It was a year ago today we buried our precious daughter.  She was born on a holiday (July 4th) and her daddy felt it was fitting to bury her on a holiday.  I remember thinking I would forever think of this day as Emmy's day. 

I don't know St. Valentine, but I do know Emily.  She showed us what true love is all about.  She brought us closer to understanding the love our Lord has for us.  We now know a self-sacrificing love that transcends any card and candy holiday.  And even though it hurt my mama heart to let my daughter's tiny body be lowered into that grave, I know it was only her body.  My Emily does not reside in the cold ground.  She rests in the arms of Jesus.

We love you, Emily!  Happy Emily Day!

Micah Emmanuel

born New Year's Day 2009

12:18 am

10# 6oz

22.5"

For the full blown birth story, CLICK HERE 

The local newspaper came out and did a story on us because Micah was the first New Year's baby in the area.  This was such a blessing because it gave us an opportunity to talk about Emily and talk about our faith and share once again our story.  The reporter did a wonderful job portraying our family without biased against Christianity. 

We are so very blessed to finally be holding our sweet little boy!

I had never heard of a Jesse Tree until this year.  I had some vague understanding that it was kind of like an Advent devotional and you used some sort of ornaments with it, but it wasn't until I ran across Sheri Graham's 12 Holiday Planner that I gained a better understanding of just what a Jesse Tree is.

This Holiday Planner caught my eye in an email from Marilyn Moll (knows as the Urban Homemaker).  I listened to her interview with Sheri Graham and perused some of the sample pages of this ebook and decided it would be a tremendous help to me since I had a baby coming at Christmastime and would need all the extra planning I could get.

As I was listening and looking, I realized that included was a Jesse Tree Devotional from Ann Voskamp.  I was able to gain a better understanding of just what a Jesse Tree was all about.  It sounded like a wonderful way to celebrate the coming of Christ.

Basically, a Jesse Tree follows the lineage of Christ and God's plan of salvation from Adam to Christ's birth, starting on November 30 and ending on Christmas Day.  There is Scripture reading that starts in Genesis and culminates with the Christmas story found in Luke.  To help solidify the pieces of this grand plan in our little ones' heads, there are colorful ornaments for each reading that are placed on a tree...a Jesse Tree.  For us, this tree is our Christmas Tree.  I would like to someday have a separate tree to represent our Jesse Tree, but for now, the ornaments are a nice addition to our family tree.

Another thing I would like to do someday is make our own ornaments rather than using the paper ones that we've put on cardstock and laminated with contact paper.  For instance, the reading on Jacob's Ladder makes me think of a little ladder made out of twigs that have been glued together...simple, but nicer than paper.  I'd like to be able to put together enough of these as part of the holiday season that eventually as each of my children leave our home to start their own families, they would have a shoebox full of their own Jesse Tree ornaments.

Something else I've learned about recently is something called a Jesse Tree exchange where each family chooses a day in the devotional and makes ornaments for themselves and the rest of the group pertaining to their particular day.  Then they exchange their ornaments and receive the other days from other members of the exchange.  This is a fun and crafty idea, but not one I felt I could tackle this year.  (Did I mention I am *still* working on Christmas gifts! *sigh*)

Anyway, I thought there were probably others out there like me who had either never heard of a Jesse Tree or who had heard of one, but had not a clue what they were. 

If any of you have actually made your own Jesse Tree ornaments I would love to see pictures!

There are days when I feel like Superwoman.  I get everything on my list accomplished, school goes without a hitch (or without any hitches I'm not able to handle in record time), the laundry is done up, the dishes are done up, the house is relatively clean, and I even manage to find the time to read a book...to myself!  These are the days when I feel I have arrived and I nearly break my arm patting myself on the back.

However, these days are few and far between.  More often than not my superwoman cape hangs dirty and wrinkled at the back of the closet. 

As this pregnancy progresses (only 6 weeks to go!), I am finding that my Superwoman days may be all but over for a time.  My hips are now loosey-goosey and just getting off the couch or standing to cook dinner pose serious threats to my well-being.  I have to do things in jerks and stops, bits and pieces, half baby steps at a time.

Lately, I've been contemplating how I feel about this way of doing things.  I first noticed I was slowing down at about 31 weeks.  I was upset that it was happening so soon.  However, when looking back through my pregnancy journals, I realized that this particular time frame seems to be normal for me...how easily I forget from one pregnancy to the next. 

