Over at The Heart of the Matter they're asking what do you wish you had known?

Here's my quick answer:

Don't answer the phone in the mornings! Since we have stopped answering the telephone during homeschooling hours life has gone much more smoothly.

When you answer the phone, you lose their attention. And it's rude to the kids. They're supposed to be your first priority, and you're letting someone interrupt you.

The number of times we'd be in the middle of a history lesson, discussing something interesting, and a friend would call, and twenty minutes later I'd look for the kids and they would have scattered. Not a good thing.

I'm still not perfect. I still answer the phone too much. But I try to let the machine get it and then check messages intermittently. And I let my friends know, don't call me in the morning!

What about you? What are your tips? Go leave them here.

Read my parenting blog at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. I've got some great posts up about Easter!

• Comments (5) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

  Here's my column for this week--what are we actually eating? Enjoy!

            When I was in grade four I felt immensely sorry for Edmund and Lisa, the two fat kids in our class. I remember them as being simply enormous. Recently, though, I had a chance to challenge my recollections. As I was rearranging my photo albums, my old class picture fluttered onto the floor. It was probably the first time I had gazed at it since 1979. And there were Edmund and Lisa, looking exactly the same as most kids do today. They wouldn’t even count as chubby by our current standards. And that’s only in one generation.

            Now I know we’re a sedentary society, and we don’t use as much energy as we did in the past. That’s certainly a large—if you’ll pardon the pun—factor in this growing epidemic of obesity. I think an even larger factor, though, is that we have completely changed the way we eat.

            When my mother’s generation married, being a good cook meant knowing seven simple recipes that tasted good. No magazine cover gourmet meals, either, just basic food that everybody liked. You would serve spaghetti on Mondays, chicken casserole on Tuesdays, and roast on Sundays. That was it. Menu planning and grocery shopping were remarkably easy. And all meals were cooked from scratch, because that was the cheapest way.

            When women started working in large numbers, though, the time to cook these meals became scarce, and food companies responded. I remember when Swanson TV dinners became popular in the 1970s. It was such a treat to have Mom bring two home and let us eat in front of the TV, something we didn’t do very often.

            But it wasn’t just working moms who discovered TV dinners. Other families found that frozen food was a lot easier when toddlers were squabbling and babies were crying. And when one child has to be dropped off at gymnastics five minutes before another is due to be picked up at karate, that dinner hour becomes awfully rushed. So the frozen food section is now one of the largest in the supermarket. You don’t have to cook anything anymore. And the less frequently people cook, the more the next generation grows up not knowing how to.

            I think that’s our real crisis. My mother-in-law’s family did not eat what we would consider “low-fat” by any stretch of the imagination, but they weren’t big, either. Part of it was because they actually did physical labour, but I think the other part was that the food was real because it was home-cooked. Sure they drank whole milk and put tons of butter on everything, but at least these were real dairy products. And they went along with all the vegetables they consumed. What they ate, in general, had not been processed. Kids weren’t addicted to pop; they drank milk. They didn’t get carried away with Fruit Roll-Ups (which don’t really contain any nutrients); they ate apples. No chicken nuggets, either, whose chicken content is really very suspect.

For that matter, what is actually in margarine? Or Kraft dinner powder? Or even ice cream? It’s not cream. It’s not even milk. It’s “milk solids”, whatever those are, and apparently most of them are imported from the United States so that our own dairy farmers don’t even benefit. If our grandparents were alive today, I doubt they’d consider much of what we consume as real food in the first place.

            Let’s get back to their idea of meal planning. Find seven meals that use fresh ingredients and that are easy to prepare, and then learn to make them really well. That way you never have to wonder what’s for dinner. Your shopping list is always up to date. Give your kids, if they’re old enough, one night of the week to get them cooking, too. Most ten-year-olds can make spaghetti, even from real tomatoes. If you’re frequently rushed, make large batches so you can reheat them. At least you’ll know what you’re eating, and there’s a better chance there will actually be some nutritional value in it.

