Lavender and Roses

Friday, February 15

Seeing the Wood for the Trees

I've spent a lot of time lately second guessing myself, wondering, pondering, praying. Have I got it right. Is school on track.  Frustrated with the hiccups, disillusioned with the interruptions and unwillingness from my three beloved pupils who just don't get what I'm trying to do here. Some days I can walk away proud of my kids who they are, what they are doing. Some days - and it can be the same day, I can feel like it is all falling down around my ears in disarray.  Why? How is it that depending on my mood a day can seem so different.  I started today - disillusioned from having seen the downside. Doubting curriculum, doubting how my kids were growing, concerned at lessons that dragged and attitudes that well - didn't fit my quiet family at the table mold.  I have three wonderful,  active, independent kids, I love them, but compliant they are not. And yes my picture perfect world wishes they were. They hype, they bounce, they wriggle, they object to assignments, make it known they would rather be outside,  and  wishing desperately that we could just settle and enjoy a quiet, ordered, sane, morning  I miss the wood for the overpowering awareness of growing trees. Sitting with a friend this afternoon, I realized anew how much they were doing, how much I enjoyed what we did together, how well it all fit together, and begrudgingly how much their energy and spark is a positive if untidy influence. Today I was encouraged as I talked curriculum and methods with  my friend, I realized how passionate I was about what we were doing, how we were schooling.  While their are rough edges to polish, hurdles to overcome,  disciplines to embrace, sometimes it's my ideals that need to get real.

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