Now, as I sit here at nearly 34 weeks, I've begun to accept this slowing.  But, there is one tiny glich...the holidays are upon us!  How can I waddle through the holidays like this?  How will I ever get anything accomplished?  Where is that Superwoman cape???

And that's when it hit me...

I am slowing during a season when I *should* be slowing, not speeding up.  The house, the homeschooling, the desire to be Superwoman all need to take a backseat to what (or rather WHO) is number one.  In fact, this doesn't just apply to the next couple of months...this is TRUTH ALL YEAR LONG.

I think the Lord only allows so many Superwoman Days because otherwise we would never find ourselves in a place where our lives nearly come to a halt because we just can't keep going and the only thing we can do is surrender.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we just surrendered from the get-go?

Lord, even if today is a Superwoman Day, make my heart hear YOU.  Lead me to understand that YOU are my strength.  And if today is not a Superwoman Day, I praise You for that as well because it keeps me humble, teaches me to fully surrender to You, shows me the important things.  Amen.

I grew up singing.  I grew up hearing singing.  My family sang; therefore, I sang.  I used to say my dad had a song for everything.  It didn't matter what you said, he knew a song that fit perfectly.  My life had a soundtrack made of many different songs from many different genres.

So, naturally, when I had children, I injected music into their lives.  The easiest way to do this is via lullabies.  What mother can keep herself from singing to her baby?  Even the mother who knows she sings off-key will sing to her baby because she knows baby doesn't mind.  In those still, precious hush-darkened moments in the night when no one else is around to hear, she will softly sing to the precious downy-headed child in her arms, every note pouring out love.

Something I started with my first child and have continued to carry on from there is the tradition of each child having his/her own special lullaby.  They love this and often ask for their song at bedtime or in the van.

My 10 year old son received a song I sang in Jr. High for a contest.  It is called American Lullaby and speaks of the years just prior to the Depression when Daddies were keeping the wolf from the door by visiting the stockbroker and Mamas were playing bridge and Nursie was taking care of baby all the while.  While the lyrics of the song are a bit shallow, the melody is beautiful.

My 7 year old daughter's song is All the Pretty Little Horses.  Interestingly enough, she has grown up to adore horses!  I can remember countless hours of singing this to her as I nursed and rocked her with my toddler son at my feet.  Precious, precious memories.

Our 4 year old daughter was given a song that used to make me cry.  It is song from Sesame Street called I'd Like to Visit the Moon.  I know it seems silly to cry at a song from Sesame Street, but the lyrics are amazing.  It is sung by Ernie I believe, and he talks of visiting all these exotic places:  the moon, the jungle, prehistoric times, but that no matter how far he goes away, he will always come home.  Makes me sigh just to think about it.

Our 2 year old son is named in honor of my father with an Irish name, so it was perfectly natural to give him an Irish song, Be Thou My Vision.  You should see his little ears prick up in church when we sing that song!

Our little Emily's song was Summertime from Porgy & Bess with a not-so-operatic flair, courtesy of Mommy.  It is sometimes difficult for me to think about the words of this song, especially the second verse, but I wanted to share them here...

One of these mornin's you're gonna rise up singin',

Then you'll spread your wings and take to the sky.

But 'til that mornin' there's a-nothin' can harm you,

So, hush little baby and don't you cry.

The thing this song has wrong is that the truth is that it was once she took to the sky that nothin' could harm her anymore.  She is held and rocked and sung to in a place where no harm will ever come to her.

I would encourage everyone reading this to consider designating a special lullaby for each of your children, something special they can carry with them as they grow, something they can share with their children...a legacy of lullabies.

I recently posted this on MOMYS and thought I would share it here as well...

I have a dear friend w/ 10 children who was really struggling w/ never getting everything done on her To-Do List. She felt like a failure every single day.  After lamenting this fact to her husband, he responded with a rather creative way to give her some perspective.  He asked her to make a What-I-Did List for a whole week.

With the help of her oldest child, she wrote down every little thing she did from changing diapers, to taking a potty-training child to the bathroom, to cooking meals to cleaning up an unexpected mess.  Here she thought she was somehow squandering time, only to realize she truly was a VERY busy woman.

We definitely need to examine ourselves to be certain we aren't squandering time, but quite often our To-Do List is not getting done simply because our What-I-Did List takes over.  I know there are days when my dry erase board is filled to the brim with my To-Dos and very few of them seem to get erased.  However, I have taken to occasionally writing something extra I did on that board just so I can erase it! 

