives of these men.  No matter what it is, Lord, “Here Patti is;  send me.”

I’ve been readin’ through the Book of Jeremiah.  Boy oh boy is that a tough read!  Poor Jeremiah!  He had to say some really tough things to God’s people!

One thing that really struck me was when God says in chapter 6 verse 15, “Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD”.  He repeats Himself in chapter 8 verse 12, “Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore shall they fall among them that fall: in the time of their visitation they shall be cast down, saith the LORD.”

That really struck me because it made me think about the times in my life when I lived in open sin and didn’t seem bothered all that much by it.  Lookin’ back I’ve seen this happen for two reasons:  I was either so brazen and lost that I didn’t care I was in sin or I was so ignorant to God, who He is and what He asks that I didn’t know that I should be embarrassed and ashamed.  God expects us to be neither brazen nor ignorant.

As I pondered this idea of losin’ the ability to blush, I realized, I too often seem to think of the “biggies”.  I’m not murderin’ anybody, I’m not committin’ adultery and so forth.  I’m doin’ pretty good, lookin’ pretty clean.  Yeah, I’m a “good Christian” woman.  Oh boy, does that spell trouble.  It is precisely when I think that I’m doin’ all the right things, and measurin’ up pretty well that I’ve got myself so steeped in sin that I don’t even see it as sin anymore, I lose the ability to blush.

I think what gets me into more trouble is my mouth.  It is just waaay too easy for me to gossip, make a cuttin’ remark, to judge others, be sarcastic or employ an insultin’ tone.  Ouch!  There’s a whole lot of sin there that I couldn’t even see!  Some of it I’m so used to doin’ it, it ceased to bother me, some of it (like the sarcasm) I didn’t even know was sin until I examined that kind of communication against the scriptures and how we ought to treat each other.  Some I justified by sayin’ “Well that’s their problem because that’s just the way I am…” or “They deserve it, they sinned first.”  Problem is, while we are sinful by nature, we are called to die to that sinful flesh and take on the ressurected and sanctified body of Christ, so if a "part of my personality" is sinful, it's got to go, that simple.  As for my other "justification", my actions are always separate from the actions of another.  My sin is never ever justified by the sin of another.  Sin cannot redeem sin, only God’s grace and mercy can and that is what needs to be communicated through my mouth.

Oh Lord, continue to reveal to me the areas that need to come into obedience to you.  Lord, I don’t want to brazen nor ignorant in my sin.  Show me the areas in which I have lost the ability to blush that ought to cause me great embarrassment and shame!

I’m rather disturbed by a popular mentality that I see in Christian circles today.  It’s what I call the “walkin’ in the Spirit” syndrome.

Now, before I get blasted, we most certainly should walk in the Spirit.  We are to deny our fleshly desires to pursue God’s best for all of us.  However, there is a twist to this particular idea.

I was talkin’ with a gal not long ago.  She had some struggles that she was bringin’ to the Lord.  During the course of the conversation, I told her that gettin’ in the Word everyday would help her out.  Her response, “I love readin’ the Word, but God is really callin’ me to just pray and ‘walk in the spirit’.”  Meanin’ that God told her to forego the readin’ of the scriptures to pray and God would just talk to her.

Hmmmmm.

Now, surface level, this sounds good, however, there’s a problem, God ain’t the only one a-talkin’ to us, y’know?  There’s this sweet little voice that so often sounds just like God’s voice might, except it’s the twisted hissin' of Satan.  If we aren’t grounded in the Word, how can we distinguish between our Father’s voice and an imposter?  Maybe I’m just a spiritual imbecile or somethin’, ‘cause I must say that God’s Wisdom does not come naturally to me.  So often what I think sounds right, those whispers in my head, are lies born out of my sinful nature or Satan.  I have never been able to just “walk in the spirit” without bein’ heavily and daily grounded in the Word.

There’s many variations of the “walkin’ in the Spirit” syndrome.  There’s the “I’m waitin’ for God to open and close doors,” sub-syndrome.  You know, where we just pray and wait around for God to reveal His Will through seemingly coincidental life events and then declare, “It must be God’s Will because…”

Again, this sounds good, except...God ain’t the only one openin' doors.  I once talked with a gal that just knew God wanted her to leave her husband because He brought her this incredibly awesome, much more “Godly” man.  “You see,” she explained patiently, “God would not have sent this man to me if He didn’t want me to share the rest of my life with him.”  God didn’t send this “Godly” man to her, God’s Word says He hates divorce.  Satan was clever enough to weave a lie of “meant to be” around these two, so that he could plunge two believers into sin with one swoop.  Ain’t he clever?

