Dec. 16, 2007 - I've moved...
I've begun a family blog here:
http://townsendfamilyfive.blogspot.com/
It's easier than homeschoolblogger to navigate and I feel free to not focus on homeschooling.
So if anyone still reads this, check us out over there!
Thanks!
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Jun. 7, 2007 - Long time no see
Yes, I have been missing for a while. We've just been too busy! I just wanted to post something so that I know I'm still blogging, even just a little.
I have to say, I love blogging. But I'm intimidated by these blogs that are SOOO good and get awards and are so helpful and encouraging and popular. I think I'm intimidated because I know that if I dedicated time to mine, it could be good like theirs too (maybe not win awards, but at least count toward some good in this world!). However, I feel like so much of my time is already sucked up by the computer and I end up doing no housework or school or anything. Also, I've been wanting to focus on my own personal writing more and my photography as well.
So with that being said, I believe I'm going to take a planned break from this. I know I've taken unplanned breaks. But I'm going to forget about my blog for awhile and try to stay away from the computer. I know, I know--that only affects about 10 of you who actually read this thing! :) Hopefully, I will find that I DO have plenty of time in my day to get stuff done and maybe my kids will stop fighting so much!
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Apr. 28, 2007 - Am I doing enough?
Lately I've been beleaguered by these thoughts that I'm not doing enough. Not just with school--I think all of us homeschool mom's feel like we can't possibly get it all in each day! I've heard that even public school teachers have that problem!
By not doing enough, I mean by what I'm teaching my children about life. Case in point--lately, life has been beyond busy. My oldest daughter has soccer practice 2 times a week with a game on another day; she has ballet twice a week and helps teach in my youngest's class on one of those days; and piano one day a week. My son has baseball practice once a week and a game on another day. My youngest daughter has soccer practice one day and a game on another, as well as ballet once a week. This is just the normal schedule. This doesn't include birthday parties, special projects, chores, etc. I can hear many wise women telling us to pare down, slow life down a bit, take it easy. We've tried and we prayerfully consider all these activities, especially the ones we also are involved in (my husband coaches 2 of the teams afore mentioned). But here's the problem--I have had no time to cook or clean. We eat out constantly. The house is a pile of organized piles and dust. I'm overwhelmed and behind in everything. Therefore, I sleep more than I intend to because I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.
So, I feel like my daughters are not learning anything about being a good wife and mom. That's when the thoughts creep in, of all the homeschooling mom's I hear about that grind wheat, bake bread, grow their vegetables, zone clean, run a farm, sew clothes, write in their blogs, renovate a house, eat only organic food, and invent some great homeschooling resource and then run a business for it! I want to do it all and I want my girls to grow up to be capable women.
But then I think about how I was not raised to be like one of those women. If my family were to run like one of those families, we would have very little in common with the people we try to minister to. I know God has made me a certain way, I just don't want to sell my kids short. I don't necessarily want them growing up like me.
I guess my main concern is that I'm not teaching my girls what I should be teaching them; my workload is overwhelming me; I'm falling short of what I'm supposed to be; and I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be me and still be different than what's comfortable for me. Does any of that make sense?
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Apr. 21, 2007 - Oh the wretchedness of being lost
How many of you have children that have a special "lovey" or favorite "stuffie"? Each of my children has had one.
My oldest had a Hello Kitty stuffed animal that she swiped from me when she was around 9 months old. We took this Kitty everywhere. We lost this Kitty everywhere. I recall a rainy night about 9pm. We realized we'd lost Kitty at a local grocery store that was about 5 miles away--a bit of a drive. We called and they were closed, but they had found Kitty and would put her in a brown paper sack behind the dumpster in the front of the store. Daddy made that trip and our little one fell asleep quickly. There are other stories like this one, but you know what I'm talking about. Eventually, she lost Kitty for good. It was a sad day. We bought a replacement one, but it wasn't quite the same. Around that time, she got very attached to a blanket my grandma had made her and now, at the age of 8, that is still her "lovey".