And right now, I feel particularly bogged down because in the midst of teaching 3 very different age levels, my 2 year old son has decided to potty train.  Now, let me tell you, potty-training is a full time job!  So, I have even added Potty Train to my To-Do list because honestly, there are days when I feel like I have done very little aside from making multiple trips to the bathroom and the laundry room (potty training creates a lot of laundry!)

So, if you are feeling discouraged by how little you seem to be getting done on your To-Do List, then stop making a To-Do List and start making a What-I-Did List!  More than likely you will find a great deal of accomplishment there.

Recently, I was asked to write a letter to a young woman turning 16 to encourage her in her womanhood.  The task seeemed a bit daunting because I am only 15 years her senior and quite often do not feel as though I have a clue.  In fact, I have only 9 years of truly living for the Lord under my belt.  What could I possibly say to this young woman who in many ways seems light years ahead of me?  Well, I decided to take my 12 years of marriage, 9 years of Christianity, nearly 6 children and give her the three things I have found to be most important.

***************************************************************************************

Dear _________,

About a month ago, I sat at my daughter's grave and talked aloud to her and to God. I do not know if our dear ones in Heaven can truly hear us, but it brings me comfort to speak aloud to my baby girl. I told her how much I was hurting, how much I miss her, how much I love her. I also asked her if it were within her abilities, and if it was alright with her, could she ask the Lord to send us another baby. Our arms are so empty.

I went on to ask the Lord to consider me. I told Him that I did not know if He believed us to be truly ready for a new baby, but if it was His will, I would gladly accept a new little blessing.

Shortly thereafter, we learned that the Lord had indeed blessed us again! A new little babe to join us at Christmas time! A child to fill our aching arms.

With this blessing comes many emotions and thoughts...too many to put into words here. I am sure as this pregnancy progresses, I will have many things to share with you.

I continue to grieve the loss of my dear sweet baby girl who would have been 10 months old on the 4th. I find myself continually counting heads and knowing there is someone missing. I want her to be here to share in the joy of this new life, but where she is is exactly where the Lord wants her. So I must rejoice in this new life wholeheartedly. This IS His best for me. Though one is "missing" and will always be "missing", there is a future, there is hope. The Lord continues to show this to me over and over again. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

It seems to me that for the Scheduled Family the basics are often a no-brainer.  You need only to add a block of time that says something like Morning Chores, and the entire family knows that means Brush Teeth, Get Dressed, Make Bed, etc.  This is the beauty of the Scheduled Family.  However, the Routine Family tends to have a bit more trouble in this area.  I am not sure why that is, it has just been my experience as such.  So, this post is more for the Routine Family.

To establich the basics, see some of the tips in the previous post.  You really do need to practice the basics for quite some time before they will become the basics.  I can remember when I first implemented Table Chores.  I had high hopes that within a week, they would do them automatically.  Boy, was I wrong!  It took a year and a half!  And still, I must occasionally remind them of something they missed!  So, do not become disheartened!  Persevere!!!

Once you have the basics in place--things like a simple morning routine, afternoon routine, and bedtime routine--you can consider adding in routines that repeat weekly.  This is how I get my house cleaning done.  When I had a smaller family, my weekly routine was much less involved.  I cleaned my home thoroughly on Monday, did up all my laundry, and coasted the rest of the week.  I found this stopped working after Baby #3.  But, I do want to include a little more about this method of routine since small families deserve just as much attention as large ones...

For a smaller family, a one-day-a-week cleaning spree is often enough to keep the house in working order the rest of the week.  You simply get it all done and then maintain.  Since the weekend tends to destroy a house no matter what size your family is, Monday is the perfect day to regroup.  In fact, I would highly encourage you to never schedule appointments or out-of-the-house activities on Mondays (yes, I know Routine Families are not known for their ability to committ to something like this, but please consider the "why" behind my reasoning.)  If you use your Monday to reassemble your home, your week will go much smoother.  Trust me!

So, on Mondays I would clean the house.  I did this in the morning because I was schooling my oldest child in the afternoon during his sister's nap.  I will elaborate more on exactly HOW I cleaned house.  For now, simply tidy up.  Just a simple tidy will do wonders for a home!  No dusting required!  I also did all the laundry on Mondays.  (wow, if only I could manage that now!)  So, we started the week w/ full drawers and closets of clean clothes--great feeling!

Tuesday and Wednesday, I pretty much coasted.  The house really didn't require much from me those days.  These are the days that work best for making appointments if you can manage that.  The house is in good working order and can stand for you to be away from it.