I have often fallen pray to this mentality.  Sad as it is to admit, I’ve used the very words, “If this wasn’t of God, He wouldn’t have brought it…,”too.  So many times I have been fooled only to find myself way off the path of righteousness, never realizin’ how far I’ve strayed until I look up from my stupor and think, “Where am I?”  Yes, in certain circumstances, God has redeemed my foolishness, specifically with my eldest son, and then later, my marriage.  However, continuin’ to cling to this idea that God wanted me to have intimate relations outside of wedlock in order to have my son would be greater folly, just as contendin’ that it was “of God” that I marry a heathen (blessedly redeemed, Praise God!).  Let us never confuse the Will of God with His merciful and gracious redemption.

So how do you discern what is “of God” and what is not?  The answer can only be, if it is consistent with all of scriptures (not just bits and clips taken out of context), which is inerrant and God breathed, then it’s a pretty good bet that it is true (sans any psycho-babble).  God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  His Word is universal, applicable to every believer, of every time.  The only way for us to truly “walk in the Spirit” is by havin’ His Holy Word hidden in our hearts.

“Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.  And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.  But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.  Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,  And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.  Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.  Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;  And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.  Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.  Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.”  Matthew 4:  1-11 (Emphasis mine)

For good measure, I wanted to refresh my memory of the original passage that “walkin’ in the Spirit” references, what a different picture than how it is commonly used:

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love, serve one another.  For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.  This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.  For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.  But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.  Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,  Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,  Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.  And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.   If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.  Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.”  Galations 5:  13-25

Growing up and into my adult years, Memorial Day has held no higher value than an extra day off from school or work.  How sad and tragic that I have not understood and embraced the deep meaning of this day, of this I repent.

Today, we began a family tradition of remembrance.  As we watched the documentary “The League of Grateful Sons” produced by Vision Forum, I studied the faces of my children, and felt in me the desire for each of these precious ones to carry on the legacy of the great soldiers who have given their lives for their freedoms, that they should always walk with gratitude for those who came before and honor of those who have served and continue to serve this great nation.  They must not be allowed to journey through this life forgetful of God’s providential works and His use of imperfect men and women to lay the foundations of His perfect will.  I refuse to cripple my children with the attitudes so prevalent today of self-worship, of demanding unearned “rights” without bearing the responsibility of their failures.

All of us, in some way, are being touched or have been touched directly by the honorable service of loved ones.  I am a wife of a serviceman, the sister-in-law of a serviceman. I am a daughter of a serviceman, the niece and granddaughter of servicemen, a cousin of servicemen, a dear friend of servicemen.  Brave soldiers that have all made the pledge at one time or other to defend us with all they have against enemies far and near.  Did all of them begin their careers with such noble intentions?  Of course not.  In our own case, we chose to take on the responsibility of service in order to pursue a life that would be better than what we once had.  Nevertheless, each and every one has taken on the sacrifice worthy of remembrance and praise.

Yesterday’s sermon at church was this, “The cost of freedom is blood.”

That message held a special significance in my heart.  First and foremost, I must remember that my own spiritual freedom was bought and paid for with the blood of my precious Savior, Christ Jesus.  I cannot forget God’s grace and great deeds that brought me out of the bondage of sin.  It was His only Child that alone, bore the punishment of all sin for all time, giving me the promise that I would enjoy Him forever in Paradise.

God has preserved my loved ones that have served and serve still, I am able to look forward with confidence to the day I will be reunited with my own Beloved, serving in far away lands.  I am quieted by the knowledge that hundreds of loved ones across this nation and in others sit at their dinner tables with empty seats.  I cannot, even for a moment, understand the pain they must bear.  However, I can remember them, I can extend my gratitude to them.

As an American, I have a duty to remember the sacrifices of so many.  Those who’s graves cry out, “For your tomorrows, we gave our today.”  Our freedom has been bought with a terrible price.  I cannot nor will not disgrace their memory.  I will remember, I will teach my children to remember, and I will teach my children to teach their children to remember.  God’s Word is clear, the nation that forgets the works of God, that dishonors the sacrifices that have been paid will perish.  It is our promise to you that this family will not forget.

So from our home, to all of you who have served and continue to serve, thank you.  For those of you who have walked before me and with me as the brides of servicemen, thank you.  For every child that is short a kiss goodnight, thank you.  For every family known and unknown to me, in this present time and past, who’s arms long to hold their fallen soldier, thank you.  To the God of our forefathers, who graciously allows us the privilege to worship in freedom, who has established our great nation and can just as easily wipe it away, thank you.

