We'll leave the second definition for another day! As for the first definition, WHEN, exactly, does a homeschool child not acquire a “personal identity” during their homeschool adventure? If anything, HOW does an institutional school child develop one so readily? For the most part, they are too busy being told what to wear, how to act, whom to listen to, and what is popular! They are dictated to by other “social peers” as to what is cool, who is not, and what they need to do to “fit in”…whether it’s legal or not. If they choose to be different (or to listen to their parents over their all-knowing classmates), they are labeled—branded in a way that can leave scars for life. I know several old friends who in their adult years, although many now successful, still harbor painful memories and struggled for years to climb out of the pit they wound up in, whether it be drug related, depression, or other negative effects.

As for the “norms, values, behaviors, and social skills,” let’s take a seat on the average school bus and observe these behaviors in action. Children left to their own devices can breed every kind of misbehavior! My oldest son got through 2nd grade in a Christian school before we pulled him out. He learned his first swear words while just a kindergartner on that bus. My nephew, a quiet, wonderful person, suffered humiliation as he was regularly shoved down on the walkway of the public school bus with his face held to the filthy floor. He had his backpack taken from him regularly. Not only is torment and teasing often on the list of “ways to entertain” on the drive to and from school, but so is outright wildness. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a bus, but I also remember the amount of drugs that were done there—high seats make for great shields, especially when a bus driver has to focus on the road. From what I hear, things haven’t changed much—only the children are doing many of these things so much younger anymore.

And how about that lunchroom? One son of a homeschooling friend of mine shared with me one of his public school scenarios, how he was forced to cover his food while he ate, leaning over it to guard it from being tainted with spit and other nasty things propelled in its direction. He also shared more serious stories, but let it suffice to say that it is a sorry affair when ambulances are involved due to the bullying action of the “higher social powers” at work. One of my nieces told me that to observe the lunch room is to see these social classes at their utmost. The tables are socially divided; the upper hierarchy with headships, nobles, and the occasional "fool" for entertainment scorning any of the peasants of the lower class that might attempt to sit even near them. Unfortunately, most lunch room monitoring has little effect on the masses.

Turn on the T.V. and you’ll see sitcoms and shows galore that glorify this “feudal system” of the school social ladder. They portray the different “classifications of student,” whether jock, prep, stoner, geek, emo, punk, goth, nerd, Jesus freak, right down to teacher’s pet. All show acceptance by their group, but generally rejection by the others. It can be hard to change groups, as you must have the right connections or move to a new school district. Is this the social position the definition (not to mention those who question us) refers to? And don’t even get me STARTED on values! Within the public school, the values taught by a system that won’t even acknowledge God? That will pass out condoms and teach of how to have relations safely and the option of abortion, but rarely teach of abstinence and will not even discuss the moral issue of abortion? I remember a teacher in 9th grade science class who told our class as he prepared to begin the topic of evolution, “This is where what your parents have taught you remains outside the door. Here is where REAL science takes place.” I was not a Christian at the time, but even I sensed that if my father heard what that teacher said, he would not be pleased, whether he agreed or not! A teacher that usurped parental authority? Unfortunately, it happens all the time.

One other note—I’ve heard many use the Biblical “salt and light” excuse for sending their children to school. I have yet to find a scripture showing how Jesus sent out children to be salt and light. His disciples spent time walking and talking with him, growing in their knowledge of Him and even waiting until the anointing of the Holy Spirit before they hit the roads alone. It takes a long time for a child to learn to strengthen his spiritual legs! Even Corinthians 13:11 differentiates between how a child thinks and an adult thinks. Can they ever minister? Oh, yes! Don’t get me wrong! But as a person trains for a new job, so a child trains to be salt and light by living under those who teach them HOW to be salt and light. Have you ever tried to build a fire? It starts with a spark on dry grass or something similar. From there you add small pieces of tinder. All along, you cover it, and blow on it slowly to nurture a flame. When it has finally caught well, the sticks get bigger until it can handle the logs. Children learning to tackle the world and become that light is much like that flame! Their light is not under a bushel, but a small light can snuff out so easily. Children are still so young and moldable—subjecting a child to the wolves to “minister” is like playing Russian roulette…many times the odds will stack against them. Perhaps that is why the percentage is so high of children of Christian families who leave the faith by the time they graduate! In fact, Bruce Shortt, author of The Harsh Truth about Public Schools, claims that a 2002 Southern Baptist Convention study puts the percentage leaving at 88%.*

What I haven’t given attention to is the so called “lack of socialization” that our children supposedly experience in homeschool. Here is my observance over the last 12 years:

1) Children of homeschool families tend to develop an amazing bond overall with their siblings. I was told this would happen before we made the choice to homeschool—it’s hard to explain, but boy, have we experienced it.

2) Homeschooled children generally develop better communication skills with their parents and a deeper trust, as you can’t help but get to know each other inside and out when you are together this much! It's been a natural tendency for them to come to us FIRST.

3) Homeschooled children are exposed to ALL age levels, from grandparents to younger siblings as they help instruct them—not just peers their own age (which does not reflect the ‘real’ world once outside of ‘school’).

4) Homeschooled children do not develop a cast system identity, but instead a well-rounded character that spans not just academics, but also training in moral thinking, compassion, respect, and responsibility. They participate often in co-op groups, church groups, and build friendships that are more selective due to parental supervision. In other words, as these young lumps of clay take shape, parents—and those closely chosen to assist—are the ones helping mold the clay. It is protected from destructive outside forces.

The very children I fought to defend against the accusations at the beginning are the ones the skeptics (family included!) are now acknowledging as level-headed, mature, respectable, good-hearted young adults. They are confident and secure in who they are, and usually called on first when a trustworthy person is needed. They have strong friendships of all ages. They are hard-working employees who have open invitations to return to jobs they have left. And they are not unusual! Most of the homeschool populace is like this! They may not be perfect, but their relationships are healthy and their self-image intact. It’s difficult to protect that self-worth when you have to attend school and maneuver through the halls like a mine field. That same self-worth only grows stronger when you are brought up in a loving environment by those who only want your best and help guide your choices—including friends. And after all, isn’t that the true socialization we should strive for in our children?

*Statistic from HSLDA Home School Heartbeat: Exodus Mandate. View the article at http://www.hslda.org/docs/hshb/55/hshb5501.asp

This article was written by Amy Pak, creator of Homeschool in the Woods Curriculum. Used with her permission

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