About a month ago, I sat at my daughter's grave and talked aloud to her and to God. I do not know if our dear ones in Heaven can truly hear us, but it brings me comfort to speak aloud to my baby girl. I told her how much I was hurting, how much I miss her, how much I love her. I also asked her if it were within her abilities, and if it was alright with her, could she ask the Lord to send us another baby. Our arms are so empty.

I went on to ask the Lord to consider me. I told Him that I did not know if He believed us to be truly ready for a new baby, but if it was His will, I would gladly accept a new little blessing.

Shortly thereafter, we learned that the Lord had indeed blessed us again! A new little babe to join us at Christmas time! A child to fill our aching arms.

With this blessing comes many emotions and thoughts...too many to put into words here. I am sure as this pregnancy progresses, I will have many things to share with you.

I continue to grieve the loss of my dear sweet baby girl who would have been 10 months old on the 4th. I find myself continually counting heads and knowing there is someone missing. I want her to be here to share in the joy of this new life, but where she is is exactly where the Lord wants her. So I must rejoice in this new life wholeheartedly. This IS His best for me. Though one is "missing" and will always be "missing", there is a future, there is hope. The Lord continues to show this to me over and over again. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

It seems to me that for the Scheduled Family the basics are often a no-brainer.  You need only to add a block of time that says something like Morning Chores, and the entire family knows that means Brush Teeth, Get Dressed, Make Bed, etc.  This is the beauty of the Scheduled Family.  However, the Routine Family tends to have a bit more trouble in this area.  I am not sure why that is, it has just been my experience as such.  So, this post is more for the Routine Family.

To establich the basics, see some of the tips in the previous post.  You really do need to practice the basics for quite some time before they will become the basics.  I can remember when I first implemented Table Chores.  I had high hopes that within a week, they would do them automatically.  Boy, was I wrong!  It took a year and a half!  And still, I must occasionally remind them of something they missed!  So, do not become disheartened!  Persevere!!!

Once you have the basics in place--things like a simple morning routine, afternoon routine, and bedtime routine--you can consider adding in routines that repeat weekly.  This is how I get my house cleaning done.  When I had a smaller family, my weekly routine was much less involved.  I cleaned my home thoroughly on Monday, did up all my laundry, and coasted the rest of the week.  I found this stopped working after Baby #3.  But, I do want to include a little more about this method of routine since small families deserve just as much attention as large ones...

For a smaller family, a one-day-a-week cleaning spree is often enough to keep the house in working order the rest of the week.  You simply get it all done and then maintain.  Since the weekend tends to destroy a house no matter what size your family is, Monday is the perfect day to regroup.  In fact, I would highly encourage you to never schedule appointments or out-of-the-house activities on Mondays (yes, I know Routine Families are not known for their ability to committ to something like this, but please consider the "why" behind my reasoning.)  If you use your Monday to reassemble your home, your week will go much smoother.  Trust me!

So, on Mondays I would clean the house.  I did this in the morning because I was schooling my oldest child in the afternoon during his sister's nap.  I will elaborate more on exactly HOW I cleaned house.  For now, simply tidy up.  Just a simple tidy will do wonders for a home!  No dusting required!  I also did all the laundry on Mondays.  (wow, if only I could manage that now!)  So, we started the week w/ full drawers and closets of clean clothes--great feeling!

Tuesday and Wednesday, I pretty much coasted.  The house really didn't require much from me those days.  These are the days that work best for making appointments if you can manage that.  The house is in good working order and can stand for you to be away from it.

Now, by Thursday, I usually needed to readdress the mess.  There were some things that needed attention since I had been away the previous days.  But, quite often, the mess only took an hour or less to completely fix.  It was sort of like a mini-clean, and it was enough to get me through the weekend.  And that was how I did it with 2 children.

For the larger family, you will more than likely need to break up your cleaning spree into bite-size days.  My week is loosely based on the Large Family Logistics way of doing things.  Recently, I heard Kim has re-opened her site, but from what I can tell, she is still not posting regularly.  You can check it out HERE. 

So, here is what we do for our weekly cleaning routine:

Monday = Laundry (try to do all of it and then maintain throughout the week) & Dusting

Tuesday = All Floors

Wednesday = Bathrooms

Thursday = Projects

Friday = Clean out Van & Finish any outstanding items

Saturday = Prepare for Sunday

Sunday = Set aside for Rest and Worship!

