A church I was once very involved in has recently changed their philosophy of ministry for children, and I've never been entirely comfortable with it but I couldn't figure out why. Today it came to me.

Here's what's basically happened: they have a successful youth ministry, and they're taking that model and using it with the kids, too. Each kid will be in a small group with a teen leader and an adult leader (even those as young as Junior Kindergarten). The leaders wil be expected to get to know the kids personally, and send them cards if they miss church, and phone them, and befriend them, and in general help them out and participate in their lives.

Now here's where I have a problem. I think that works great with teens, because teens are trying to separate from their parents (that's the point of adolescence), and having strong Christian mentors is a good thing.

But kids can't be seen as individuals in the same way, and so the ministry should not be to them as individuals. It should be towards families.

Honestly, if someone from the church called and wanted to talk to my 10-year-old, I'd think that was a little creepy. Even if it was a woman I liked. Katie's relationship with God right now is something that I am in charge of, along with my husband, and the church supports us. It doesn't supplant us. And this seems a little strange to me.

In the same way, I don't think that sending a card home to a child who misses church is appropriate or effective. After all, they can only get to church in the first place if their parents drive them or arrange a ride. A teen can take that upon his or herself to arrnage for transportation, but a kid can't. So why write a note telling the kid you missed them? Why not instead design programs for adults to come to as well, so that they'll get to know people in the church and will want to take their kids there?

I think children's ministry should really be family ministry. Sure they may have Sunday School, but the parents have to be involved. Anything that tries to get the child in a mentor relationship with someone outside the immediate family, when the family is a strong Christian one, seems to me to go against what the Bible says is the parents' responsibility towards raising their kids to love God.

I mean, I love a lot of adults in that church, but I don't agree with them on all doctrinal issues or on lots of stuff. It doesn't mean I think they're not Chrisitans; it's just that I want to be the one to influence Katie and point her in the right direction.

I think the trend in Children's Ministry across North America is this kind of thing, and I think it's wrong. Don't come between me and my kid, even if you think you're just helping. It ain't right.

What do you think?

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Posted by humpty

So what are you going to do? Will you send your children or keep them out of it? Will you stay at the church or leave? Will you bring up your concerns with the powers that be or sit back and watch?

It is a dilemma isn't it? This thinking is becoming prevalant in our churches today. How much more will we give our children over to others to raise? The family integrated church is looking better every day.

I have sat back and watched them put younger and younger children into the children's church program and then into the youth program and keeping them until they graduate from highschool. I wonder how parents that don't homeschool have any influence on their children.

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Posted by SheilaG

I'm not in that church anymore. We left last year, not entirely because of this but it certainly was a part of it. The whole direction seemed wrong to me. But I'm talking to friends who are still there and they're frustrated, too, but unable to do anything about it. I just worry because the church is an important one in our city.

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Posted by quietcajun

Actually, I am not sure it is right with teens either. I believe that while teens need a certain degree of separation from their parents that should develop naturally it is a time where the heart needs all the more to be firmly and gently held by their parents. Youth ministries often ask a teens heart be entrusted to them and encourage children to believe that their parents don't understand them, etc.

I am not at all trying to be disagreeable, but this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.

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Posted by SheilaG

You're right that youth groups often overstep their bounds, too. I find this whole trend that the way to reach out to teens is to show that you understand how alienated they feel is rather disturbing. It sets the tone that feeling alienated is what is normal and what is expected.

At the same time, I am looking forward to Rebecca having some strong Christian mentors that she can debate things with now that she's getting close to high school. I think she has a better understanding of what we're trying to teach her at home, so I think there is a distinction.

But the idea that you have to denigrate parents--or say "we understand you in a way they don't"--is really harmful.

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Posted by 2peter318

I would agree that the way the ministry is leading does seem 'different'. And I wouldn't be able to agree or go along with it. Seems like the Lord is guiding you exactly where He wants you, even if it is in a different direction. :)
JoAnn

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Posted by PosterGirl

I do agree with what you're saying. I look for church to reinforce what I'm teaching. Not know me out of the saddle. I will add that I came from a very unhealthy, unchristian family. People from church did send the postcards, they called, and it helped me personally. I think my mother would have rather not taken me. But those calls helped get me there. But they were not calling me personally. They got my mother on the phone. And that may well be the reason she did let me go. So I'd rather see children get the calls and letters, even in this (in my opinion inappropriate) way, than to get nothing. But I agree and think there is a better way to do that than treating a child like an adult. Thanks for stretching my brain. :)

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Posted by Anonymous

I'm so sorry to hear that you've left. I was afraid of that when I hadn't seen you in a while, but I didn't know for sure...God bless you in your new church!
Lori Mackay

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