Now, our son became attached to a Veggie Tales pillow I made him when he was about 6 months old. He called it his "brrrr" because he couldn't talk. Even today at age 6, he has a remnant piece of that "brrrr". So many trips back to friend's houses or searching around the house and under beds looking for that pillow at bedtime! It even fell into the fire one time and Daddy bravely saved it (you should have heard the scream from our then 4 year old son!). He's now moved onto a few other "lovey" type of items, but no real special lovey. That kind of makes me sad! :(
Enter our baby of the family. She, at our urging, adopted a little Gerber blanket as her special lovey around 6 months old. About 2 months later, we (Daddy) lost this lovey at a restaurant, so we bought a replacement one. However, they were a bit different now since that first one was given to our older daughter 4 years earlier (she never was into it). So while the first one was white flannel with pink crepe like edging, this new one was white flannel on one side, with yellow satin backing and trim. She LOVED it! So much that she took it everywhere and around ages 19 months old--LOST IT! So we bought another identical one. This one did get thrown into a steelhead lake at the fish hatchery, but for the most part, it was well preserved. We were good, until last summer when our adorable 3 year old lost it at a local science museum. After a week of calling lost and found, we decided it was gone forever. So, instead of letting her break the attachment--I sewed her a bigger, pink, silky, ballet decorated lovey. She still asks for the "yellow one at OMSI" occasionally but loves this pink one. Then, she lost this pink lovey before Christmas this year and almost broke her attachment again, but then in January opened her backpack and found it (she had taken it to preschool for show and tell and forgot it was in there).
Now, for the whole point of this long story. She lost the pink lovey again last night and slept without it overnight. At bedtime tonight, she started crying for it and I backtracked our day yesterday. I realized the kids had been outside all day, so I took the flashlight out. I found the lovey outside, in a camping chair, at the top of the play set under cover. I had to climb up 3 rungs on a ladder in my pj's and flipflops to get this forgotten and lost lovey.
As I was walking in, I pondered on how it's possible to lose something, or to forget something, that is so important to us. If my kids can't "survive" without their lovies, why do they forget them or lose them so often?
Then I softly heard the voice of the Lord saying, "If you love me so much and can't survive without me, as you claim, then why do you forget about me and lose me so often?" How many times have I left the Lord in the cold rain? How many times have I retreived my Lord from behind a dumpster, when I recalled my need for him? How many times have I allowed my relationship with the Lord become tattered and worn down to remnants because of my mistreatment? How many times have I "replaced" my Lord with a new lord and treated him as if he's replaceable?
I know I struggle in this area-- I always have. But this real life object lesson brought it home to me how desperately I need the Lord and how often I mistreat him.
I also realized the day my children stop having lovies is going to be a sad day indeed, even with all the trouble of losing them and finding them--and I know this day is coming soon. My 8 year old teeters on the verge of being a tween and is already having hormonal issues. I know my baby days are numbered. Which is why I'll gladly go out searching for a lost lovey in the cold rain, just like my Lord would come search for me when I am lost and all alone.
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Apr. 16, 2007 - A perfect day
Today, I think, was a perfect day. Did I get everything done? Nope. Did I get anything done? Maybe. But it's about 10pm here on a Monday night and I feel at peace. Today, I was up by 9am--a HUGE achievement for me. We had breakfast--just cereal, but still--we ate early and together. Then, we dressed/showered. We started school--the preschooler got more done than my kindergartener! My 2nd grader got all of her independent work done. At noon, my mentor and dear friend came over with a pizza. My kids love her, I love her--she's a blog entry all on her own. We talked, mostly about my church situation. She recently left our church, not for any of the dramatic reasons I'm going through. But she's a wise, listening ear and a gentle heart. She listened and gave wise counsel and prayed with me. After she left, we cleaned up and ran an errand, then were off to ballet for my oldest! Normally, the younger 2 are with Grandma F., but she's unavailable for awhile, so together we all went. It was uneventful! We came home, we hung out, we loved on Daddy. I made chicken and stuffing casserole. We at dinner together and played high/low. We interviewed our 3 year old and all laughed. My 8 year old made a cake; I did dishes and laundry; the girls folded laundry. The boys went to the store. We ate cake. The 3 year old nearly cracked her head falling out of her chair (a daily event, but this head bonk was a bit harder than usual). We loved on her; we cleaned up for dinner. As I wiped down the counter, it hits me. Today was a perfect day. I loved my family. I served my family. I spent time with a dear friend. I didn't just survive today. I lived today.