This has proven to be a very doable weekly routine for us and one that is not too time-intensive.  I still prefer to do all my cleaning in the morning with the children's help, and then school in the afternoon.  I divy up all the chores that are required to get the job done onto a dry erase board that hangs in my kitchen.  At this point in time, only my oldest 2 (ages 10 and 7) are listed on the board w/ chores beside their names.  The "littles" (ages 2 & 3) are given tasks at random according to what I think they can handle.  By the way, this board is not the place for the every day chores.  This is the place for the Day-of-the-Week cleaning and anything extra I see that needs to be done.  All of this happens AFTER our morning routine.   We all work through our lists, erasing as we go and usually have it knocked it out by about 11:00 a.m.  A quick example of what the board might look like would be:

Mom -

Tidy bedroom

Tidy Family Room

Vacumn entire house

10 yo Son -

Tidy bedroom

Tidy living room

Sweep/mop dining room and kitchen

Sweep storage areas

7 yo Daughter -

Tidy bedroom

Brush down stairs

Sweep/mop entryway

Sweep/mop downstairs bathroom

So, that gives you an idea as to what is on our list.  Your list will obviously be different b/c your home is different.  And remember, moving beyond the baics takes time and patience.  Finding a workable plan is not an easy task.  You often have to just try it one way and see how it goes, make adjustments, and try it again.  If you see something in your day that is a problem area, figure out a way to solve it.  For instance, is your house always a mess by the time dad comes home even though it is neat and tidy in the morning?  Implement a 4:30 pm mad-dash cleaning session to get the house ready for Daddy.  In fact, before you start doing a full-blown weekly routine, start out by implementing bits and pieces.  Do your 4:30 Mad Dash every day for a week.  Is it working?  Do you like the results?  If so, keep it and move forward.  Don't try to add every single thing I listed all in one week...you will burn out...especially if some piece of it doesn't quite fit your family.

So, a quick recap...

*Figure out what kind of family you are...Schedule or Routine.

*Find a daily basic plan that works for your family.

*Once you have practiced your plan for a sufficient amount of time, add in a weekly repeating routine one component at a time.

*If you find something that just is not working for your family, revamp it and try again.  Give it time.  Don't become discouraged!  Persevere!!!

My friend, Brandi, sent this my way...

Pentel Arts is giving away a free 12 color oil pastel
set per household!

Enter promotional code SA2008

http://www.pentelarts.com/offer.php

My junior year in college, I walked into a required Anthropology class and listened wide-eyed as the professor proclaimed, "I am a Christian and I believe in evolution, and that is just the way it is." Over the next semester, he presented a multitude of "evidence" that led me to seriously question my faith. This, a Christian institution of higher learning, was my first encounter with serious faith-rocking "evidence" that life began at random, an accident at best. And I had no good arguement with which to refute this "Christian evolutionist's" claims. I had no idea that Ernst Haekel's embryo recapitulation chart was actually a fraud (yes, my prof actually taught this as truth). I never dared to actually verbalize the skepticism I felt when I found out just how many "fossils" had been manufactured (the barn paint one really got me). I was taught not to question authority, even when authority flew in the face of all I had ever believed to be true. So, I sat there like a good little girl and got my A. It wasn't until much later that I realized this professor was teaching nothing but bad science, and my inability to speak out and question it served only to perpetuate his "evidence."

As my faith has become stronger and my knowledge of science deeper, I have often wondered what would have happened to me had I questioned this man. Would I have failed to receive an A in that class or possibly even failed the class altogether? Would I have been labeled a trouble-maker and been banned from speaking in class? Would I have managed to influence others I spoke to in private to speak out publically as well? The answer, more than likely, would be YES, to all of the above.

But, I cannot go back and change something that happened 10 years ago. Yet, something I can do is prepare and equip my own children for the day when (notice I do not say "if") they will be confronted with the THEORY of evolution and all its implications. I want to give them the tools to dilineate fact from fiction. I want for them the understanding I did not possess.

With this knowledge, I must also instill in them a certain amount of fight, an endurance, a desire to stand against all odds for the TRUTH, because folks, our freedom of speech, as Christians who are in legitimate disagreement with a theory that is being taught as a law, is nonexistant. We are not allowed to speak out, and if we do, we become relegated to the religion corner where all ideas contrary to Darwinism are poo-pooed and shunned as quackery simply because they point to a Creator and not the accidental atheistic ordering of life from non-living materials. You even dare to speak the word "intelligent" or the word "design" in the same sentence as "science," and the ears of the modern-day scientific community instaneously become deaf. They will have none of it, but for the sake of TRUTH, we must keep speaking!

