We've had a baby for a week now. He came to us on 8/1. He's 3 1/2 months old. He's really cute, of course. He's been a really good baby, which is a great introduction to fostering babies. We don't think he will be here long, though. So, we're just enjoying him while we have the chance.
Charlie and I were having a conversation the other day about foster kids. We talked about how different kids come to stay with us. Some stay for a while and then go to a new family, like Angela, Mariposa, and Trevor. Others, like Logan, will stay with us forever. Charlie started getting excited about new kids coming. We are hoping to foster a baby next, so I told him that. He got very excited and said he wanted three babies. I got him to agree to 2 babies, and then to two babies if Star was counted as one of those babies. He does not remember that part, though. Every person who has come to our house lately has been told about the two (or three, depending on his mood) babies that are coming to live at our house. Each of these people has then pulled me aside and said, "Is there something we need to know?" I just laugh and tell them the story. It should be interesting to see what God has in store for our family!
Here we are in the heat of summer. The kids and I are enjoying short times outside, or running through the sprinkler. We're also very happy to be in a neighborhood now. I can take walks with the kids during the day, and we've started biking together as a family in the evenings. Our former house was on a busy, curvy road, so walks and bike rides involved loading everyone in the car to drive to a subdivision. (Drive so you can walk - ha )
The kids are getting older. Star is now 18 months. She is fearless. She loves to climb and run. She thinks she can do everything the boys can do (and a lot, she can do!) Logan is approaching 3. He'll be 3 in 2 1/2 months. How did that happen? Have we really had him that long? (He joined our family just after his 2nd birthday.) Charlie is almost 4 1/2. He is starting to learn about letters. He loves to "read" books, draw, color, and build with blocks. Trevor is in another foster home now. He's been gone 3 months. It is hard to say goodbye to a foster child.
This time my post has to do with both subjects!
We are still waiting for the next placement - probably another couple months. I really want a baby next time. Star will only be about 18 months, so she'll be in her crib still. At a garage sale Friday, I found a crib that matches hers. Since she and the baby will probably share a room, I thought that would be neat. They were selling the crib mattresses for $5 and giving the crib away for free with the mattress because on small part was broken on the crib that my DH can fix. Yeah!
This post has nothing to do with foster care. Just thought I would pop in for a moment. My DH let me go garage saling this morning, and I found some wonderful things that have been on my "wants" list. A couple of those items: 7 large glass jars for a total of $2. 1 pair adjustable waist jeans for thin DS for 50 cents, and a whole bunch of drapery fabric for $5. I have been wanting to change much of our food storage to glass, because it seems like every week something new comes out about a new danger to plastic. We are not getting rid of all plastic, but I am trying to replace it where we can afford it and it is practical. I can't believe how cheaply I got all those glass jars. And my in-laws are coming this week, so I am trying to finish cleaning out the guest bedroom (It's where all the still-not-unpacked boxes have been stuffed.) and hopefully get some curtains up. Well, I need to get back to work if I'm going to accomplish all those things.
We have moved, but the move has been very difficult. It's been almost 2 months, and I am still trying to unpack and get settled. I have not had time to blog, and I probably won't for a while yet. I am still reading blogs as I am able. Thanks!
We got word today that CPS got special permission for Trevor to move with us! This is great for him. He has some attachment difficulties, and was just starting to show signs of some attachment to us. The plan now is for him to stay with us until it becomes possible for him to be in a home (most likely an adoptive home) with his sister. There are some circumstances which prevent him from being able to be in a home with his sister right now, but they are hoping to place them in an adoptive home together later on. I think this is the best thing that could happen for him right now.
We still don't know how visits with his sister will be worked out, so I hope that is worked out well so he gets to visits her reasonably often, but that all the kids don't have to be taken on too many long drives. (There is transportation available for visits, but I'm not sure what they will do since we'll be 2 hours away.) IN the 4 months he's been with us, he's had visits every 2 weeks, once a month, none for 6 weeks, and now weekly. So, we'll see what frequency and where they arrange visits.
I received this comment today, from "anonymous," of course.
You know, I've noticed this a few times here on homeschoolblogger. There are many foster families here. I am very concerned that the foster parents freely post pictures and/or describe the foster children's physical or psychological backgrounds and needs for all to see and read. Is this legal? I mean, to post private information about someone else's child or family background? These children are already going through horrible trouble in their private lives. Must they be subjected to public exposure as well? Please be careful.
If you come back, anonymous, please note a few things about my blog:
All names listed on here are nicknames. No real names are used.
No locations are named, either.