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Mar. 29, 2007 - Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
You know that game from the early 90's, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? The one that was based on a play, Six Degrees of Separation--its concept is that everyone in Hollywood can be traced to Kevin Bacon within 6 people. Well, it's recently been brought to my attention that there should be a game, Six Degrees of Stacie. Well, it's not a real recent discovery that I know a lot of people, but lately, it's been getting out of control.
Some friends of mine, back when we were college age, used to say, "Everywhere you go, you see someone you know." It's true too. I've grown up in this city my whole life. I went to a junior high where we split and half of us went to one high school and the other half to another high school. So my radius spread. I also spent one year at an elementary school on the west side of town, so I have contacts over there. Also, I was class President all 3 years of high school, so I knew a lot of people, at least knew who they were. I was also in choir, drama, Honor Society, Peer Mentors, tennis, basketball, basketball stats...yes, I was an overscheduled girl. Then, in college, I started going to a church where most of the poeple grew up in schools on the west side and I went to the local community college...my net grew wider! Now, I have kids! That explains it all! With all the teams we coach and play on--3 kids in one sport each with 4 seasons each year with 8-12 kids per team--yeah, do the math--I've made lots of new friends since we've had kids! Get this--even in the hospital having my first child, there were 2 other women there having babies that we knew from 2 different birth classes (they didn't know each other), but we all 3 ended up in a play group together. This was the same birth where I ended up going to high school with one of the nurses, and another one of my nurses helped deliver one of my friend's baby the week before and she knew my uncle. Or here's another one--we had this Utilities guy come out to do an energy evaluation and after talking for awhile, it turns out he's one of my uncle's best friends and remembers me from when I was little! This is what I run into ALL THE TIME!
Okay, before I go on any longer and make you think this entry is going to be all about how popular I am (that's not what I'm trying to do here-sorry), let me get to the point. Here's the problem--lately I've been feeling like the fact that I know a lot of people...irritates a lot of people. I'm wondering if I should keep it to myself whenever I find a connection to someone. And I feel bad about myself, like something's wrong with me that I have this problem. Then I get mad that maybe it's just how God made me, to have a lot of friends and know a lot of people...I just like people; I like that I remember most of the people that I grew up with; and I like finding out about people's lives. My best friend said that the problem isn't me, it's that people who didn't grow up here don't understand about being someone who grew up here. Our city has grown so much that most people think it's weird to still have that many connections.
So I don't know. I just know that tonight when I bared my soul about this issue to my husband, sharing with him that I think a friend of mine is irritated with me lately and this is the only thing I can think of that would be the problem--he said he could see how it would be irritating to have a friend with my "connections". So I feel like something is wrong with me and I'm not sure how to NOT be the way I am. I thought knowing a lot of people and having a lot of friends would be considered one of my few good qualities!
Anyway, I just thought it funny that my life is like that Kevin Bacon game. Now I feel like testing it on everyone I know (without telling them of course) to see what their degree of separation is from me! Yeah, because I have so-o-o much time on my hands, right? ;)
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Mar. 25, 2007 - Socialization
So today at the grocery store, I ran into an old friend. After talking for awhile, it came around to "So how old are your children? What school do they go to?" When I told her and her boyfriend that I homeschool the kids, she mentioned how hard it must be. I replied that yes, it is hard, but I love it and feel it's worth it. The boyfriend pipes up, "What do you they do for interaction, for friends, for stimulation?" Okay, I am one of those people who rehearses what she will say so that,when faced with the "socialization" question, I don't let emotion get in the way of an informative answer. I also don't like to list off all the activities that they're in to "prove" they're socialized.
Well, this week has been a hard one and today, I'm drained. So do you think I gave my rehearsed answer? OH NO-O-O-O!! I answered, "I have no worries about that--they're in ballet, soccer, basketball, piano, and we do a co-op." They're faces relaxed and they said, "Oh good!" (as if I needed their approval, right?) But then, in my irritation with the question, I couldn't let it rest. So I add, "Socialization doesn't worry me. Besides, do you want other 9 year olds teaching your 9 year old how to act in life? We don't hang out with only adults our age, why are public school students forced to do that? Socialization is the least of my concerns when it comes to schooling!" I could feel my cheeks getting red and realized I was letting myself get all worked up. Thankfully, her phone rang at that moment and the conversation died. However, later on they passed us in the frozen food aisle and--yes, sinner that I am--I quickly and loudly said to my daughter, "Okay, so what is .75 cents plus .75 cents?"--to prove to them that she's smart and we can do school anywhere! AAHHH--what a flawed creature I am!