Ben Stein's documentary, "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" entreats those who see the flaws in Darwinism to speak out. This verse comes to mind when I consider the task before us:

"Does not wisdom call, and understanding lift up her voice? On top of the heights beside the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; Beside the gates, at the opening to the city, At the entrance of the doors, she cries out: 'To you, O men, I call, And my voice is to the sons of men. O naive ones, understand prudence; and, O fools, understand wisdom. Listen, for I will speak noble things; and the opening of my lips will reveal right things. For my mouth will utter truth.'" (Proverbs 8:1-7a)

As our freedom of speech continues to be squashed, we must hold steadfast. But one word of caution...we need to know our stuff. We cannot go into battle unarmed. Our arguements must be well-thought out and scientifically sound. We cannot simply start shooting ANTI-arrows. We've got to have some answers of our own. We must be free to inquire, to question, to offer another opinion...that is our inalienable right.

I encourage you to watch Expelled, then buy Expelled and watch it over again. Consider the implications of the "gag order" against freely expressing a differing view. Consider how you can speak out. Equip your children with a Biblical worldview and then teach them the life applications of that worldview. This is where the rubber meets the road...are you willing to exercise your freedom of speech?

Now, for some ideas to get you started...

One option for Scheduled Families is a simple Daily Planner.  These work great for older children and parents alike, and they are compact enough to go wherever you go.  Simply fill in each time slot with your to-do's for the week (I suggest weekly for the Scheduled Family rather than daily because you naturally prefer your week to have a nice flow or pattern to it).  As you develop a workable schedule, you will need only to transfer the previous week into the new week.  Leave the planner lying open on the table during the day for quick glances at what is next.  Anything out of the ordinary (ie. school projects, mending something in particular, picking up your mother from the airport, etc) can be penciled in without too much disruption to your daily schedule.

Another great option for Schedule-lovin' families is something like Managers of Their Homes.  This type of schedule is put together in 30 minute blocks of time.  You have a neatly set time for nearly everything you would like to accomplish throughout your day.  You are able to schedule in everyone else's day as well.  All of this is put into a color coded wall chart with blocks that can easily be changed and moved around.  If you find something that does not work well in the time frame you originally placed it in or something in your life suddenly changes, you simply move it.   

But, if you are a Routine person, MOTH is more than likely NOT for you.  In fact, I would gently suggest that it could quite possibly make you feel very badly about yourself and your ability to run a household properly.  Mrs. Maxwell never intended for this to be the case, so please do not think I am suggesting she believes her schedule is the only way to run a household.  She is merely trying to help other mamas out there manage their day with something that worked well for her household.  But, the fact of the matter is that some of our lives do not fit neatly in 30 minute boxes.  My life being a case in point. 

So, what are some things that a Routine family can try?

A Daily Planner may work for you as well (or just a piece of notebook paper for that matter), but with two differences from the one kept by the Scheduled Family.  Yours should not be marked with times.  The other difference is that your routine should be written out DAILY, not weekly.  You simply take everything that must be accomplished during that day, write it down in a good working order, and cross off as you go.

Another suggestion comes from my friend, SarahLynne.  You can read about it HERE.  The basic idea is that you write eveything down on seperate notecards.  When you have accomplished the item listed, you move it from the TO DO section to the DONE section.  This is a great option for the children.  Even those who can't read can have picture cards that tell them what to do next.  I've incorporated this into my daily routine by putting two magnetized chip clips on my refrigerator...one is TO DO and one is DONE.  It feels so good to move the cards from one side to the other.  I use this mainly as a way to remember all those daily things that if allowed to become sidetracked, I will simply forget to do:  taking vitamins, giving the kids their vitamins, switching over laundry, dethawing dinner, etc.

I recently blogged about making a workable Homeschooling Schedule, but as homeschooling moms, we have the added responsibility of keeping up with a daily to-do list that can often be overwhelming.  We have a home to run and no amount of positive thinking will make the house keep itself clean.  So, in addition to finding a workable homeschooling schedule, we must also find a workable Homekeeping Schedule.

The first place to begin is with assessing what kind of family you have.  There are basically 2 types when it comes to how things get done:  scheduled and routine. 

