it has been a long time for me not to be here but

life took a turn -

dear hubby was very sick and on Dec. 18 was admitted to city hospital through the enmergency

On Dec. 19 the doctors told us he has pancreas cancer that is terminal

he spent the next 50 days in the hospital with me coming and going to see him

the last week I was able to spend with him and I then brought him home

he is quite well but there is not more for them to do

I have been doing some journals of our journey and I am sorry I did not get them here

I will share tonights and try to get here faithfully when I do write

we covet your prayers

huggs Meme

• had a sleepy morning and missed the alarm but did get up anyway- heard the grand daughter shut it off--gal after my own heart
• David was up quite early but kind of moves about quietly- he or a mouse get up every night and take a dish of something into his room - that is ok as whenever he can eat it is a good thing-
• a tiring day or maybe it was because I was tired but every thing was an effort to do
• company this afternoon
• some one some how snuck a unbaked apple pie into our freezer but I cannot for the life of me guess who but I do know I am baking it tomorrow :-)
• I really missed my man today that I knew before- but I love this new man too but sometimes I just want my old papa David back- sigh- I am praying for strength to look only forward right now and let the past go- I will always love both of my man as I know he loves me but oh, how I wish we had another day of just not knowing about the cancer - it seems that the day the doctor told us which was Dec.19 -2007 was the day he got cancer but of course I know that he had it long before the doctor told us that day but that date will always stand out in our memories
• David vacuumed today although it took him a long time and it is kind of patchy it will be a good memory
• I am blessed that I can have David at home even if he is a stranger at times- he is a good kind stranger-
• the family except for Ashley are slowly drifting away- I guess they do not know what to do for the new papa- sigh
• good friends took us to the city yesterday for Easter dinner- I do not know what we would do if we did not have them to lean on-----or be with
• please do not misunderstand me as I love the new man as much or more than the old man and many parts of the old man are still in the new man but oh, I do miss our gay times together -
• on the other side of the coin I think I have had to grow strong fast and I am much stronger than I ever believed I could be
• The Lord has give each of us much in this situation
• we can still laugh together especially at some of those funny things that dear papa does now and then
• we can still cry together as we talk about the past and the future and how the presence is
• pray for us to continue this journey with much love and time and that our steps together will not falter
• I am learning to :

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