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Love And Grace In the Face Of Life And Death

I have held off on writing this post for a couple of days, mostly because I needed time to reflect and process the raw emotions of it all. Like a lot of guys, I don't handle emotions well. I keep the lid tightly screwed down and only let off steam in a controlled way when I know it's safe, just like a pressure relief valve. This works for being a dad, usually, unless there's too much pressure, and then it's either vent or explode. I know others can identify with this. The problem for me, however, is that chronic pain and the natural stresses of being disabled (economic, physical, and psychological) have my boiler at an already high pressure. Sometimes, people feel they have to tip-toe around me, and I am so ashamed of this.

I am disclosing this very real struggle simply because this weekend, I met a family who has been through so much more than I have in the last 15 years and yet remain bound to each other by the love and grace of God.

Many in the homeschooling community know of Chris Klicka and his work with the Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA). Until recently, few have known about his battle with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Since the MS has progressed and robbed him of even the more basic functions of life, he came to a national homeschool conference to be with the leaders one last time. Last Friday, he became so ill that they hospitalized him. My wife and I were able to meet with the family on Sunday, mostly to pray with and encourage them.

It was then that God used one of the classic tactics in his toolbox. We went there to minister and bless, only to find ourselves being ministered to and blessed. I'm sure we did help, but we were witness to such love and grace that we found ourselves humbled and almost embarrassed. One of their friends said to us, "You are at ground zero. So many prayers from around the world are focused here." It was clearly evident. What could have been a time of great sorrow and frustration was instead a time of patience and prayer. Sure, there was uncertainty looking at the future, especially where Chris's future was concerned, but there was no doubt that whether he stayed or went, he would be blessed. Paul wrote the church in Phillipi with the same dilemma, saying,
If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
The understanding is that Chris wants to leave this body and be with Christ. The only thing keeping him here is the will of God, which is tied to the needs of the believers here. Whatever God wants to work here while Chris remains, whether it is calling people to prayer or bringing some unseen fruit out of this situation, the Klicka family is submitted to it. They pray over him, read scripture to him, love on him as much as they can, but they know that God will call him home when He says it is time. So much love, submitted to God's authority was incredible and humbling! Could we face the same situation with as much love and grace? Only by God's power and strength.

While we traveled there for one purpose, it's becoming clear to me that we were there partly so that Chris' family could impact us, which in turn means that Chris himself survived a close call on Saturday night because we needed to witness God working through his family on Sunday. I do not know the future, but I know that such love submitted under God's will can only reap a bigger and better harvest in the coming days and weeks.

If you want to follow Chris Klicka's condition and his family, you can visit his Caring Bridge journal. Please continue to pray for the grace and peace to flow through and around this family!

3:00 PM - Wednesday, September 30, 2009

God Of The Morning

I can get caught up in my own world of symptoms, side effects and economic factors. I sometimes forget that there are those with a similar vision and mission that have it much worse than me. I am grateful that God has not taken more from me. Yet Chris and I have one very important comfort. We have God to turn to in the weak times. When we wake up and feel more tired than when we went to bed, we have Him to renew us and speak words of comfort and strength. When the pain is constant and overwhelming, we have Someone Who suffered much pain to bring us to Him. He knows us, our situations, our discomfort and our hopes. He has promised to be with us always. He is near to us. He gives us each morning what we need. His eye is on us, even in the night watches. His hand protects us, even when we feel vulnerable. And when we are done, He will renew us with bodies that never see corruption. This hope will not disappoint us.

God, please bring strength Chris Klicka and his entire family during this time. Heal him, God. We know You are able to do this. Regenerate his body and make him whole so that he can bring You glory. Comfort him. Help him to see what You are doing and how You are using his situation. Be his peace during this time.

3:48 PM - Sunday, September 6, 2009

In the Moment

This evening, my 6 year-old daughter had finished her dinner, and, as we watched a video I was watching, I gave her a piece of Hershey's Special Dark chocolate. It's a treat that I like to give on occasion. She began nibbling on the chocolate, enjoying it. I had another piece and I set it down in front of her.

"Is that for me?" she asked.

"For when you're done with the first one, yes." I replied.

Immediately, the first piece disappeared into her mouth as she picked up the second, which she began nibbling as she had the first one. Soon that one was gone too. I wiped the chocolate away from her cheek as we continued watching the video. On the screen, a person in the video was suddenly healed and their appearance changed back to wholeness.

"Someday, I hope God heals me like that," I said.