There are no pictures of anyone, biological, foster, or even our cat
My purpose in writing this blog to to give a small glimpse into the life of a foster family for those who are considering becoming foster parents. I am VERY careful to not share anything that could identify anyone, especially my biological or foster kids. However, in order for people to learn anything about our life, I have to talk about some of the issues we face. I want people considering fostering to know some of the things they might be dealing with in the future.
Logan is 2 years, 4 months. He has had the physical capability to use the potty for months now. We've been working with him, and he was to the point of always doing #2 in the potty, and doing #1 if we reminded him to go. With #1, he would usually get a quarter sized spot and then run to the potty. He was in undies almost full-time, even out of the house.
Last week, he stopped trying to get to the potty for #1. Then, he started just peeing and not caring he was in wet pants until we noticed (however much later that was). He also started throwing a screaming fit every time we took him to the potty. Then, today, he started #2 in his pants again. At this point, we have him back in diapers, but we are taking him to the potty at regular intervals (at wakeup, before nap, etc.)
Right now: We are moving in 3-4 weeks. I've been more busy, dealing with mortgage people, realtor, packing, etc, etc. Last week they spent 1/2 of Monday and all day Friday with babysitters, which is totally not normal. I think they can sense that there is a change coming, though they don't know what yet. This move will be more stressful than normal, too. Logan will come with us, b/c we are in the process of adopting him. Trevor is still strictly foster, and he will not be able to come with us. So, the kids will deal with a separation in addition to the move.
So, given all that, would you:
1. Press on with potty training. Put him back in undies.
2. Keep him in diapers so cleanup is easier, but keep taking him to the potty. Restart training well after the move.
3. Just give up all together. Do diapers full time with no effort to make the potty. Restart training well after the move.
Thanks for any wisdom. I've PT'ed two kids so far, but neither one has regressed, so I am totally lost as to what to do right now.
1st - My hubby got the job!
2nd - That means we are moving.
3rd - We have found a house we like.
4th - We put in an offer tonight. Pray the owner takes it. Everything else we like has been unexpectedly sold in the past week (even some houses that had been on the market for several months). We are hoping that was God leading us to this house, but we don't know yet if He has something else planned.
5th - The only caseworker I have been able to talk to is Trevor's. Trevor will not be able to come with us. We're only moving 2 hours away, but it puts us in a different CPS region, and it would make it hard for him to continue visits with his sister. We are really sad to see him go, esp. because he is finally showing signs of attachment.
6th - Logan came down with the flu this weekend. We're hoping he will not pass it on to anyone else.
7th- Star is cutting a molar. She's not really happy about it. :(
Most everyone in the house is feeling better now. Star scared us pretty badly, though. That rash she had was very serious. It went from little red bumps, to large red blotches. Then, the red blotches got white centers, then blue centers. Head to toe. It was pretty scary looking. She had the minor version of a rash that can be very serious. We had to watch her closely for a while, and even took her to the ER on Wednesday to make sure she was okay. Thank the Lord, she is doing fine now!
DH still has not heard anything about his application. We hope to hear something next week. It is hard in this waiting time. We have found a house that on-line, looks great. We can't wait to see it in person, and we are trying not to get our hopes up too far. Hopefully we will hear something this week, and when we go for the second interview, we can check out this house and a few others.
I knew it would happen - the majority of the house getting sick at once. And, as I imagined, not fun. Starting from the youngest: Star (1) had an ear infection and was on 1 antibiotic. It did not clear it up. So, she was put on another. Yesterday, her cheeks started getting red. Then a rash started. I thought it was fifth disease. I brought her in today to find out for sure, since some of the therapists that come to the house are childbearing age. Dr said, "No, that's not fifth. That's a reaction to the antibiotic!" "Oh, and that cough she has is RSV." Yippee! Needless to say, she's a little fussy.
Logan and Trevor feel fine, amazingly.
Charlie started complaining about his tummy hurting last Wednesday. He also got a fever that day. Saturday I took Charlie in to the dr. She did a strep test, urine test, and flu test. They all came back negative, so they sent us home. His fever has been mostly down, but he's still laying around and complaining about his tummy hurting. I took him back to the dr today, and she just said to wait a little longer before tests.
I got the flu Thursday and Friday. That was not fun.
Now DH has the flu. Yuck.
Hopefully in a few days everyone will be over everything and we can all get back to normal.