Psalm 44:  1  “We have heard with our ears, O God;  our fathers have told us what you did in their days, in days long ago.”

Psalm 71:  18  Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.

Psalm 78:  6-7  “That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:  That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments”

Deuteronomy 32:  7  “Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations: ask thy father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and they will tell thee.”

Deuteronomy 8:  19-20  “And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.  As the nations which the LORD destroyeth before your face, so shall ye perish; because ye would not be obedient unto the voice of the LORD your God.”

For many years, I was trapped in “religion.”  I lived my life by a list of rules, do this, don’t do that, a “good Christian” does this, a “good Christian” will not do that.  You can always spot this kind of “religion” because there are definitive lines, “It’s okay to kiss and flirt, but it’s not okay to…”  “Religion” gets out the ruler to make sure that the skirt is no more than two inches above the knee and the tank top straps are wider than an inch.  “Religion” dictates what you can “get away with” while still bein’ within it’s boundaries.  “Religion” is also external, if you can hide it, and if no one knows about your little secrets, then “it’s all good.”  “Religion” says you can watch filth, and even gossip about filth, just don’t *do* the filth.  “Religion” is a means of bettering oneself.

We have turned religion into bondage and lies.

This is what God’s Word says about religion:

“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain. Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”  James 1:  26-27 KJV

True religion has nothing to do with oneself.  If one is truly religious, the byproduct of that is self-betterment, but the betterment itself is not the goal!  Seekin’ God’s best for us, obeyin’ His Word, showin’ kindness to the fatherless and the widows, and keepin’ ourselves pure for the glory of God, *that* is what true religion is!

Too long, I dwelled in vain religion.  The irony of it was, that while I lived a “freer” life by the world’s standards then (in that I allowed myself to dress, watch and even do whatever I wanted because I was “saved”), I never experienced the true freedom that is found only in a deep and meaningful relationship with Christ Jesus.  I used and abused the first part of 1 Corinthians 6: 12 which says, “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient…”  This is another sign of “religion”, the misconstrued and twisted use of the scriptures.  If I’d been discernin’ and followin’ after Jesus’ heart, I’d have read further.

“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”  1 Corinthians 6:  12-20

The very passage that I used to excuse my licentious livin’, explicitly condemns such behavior by sayin’ that my body is not my own to do with as I would, but a vessel to bring glory to God.  And yet my “religion” told me that I could live with my boyfriend without guilt, because “all things are permissible,” oh, but I was fully within my right to condemn my homosexual friend because God says that homosexuality is an abomination.  “Religion” at it’s finest, yuck.  (A side note:  I am not disputin’ that homosexuality is an abomination, I am reactin’ with disgust my own hypocrisy in that I judged others while bein’ in serious mortal sin myself).

I struggled with this concept in my marriage as well (surprise surprise).  Before, I made my choices and decisions based on what “married people do.”  This often allowed me to force my ideas on to my husband.  He needs to do this or he should be doing that, because that’s what “married people do.”  I often used the model of “give and take” to mean that he ought to give and I ought to take!  Much like my three year old that understands that people need to share with her, but will not in turn share with others.  But hey, that’s what “married people do”, right?

Now I realize that, Carl and I are not “married people”, I mean, yes, we’re married but we aren’t generic people.  We are flesh and blood, God created individuals with specific needs and desires.  We each have our idiosyncrasies that make us unique.  While yes, God does give wives a very specific role and husbands a very specific role, how those roles are put into action can be very different.  One wife in one household will pay the bills per submission to her husband, another wife, in another household will have almost nothin’ to do with financial matters per submission to her husband.  What makes these two opposite actions submission?  The answer is found in the heart, the relationship, the love and commitment.  The wife that pays the bills out of a spirit of control and spite is not submissive, neither is the wife that throws up her hands in disgust and shoves the whole pile at her husband declarin’, “YOU DO IT!”

You see, I brought into our marriage preconceived notions about what marriage is about.  Rules.  The husband does this, the wife does that, and that’s all there is to it.  I can’t do this unless he does that.  The first few years of our marriage were awful because I kept tryin’ to fit our marriage into my box.

Then I discovered the concept of relatin’ to my husband.  Power of a Praying Wife started me on the road to discovery.  Later, I read Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl and it was a thunk right in the middle of my forehead (yes, I understand the controversy surrounding the Pearls, folks, if we are taking back t