On a forum I frequent there was a discussion about what to bring to someone (or the couple) who has invited you to dinner.  There were some good suggestions. I mentioned something about flowers and then said I had some stories about when people brought rather inappropriate items.  I was asked to share them, and I thought that I could blog about them too, and so I give you my post (slightly edited from what I put on the forum) on two unusual things that have been brought to me when I have given dinners.  

When I share these two, I in no way wish to be unkind to the people mentioned. So here goes. One I find quite funny, and the other I rather shake my head over still.

Well, one time my mom and I had an Indonesian friend (male)from college over to my mom's house for a dinner. (I lived on campus, but in my own home town.) He came over, and brought cans of fruit cocktail as a gift!  Mom and I conferred in the kitchen about what to do - we weren't sure whether he meant for them to be served with the meal, as his "contribution" (which we didn't expect in any way, as we invited him) or whether he just thought it was a nice hostess gift. We smiled a bit (privately) but we took the matter seriously because we didn't want to hurt his feelings. My mother finally tactfully asked him somehow if he wanted these with the dinner, did he bring them to be served that day, and he said yes. So we did. We still don't know if this was a cultural difference or more of a "young male" sort of thing. We just appreciated his kindness in bringing what to him was something special (we assumed it was special to him, anyway).

The other thing that comes to mind of a (more) major nature is when I was living on my own, and invited two couples over for quite a fancy dinner. 

I had a very elaborate meal prepared; baked ham en croute, with vegetables of some sort, chocolate victoria tarts and homemade toffee topped with chocolate (all from my beloved Victoria magazine!). So all was covered, from a to z as far as I was concerned.

One couple brought ... doughnuts in a box. I was able to confer with the wife of the other couple (who had been married longer and was a Southerner like me) and although the cream was already whipped, and the chocolate cream might separate and make the tarts' crusts soggy if not eaten, she helped me see that the only thing to do was to serve those doughnuts that night. So I did.

I think in the first instance, my mom and I didn't mind the situation, realizing we were dealing with both a single young man and one who came from a different country. In the second instance, I tried to cope graciously with the situation (and so didn't let the couple know that I had made the tarts, for example), but given their age and other things, I feel they should have realized that you don't bring a dessert or other food item for a dinner unless you have been asked or cleared it with the hostess. Now, if they had brought a smaller box and said, we hope you will enjoy these tomorrow, that would have been great! I did try to appreciate their kindness but do feel it is an example of "what not to bring!"

Those are the two main ones. I have had flower issues (with trying to hurry to find someplace to put them and more importantly a vessel to put them in, while greeting people and trying to keep the food under control) but again realize that kindness was the intent and receive them with as much grace as I can. (And I do appreciate the kindness.)

Typing this out has made me realize that I ought to get myself a second-hand tall vase, so that I can just plunk the flowers in and think ahead of where such a thing might go (sometimes my mantle is already decorated) so that I may be more appreciative and gracious and less stressed. So I'm glad for this opportunity to write these things down - it's made me realize a way I can do better!

Now, after writing all this, I think I sound like an unappreciative, ungrateful shrew - truly that has not been my intent and I hope you will understand that I did not write in mean-spiritedness....

(OK, I just checked Peggy Post's Etiquette book and she says if you take flowers make sure they're in a vase, for the reasons I've mentioned. In the same paragraph she says don't bring food unless requested  and she mentions wine, chocolates, and gift soaps as good things to bring. )