For several days now I have been pondering the fact that what I struggle with most from day to day is my lack of routine.  But deeper than that is the fact that I don't even know WHERE TO BEGIN.

I look at my home and I know what things NEED to be done, but they seem insurmountable.  There are piles of dishes and laundry and sewing projects and school work.  I cannot see the forest for the trees.  And since I have no idea where to start, I don't start at all and the mess multiplies.

You see I am not one of those people who is naturally organized.  I don't automatically KNOW what to do and what order to do it.  In addition to this, I was raised by a mother who tended to do everything herself.  She is naturally organized with list upon list to keep her on track throughout the day, so I'm not even sure had I asked her to help me that she would have been able to.  People who naturally do something tend to not be able to convey in simple enough terms HOW they do it to those of us un-naturals.

There are a few things that she taught me specifics on...hanging up laundry is the main one that comes to mind.  I know exactly where to place the clothespins to ensure the clothes don't bear that tell-tale mark of being hung to dry.  I know how to attach them to each other to conserve space on the line.  It is one area of my domesticity that I feel prepared for.

But beyond that, I am clueless.  I see homeschooled girls reaching marriageable age with more domestic skills and knowledge than I possess at nearly 30.  I simply do not know how to run a household.  I can say that--it's ok.  I don't have to pretend like I know what I'm doing, although I must b/c I have admitted this shortcoming of mine on more than one occasion and often get the response of, "Oh, but you always seem to have it all put together."  To this I must say, "Just because something looks a certain way doesn't mean it IS a certain way."  Anyone who has caught me "off-guard" in their visits can attest to this fact.

I have feared that I was just lazy and that was why my home runs in jerks and starts.  And as the babies continue to come, I cry out in fear to God--"WHAT do I do?  HOW do I get my life in gear?  I CAN'T live like this and raise 3, 4, 5... children."

As I did dishes for the 6th time last night and contemplated the fact that nearly EVERY dish in my kitchen was dirty, I began to feel as if I would never get this figured out.  I know there are people out there w/ many more children than I have who admittedly do not know what they are doing.  Some pretend as if they like it that way (I say pretend, b/c I DO NOT believe that anyone is truly happy living in chaos) and others live in despair.  Would I be one of those women who raised her family by accident?  Not purposefully b/c I cannot be purposeful on a whim (which is pretty much how I live my life--on a whim). Some people have told me they envy my "spontaneity."  I enjoy being able to drop things and go, but I would like to have a routine that allowed for me to feel guiltless about being spontaneous and one that would allow for me to slide right back into life once the fun was over, instead of leaving me standing there staring at the additional chaos my moment of spontaneity caused!

Today I believe an answer came.  Maybe not THE answer, but a starting point at least.  A place to BEGIN.

A MOMYS friend of mine, HeadingHomeward (Bibs on MOMYS) wrote this post:

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/HeadingHomeward/248775/

I am anxious to see what can be gleaned from these discussions.  I am looking for someone to TEACH me HOW to do the natural domestic-type things that somehow got lost among my generation.  And in case, any of my fellow readers feel as ill-equiped as I do, please consider joining in on the group--you can click the link in the sidebar of her blog to join the Yahoo group.  And I am sure those of you who do know what you are doing would be welcome to in order to give us all some direction and guidance!