Hubby has been working 2 part-time jobs for 2 years. If you've ever known anyone that works multiple part-time jobs, you know they always add up to more than full-time. He has really desired one full-time job to simplify our lives. He has an interview tomorrow! This job is in a different city, about 2 hours from where we live now. It is a smaller city, and so we think that will be nice. Also, another huge benefit is it is closer to hubby's parents. We'll still be 4 hours away, but that's a whole lot better than the 7 it takes us now. (My parents live on the other side of the country, so unfortunately we don't see them often.) Pray for the interview if you feel led. We want God's will in this situation.
We had a really tough day here today. Logan would sit in timeout, and then immediately go back to doing whatever it was he got into timeout for. The timeouts were having no effect.
Trevor got into an hour long tantrum where he ran away (from me in the house), yelled, screamed, kicked & hit (both whatever was nearby and me), and threw things. He normally throws things, but today was something else. Normally he throws laundry. Today when he ran out of laundry, he threw things like the mop & broom and a wooden paper towel holder. Luckily, he's only 3, so none of this did any damage.
I hope tomorrow is better! They are finally asleep now. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.
Logan, our 2 year old foster boy, has a court date tomorrow. His parent's rights will be terminated. We finally made a decision today. We are planning to adopt him! This was a very hard decision. He is sooo cute and being young with no siblings, he will/would have a lot of families interested in adopting him. We've always thought we would be adopting children of other races, sibling groups, special needs - those that are harder to adopt. So, we thought about letting him get adopted by another family and sticking with our original plan to adopt that harder to adopt kids. But, we really think with some of his challenging behaviors, the family might change their mind before finalizing the adoption. (In our state, the child must be in the home for 6 months before the adoption is finalized.) In talking with our caseworker this morning, she said she really could see him potentially getting bounced around a few times before finding a forever home. Each transfer will cause more hurt and damage, and we really did not want to see him go through that. So, we are moving ahead with the adoption plans. It will take a minimum of 3 months for the process.
Angela and Mariposa's address had not been changed in the CPS system, so we are still getting all their paperwork. I tried leaving messages for their caseworker, but I never got a call back. I finally called their Child Advocate. A Child Advocate is a volunteer that gets to know the case and reports to the court what will be best for the kids (not the foster parents, bio parents, CPS, or anyone else, just the kids). So, I called her and told her of my problem. She actually lives nearby, so she came by the house to get the paperwork. She mentioned that the caseworker had changed twice. No wonder I never got a call back! But, most importantly, she told me that the girls are doing great in their new home. That made me feel so good.
I already blogged about my Monday. Tuesday was similar except that Charlie joined in the meltdowns. I was emotionally spent by those events; to the point of just breaking down crying. Luckily, Wednesday we left for DH's parents. It was a great break. The kids were on better behavior, and there were 4 adults to help, too. I brought along some projects, and I actually got a little done on some of them. I also got in some good visiting time. It was a wonderful visit, at the perfect time. I feel rejuvenated. I hope this feeling lasts and the kids behavior is better and/or does not get to me as much!
Monday I had lots of plans, starting with quick house cleanup because Trevor's therapist was coming, and Logan's CPS worker had said she would be coming Monday or Tuesday. My morning did not go as planned, though. Both Trevor and Logan tantrumed for over an hour. Logan just screams and sometimes kicks the floor. Trevor is much more active in his tantrums. He kicks and hits anyone and anything around. He runs away. He throws anything he can. He screams and yells things like, "You're a mean foster mom" and "No, mommy!" It takes a lot of energy to not let him get to me, while ignoring him so he does not get the attention he's trying to get, while also making sure he's not going to hurt himself or someone else. So, needless to say, I did not get done the things I wanted. Trevor and Logan got down for nap late, and then I hurriedly tried to get as much done on my list as possible. In the middle of nap, Logan's CPS worker called and said she was on her way. Trevor's therapist did come, but was an hour late. Oh, and during this, Trevor's CPS worker emailed and asked if I could bring Trevor to her office the next day because she had not done her visit for the month. She's an hour away. I had to tell her no.
We've received more information about the whole situation. It is not something that I can share here, but it makes more sense now why they are making the plans they are for the kids. It will still be VERY hard for Trevor, so he still needs as much prayer as possible. Thanks!
We are a family that has opened our home to foster and adoptive children. Follow our journey along the way...
Kids currently in our home:
"Charlie" - boy born in January 04 (bio)
"Star" - girl born in January 07 (bio)
"Logan" - boy born in Oct 05 (foster)
I got him to agree to 2 babies, and then to two babies if Star was counted as one of those babies. He does not remember that part, though. Every person who has come to our house lately has been told about the two (or three, depending on his mood) babies that are coming to live at our house. Each of these people has then pulled me aside and said, "Is there something we need to know?" I just laugh and tell them the story. It should be interesting to see what God has in store for our family!
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