Now, by Thursday, I usually needed to readdress the mess.  There were some things that needed attention since I had been away the previous days.  But, quite often, the mess only took an hour or less to completely fix.  It was sort of like a mini-clean, and it was enough to get me through the weekend.  And that was how I did it with 2 children.

For the larger family, you will more than likely need to break up your cleaning spree into bite-size days.  My week is loosely based on the Large Family Logistics way of doing things.  Recently, I heard Kim has re-opened her site, but from what I can tell, she is still not posting regularly.  You can check it out HERE. 

So, here is what we do for our weekly cleaning routine:

Monday = Laundry (try to do all of it and then maintain throughout the week) & Dusting

Tuesday = All Floors

Wednesday = Bathrooms

Thursday = Projects

Friday = Clean out Van & Finish any outstanding items

Saturday = Prepare for Sunday

Sunday = Set aside for Rest and Worship!

This has proven to be a very doable weekly routine for us and one that is not too time-intensive.  I still prefer to do all my cleaning in the morning with the children's help, and then school in the afternoon.  I divy up all the chores that are required to get the job done onto a dry erase board that hangs in my kitchen.  At this point in time, only my oldest 2 (ages 10 and 7) are listed on the board w/ chores beside their names.  The "littles" (ages 2 & 3) are given tasks at random according to what I think they can handle.  By the way, this board is not the place for the every day chores.  This is the place for the Day-of-the-Week cleaning and anything extra I see that needs to be done.  All of this happens AFTER our morning routine.   We all work through our lists, erasing as we go and usually have it knocked it out by about 11:00 a.m.  A quick example of what the board might look like would be:

Mom -

Tidy bedroom

Tidy Family Room

Vacumn entire house

10 yo Son -

Tidy bedroom

Tidy living room

Sweep/mop dining room and kitchen

Sweep storage areas

7 yo Daughter -

Tidy bedroom

Brush down stairs

Sweep/mop entryway

Sweep/mop downstairs bathroom

So, that gives you an idea as to what is on our list.  Your list will obviously be different b/c your home is different.  And remember, moving beyond the baics takes time and patience.  Finding a workable plan is not an easy task.  You often have to just try it one way and see how it goes, make adjustments, and try it again.  If you see something in your day that is a problem area, figure out a way to solve it.  For instance, is your house always a mess by the time dad comes home even though it is neat and tidy in the morning?  Implement a 4:30 pm mad-dash cleaning session to get the house ready for Daddy.  In fact, before you start doing a full-blown weekly routine, start out by implementing bits and pieces.  Do your 4:30 Mad Dash every day for a week.  Is it working?  Do you like the results?  If so, keep it and move forward.  Don't try to add every single thing I listed all in one week...you will burn out...especially if some piece of it doesn't quite fit your family.

So, a quick recap...

*Figure out what kind of family you are...Schedule or Routine.

*Find a daily basic plan that works for your family.

*Once you have practiced your plan for a sufficient amount of time, add in a weekly repeating routine one component at a time.

*If you find something that just is not working for your family, revamp it and try again.  Give it time.  Don't become discouraged!  Persevere!!!

Now, for some ideas to get you started...

One option for Scheduled Families is a simple Daily Planner.  These work great for older children and parents alike, and they are compact enough to go wherever you go.  Simply fill in each time slot with your to-do's for the week (I suggest weekly for the Scheduled Family rather than daily because you naturally prefer your week to have a nice flow or pattern to it).  As you develop a workable schedule, you will need only to transfer the previous week into the new week.  Leave the planner lying open on the table during the day for quick glances at what is next.  Anything out of the ordinary (ie. school projects, mending something in particular, picking up your mother from the airport, etc) can be penciled in without too much disruption to your daily schedule.

Another great option for Schedule-lovin' families is something like Managers of Their Homes.  This type of schedule is put together in 30 minute blocks of time.  You have a neatly set time for nearly everything you would like to accomplish throughout your day.  You are able to schedule in everyone else's day as well.  All of this is put into a color coded wall chart with blocks that can easily be changed and moved around.  If you find something that does not work well in the time frame you originally placed it in or something in your life suddenly changes, you simply move it.   

But, if you are a Routine person, MOTH is more than likely NOT for you.  In fact, I would gently suggest that it could quite possibly make you feel very badly about yourself and your ability to run a household properly.  Mrs. Maxwell never intended for this to be the case, so please do not think I am suggesting she believes her schedule is the only way to run a household.  She is merely trying to help other mamas out there manage their day with something that worked well for her household.  But, the fact of the matter is that some of our lives do not fit neatly in 30 minute boxes.  My life being a case in point. 