            I know we’re a fast-paced society, but when it comes to food, we need to settle down. Go out and cook something real. Your tastebuds, and your waistline, will thank you.

• Comments (3) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

How do I get my kids to pick up after themselves and put things back where they belong?

It looks like we’re on the same wave-length here! For this one you have to flick a switch in your brain so that you start thinking of your kids differently. A lot of us believe that we are here to serve our children. We’re to care for them, make a nice house for them, and raise them. But here’s the problem. The way that we serve them may actually be harming our ability to raise independent, responsible adults.

Let me give you an example. If your nine-year-old son walks in the house, drops his coat on the floor and his backpack on the chair, and you pick them up, you’ve taught him to treat you with disrespect. You’ve taught him to act in an unChristlike manner. And that’s not good!

Instead, we need to teach kids to clean up after themselves. But you don’t want to nag, so here’s what I suggest in the book:

Create a penalty box. Everyday after they leave for school, or before lunch, or whenever works for you, walk around the house with a laundry basket and pick up all the stuff they’ve left lying around. Their iPod? Gone. Their favorite sweater? Gone.

If they want it back they have two options: They can redeem it for a certain amount of money, like a quarter, or a dollar, or whatever works based on your children’s ages, or they can wait until “Jubilee day”, similar to what the Israelites had in the Old Testament when all loans were forgiven. Jubilee Day can be every Sunday, or the first Sunday of every month if you think once a week is too often.

The kids will hate this. But don’t worry, because you’re teaching important lessons! You may want to have “free zones”, like the floors of their rooms, but if they leave it in common areas where it is a problem for you, then you have to make it a problem for them.

The beauty of this approach is that it does not require any nagging or yelling on your part. You warn them, tell them what the consequences will be, and then you follow through. Believe me, they’ll learn soon enough! And you can use the money you make to buy chocolate truffles to eat in the bubble bath! Your life will be ever so much more relaxing.

One other thing I want to add here, though, is this: we often focus on “getting kids to pick up after themselves”. But I think that’s a really low goal for kids. Picking up after yourself is learning how to worry about yourself. What we want our kids to start thinking about is the whole family. So make sure you have your kids do chores that benefit everybody, like dusting a coffee table (even a 3-year-old can do that), cleaning a bathroom, or setting the table. Help them to start thinking outside themselves, and you raise much less self-centered creatures. And isn’t that what God wants?

• Comments (6) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

I had four boxes of Baker's Unsweetened Chocolate Squares in my cupboard, and I am on a mission to eat everything in my house. Well, everything food related, anyway.

I'm not sure why I bought them, since I usually cook with chocolate chips, and I hate to think of how old they are, but four squares went into the pot tonight while I made very non-low-fat brownies. 1/2 cup of butter and 4 eggs, you see. It's hard to justify that except to say that I was feeling virtuous already for using stuff up.

They're in the oven now, and I can hardly wait until they're done.

Of course, as I'm melting the chocolate, d12 walks by and asks if she can take a lick. It was so tempting to say, "sure!". But I was nice. I warned her against it. Dh said I was being too nice. He would have let her. But that's the difference between dads and moms, I guess.

• Comments (2) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

So The Magazine has a post up on "clean sweeping" your drawers and your closets and other nasty spots in your house.

I've been pretty good about decluttering, but I'm still trying to eat through my cupboards, as I wrote about previously. So far our grocery bill for February and March is about half of what it would normally be, because we've been eating a lot of lentils and beans and eating up all the things I don't normally eat. Lentils and chicken are actually pretty good together, if you just can't stomach lentil stew!

I've also been frying up old hamburger patties we never barbecued last summer, that are sitting there in their boxes. They're higher in fat, but if you break them up they work just as well in chili as ground beef does. I even threw some turkey burgers in and nobody noticed! You just need to get creative.