Now, before you tell me that you are neither one because you are a free spirit and prefer not to commit to anything even remotely resembling something that might tie you down, let me entreat you to consider the God you serve and His attributes in this respect (remember, we are created in HIS image).  God set forth timing and order to nearly everything.  Our day is 24 hours, with a sunrise and a sunset.  We have a 7 day week, with a day set aside for worship.  The tides, the seasons, the revolutions and rotations of the planets are all in a set order.  Even God's plan for mankind's salvation and reconciliation to Himself was set forth in a certain order.  God is not a God of chaos.  So, Fly By the Seat of your Pants is not an option.

How do you determine if you are a family who prefers schedules or a family who prefers routines?  First of all, there are merits to both.  One is not right and the other wrong.  They both lead to order, just in a slightly different way. 

The Scheduled Family tends to like alarm clocks.  They feel their best when they rise at the same time every day with no variation.  Most of the members of the family work best within time limits.  They are often encouraged by accomplishing tasks on time.  There is very little deviation in life from day to day, and very few outside or spur-of-the-moment trips throughout the week.  Everyone enjoys knowing exactly when and what will happen next.  And Daddy often has a set schedule, so there is no question as to when meal times are and when Daddy's days off are.

The Routine Family rises at approximately the same time every day, but if they have been out later the evening before, they tend to sleep in later.  Things in the home do not necessarily have a designated place.  To this family, time constraints only serve to create foul moods and frustration.  The joy of finishing a task often supersedes the amount of time it took to complete that task.  Daily life includes many spur of the moment happenings:  people dropping by, quick trips to the store, an impromptu outing with Daddy, to name a few.  Daddy's schedule is not set in stone.  He is on call, or works random weekends, or later nights here and there, or possibly, Daddy works from home or has the option to be home at will.  Meal times change from day to day as do Daddy's days off.

So, now that you have a better idea of which type of family you are, you can now move forward with putting a Homekeeping Plan in place.  There is a myriad of options out there for each type of family, so I couldn't possibly touch on each one, but I will try to have several future posts that give you a place to start. 

I'd also like some input from you!  What type of family are you and have you found something that works well for your family dynamic?  I can't guarantee I'll be able to research and post about every one, but if you leave it in the comment section, others will be able to benefit from learning about what has worked for you!

I don't generally like parodies, but this one caught my eye because of the truth that lies within...

I am so very pleased to announce my children's blog...

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/littlearrows

Where Little Arrows Hone Their Skills

You will see posts by Camoboy (age 10), Nutmeg (age 7), Sunshine (age 3), and Laddy (age 2).  They will be writing on everything from family happenings, to Bible studies, to their homeschooling day.  You will be able to enjoy poetry and stories, science tidbits, and original works of art.

So, please take a moment to visit them and encourage their new venture!

This was the first year I had a real, live, doable homeschooling schedule.  In the past, I have tried many different schedules from the rigorous to the lax.  None of them seemed to stick and always eventually led to chaos. 

The rigorous schedule only worked for a short time because, truth be told, it was just too much.  Too much to get done in too little of a time frame, too much work for my children at the ages they were, too much to be expected of them and me.  Because of this, it eventually fell by the wayside and what took its place was often the exact opposite...the lax schedule.

My lax schedule tended to look like nothing.  I jumped around in subjects willy nilly, never truly completing any one of them.  I was never prepared and school rarely got finished.  This, by its very nature, brought on chaos.  No one ever knew when school would be nor what was expected of them once they were "in school."  I could only take so much of this before my head was cluttered and I revamped and ended up back on a rigorous schedule...oh, the vicious homeschooling schedule cycle.

However, this year I was introduced to the concept of MODERATION.  Not every subject had to be done every day.  (Have I ever mentioned that quite often I need the obvious stated to me?)  So, I took this concept and developed a block schedule.  I have been amazed at how well this works and how easy it is to accomplish.

So, without further ado, here is the block schedule we use for our 1st grader and 4th grader.

Every day, I start w/ the 2 children together.  I read a Bible story from Hurlbut's Story of the Bible.  You can read this online, but I was blessed to find a copy at a thrift store for $.50!  This book teaches even the most obscure of Bible stories in a solid Biblical-worldview way.  And the children LOVE it!

On Monday, we also add Window on the World to teach the children to think outside themselves and their country.  This has been a real turning point for our 4th grade son.  He prays for missionaries and their work on a regular basis now.