So, what are some things that a Routine family can try?

A Daily Planner may work for you as well (or just a piece of notebook paper for that matter), but with two differences from the one kept by the Scheduled Family.  Yours should not be marked with times.  The other difference is that your routine should be written out DAILY, not weekly.  You simply take everything that must be accomplished during that day, write it down in a good working order, and cross off as you go.

Another suggestion comes from my friend, SarahLynne.  You can read about it HERE.  The basic idea is that you write eveything down on seperate notecards.  When you have accomplished the item listed, you move it from the TO DO section to the DONE section.  This is a great option for the children.  Even those who can't read can have picture cards that tell them what to do next.  I've incorporated this into my daily routine by putting two magnetized chip clips on my refrigerator...one is TO DO and one is DONE.  It feels so good to move the cards from one side to the other.  I use this mainly as a way to remember all those daily things that if allowed to become sidetracked, I will simply forget to do:  taking vitamins, giving the kids their vitamins, switching over laundry, dethawing dinner, etc.

Since I have added CAVE to my list of places I have nursed, I thought I would take the time to write out interesting places I have nursed...

CHURCH

CUB SCOUTS

ON A TRAIN

ON A BOAT

SPIRIT OF THE DANCE SHOW IN BRANSON

WHILE MAKING JEWELRY IN A BEAD SHOP IN COLORADO

HALFWAY UP A MOUNTAIN BESIDE A WATERFALL (my favorite!)

LEANING OVER THE CAR SEAT (not my favorite!)

WHILE REHEARSING FOR A BROADWAY REVUE

WHILE TAKING MY DRIVER'S LICENSE TEST (Thanks, I had totally forgot about that one!)

I know there are more, but I'll have to keep brainstorming!  Anyone else have some fun (or not so fun) places they have nursed babies???

This year, we decided to branch out and spend our big vacation some place other than Colorado.  (We still took a quick Colorado vacation around Labor Day).

We chose South Dakota.  Why?  The reasons were numerous:

1) DH was born there (Sioux Falls) and moved when he was 2 wks old.  He's never been back to see the state that he lists on every piece of paperwork that asks where he was born.

2) The children are studying the early years of our great nation, and so a trip to see 4 President's head carved in a mountain seemed appropriate.

3) My parents visited the Black Hills when our oldest was a little tyke and brought him back a rock.

4) We had heard the Black Hills were beautiful, esp during autumn.

So, we loaded up the van and we drove to Custer, SD.  We had an awesome family cabin that was half price b/c it was off-season (Calamity Peak Lodge).  We took quite a bit of food w/ us and cooked several meals there.  We took in a ton of sights:  Mount Rushmore, Wind Cave, The Mammoth Site, Crazy Horse, Custer State Park.  We even drove on into Wyoming!

A few quick stories about our adventure:

*We traveled the entire Custer State Park on a week long pass.  While there, we saw a ton of animals just roaming around.  They were on the road, they in the ditches, they were even surrounding our van!  We had several wild donkeys poking their heads in the van windows, so like good tourists, we gave them a pet!

*I love caves, so a trip to one of the caves in the area was a must!  We chose Wind Cave.  It was about an hour and a half long walking tour full of stairs heading mostly in the downward direction.  I packed  baby on me, and the other 4 had to walk.  When we lined up w/ the other people to go into the cave and the park ranger informed us that we would be LOCKED in this cave, I am sure there were a few people who looked at us w/ our 5 littles and thought "AHHHHHHHHH"!!!!!!!  One woman did say, "You are brave taking 4 kids in a cave w/ no way out."  I politely informed her that there were actually 5.  To which she exclaimed, "You are crazy!"  And, yes, there was a moment when I thought I was going to chicken out, but I didn't and all was well--even when they turned out ALL the lights!  In fact, it was another couple w/ a toddler about the same age as ours who had trouble--I felt so bad for them, b/c I am sure they were mortified (b/c I would have been), but their little one soon calmed down and you would have never guessed there were any small children on the tour.  We even had an older woman tell us on the way out that we had a beautiful family.  It is comments like that that make my day!

Before the tour, the park ranger told us a story of a man named Jim losing his hat down the entrance of Wind Cave and how it was never seen again.  Well, our 3 yo spent most of the tour LOOKING for the hat!  She kept saying, "Nope, Jim's hat not here."  She also was given a flashlight at the start of the tour, so she kept telling me that if I got scardey and needed her, she would bring me the light.