Of course, once my cupboards are empty I am going to only shop with a list of what I'm actually going to cook that week, with a few extra things around for emergencies, like the ingredients for pasta or shepherd's pie should we suddenly be inundated with guests. But that's it! I don't even have room right now for the ice cream maker I bought at Christmas, but a few more meals getting rid of some of my exotic rice and it should slide right in there!

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Over the years we've had various discussions with our children over money. The main gist of what we've said to them can be summed up in the following - It's not what you make, it's what you spend. I would edit that and say What you make is probably less important than what you spend. Making money is the hard part of the equation and one you often have the least control over. If you are on a salary you are tied to a certain wage with only cost of living increases, the occasional bonus to provide you with extras. What you can control is the other side of the equation. What you spend. This is where you have some control and some say and this is where the self-control becomes the primary factor in how much you will have at the endof the month. I know that this month has been interesting for me. I have a credit on my credit card! How often does that happen! My bank account hasn't dipped as low as quickly and for the most part, I haven't missed much of what I haven't bought. Of course, the real test will be next month when the spending fast is over. Will I binge? I hope not. Anyhow, this is Day 18 of No-Buy month and this is Carolyne, counting her cash.

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

For me it's the car. It needs to be vacuumed out so badly.

I can comfort myself saying that if we were ever stuck in a snowstorm and couldn't move for three days, there are enough crumbs to keep all of us alive. Various water bottles and other miscellaneous liquids are also hiding under seats. We're all set.

But still, one really must do something to try to get a handle on this before the snow sets in. I hate vacuuming the car, but it's been raining everyday practically for the last month, so it never seemed like an ideal time. Meanwhile, the car's getting worse. I'm just praying for sunshine so we can do it soon. Otherwise we'll likely wait until the spring, and that definitely won't be a pretty picture!

I was on CelticMom's blog, and she chooses some chore she really needs to do each day, and devotes 15 minutes to it. I think that's a great idea. Often things seem overwhelming, but if we devote even just 15 minutes to it, it's amazing what can get done. You may not finish, but you make a start, and then it's not so intimidating anymore.

So how about you? What's been bothering you at your house?

• Comments (3) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Anybody want to find $200? It's not as hard as you think.

Simply open your kitchen cupboards. Apparently most of us have $200 worth of food in there that we haven't eaten.

And yet we tend to ignore that food. The worst place to be at 5:30 at night is in line at a grocery store with cranky kids, trying to pick up something to make for dinner.

This 5:30 ritual naturally follows from the 5:00 one, whereby you stand in the middle of your kitchen hoping for some inspiration. You open your freezer, and are greeted by packages of fish sticks and pizza, each containing only one, covering up the liver you bought in a health frenzy 27 months ago. You decide it’s easier to start fresh.

The result is that food that we likely will never eat builds up in our cupboards, taking up space. Maybe, if you want to save money for Christmas shopping, one way to do that is not to grocery shopping between now and then (unless it's for fresh stuff) and actually eat what's in our cupboards!

Not all at once, mind you. But think of the money you have invested in your cupboards and freezer. Five-year-old jello mixes? Cranberry sauce? Soups? I even have three different kinds of lentils. We buy these things on impulse with no clear plan about what we’re going to do with them, and they just end up sitting there. What we do with produce is even worse. Most of it can better be called a science experiment. We fill up our carts with all these lovely green things, only to have them turn into runny brown things. One could argue that this can be used for family togetherness—“let’s play ‘What Was It?’—but it’s probably better not to waste money like this in the first place.

So for the next few weeks, our family is going to eat through our house. It may make for some interesting meals (cranberry, fish and jello), but we probably won’t have to spend much on groceries for at least two months. Then we can start meal planning in earnest. We’ll buy only what we need for this week, and what we will buy, we will actually eat. Of course, we’ll still have to keep on hand extra for “company” meals and snacks. We’ll keep our basic supply of baking goods, cereals, and any necessary chocolate, too, but that’s it. I can keep my dishwasher, I won’t stand in line at the last minute, and we can relax over dinner like we’re supposed to. But I think I’ll toss that liver.

