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Apr. 8, 2008 - 4-1-08
HOLY BOOT CAMP~ Knowing Your Position!
Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you"
Should I be in a ministry outside of my home? Right now, I am serving in three places OUTSIDE my home:
1- PPEA, Homeschool Support Group.
2- CHOSEN, homeschool co-op.
3- Salt and Light Ministries- moms bible study.
This has been a constant question that I have asked myself again and again this past year. I have worried about this off and on as we have had "ebbs and flows" of busyness. (more flows than ebbs) I've had to ask myself some hard questions.
Q- Mary, Why are you serving in your support group?
Q- Mary, Is your heart to encourage others or to bring attention to yourself?
A- The answer has been that my heart is to encourage others, BUT when I have dry spells in consistency regarding my daily quiet time or when I become busy and full of the things of this world, I become self-seeking, chasing after ambition. More seems better, but MORE keeps me from a close daily walk with HIM!
Every time I read my favorite magazine, "Above Rubies" and I see Nancy Campbell's heart of motherhood spilled out on the pages I feel encouraged and at the same time convicted. I find myself pondering if I should quit everything and just focus on my home? Everytime I go to convention and sit in workshops where the moms share their legacy of "Home", I walk away discouraged and I have to ask myself is this conviction coming from the Lord or from myself?
All of this has been a Holy Bootcamp! Let me tell you what that means....,
Holy Bootcamps- Are Anything that gets me to God, no matter how uncomfortable or painful. They take a while to work through. (not short and sweet but long and hard) It's a place where I make MANY mistakes, but Christ uses those mistakes to teach me to take my eyes off of "me", off of "me" and "THIS" world and to put them onto Him/eternity.
So after months of being in this "Boot Camp" and asking myself these hard questions I feel like he gave me a REVELATION this week!
Mary, there are seasons....,
When the Lord had me lay fallow for 7 years. (pregnancy/babies) That was exactly the opposite of where I am now. I was at home, not plugged in anywhere. I remember feeling "forgotten". Even my most homebody friends did more than I. I constantly questioned myself...., Should I do more?
But just as I remembered that, He reminded me of the purpose of that season which was to stay home so that I could "consistently" train my children and lay the foundation for their character.
I remember the Holy Bootcamp of babies and young children...., Grumbling and complaining because I had to stop what I was doing to correct and re-direct 20 bazillion times everyday. (ok, slight exaggeration) I remember feeling left out and forgotten. I remember feeling sorry for myself. My life was all about Mary the Mom and I honestly couldn't remember who I was outside of that role.
I now see how WONDERFUL this experience was for me (very growing) and for them. My boys can make dinner, do laundry, wash dishes, make beds, clean their rooms, wash the tub, etc..., I had TIME to train them. I went through bedrest and difficult pregnancies and the Lord used that as a tool to prepare them for life! If I could do it again I would do the same thing, but with a good attitude and without the worry that my house was going to swallow me up, never to be seen by grown ups ever again. (grin)
Now, this past year as I have plugged into the PPEA, I see how the Lord perfectly orchestrated my life for "Such a Time as this". He confirmed in my heart that I AM supposed to be here. It's not easy, I do have to learn how to balance and place boundaries, how not to let IT become an Idol.
When it gets stressful, the thought will flitter thru my brain, "Why am I doing this?" It seems easier to just let go, but God's way is not always easy. His goal is not that I am always happy, but that I am Holy. Job certainly wasn't happy when his entire life fell apart, but he was Holy. This is my example.
God has confirmed in my heart that He HAS called me to minister through our support group. However, He is having me step away from teaching at my co-op for the Fall semester. (though I'll be back in January, next year) He has me training someone to take my place as leader of our Wednesday bible study. I realized that I can't do several things well and so I have to ask HIM what my purpose is for right now, "this" season. As I serve HIM, HE shows me where to go, where to serve! (More of Him, Less of me! John 3:30)
He also showed me that doesn't call us all to the same purpose. I have wasted so much time trying to become what I admire, rather than who God made ME to be....,
My friend Christa, LOVES her position of support. She has no desire to be on the front lines. When she has tried to step out and do things that put her in the front it never felt right. She now knows her position and is able to encourage others in theirs.
My friend Kim happens to be our States support group leader for 5 districts here in the state of Florida. Her territory is large and she serves a very important purpose. HOwever, I remember all the days she stayed home and trained and spanked and trained and tied strings and trained and spanked and trained and tied strings and on the other side is her beautiful 16 year old daughter who is her right hand gal! She helps her mama make meals, clean house, do laundry so that she can be freed up to serve her Lord through her position.
My friend Niki is our co-op director. She does an amazing job. Because of her ministry almost 200 homeschool students have a God Centered Ministry that enriches the education and the spirit. But again, how many years did she stay home before being able to say YES!?
The point of all this?
1- Mary, don't get so caught up with what I've shown others! Allow Nancy Campbell to minister to your heart as she builds your love of family, but don't become legalistic and try to duplicate in your home what I've called HER to do. Take your eyes off of man and put them on ME!
2- There will be challenges and though it would seem easy to give up, instead allow them to get you to me so that my power can be made perfect IN YOUR WEAKNESS!
3- Mary, Know your position so you don't get caught up being busy in a role I've not called YOU to! If I call you to stay home, stay home. If I give you a ministry "Come To Me!
4- Mary, Remember that being a leader is really just being a SERVANT and I don't want or even NEED your ability, just your AVAILability. When you get busy your not available. Make your time with me everyday the most important goal. More important than even schooling your children.
I hope this makes sense as I feel it just pouring out of me. I have so many things I need to grow in and work on and the Lord is allowing the PPEA to be the vehicle that does just THAT!