But I'm sure all of you out there relate and understand my reaction. I just can't believe I took the bait and allowed the socialization question to get to me! :)
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Mar. 13, 2007 - A Homeschooler's Thoughts
I'm posting an article I wrote this month for my AWESOME co-op's newsletter. I love writing. I wish I could be an author, but I'm out of practice and have no time! Anyway, just thought I'd share this here on my blog as well.
Moms, how often have you complained to your husband of all your homeschooling responsibilities? Have you ever found yourself critical of his role in the homeschool—thinking, “He never looks over their schoolwork” or “He doesn’t offer to help with any of the homeschooling, he just assumes I’m teaching them something valuable!” How about complaining that you feel unsupported and alone? (I know, for some of you out there this may be your actual situation. This admonishment doesn’t apply to your situation, but for you, I do pray that you would not be unsupported for long.) But for most of us, our situation is not as dire as we perceive it to be! Recently, I described my husband as a “Shore Dad”, a father who stands on the shoreline of the homeschooling ocean and shouts out encouraging words to us, while the kids and I are in the ocean swimming. Oh sure, he supports us —but does he really know what we’re doing? If asked to explain to a social worker or school official what we’re teaching, could he? Really, Shore Dads have one foot in the water, but haven’t jumped in. At least, that’s what I thought. But recently, a wise and experienced homeschooling dad heard my analogy and offered a different description. He suggested that I consider the challenges my husband faces as a homeschooling father. Things like only meeting the other co-op parents once or twice a year, thus being unable to forge relationships with them. Or looking at our pictures of all our fun field trips-minus him! Or going to work all day, only to come home to a dirty house and no dinner—and then, doing the dishes and cooking while Mom finishes up the co-op newsletter (mind you, he would do it lovingly and cheerfully)! This man then suggested that a homeschooling father is really the propeller that’s pushing the boat in this homeschooling ocean—while we (Mom and children) are riding inside. Yes, dear mothers, our husbands who seem to not take an interest in our journey, or who don’t know how to take an interest, are still involved. They are the driving force behind this journey, even when it’s not always so easy to be the one left behind, or to be the one doing the pushing and never the riding. With that in mind, I found myself looking for ways to make it easier for my husband to become more involved in our homeschool. Below you’ll find a partial list I borrowed from Michael Farris called “Top 40 Practical Ideas for Fathers” (I used 32 of them):
1. Give your children their spelling tests.
2. Do flash card drills to hone your children's memorization of math facts.
3. Read your little children a story.
4. Read your bigger children the "Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis.
5. Do the dishes with your children, while regaling them with stories of your deprived childhood in which you had to do this task without the aid of a dishwasher.
6. Do the grocery shopping.
7. Take your kids to a museum or historical site.
8. Go for a hike with your children & talk about their dreams.
9. Read your children a chapter of the Bible every evening.
10. Make sure your children read the newspaper everyday by the time they are 11 or 12.
11. Discuss current events at the dinner table. Calmly .
12. Be honest when you take them to a restaurant or movie that charges a different rate for children under 12.
13. Read their essays & offer praise and constructive suggestions.
14. Watch the children while your wife goes on a walk.
15. Take the kids shopping & explain the process to them.
16. Take your kids to a minor-league baseball game.
17. Turn off the television.
18. Pray with your children & for them regularly.
19. Be a man & avoid exposing yourself to any pornography on television, on the Internet or in magazines.
20. Talk to your children before you impose discipline when they have done wrong.
21. Hug them afterwards.
22. Play silly games that involve lots of hugging & wrestling on the family-room rug.
23. Take your children to your childhood neighborhood & give them a tour of your memories.
24. Hug them before & after work.
25. Never, ever, ever swear at your children.
26. Apologize to them when you wrong them.
31. Express genuine delight when they draw a picture for you. Put the pictures in a place that shows the children you are proud of them.
27. Plant a garden together.
28. Teach them--nicely--to strive for excellence in their work.
29. Watch your boys play baseball & your daughters perform ballet with equal enthusiasm. Better yet, coach them if you can!
30. Ask them what they want to be when they grow up.
31. Give them a vision worth living for & worth dying for,
32. Love their mother intensely.
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Feb. 28, 2007 - Does time with parents really make kids fat?