Baby got hungry on the trip, so I can add CAVE to my list of places I have nursed!

*At the Mammouth Site, our 9 yo helped the tour guide w/ her demonstrations and even led the group while she took my husband and the littles in the stroller down the wheelchair ramp.  She came up to us after the tour was over and had tears in her eyes.  She said it gave her goosebumps to be around a family such as ours b/c she sees many families and sees that they have no boundries and the children are not blessings.  I didn't think we had done all that well (the 1 yo constantly wanted out of the stroller, and reasoning w/ a 1 yo is next to impossible), so her comments were a relief.  I often wonder what people do think when they see us coming.  I probably don't want to know!

I would definitely recommend The Black Hills as a vacation destination!  And I would definitely recommend the off-season.  The Hills are beautiful this time of year and the price is right!

My husband goes around singing this song ALL the time.  Honestly, I've never actually heard this song...other than from out of the mouth of my own dear husband.  He sings it anytime anyone talks about getting a haircut, needing a haircut, just got a haircut, etc.  Well, lately it has been ME who has been tossing around the idea of getting a haircut.  However, the thought is absolutely TERRIFYING.

You see, about 6 years ago, I cut my hair short.  REALLY short.  It was spikey in the back and a little longer in the front.  It took massive amounts of DiFi Dstruct to keep it in place.  DH's cousin was in beauty school at the time and that particular haircut was all the rage, so I did it.  DH was gone on deployment and I was in need of some entertainment--getting my hair and nails done all the time was my entertainment.  But, after a bit, I began to feel convicted to grow my hair out.  You may wonder why...well, the reason is a simple one.  I was getting sassy.  VERY, VERY sassy. 

Unfortunately, I struggle greatly w/ the link between appearance and attitude.  What I look like has a profound influence on how I behave.  (Someday I will blog about my days wearing dresses only and how THAT particular look affected my behavior and attitude).  This particular haircut sent me into the realm of sassy-mouthed teenager.  So, God dealt w/ me.  I grew it out, but in a moment of weakness, cut it off again---I cried all the way from the beauty shop home.  I started over that day and have kept it long ever since.  I do cut several inches off every year or so (I have extremely thick hair that grows extremely fast.  It ends up giving me a headache if I let it grow too long and don't have it thinned), but it has stayed rather long all these years. 

In addition to that, it has truly become a part of who I am.  I feel as if it is part of my crunchy, granola mom wardrobe--the chopsticks in my hair or the messy half bun, the bohemian shirts, the wooden & stone jewelry, the baby in the sling--it all works together--it's all part of me.  I have even made peace w/ the greyish-white streaks that have been slowly making their appearance since my early 20's.  It goes too--call it natural highlighting!

I know DH did not like the short haircut (he has told me so since), and I know he doesn't dislike the long hair, but he has been hinting for quite a long time that he REALLY REALLY liked the haircut I had when he and I first met.  (mind you, that was in high school!)  What was that haircut, you may ask???  It was a chin-length bob.  AND my hair was blonde--not brown as it is now.  AND my hair was straight, not curly as it has become since the children have been born.  But, nonetheless, DH would every now and again say, "Sometime why don't you cut your hair in a bob again.  I'd like to see that."

Until recently, I had just ignored his comments.  I liked my hair long.  Wouldn't short hair send me back into the sassiness I lived in before?  Besides, hadn't God convicted me to grow it out???  But, guess what...God has been working on me again.  If this is truly something my husband wants to see on me, then in submission, I should cut it.  I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, and neither am I the same person I was in high school (praise the LORD!). 

Through the conviction of growing my hair out, God dealt w/ my sassiness.  Now it is time for me to work through a different issue by the conviction to cut it.  That issue is my reliance on my hair to make me who I am.  I am afraid of not being me w/o the long hair.  My hair has become so much a part of me that I don't feel as if I can do w/o it.  And as silly as this sounds, I am almost afraid that w/o it, I won't be as crunchy.  In fact, there was even a time when I thought long-hair made you more spiritual--yep, working through that one too!