"Me too," she said. "Sometimes I wish you didn't have to have Fibro-my-algia." Both of our sets of eyes got misty at her words. Fibromyalgia is such a big word for a 6 year-old.

"But there is a good thing," I said. "Because I'm home more, we're poorer, but I also get to see more of you. I get to watch you grow up." We hugged, and like I've done so often, I thanked God for her.

I think I understand why God doesn't show us very much of our future. If he did, it would be like laying down more chocolate in front of us. We wouldn't savor what we had in our hands. So often, we look to the future (or the past) and we don't savor the moment of now. We envision the next bar of chocolate or remember the last. Being in the moment, savoring each one, is what I want to do.

However, in order for me to do that, I have to quit thinking about the future (or the past). I have to trust God to take care of tomorrow and yesterday, the next hour, the next moment, so that I can release them and free my arms to embrace the moment. This is not easy for the schemer or the survivor to do, but it's something that the children of God do naturally. The schemer looks at the future, the survivor lookes at the past. The child of God is living in the moment, worshiping their Creator, loving those around them, and delighting in the goodness with which God blesses us.

I have been through much with this illness. I also hope that God heals me soon. But savoring the moment is what I was made to do.

9:28 PM - Sunday, August 23, 2009

The 86th Percentile - What Does It Mean?

As a follow-up to my last post, here are the latest figures for standardized performance.

I think it's important to understand what those statistics mean. First, the 50th percentile is always average. It's the peak of the "bell curve," the result of the total of all scores divided by the number of tests taken. If a person's score places in the 51st percentile, it is slightly better than average. Likewise, if the score places in the 49th percentile, it is slightly worse than average. It does not mean that all of the students scored 50%. The 86th percentile means that if you took one homeschooled student's test score at random and compared it with a sample from public schools, the homeschooled test score likely would be better than 86% of the other students.

All it means is that homeschooling students typically perform better than public schooled students when it comes to standardized academic achievement tests. It should weigh into anyone's decision on educating their child, but it cannot and should not be the sole factor in choosing homeschooling. Education should be prepare a child for their future, and unless their future is taking standardized tests with No.2 pencils, this decision takes a little more thought.

2:53 PM - Thursday, August 13, 2009

Why I Believe Homeschooling Is The Best Way To Educate Our Children

The smell of newly sharpened pencils is starting to appeal to me again. Wal-mart and Target have been pushing Back-To-School for a few weeks now. I guess it's a good time to remind myself and everyone else in the process of why we homeschool. Here is my uncensored, no-bones-about-it view of homeschooling!

I've come to understand homeschooling as a natural extension of parenting. Teaching my son how to count to ten and how to write his name has developed into multiplication and teaching him to type.There's never been a time where I've stopped being his parent. Handing him off to a school--any school--would feel to me like I was abandoning him, leaving it to someone else to raise him for 8 hours of the day. I'd sooner cut off one of my limbs than see that happen. I love my son and I know he loves me with all the love a 10 year-old can have for his dad. I'd never want to see that closeness wane under a time-share agreement with a teacher who has 40 other kids to worry about.

And teachers, God bless them, are amazing! I know quite a few and how hard they work. Most of us are oblivious to how much work they put in to educate children. One friend regularly worked 60 - 70 hours a week, coming home late after dinner, staying up grading papers and then going to work early the next day. There are some like that who take their work so seriously, and then there are some that don't. Unfortunately, not all school systems are able to weed the bad ones out. Some school systems barely function at all, but it's not that they're underfunded. School systems, tied down by the teachers unions, are to blame for the sorry state of American public education. It is time to increase competition, free up parents to have true school choice, and let the free market system work to better children's education across the board. After all, the most ****ing evidence against the school systems is that these uppity homeschoolers keep on producing these national academic champions without the help of Federal tax dollars.

This was about homeschooling, not what’s wrong with public schools, so… moving on. What really sold me on homeschooling was when I met a 14 year-old homeschooled student named Jake. He looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and related to me like a man, a human being and not the alien life form that public- and private-schooled teens typically take adults to be. He was balanced, respectful, and someone I wouldn’t have minded considering as a son-in-law if the ages of my daughters were more in line. He had a great sense of humor, intelligence and he was already skilled in a profession. You don’t get that from most schools! What’s amazing is that I’ve found that kids like this aren’t all that exceptional in homeschooling circles. They’re downright common! Boy, where do I sign up?