Want to join me?

• Comments (2) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

I really think decluttering is one of the best things we can do to find more energy. Stuff zaps your energy. It makes you feel like you haven't cleaned enough, organized enough. It makes you worry that there's something under there that's important that you have forgotten about. It's just not peaceful.

So you absolutely must declutter! If you don't know how to start, here are some tips. Spend ten minutes a day on decluttering. That's it, so you don't get discouraged. And go through every drawer, every shelf, whatever, and throw out what you don't love or use. Even if it still fits you. Even if it was expensive. If you don't love it, if it doesn't make you feel good, dump it. The more stuff you have, the more cleaning there is to do. And the less space there is for all your new stuff. Think of how you can bless people with the stuff you don't absolutely need!

The biggest problem areas for most homeschoolers are books, magazines, and craft materials. How much do you have to keep? Buying organizers is a big help. But just decide, too, that you don't need everything. Especially in internet days, you don't need all sorts of back issues of magazines, for instance.

As for household organization, here's one tip: only touch each piece of paper once. When you open your mail, do so where you have a chequebook and stamps handy, so you can pay the bills right there. Deal with everything right away, and there's less clutter and fewer headaches.

That being said, I have my clutter cloisters. Right around my computer are all my notes for future columns, things I have to do, etc. I need to clean that up.

And yarn and pattern books are my downfall! But we're working on that.

I have far less clutter than my mother and my aunt, and I trust that my daughters will have less than me. Don't hoard stuff. Let it flow through your fingers, and God will always make sure what you need flows back to you.

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Altomommy was asking for advice on Once a Month cooking, it made me think about my experiences.

I tried that twice. It was extremely fulfilling, once it was done. It was great to have lasagnas in the freezer, and meals made.

BUT, and I mean major BUT, is it ever absolutely and incredibly and sensationally and horribly and extremely and mortifyingly exhausting on the day you actually cook. Especially if you're trying to do anything else (like breathe) at the same time!

Now what I do which really helps is I plan one week of meals, with me cooking every meal. But on that one week, I make three times as much each night, and then freeze the other stuff. That way it isn't that much more work, but by the end of the week I still have ten meals in the freezer. I can do that every few weeks and it's less exhausting than giving over that one day entirely to cooking.

I felt like I washed every pot in the house fourteen times. I'm sure I did. Ugh.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

I also found this site for free organizational forms. It's awesome!

If you want monthly organizers, weekly organizers, or even menu plans, I think this has it.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

I love homeschooling. I really do.

I love my two daughters and my husband. I really do.

But I hate, absolutely hate, trying to keep the house organized.

I have a pretty good system, I admit (see my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother). I developed it because I was so hopelessly unorganized. But it's still a rush to get things done.

So today I finally decided to take my own advice. When I wrote the book the kids were a little younger and not as capable of working. I make them do chores--quite a few, actually--but I still do the bulk of the work. And it is a lot of work organizing a house!

Today I put my foot down. If Mom's working, everybody's working. No running off to play while there's still stuff all over the living room. No getting ice cream if you complained about the dinner Mom took a long time to make. No going skating in the afternoon if you fussed all through spelling and math because it was "too hard" even though you wouldn't look at the page or listen as Mom was trying to explain it to you.

I don't want to become a tyrant, but I do want my kids to grow up to be grateful, respectful, and industrious. And I am simply not going to turn my life inside out anymore to make meals on time, organize the house, get them to special events, and plan for lessons if they are not going to give me similar respect in return.

And you know what? My house looks great! And the kids still had time to play today. Just maybe not as much. If I keep this up, our house probably will be a lot more liveable, because they will help. I feel better already.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link