A couple of weeks ago, our Pastor taught on Exodus 3 and 4, and Moses’ response to God’s impossible mission.  It really struck my heart because but a couple weeks prior I was talkin’ to my cousin about how difficult I found it that God might want to ever use me.  So many excuses stood in my path of obedience, I’ve messed up too much in my life, I’m not smart enough, I’m not eloquent enough, they won’t listen to me anyway, on and on and on.

Lately, I’ve been bombarded with situations that, frankly, make my insides quiver in fear.  I’m not comfortable with women approachin’ me for advice, for guidance and Godly wisdom!  Oh my!  My knee jerk reaction is, “Sweetheart, you’ve knocked on the wrong door, ‘cause I am in no way shape or form equipped to help you out!”  I have my own personal convictions that are very strong, but somethin’ happens in between the words leavin’ my heart and exitin’ my mouth.  I can’t seem to get stuff out right.  I either come across as arrogant and judgemental (usually when talkin’ with my family unfortunately) or stupid and illogical.  Yet, these women are there, askin’ me, “Patti, what do you do when…”  Aaaargh!

Carl had some very powerful “Come to Jesus” experiences while he was deployed.  God really used that time to shake up his world that forced him to look in the mirror and reevaluate the man he saw there.  He didn’t like what he saw.  His confidence in himself was shattered, his reliance on Jesus was made painfully obvious.  We spent so much time talkin’ about such deep things, amazin’ and powerful things that once “out there” cannot be covered up again.  Things will never be the same again, PRAISE GOD IN HEAVEN!  I was so happy, so thrilled for Carl!  While my heart ached that Carl was learnin’ some tough and at times humiliatin’ lessons, I rejoiced because I know that’s exactly where God takes people right before miracles happen.  HALLELUJAH!  I knew God was brewin’ somethin’ beyond my wildest imaginations in my husband.  YES LORD!  YES!

Then Carl mentioned the phrase that would bring every “hallelujah” to a screechin’ halt.  “Patti, I think God wants to use US in a marriage ministry to help others that are struggling like we have…”

Uh, what?  No way.  God might want to use you but if you think God wants to use me, you got it all wrong, Sweetheart.  That’s what my heart thought when I choked my whispered reply, “Oh Honey, that’s great!”

Then I learned what a daughter of Moses I truly am…

In Exodus 3:7-10 God tells Moses:

“And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;  And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites. Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.  Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

What an honor God bestowed on Moses!  God’s people were oppressed and broken and God wanted to use Moses to deliver them out of slavery!  How amazin’ is that?  God came down, set a bush on fire and spoke to Moses!  Incredible!

Then comes Moses’ unbelievable response, “And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11)

Like God didn’t know who and what Moses was.  Makes you shake your head, doesn’t it?  But look Moses’ doubt and disbelief continues…

“And Moses said unto God, Behold, when I come unto the children of Israel, and shall say unto them, The God of your fathers hath sent me unto you; and they shall say to me, What is his name? what shall I say unto them?” Exodus 3:13

“And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.”  Exodus 4:1

“And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.”  Exodus 4:10

“And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.”  Exodus 4:13

How many excuses does Moses intend to make as to why he can’t be the one to go?  His whinin’ seems neverendin’ but God puts rather abrupt end to it:

“And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses.”  Exodus 4:14a

Now, call me silly, but I think my heart would just stop beatin’ if God’s anger burned against me, how horrifyin’!  Yet, that is exactly what I am doin’ isn’t it?  Provokin’ God’s anger!  That’s serious business!

Then I considered Isaiah, “Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.”  Isaiah knew he was unworthy of the presence of God.  He knew his inadequacy, his wicked heart, his utter depravity, but when God issues the invitation, Isaiah’s simple, humble and honored response leaves me ashamed, “Here am I; send me.” (Isaiah 6:8b).

I stand at a crossroad, a challenge, a commission.  Whose path will I choose to follow?  Moses or Isaiah?

Dear Heavenly Father, give me the strength to be as Isaiah.  I don’t know where this road is takin’ us, I don’t know what this ministry is that awaits Carl and me, whether it be an actual occupational change, or more of an addition to our current life and circumstances.  I don’t know if it is a “formal” ministry or one that will be born out of relatin’ to others in our day to day lives.  God is doin’ somethin’ because men are flockin’ to Carl, askin’ for his guidance, his wisdom and by doin’ so, has forced me into the position of supportin’ the wives of these men.  No matter what it is, Lord, “Here Patti is;  send me.”