For many years, I was trapped in “religion.”  I lived my life by a list of rules, do this, don’t do that, a “good Christian” does this, a “good Christian” will not do that.  You can always spot this kind of “religion” because there are definitive lines, “It’s okay to kiss and flirt, but it’s not okay to…”  “Religion” gets out the ruler to make sure that the skirt is no more than two inches above the knee and the tank top straps are wider than an inch.  “Religion” dictates what you can “get away with” while still bein’ within it’s boundaries.  “Religion” is also external, if you can hide it, and if no one knows about your little secrets, then “it’s all good.”  “Religion” says you can watch filth, and even gossip about filth, just don’t *do* the filth.  “Religion” is a means of bettering oneself.

We have turned religion into bondage and lies.

This is what God’s Word says about religion:

“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain. Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”  James 1:  26-27 KJV

True religion has nothing to do with oneself.  If one is truly religious, the byproduct of that is self-betterment, but the betterment itself is not the goal!  Seekin’ God’s best for us, obeyin’ His Word, showin’ kindness to the fatherless and the widows, and keepin’ ourselves pure for the glory of God, *that* is what true religion is!

Too long, I dwelled in vain religion.  The irony of it was, that while I lived a “freer” life by the world’s standards then (in that I allowed myself to dress, watch and even do whatever I wanted because I was “saved”), I never experienced the true freedom that is found only in a deep and meaningful relationship with Christ Jesus.  I used and abused the first part of 1 Corinthians 6: 12 which says, “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient…”  This is another sign of “religion”, the misconstrued and twisted use of the scriptures.  If I’d been discernin’ and followin’ after Jesus’ heart, I’d have read further.

“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”  1 Corinthians 6:  12-20

The very passage that I used to excuse my licentious livin’, explicitly condemns such behavior by sayin’ that my body is not my own to do with as I would, but a vessel to bring glory to God.  And yet my “religion” told me that I could live with my boyfriend without guilt, because “all things are permissible,” oh, but I was fully within my right to condemn my homosexual friend because God says that homosexuality is an abomination.  “Religion” at it’s finest, yuck.  (A side note:  I am not disputin’ that homosexuality is an abomination, I am reactin’ with disgust my own hypocrisy in that I judged others while bein’ in serious mortal sin myself).

I struggled with this concept in my marriage as well (surprise surprise).  Before, I made my choices and decisions based on what “married people do.”  This often allowed me to force my ideas on to my husband.  He needs to do this or he should be doing that, because that’s what “married people do.”  I often used the model of “give and take” to mean that he ought to give and I ought to take!  Much like my three year old that understands that people need to share with her, but will not in turn share with others.  But hey, that’s what “married people do”, right?

Now I realize that, Carl and I are not “married people”, I mean, yes, we’re married but we aren’t generic people.  We are flesh and blood, God created individuals with specific needs and desires.  We each have our idiosyncrasies that make us unique.  While yes, God does give wives a very specific role and husbands a very specific role, how those roles are put into action can be very different.  One wife in one household will pay the bills per submission to her husband, another wife, in another household will have almost nothin’ to do with financial matters per submission to her husband.  What makes these two opposite actions submission?  The answer is found in the heart, the relationship, the love and commitment.  The wife that pays the bills out of a spirit of control and spite is not submissive, neither is the wife that throws up her hands in disgust and shoves the whole pile at her husband declarin’, “YOU DO IT!”

You see, I brought into our marriage preconceived notions about what marriage is about.  Rules.  The husband does this, the wife does that, and that’s all there is to it.  I can’t do this unless he does that.  The first few years of our marriage were awful because I kept tryin’ to fit our marriage into my box.

Then I discovered the concept of relatin’ to my husband.  Power of a Praying Wife started me on the road to discovery.  Later, I read Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl and it was a thunk right in the middle of my forehead (yes, I understand the controversy surrounding the Pearls, folks, if we are taking back to His Word what we are learnin’ and checkin’ everything accordin’ to the scriptures, all this “drama” is rather unnecessary, don’t ya think?).  Become a student of my husband!  Watch him, study him, figure out what makes him tick, and because you love him, DO WHAT MAKES HIM HAPPY!!  That’s relationship!  It’s desirin’ the happiness of your beloved so much that your wants simply pale in the quest to give your heart fully to your husband!

So, as I began this journey, weird as it sounds, many of the things that I began doin’ to serve and support my husband was met with criticism, most often by Christian women!!  “You shouldn’t have to do that!”  Or, “He’ll walk all over you!”  Yet, I have discovered the opposite!  Because Carl sees that my heart seeks to his best, he doesn’t hold back in showin’ his love to me!  He is more patient, more kind, and more generous.  All those years of quarreling, nagging, disappointment did absolutely nothin’ but cause heartache and tears, and yet after a few short months of looking to my husband’s guidance, not fightin’ him, even if I thought it was a “dumb idea”, has done more to completely transform our marriage into somethin’ truly amazin’ and beautiful, I can only thank God everyday for this incredible man!  Yes, there are things that I don’t do anymore because my husband doesn’t like them, some may even seem “silly” to others, but I tell you, what I have gained is so much more precious to me than those things, I’d be simply foolish to stand my ground in such matters because the happiness in my heart is so great!

I see now that relationship with God is much the same.  As I grow in the knowledge of what God wants for me, I have made certain choices that may seem to “limit” my life, but I’m discoverin’ the opposite!  I feel more free, more liberated and much more at peace leavin’ those things behind and clingin’ to what God says is good and desirable.  I also find that as I feel more in accord with His Will, the more I want to be in accord with His Will.  The more I obey, the more I want to obey, because the fruit of obedience is so much sweeter than anything I could have dreamed!  The old things that I jealously guarded as being “permissible” never fulfilled me in the way that turning away from those things have.

This is the difference between “religion” and relationship.  I am so glad that God saved me from “religion” and has called me into a deep relationship with Him.  I’m not perfect, I’m still learnin’.  Obedience can still be a challenge and sinful desires can still seem so easy.  But I’m learnin’ and God is patient, it is my heart’s desire to fully realize God’s full definition of true religion!