And then there is the issue of actually having to fix my hair! LOL  That is another thing that has happened in the past few years--a pony-tail or messy bun is quite common unless I'm going out.  I don't wear makeup real often either.  I know dh likes to see me put together, and I feel better when I am dressed nicely and have my hair fixed.  Cutting my hair in a bob would force me to fix it.  I couldn't just throw it up in a pony-tail every day.  Of course, once you fix your hair, you feel like putting on something a little nicer to wear, and once you do that, you might as well put on some makeup. lol

But all these fears pale in comparison to the sadness I feel at the thought that my dear sweet husband may somewhere deep down inside, where even he may not realize it, feel as though he has lost the woman he married.  He loves the granola mom I have become over the years, but that mom is quite often so wrapped up in being a MOM that she forgets to be a WIFE.  He used to flirt w/ the girl w/ the bob haircut.  She used to flirt back.

I truly believe God is calling me back into my wifely role.  I have neglected that person of late.  By cutting my hair, I am signalling a refresh.  I am outwardly showing my husband that I am committed to him, not just his children.  I am still that crunchy granola mom slingin' her babies, but I am ALSO that crunchy granola WIFE who's lovin' her husband!

Remember these guys from The Cat in the Hat? 

Well, they live at my house!

This house is MUCH bigger than our last house and I am forever "losing" the children--especially the toddlers (aka Thing 1 & Thing 2).  The quiet that I so enjoy is NOT a good thing, but it often takes me a bit to realize WHY things are quiet...it's b/c Thing 1 & Thing 2 are somewhere destroying something.

Here is a glimpse of their handiwork just this morning...

They started in the main bathroom.  Remember they "cleaned" my bathroom yesterday w/ Citra-Solv (did I mention this house is TOO big?!)  Well, today, they cleaned the tub w/ ALL the soap.  They also soaped themselves w/ their clothes on.  I was nursing the baby when Thing 1 came in and said, "My shirt is wet.  I all bubbly."  It did not occur to me to ask WHY she was "ALL BUBBLY," but shortly thereafter, my husband, who had been reading on the couch, walked into the bathroom and all I heard was, "Oh No!"  Since I was still nursing (thank you, Lord!), he got the job of cleaning them up.

About an hour later, while we are all tidying up the house, they disappeared again.  Once again, it is my husband who finds them in the craft room.  They had unloaded ALL my snaps.  Now, this was no small task.  The 500 snaps were all neatly packaged by color and by size.  Thing 1 & Thing 2 had to ever so carefully dump them all on the floor and then systematically mix them all up, so they became a beautiful jumble of color and size.  I'm sure it must have taken them all of 30 seconds.  Thing 1, ever ready w/ a comment on her behavior, says, "I make a mess."  REALLY?!  DH wouldn't even attempt to tackle this one, and called for me.  I stood there for a bit seething, I mean pondering, before slowly backing up and shutting the door--not today.

As I was backing out of the room, I noticed a smell I have smelled before...it is the smell of stain remover.  I turn to look in the laundry room and there they are, Thing 1 spraying the laundry room floor with Shout while Thing 2 looks on in admiration.  I shuffle them out of the laundry room in a flurry of reprimands and begin the frantic search for a baby gate--anything to keep these  terrific toddlers out of that area of the basement! 

I find the baby gate in the garage and put it up, only to come upstairs and find Thing 1 has stolen a banana and has given part of it to her brother.  I take away the bananas from Adam and Eve, I mean Thing 1 & Thing 2, and discipline them.  Thing 1, being the instigator of this crime spree, is put in a chair under the watchful eye of her older brother until I can get a few things done so I can go to the Y and breathe.

I know there are naysayers out there who will say I am just getting what I deserve for having such a large family so close in age, but lest you think these children are a burden to me, let me ask you this...aren't you terribly bored w/o a Thing 1 & Thing 2 at YOUR house???

Crunchy.  Yep, that's me.  I breastfeed, cloth diaper, eat whole grains, buy organic, drink raw milk, use herbs, and generally stay far, far away from medical intervention.  In fact, I can count on one hand the number of times our family has been to a doctor (outside of the OB's office) this year and last year combined.  Not that I hate doctors--some of my favorite people just happen to be doctors by trade, but b/c I prefer to treat as best I can at home b/f running to the dr's office for an antibiotic or some such thing.

So, WHY would I choose to go to an OB to have my babies when I could homebirth w/ a midwife--or at the very least, birth in a free-standing clinic w/ a midwife?

It all comes down to a simple phrase a dear La Leche League leader said to me as she helped me work through the trauma of my c-section:

Have the best birth YOU can have.

(For more information on C-section trauma and what you can do to avoid another c-section, click on the link below:

ICAN : International Cesarean Awareness Network)

You see, I sought out this doctor specifically b/c I had heard she had a fantastic VBAC rate.  I dearly wanted a VBAC and she was confidant I could do it.  Sure enough, 2.5 yrs after my first child was born via emergency c-section, we welcomed baby #2 via VBAC.  It was a beautiful experience--and a healing one.