Now, there are homeschooling mistakes and horror stories out there, and usually they start with, “we tried homeschooling but…” Experienced homeschoolers know that there is no single, one-size-fits-most approach. It isn’t even a one-size-fits-one-family, sometimes. The homeschooling failures that I have run across usually have tried a “school-at-home” option with a charter school that requires a specific curriculum and teacher oversight of the parent. In fact, some families even try re-creating a school room at home, complete with flags and chalkboard/whiteboard in the belief that the schoolroom is the only approach. This usually ends with the child frustrated at learning and the parents ready to pull their hair out. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For me, homeschooling has come to symbolize my children as individuals with their own individual learning styles and traits. One child learns by reading, another by exploring and doing, and still another learns by stories and discussion. These methods can be blended to expand and grow our children’s minds.

Homeschooling also goes beyond the three Rs of reading, writing and arithmetic. For example, this morning, our six year old began organizing her marker collection on her own initiative. She saw chaos interfering with her ability to create, and she said in her six year-old voice, “I just need to get organized!” Then, by emulating what she learned from her mother—she certainly didn’t learn it from me!—she began to take steps to bring order to her life. That’s a life skill she can use her entire life, and that is homeschooling, even on a Sunday.

Finally, homeschooling has changed our lifestyle. We are much more integrated as a family as a direct result of our time together. If we have committed to activities, we go together and support each other. If we go on field trips, we learn together. I don’t know how many times we’ve learned something in an experience homeschooling and then called on that experience while confronting a new challenge together. This lifestyle really stands out when I compare it with the alternative. We aren’t spending weeknights pouring over homework, grinding away at a curriculum that a teacher assigned to us. We spend time together as a family or we do other things we enjoy. Neither do we spend time instructing our kids on how to placate schoolyard bullies or how to negotiate the surreal social cliques that seem to exist only in schools. Homeschooling is easier and produces greater rewards, especially when you take these factors into consideration.

Is homeschooling life nothing but roses without thorns? No, there are challenging times too, like this year when we found that a math curriculum wasn’t working for our oldest. Yet, we weren’t locked to that curriculum for the rest of the year as we would have been in a traditional school. Truly, there are moments where we get tired of books. But there again, we have the freedom to take a break and go on vacation for a bit. Even in its shortcomings, homeschooling offers the flexibility that we need to enjoy life together as a family.

My wife and I would never dream of dropping them off at school and trusting others to do our job. Educating our children is a God-given responsibility of the parents. The Bible commands parents,

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (Deut 6:6-8 NIV)

We cannot give our children the instruction God commands by putting them in a secular school. We cannot afford a private school that claims to give children a Christian education, and why would we want to? Even if money were the last thing on our minds, homeschooling would still be my first pick.

I couldn’t have picked a better way to raise my family than to educate them at home. We are daily living an adventure and a journey together. We have life together that we could never have by separating for 8 – 10 hours a day. Homeschooling has made our lives richer and God has rewarded us for taking his commands to heart. It's why I believe homeschooling is the best way to educate our children.

4:43 PM - Sunday, August 9, 2009

Weather

      The weather has been really bad up in Vermont. We only had a couple of sunny days but the rest has been rainy. I hope it clears up soon.

 

4:53 PM - Jul. 31, 2009 - post comment

Seeking Contentment

I have been extremely blessed by Lisa Notes the last two days. Lisa has listed 5 Reasons To Seek Contentment and 5 More Reasons To Seek Contentment. Contentment is the amazingly simple answer to so many issues that seem to push Christians out of God's will. Please take the time to read them!

12:59 PM - Friday, July 31, 2009

Getting Good Advice The First Year Homeschooling

Denver's Newbie Homeschooling Examiner, Melissa Caddell, looks at first year curricula by going trial-and-error the cheap way. She's got some good advice for new moms who might be overwhelmed by the choices and prices.

2:26 AM - Thursday, July 30, 2009

Speaking Boy

Marsha speaks Boy, and I speak Girl. Parenthood is amazing stuff!

5:02 AM - Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What Was I Saying?

I read this quote today in PluggedInOnline.com's newsletter:

"[Adolescents live in] an institutionalized culture of interruption, where our time and attention is being fragmented by a never-ending stream of phone calls, e-mails, instant messages, text messages and tweets." —Maggie Jackson, author of Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age [usatoday.com, 6/23/09]

I'm not sure what's worse, this news or the dark prediction of her book title.

11:13 PM - Monday, July 27, 2009

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