Then, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday we do History.  For us, history is incredibly important to our homeschool.  It is part of the vision my husband and I have for homeschooling; therefore, it gets 3 days a week.  Currently, we are at the threshhold of the War between the States, so we are reading Uncle Tom's Cabin: Young Folks' Edition.  We downloaded it to our computer and read it off of there.

After our time together, the children seperate off and my 4th grader independently does his math and grammar while the 1st grader does her math and handwriting.  During this time, I grade papers and go between the two helping them as needed.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, the schedule looks much the same except that Science replaces History and my 4th grader does Rosetta Stone online instead of his grammar.  Before this, he did typing on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but he is a fairly good typist now and practices his skills during his computer time (also on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday).  My 1st grader also gets her Home Ec in on Tuesday and Thursday (but really, this takes place nearly every day as she spends time following me around and helping wherever she can).

So, there you have it.  An easy, doable schedule.  I am so pleased that I have finally found something that works for our homeschool.  I would encourage anyone who sees problems in their homeschooling schedule to take a step back and really asess the problem areas and revamp and rework until they find what works.  Once you do, you will feel so much more relaxed about your school day!

The other thing I would highly encourage is thinking outside the box.  Don't think school must start at 8am every day.  I thought this was the only way to school for years before I realized that there was no way that was going to work for our family that consisted of more littles than bigs.  So, I shut my eyes and took the plunge into afternoon schooling while the littles napped.  (Once again, sometimes I need the obvious stated...or else I just need to be reassured that doing something "differently" is okay.)

So, what are some things you can do to beat the homeschooling scheduling blues?

1) Pinpoint the problem areas.

2) Brainstorm ways you can overcome these problems.  Don't be afraid to list even seemingly outrageous solutions.

3) Try each suggestion on for size (preferably one at a time).  Give each one at least a week before deciding whether it works or not.

4) Discard those that do not work.  Do not worry about the fact that Susie-so-and-so made it work for her family.  You are not Susie-so-and-so, and your family may have different needs than hers.

5) Keep those that do work for you.  Write them down, implement then, enlist the kids to hold you accountable to the schedule.

6) In a few weeks, reevaluate.  Is it still working for you?  Did it end up being as great as you had thought it would be?  Do you need to try something else from your brainstorming session?  Has the new schedule created a new problem area somewhere else?  If so, is the new problem worth keeping the new schedule?  Do you need to brainstorm a solution to the new problem?

7) Don't be discouraged.  The process may be long and involved, or you may find a workable schedule only to realize that a new baby or a new move or something else puts a kink in it and you have to rework it again.  If you stay calm and just methodically work through finding a new solution, you'll make a lot more headway in a lot less time than if you fly into a frenzy and end up burned out.  Remember the adage, "Slow & steady wins the race."

and

8)  My very favorite reminder...Pray for the Lord to fill in the gaps.  You WILL have gaps.  There is absolutely no way around it.  Remind yourself, if you must, that your own schooling had gaps and yet, here you are, following the Lord's will.

Homeschooling is one of the few things that remained the same after Emily died.  It was something that I had some control over, and since it had never directly involved Emmy, it was something I could do w/o having to relive too many painful memories.  So, within a couple of weeks of Emmy's death, I began teaching again.

When I left here about a month ago, I said that I intended to keep the site w/ the hopes that someday I could return to talk homeschooling here.  When I left, I could not fathom talking about anything other than my precious Emily, so the thought of running 2 blogs did not appeal to me at all.  I had already started moving to Blogger when Emily died, so that site was the one I chose to keep up with.  However, I still felt I had found a "home" here and I hated the thought of leaving permanantly.  In the back of my head, I hoped that some day I could return and make this strictly a homeschool site~telling all of you what was going on in our little homeschooling world. 

Amazingly enough, I am finding that in recent days I have had the desire to talk about other things, to make plans, to learn something new, to expound on other topics.  Part of my heart wants me to believe this is wrong...like I am somehow leaving my precious little one behind.  But, this just isn't the truth.

The truth is that the Lord did not want my life to end on February 10, 2008.  He chose my Emmy.  And He expects me to continue moving forward...toward Him AND her.  He expects me to train my remaining children in His ways so that they may too see their sister again. 

It is not dishonoring her memory for me to be able to talk of other things.  It shows that I am getting to a place where I am able to reach beyond myself and my grief.  It shows that I am healing.

