When I began writing for public consumption many years ago, I asked the Lord what He would have me write.  I realized that I can only successfully write what I know.   I do my best writing about the things I am going through and what the Lord is teaching me through those things.  I made it a policy to write candidly and prayerfully about my life and let the reader glean from it what the Lord would have them glean from it..

In fact, it was this approach that lead me to write "The Me Time Myth".  That article was about me.  It was my life spread wide-open for all to see my inconsistancies and bad habits.  The reader could take the journey with me as I went from seeking self to finding contentment in my role as wife and mother.  I didn't pretend to be someone I was not.  I was just honest and real.

Since the publication of the article in The Old Schoolhouse, I got into my head that I had to somehow be a bit better than the real me.  People were going to read that article, come to the blog, and find a whishy-washy homeschool mom who was anything but the motivational superwoman they were expecting.  Instead of writing about my struggles and my successes and the Lord's teachings, I started coming up with subjects on my own and unfortunately, found myself "pretending" I was more of an expert than I actually was. 

When we homeschooling moms go to conferences and workshops, we sit under the teaching of men and women who are deemed "experts" in some area.   What we forget is that they are human beings too.  They are not nearly as perfect as we believe them to be because we are only seeing a fraction of them.  Not that any of the speakers actually believe themselves to be perfect, but we as their audience want them to be perfect.  We want to believe that someone out there has it all right and that if we follow their formula or work extra hard or find just the right curriculum, we too, will "arrive".

So, when I found myself  in a similar position as the teachers at the workshops, I felt I had to reinvent myself, lest anyone find out I wasn't perfect.  Rather than be real and honest, I decided I must offer something "more".  I was afraid if I didn't sound like I had it all together I would terribly disappoint a whole bunch of people. 

So, it is with shame and humbleness, I ask for forgiveness from those of you who read this blog.  I have known in my heart for quite some time that the reason the Lord seems to use the other blog for His glory so much more than He uses this one is because the other blog has remained a story of His working in my life.  It is the real me, flaws and all, with the Lord shining through.  Here, I pretended to have it all together, which is a big fat lie.  I can't sugar-coat it and make it prettier than it is.  The truth in this case is just plain ugly.  I was trying to be someone I am not rather than let the Lord work through my imperfections.  I can do all things through Christ...I can do nothing apart from Him.

So, a fresh start is needed.  I still want this blog to be about my homeschooing journey; however, it will no longer be what I think the reader expects from someone who has written some article in some national magazine.  It's just going to be me...the REAL me...the imperfect, constantly-changing-curriculum, falls-asleep-while-reading-out-loud, never-gets-it-all-done, desperately-leaning-on-the-Lord me.

So, you'll please excuse me while I throw out these filthy rags.