Apr. 5, 2008 - The South

There has been a funny thread going through the Support for Home School Yahoo group that I am a member of about some of the peculiarities of the south and Southerners. In that spirit, I would like to offer explanations for some of the things that make living in the south so much fun...

Food:

1. It has already been established that we deep fry everything and everything tastes much better when it is deep fried in Crisco shortening (the solid form). You can fry in butter, but butter is very expensive and tends to burn too quickly, so most southerners use Crisco.  Many southern ladies over the age of 60 use pure lard (this makes it even better).  We fry birds (chicken & turkey), fish, potatoes, green vegetables (okra, crooknecked squash, zuchini, green tomatoes) any kind of dough (think Krispy Kreme doughnuts), cornmeal, some beef (country fried steak), and some desserts (fried Oreos).  The more outdoorsy Southerner will fry some squirrel, rabbit and/or dove every now and then too.
2. Tea is sweet and iced; preferrably served with lemon.  If you are watching your figure it is alright to use 3 or 4 packets of Equal in a glass of tea.  A true southerner knows never to add sugar to a glass of already cold iced tea.  All you get is a bunch of sugar at the bottom of your glass.  The last swallow is good, but the rest of it is undrinkable.
3. A real banana puddin' takes at least an hour to make and is best eaten warm.  You cook the pudding from scratch...you never use Jello pudding from the box.  Real 'Nilla wafers are best, too.
4. A coke is any carbonated soft drink.  If it is orange or grape flavored it is an orange coke or a grape coke.  If you want a Dr. Pepper...you say Dr. Pepper.
5. Every meal is served with some type of bread.  corn bread, biscuits, yeast rolls, french bread...whatever, but the meal is incomplete if it isn't served with bread.  If there is some kind of gravy, as there often is, a biscuit is best (although cornbread is substituted often). 
6. Any vegetable can be added to these basic ingredients to create a casserole:  butter, sour cream, cream of chicken soup, and cheese.  You can make an entire meal by adding chicken to the above ingredients, plus your vegetable.  It can be topped with either corn flakes or saltine crackers (mixed with melted butter) to give it a nice presentation and a crispy crunch.
7. Southern women hand down cast iron skillets like Yankee women hand down jewelry.  There is no greater show of love from a mother or grandmother than to get her well seasoned,  50 year old,  cast iron, black skillet.
8. Somewhere in every southern woman's kitchen, you will find a coffee can of bacon greese for seasoning. 
9. Barbeque is sacred.  There are many different types of barbeque in the south. Memphis is known for its barbeque, but Georgia, and Texas have their favorites too. Most southerners eat a sweet sauce,  shredded barbeque (Georgians usually chop theirs).  Ribs can have either a dry or wet sauce (good ribs have both!).  Barbeque is served with either potato salad or slaw and baked beans (these are usually sweet; made with brown sugar).  Of course, even if it is served on a bun there is usually some other kind of bread (cornbread) somewhere on the table.  You must drink sweet tea with barbeque (I think it is a law).

Speech

1. Most Southerners do not think they have an accent until they 1.  hear themselves on some type of recording device (answering machine or video recorder) or 2. travel up north (i.e. Kentucky).
2. Some greetings are not being used quite as often as they used to be.  I blame this on the Yankee invasion.  For instance, "How's yer momma 'n nem?"  This translates to, "How is your mother and the rest of your family?" However, Yankees just don't understand this. 
3. Still commonly used greetings when you pass a stranger on the street: Hidey (pronounced hi-dee), hey there, how you?. Many times a smile and a nod are sufficient.
4. Greetings used for people you know: "Hey Honey!, How are you doin'! I han't seen you in a month uh Sundays!"  (A true southerner will then add..."How's yer momma 'n nem?")
5. We all know you can say anything about someone as long as you begin it or end it with, "Bless her heart."  For example..."That girl is dummer 'n a rock...bless her heart." or  "Bless her heart, who told her that outfit matched?"

Which brings us to...