Shortly before E's death, I mentioned I was moving to http://raising-arrows.blogspot.com/  When she died, I felt I had so many people here who only followed our story here and would not know of her passing any other way, so I kept both this blog and the new one updated.  But that is just too much of a chore for me to do any longer.

The love and support our family has experienced here has been amazing, but due to my lack of HTML knowledge and the desire for a beautiful place to blog that cannot be accomplished here w/o a better working knowledge of HTML, I must make the move.  I hope all of you are able to visit the new blog.  I do hope some day in the future I can return here to focus this blog just on homeschooling, but for now, I must simplify.

God bless you all.

I sat down to write this morning, but could not.  All I could do was cry.  Today was the first day where I had to have some semblence of a routine.  Not a full routine, but something that resembled some sort of "normal" for my children's sake.  My husband convinced me to leave the bedroom and try to start my day, but shortly after breakfast, I was back asleep on the couch.  When I did wake up, I sat and cried.  Everywhere I turned were memories of what would never be.  An empty swing where she used to sit while I fixed meals...an empty bassinet beside my bed where she slept...soap and lotion and diaper cream bought especially for her. 

This was also my husband's first day back at work.  I no longer had him to lean on when I couldn't stand anymore.  He came home for lunch and ended up having to finish re-heating it for me as I was completely lost and kept staring over at the swing.  I wondered how I would get through the day.  I cried out to God to help me.

And He did.

A friend called to tell me she was on her way over.  I got dressed.

I received several gifts/cards from the MOMYS.  I cried, but felt comforted.

My friend came and we drank coffee and talked and talked.  I smiled.

A friend called.  I talked some more, and cried some too.

I received an email.  I cried tears of joy, and felt excitement for the first time since my child died.

This mass email from a friend of a friend, contained a request for br**stmilk from whoever could help out.  I couldn't believe it!  I had not been able to throw out all the milk I had pumped while our daughter was in the hospital.  I kept thinking I should, but I kept avoiding it.  Even today, I had looked in the freezer and thought, "WHY am I keeping this?"  I reached for one of the containers to start throwing all of it away, but was stopped by one of the children needing something, so I gently closed the door and purposefully chose to put it off a little longer.  This email brought joy to my heart again!  I could help another baby.  I could bless another family.  I could give life-giving milk to another child! 

So, while today started w/ tears of sorrow, God kept lifting me up until I was on solid ground.  He brought me to a place where I could cry tears of joy.

I don't even know really where to begin, but writing has always been my outlet, and I am having a moment of clarity where my fingers seem to be able to type w/o stumbling. I just feel the need to talk...say what I am feeling...honor my baby girl.

We went to a dinner Saturday night w/ our baby girl. She was the belle of the ball. Everyone talked to her and fussed over her and she just sat there so happy and content. I held her for most of the night and toward the end, Daddy held her.

We went to a friend's house for the night. She and I scrapbooked and drank Dr. Pepper, while her dh and mine talked politics in the living room. Our little one went to sleep on our bed. She awoke around 1 w/ a high fever. I gave her Tylenol and nursed her back to sleep. Around 5am, I was awakened again by her cries...she was feverish again and breathing rapidly. I gave her more Tylenol, changed her diaper, and nursed her on the couch. My oldest son came out to go to the bathroom and stopped by the couch. I told him baby was really sick and to pray for her. He said that must have been why God got him up. I laid her back down on a palate on the floor at about 6am.

When we awoke at 8am, I looked down at her...something wasn't right. Her eyes looked funny and her breathing seemed very labored. I grabbed her up and laid her on the bed. I called for my husband to come look at her. I wanted to take her to the hospital her surgeries had been at, but that was nearly 2 hrs away...neither one of us felt she could make it that far. We raced to the hospital, leaving the other children in my friend's care.

At the hospital, I felt desperation...I knew she was not going to be ok, but I kept hoping against all odds that somehow she would pull through. Her poor body was mottled, her eyes were not tracking, her O2 was 76, her blood pressure was nearly non-existant. I had watched my father die 1 year and 1 week earlier...I knew. They moved her to another room and put her in a warmer, they stuck a tube down her throat, they stuck a tube down her nose. She was in septic shock. They started chest compressions, and while my dh kept begging them to continue, I just wanted them to quit and let me hold her. We fell on the floor and prayed and prayed and cried out. I finally asked them to give her to me...I begged them to let me hold her. The chaplain was so good to make them completely unplug her so I could sit in a chair and rock my baby. I held her tight, kissed her feet, her cheeks, stroked her hair. I asked the Lord to give her back, but I knew that was not fair of me to ask.