Shortly after her birth, we felt convicted to leave our family planning up to the Lord.  Now, at this point I considered a midwife, but I had 2 things standing in my way.

1.  I was a VBAC and now carried the risk of a uterine rupture.

2.  I had not yet labored w/o the help of an epidural.

Honestly, #2 worried me WAY more than #1.  I had always wanted to go naturally and med-free, but w/ a c-section that is impossible, and w/ the VBAC, when I wasn't dilating, the epidural was a last-ditch effort to avoid a c-section (and it worked).  Besides all of this, I was attached to my doctor.  Here was someone who had helped me get what I had wanted.  When M was born, she was right there cheering me on.  But would I ever be able to have the med-free birth in a hospital setting?

I had a rather long break between baby #2 and baby #3--back to back deployments and a miscarriage that resulted in a D&C.  I had plenty of time to think about exactly what I wanted and how to get there.  A friend of mine was preparing for a Bradley birth, but I was skeptical.  I had taken Lamaze twice and it had done nothing for me, so what would yet another method do?  She shared her book w/ me and tried to explain many of the concepts, but I only absorbed it in cynical bits and pieces.

I went into labor w/ baby #3 determined to do my best to get a med-free birth.  However, the ONLY thing I did to help my cause was to get a hep lock instead of a full-blown IV.  This was b/c I really knew nothing about laboring positions and I was "worried" about what the hospital staff would think of me getting out of bed. *gasp*

Well, it became apparent rather quickly that this labor was going to be rough.  Later I found out that baby was posterior and that is what caused the incredibly excruciating pain that had me begging for an epidural 12 hrs into it.  It was then I figured I would NEVER have a med-free birth.  I just couldn't seem to pull it off.

7 months later I found I was pg again.  Even though I had lost hope of a med-free birth, my husband and I still took a tour of a local midwifery clinic.  We were impressed, but we could see the trepidation on the assistant's face when we told her I had never not had an epidural.  In the end, I went to my OB b/c by this point she had seen me through 2 miscarraiges and 2 VBACs and she was more than willing to accomodate whatever hair-brained idea I came up with (which included not inducing against hospital's advisement.)  I had a hard time imagining not having her delivering children.

As I began to labor w/ baby #4, the same friend who had now had 2 successful Bradley births (both in hospitals) came by to take me to her house and give me a massage while I waited for my husband to arrive to take me to the hospital.  While we there, she talked me through a lot of the breathing/relaxation techniques she had learned.  She massaged my belly hard w/ each contraction and told me over and over how I could do this.  I was amazed at the difference.  When my husband picked me up, I gave him a crash course on my crash course, but on the way to hospital, I lost my resolve.  Was there any way this really could work?

To make an incredibly long story shorter, I labored for a mere 3 hrs at the hospital w/ my doctor and my husband by my side.  I was up, down, and all around in that L&D room.  The end result was a 10 pound, 22" boy born completely med-free!!!  Both my doctor and my husband played such a huge role in this birth that I can no longer imagine going to anyone else.  I AM having the best birth I can have!

For about 5 wks now I have been dealing w/ the itchy scratchies off and on.  Pregnancy usually carries with it the usual skin stretching and dry skin issues, but this goes WAY beyond that! 

When I was pg w/ K, I had some issues, but when I changed bath soaps and quit any lotions, I ended up just fine.  Easy fix!  But this time, no such luck.

I asked around on the MOMYS board and here are the 2 "diagnoses" I ended up w/:

PUPP

Although, the symptoms didn't quite match up, I thought this could very well be it.  I sort of treated it as if it were this, but niggling in the back of my mind was the warning that it could be this...

Cholestasis

I knew how very serious this could be and the itching really did supersede ANYTHING I had ever felt before, so at my last dr's appt, I told my dr. about it and she ordered the test right away.  She really felt as if PUPP were not the issue b/c I was not broken out anywhere.

Well, I got the results back, everything checked out normal.  A relief, but at the same time a disappointment...here I sit itching for NO GOOD REASON!

The Prognosis:  Like all pregnancy related symptoms, once baby is born, I am sure all prior itching will disappear along w/ the memory of the prior itching.  Thus making it easier for me to forget just how uncomfortable pregnancy can be.  Thus making me more likely to do it again in the near future! LOL