Carried on the Wind

Feb. 6, 2008 - You are Being Redirected

I've been a stranger to my own blog lately, but with good reason. I've finally put an update and some snowy pictures on my other blog. Due to technical difficulties (AKA computer illiteracy due to a change made to our photo program) I can't upload pictures to HSBlogger right now. So, come on y'all, and visit me over at Blogger! In addition to snow and hot cocoa, you'll also get a peek at the day that Spring visited our house and see how many days until our baby is due!

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Jan. 18, 2008 - Remembering

It was a year ago this week that we were losing a second baby through miscarriage. At the time it seemed almost surreal, that it could be happening again within just a few months. My heart ached and my mind was flooded with questions and fears. Would I be able to have another baby? What good could come from going through this a second time? Wasn't once enough? Hope seems hardest to hold onto when we need it most.

Here we are, one year later, and we can look back and see God's faithfulness to us. The road hasn't been easy, but He has been close to us, and by His grace, we have stayed close to one another. I think of the little ones who aren't with us here; I wonder what they would have been like. I think of them in heaven and wonder if they are babies, toddlers, or if in heaven all are ageless. Is there a process of growing up there? Is that what it means to be changed "from glory to glory"? Can they "see" us? Do they know that they have a family here on earth who loves them, who misses them?

I'm blessed, so much, by others who remember with us. My sister Alyssa made us two mosaic stones for the garden, one for each of them. Shortly before Christmas she stopped by with two little angel ornaments to hang on our tree to remember them by, our sweet babies who will always be loved.

One of our very close friends recently lost a baby through miscarriage, and I was able to see a glimpse of how God can use what we've gone through to help others. Erik and I were able to go spend a day with her and her husband, and I felt like there was something special in just being with her. Not that there was anything special I could say of do, but just the fact that I've been through it, that I know, was a comfort to her. My Dad reminded me of this Scripture: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." My hope has always been that something beautiful will rise out of the pain and sadness of our loss, and I've been blessed to see a glimpse of that. I hope that the comfort of Christ will flow through me to others.
Life goes on, and there is still sadness; we miss our babies. But there is healing too, there is choosing to go forward one step at a time. There is learning to ask the hard questions but not to hold onto them; instead, we cling to peace and joy and try to let go of fear and despair. There is a greater awareness that this earth is temporal and an increased longing to rest in our true home, where God will wipe away every tear and sorrow and sadness will be no more.
We remain so thankful for those of you who have walked this road with us, who have prayed for us, cried with us, encouraged us and remembered with us. We are more aware of what it means to be part of a Body as so many have shared this burden with us.

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Jan. 16, 2008 - Inquiring Minds

Shadow, 30 Weeks

Here are some of the interesting questions I've been asked recently by the five and under crowd:

Why is that part of you so fat?
Will the doctor get the baby out?
Will your dad pull the baby out? (I think the inquirer on this one meant my husband, not my dad.)
Are your n*pples starting to collect milk for the baby?
Is the baby going to come out of your belly button?

This belly of mine, and its contents of course, are beginning to cause quite a stir among Peregrine and his friends. They come up with all sorts of interesting questions, as you can see! Peregrine is quite desperate for this baby to be born, and no matter how much I explain to him that he really needs to grow some more first, he remains quite convinced that sooner would be better! He's rather eager, you see, to teach his brother how to sword fight and do karate with him. (Although Pepito is, I think, already practicing his karate moves. At least it sure feels that way!) Answering some of these questions, when they don't come from my own children, can be a bit tricky. It's just hard to know sometimes exactly what to answer on some of the more delicate ones!

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Jan. 14, 2008 - Six Years

On a cold Saturday six years ago, in the presence of God, our family, and many friends, Erik and I joined our lives together in marriage. It was the end, for both of us, of many years of waiting and praying for God to bless us in this way. (I've written about my side of the story here.) And as always, the end of one season is the beginning of another. This season of marriage has been marked with beauty and grace, and, like all seasons, a few trials. Our years together have been eventful; two wonderful children have been added to us and we're awaiting the arrival of a third. We've also loved and lost two little babies through miscarriage. Erik survived cancer, we've moved a couple of times, Erik has changed jobs once, and we've traveled to Canada, Europe, and Mexico. There have been many changes, many challenges, and many, many joys. Our love has grown and deepened, and I've always been thankful that we're walking through this life, no longer alone, but together. God truly blessed us with each other, and I look forward to many, many more years!

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Jan. 3, 2008 - ...and a Happy New Year!

It's hard to believe that 2008 is upon us. I hope that everyone had a joyous celebration of our Lord's birth! We certainly did; we spent Christmas Eve with Erik's parents and then Christmas Day with my family. We are so very thankful to live near so many of our family members! I feel like life is settling down after a very busy fall, our Mexico trip, and then Christmas. We've been enjoying more stay-at-home days, working on projects and reading lots of books together. I'm also feeling motivated to get some of my bigger projects done before our little fellow makes his appearance toward the end of March. I hope to be posting a little more regularly, but realistically I might not! For now, here are some pictures from our Christmas celebration.