You see, she's never been mine. My husband and I never talked about it, but always lingering in the back of our minds...long b/f she was sick...were the thoughts of her not staying w/ us.  I shoved them out of my head, but there were still little things...her stocking has an angel on it, she seemed so unbelievably perfect...never fussed. My husband said he felt from the beginning that she would not be w/ us long...but that is never something you talk about. I think I told one person just recently that I felt as though the Lord wanted her home and we just kept prolonging the inevitable.

The Lord brought her back to where all of this started...my friend's house. You see, that is where she got sick the first time...I do not know why He chose there, but I do know He ordained that moment from the beginning of her life. Maybe b/c I needed my friend to be there, maybe because I needed to know there was absolutely nothing I could do. I do not know if I will ever be able to go back there...and that pains me...she and I have had many good memories there...but even walking into her house Saturday gave me de ja vu of when our baby girl first got sick...little did I know what would transpire there would be more than de ja vu. My baby died in a hospital called Mercy.

An amazing thing is that God put a family in our path several months ago who lost a child 3 years ago at the age of 6 1/2, as well as 2 babies (ages 5 days and 13 days). A few weeks ago, she asked me to write an article for her new website (she is in the midst of having a book published entitled "In Faithfullness, He Aflicted Me"--the website is meant to help grieving parents) on all we had gone through w/ our daughter...never did I imagine we would be sharing the same perspective. We had spent Friday night fellowshipping at their house. They were the first people we called...they drove 2 hrs to get to us.

They have been walking w/ us through all of this. The husband will be presiding over the funeral...I feel as though he is the only person who can do it.

We are slowly planning her funeral...I hate this. I do not know how I am going to let them close that lid. She will be wearing an outfit her Aunt bought her. I cannot imagine any other child wearing it. She will be buried w/ the puppy dog that stayed by her bedside all through the surgeries. We will have a slide show of her life. And we will be releasing balloons w/ her name on them.

I also have a physical hurt that is a painful reminder that I have full br**sts and empty arms. I hurt so bad, I cannot even hold my other children w/o wincing in pain.

I have such strange and stupid thoughts...too many to put them all here. I want to remember every second of her final moments, yet I cannot bear that picture. I want the funeral to be perfect...no regrets. I ache to hold her...to change one more diaper...to nurse her one more time. I think I can hear her...I tell myself to be quiet and not turn on the light when I go in my bedroom b/c baby is sleeping. But she's not.

I wanted to keep her, but she was not mine. She was never mine. She has always been the Lord's, just as they all are. I don't own any of them...they are all on loan. But that does not stop the hurt. And even knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again...I would hold her and love her for those same 7 months over and over and over again.

I am in the process of moving my blog to

http://raising-arrows.blogspot.com/

I will no longer be adding new entries here, so please join me at the new site!

Today I needed to make more handsoap for the family, so I thought I would take step-by-step pics and share the process with you.  It is so incredibly easy!

All you need is:

The tall bottle is GLYCERIN.  I bought mine at Hobby Lobby for $3.47.  This bottle has lasted me about a year.  The small bottle is ESSENTIAL OIL.  I used peppermint.  This ingredient isn't necessary, but I like my soap to smell good.  You can buy essential oils at health food stores.  Other smells you could try would be orange, lemon, eucalyptus...the possibilities are endless!  The bar of SOAP is one that we made with some friends about a year ago, but you can use any bar of soap.  If you are wanting the soap to be a pure soap, use a castille soap or something like Ivory.

Next step:

GRATE your SOAP.  The contraption above is a Bosch Slicer/Shredder I bought to do blocks of cheese.  I bought it at MarmeeDear.com.  It has more than paid for itself in the 2 years I've owned it.  However, if you don't own one of these, please feel free to grate your soap the old-fashioned way...w/ a cheese grater!  Use the finer holes, so your soap flakes will dissolve easier.

Here's the finished product:

Now, put 1 CUP of SOAP FLAKES in a pot:

Cover with 4 CUPS of WATER, and add 1 TBSP of GLYCERIN, and about 5 DROPS of ESSENTIAL OIL.  Warm the pot on the stove until the soap flakes melt.