Fashion

1. White shoes are NOT acceptable before Easter or after Labor Day.  Does it make sense? No,  but it is as it is.  This is constricting for most Southern ladies, especially the after Labor Day part because in the south, we still have another month (at least) of warm weather after Labor Day. So, what do you wear to church if you can't wear your white shoes with your warm weather clothes?  The debate still rages and anyone that finds a sale on "transition clothes" passes that information along to her friends.  But, if you are comfortable wearing white during the before Easter/After Labor Day time you have been influenced by Yankee sympathizers.
2. Big hair is always in style.
3. You will never know what kind of underwear a true southern lady is wearing.  This is to all you hip-hugger jean/thong wearing young "ladies" out there.  The two should not mix.
4. Most southern women do not wear "Daisy Dukes." The exception being the ones mentioned in number 3.
5. We wear shoes...most of the time.

Social Life

1. We will talk to anyone...anywhere.  If two Southerners meet up, they will know everything about each other in about 10 minutes.  Usually, they will discover they are related in some way.  If they talk for 30 minutes or longer, they will be invited to the weddings of each other's children.  Many best friends have been made waiting at a doctor's office, waiting for a table at a restaurant, or waiting on a car repair.  (Best friends for that time anyway.) The most exciting thing for two groups of Southerners is for the two groups (or individuals) to happen upon each other outside of the south; on vacation for instance. Others around you (not Southern) think they have happend upon a family reunion.
2. Most social functions revolve around 2 things: Sports or church (no, they are not the same thing).  Everyone has an opinion about college football. These opinions can separate families.  You are either orange (UT), crimson (Alabama), red (UGA), or blue and Orange (Auburn...pronounced Awwwbun).  There are a few other fringe teams...Ole Miss, Vanderbilt, and South Carolina come to mind.  University of Florida fans don't really count as Southern fans.  For one thing, the tradition is not the same and number 2, Florida is very different from the rest of the south and (probably because of the Yankee migration) has an asterick beside it when it is included in a list of southern states.  Nascar is also big in the south.  (I myself have never fallen in love with the sport..Southerners are notoriously bad drivers; you can see the same thing on the interstate most anytime of the day.)  Softball leagues are huge down here too.  40-50 somthing year old men huffing and puffing on the field is a sight to see.  Of course, the only reason they play is that it gives their wives an excuse to sit and talk for an hour and a half in the stands.
3. Church functions always include food.  The best place to eat is at church after the worship service.  "Dinner on the Grounds" also called the "fellowship lunch" is where each church member brings a dish (or two). This is where each southern lady shows off her best recipe.  You hear lots of comments like this on fellowship day..."OOOHH honey did you bring yer potato salad?" or "Miss. Irene made here green bean casserole!" and "The preacher's wife brought that awful asparagus thing again, bless her heart."  Many are known simply for the dish they bring to church.
4. No, all Southerners do not go to church, but a true Southerner feels guilty when they don't.

My favorite Southern traditions:

1. All cars, regardless of they type of road you are on, pull over to the side and stop when a funeral procession goes by.  This includes the cars traveling the direction you are going and the cars going in the opposite direction.  It is just a kind, respectful thing to do.  Even in big cities like Nashville this still happens.  Many times road workers will stop and take their hats off out of respect.  The whole world should do this.
2. If you are sick, had a baby, had a death in the family, had surgery or are "down" for any reason; someone brings you home cooked meals.  Everything...meat, vegetable, bread, dessert and tea!
3. People say hello on the street.  You get a smile, a nod, or a Hidee when you are walking.  (Those of us that are DNA programmed to do this have a hard time getting through the mall at Christmas because we are trying to nod and speak to everyone.)

That's all I can think of right now.  I'm sure other things will come to me bye and bye.  Those of you that don't live in the south...don't take offense to the term Yankee...it's not an insult...most of the time.

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Comments

Apr. 5, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Marisa

So funny!! I'm from Southern California but have lived in Louisiana and Georgia. My DH is from Louisiana and was laughing while I was reading this to him. How I love the South and her traditions!!

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Apr. 8, 2008 - Too much time on your hands!

Posted by benzgroup

You, my dear and precious girlfriend, whom I miss so very very much, have tooooooo much time on your hands. I LOVED your take the south! Makes me miss you all the more. How's yer mom n'em?

Love You.

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Apr. 8, 2008 - Too much time on your hands!

Posted by benzgroup

You, my dear and precious girlfriend, whom I miss so very very much, have tooooooo much time on your hands. I LOVED your take on the south! Makes me miss you all the more. How's yer mom n'em?

Love You.

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Apr. 28, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by simply42B

too cute...bless your heart!

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