That's it, you are done!  The last thing I do is fill all my soap containers, and put the leftover soap in a bottle that I keep under my sink.  A FUNNEL is handy for filling soap containers.

You will have to get used the consistancy of this soap...it is runnier (for lack of a better word) than commercial soaps, but for littles that is a good thing, as the soap is easier to get off your hands.  We have been using this recipe for our handsoap for about a year now, and just recently switched to this for our bath soap too.  We love it!  Hope you do too!

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

James 1:19-20

I really enjoy reading in James.  I have gleaned so much from that book over the years.  As an added bonus, our church has just started working through James on Sunday mornings!  I missed last Sunday due to it being the day after our little one was released from the hospital, but I read it aloud to my husband that afternoon and he racapped for me.  The passage above is one that ended up highlighted (yes, I AM a Bible-scribbler ) 

Never in my life have I "wanted" to be slow.  I ran high hurdles in high school...slow was not a good thing there.  I was on the quiz bowl team...slow was not a good thing there.  I cook for a family of 7...slow is not a good thing there.  I hate to shop...slow is not a good thing there.  So, being slow is not really something I have found myself striving toward.  Slow *usually* equals INEFFICIENCY.  But, the Lord's wisdom is not man's wisdom, so....SLOW IS A GOOD THING (when it comes to anger, that is).

If you take your time with someone...listen to them thoroughly...wait for the right moment to speak...refrain from knee-jerk reactions...THEN, the righteousness of the Lord will be produced.  However, just because you were slow, does not mean God's righteouness will somehow magically become fast!  Remember that verse..."WAIT on the Lord" (Ps 27:14a)?  Yet another slow word!

So, I ask you...ARE YOU SLOW?

"For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth."

II Timothy 3:6-7

Stay-at-home-moms and especially, homeschool moms are students.  We read and read and read...sometimes to our children, but often to glean information for ourselves.  We pour over how-to homeschooling books, homeschooling mom's devotionals, and homeschooling manifestos.  We are ALWAYS learning, BUT...

DO WE HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF TRUTH?

I love to learn, and I hope to instill a love of learning in my children.  But, what sorts of things am I learning?  Am I spending my time learning what truly matters?  I can read what all sorts of people have to say about all sorts of things, but if the Word of the Lord is not hidden in my heart, then I will fall for anything anyone says.  I will try to implement every time schedule, educational plan, or child disciplinary chart out there, but never follow through or be successful with any of it b/c I don't know the truth.

Now, don't get me wrong...it can be good to read what others have written and spend time discussing other's thoughts on a myriad of things, but if we don't KNOW THE TRUTH, we will not have the discernment to know when something someone writes or says is just their opinion, rather than God's Truth.

So, what can we do to guard against "household creeps"? 

II Timothy 2:22 tells us to
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

If you do not PURSUE...not just hope you bump into...righteousness, faith, love, and peace, you will never know the TRUTH.

If you are spending your time gossiping, you aren't going to know the TRUTH. 

If your conversations are not flooded with the Word of God, then you will never know the TRUTH. 

Get God's Word in your heart, and GROW UP!  Notice, the previous verse says, "youthful lusts."  Household creeps are based solely in immaturity.  Knowledge of TRUTH will grow you up! 

Our fifth child has been a testimony to the Lord's faithfulness and mercy from the start.

I found out she was coming on my Dad's 82nd birthday and our 4th child's 9 month birthday.  My dad would not live to see her born...he died when I was 5 mons along.  However, earlier in the pregnancy, when my mom told him I was pregnant again, he laughed.  That made my day.

She was due July 2, but her daddy was really hoping for a July 4th birthday...he got his wish!  If you regularly read my blog, you know the circumstances surrounding her delivery and how amazing God was during all of that.  If not, here is the link to that post: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Raisingarrows/354029/

Then, I find myself with this beautiful little one who rarely makes a peep, sleeps through the night, and is perfectly content all day every day.  My mom commented at Thanksgiving that she was "so good, it was almost scary."  Not scary...a blessing!  When she did get sick, we knew she was sick!

I kept an extensive diary during her hospital stay that will go in her baby book.  I want her to know who she is and how God has had a hand in her life from the beginning.  The prayers of God's people saved this special little girl!

Today, she turned 6 months old.  Six months ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed, babe in arms, watching fireworks out my window.  Here I sit six months later, newly released from the hospital, babe in arms, watching God's handiwork suck her little thumb