I was catching up on my news via various web sites, such as NBC.com or comcast.net, and I came across this article on msn.com:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17384261/
The title of it is "Kids gain more weight when school's out" with the subtitle of "School's do a better job of keeping kids trim than parents, study finds"
Now, I'm all for encouraging parents to exercise with their kids more & mandating schools to serve healthier foods. However, I have lots of strong feelings about the implications of this so called study. Lots of thoughts that are in no organized order:
1. Who's financing the study?
2. Does more time away from the family and in the government system also guarantee solid future mental, emotional and spiritual health the way it "guarantees" future physical health?
3. Whatever happened to summer vacation, a break from school and rules and regulations? The lazy days of summer?
4. How long before CPS and the govt. start regulating our children's diets and exercise routine?
5. I resent the implication that the schools can do anything better than me for my child.
6. Sadly, if we looked at the participants in the study, we would find that the majority of these kids in the study are not home with their parent's during the summer, but either home by themselves or with a daycare provider.
7. Perhaps if the government and any other private company that are so concerned with our children's weight should focus less attention on whose fault it is and how we can keep the kids in our robot making factories longer each day, and instead focus on how to make healthy foods more affordable, or how to get the junk food off the shelves. Maybe they should fine the companies that make junk food and market it towards children. Or maybe they should do something about the cost of living so those of us who do struggle with weight and go broke teaching their children how to eat healthy could actually afford groceries that are organic or hormone free!
8. Likewise, maybe they should offer those of us who participate in organized exercise on a regular basis a tax credit. We belong to a community center/gym, we participate in sports year round, and we regularly take walks, go on bike rides, play in the backyard, go swimming, dance, etc.
9. I find that I am more and more condenscending towards the school system, as well as the government in other areas of life. I'm trying hard not to sin in my attitude toward these systems, but with rumours of longer school days, more requirements, lower scores, teacher inadequacies, and the self-righteous attitude I encounter among the majority of public school teachers I meet--it's hard. I need to keep my attitude in check!
Anyway, these are just my random thoughts that were sparked by this article. I agree that lots of kids have parents who don't care; who leave them to their own vices during time off from school. I understand that, for these kids, school is a safe haven at times and that it may be the only place they get any guidance on health, nutrition, exercise, etc. That breaks my heart! But I don't care for what is being implicated by this study, or that many people will use this small piece of info and say, "See, we told you more school is necessary!"
Just my ramblings!
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Feb. 19, 2007 - Life is never dull,that's for sure!
Okay, I thought about getting on here at least once a day since my last post, to give a positive report on how things have been improving (thank you to all who are praying for me and checking in with me!). But what is it today that finally draws me back to the keyboard? That's right--a problem! ARRGH!
First let me say that God has been answering prayers. I did go back on a very low dose of my regular anti-depressant and it has helped. I don't sleep until 11am every day and I am doing better. I might up my dosage a bit more, but for now it's been a good kick in the pants to get me going where I need to. Also, my mom helped us get a car and they financed it so we pay them with no interest! Another praise!
But here I come today, worried about my son, again. He seems to be having issues still. Today was a very hard day, with lots of emotional outbursts. I also noticed he pulls his hair when he's stressed, which is a new habit. Today he got very frustrated with his eye/facial tics, which the Dr. says are normal and nothing to worry about. He also got very upset with himself all day and kept saying, "This is the worst day" or "I can't do anything right" or the worst, throwing himself on the floor at WalMart and saying "I hate myself". This is normally in response to either a reprimand from us or being told to something he wants to do. He also started hitting himself today. I know--all signs of low self esteem or depression, or even emotional manipulation (I did all of these when I was a teen to get attention). However, baby boy is only 6! Either option doesn't sit well with me! Also, I am feeling doubly worse because when he was ages 1-3.5, I was very hard on him. I was super depressed and not controlling my anger and he was super hard to control--I took it out on him, both physically and verbally. The details are for another day--I didn't abuse him by any means--I just wasn't very nurturing or loving during moments that I could have been. I was harsh and belittling and unkind. I think that I made him this way. Even if it's depression, that's genetic and it's still from me. So I'm having severe guilt over this and my heart breaks for this little boy who's having such a hard time in life.
Please pray for my son, as well as my 2 daughters who are stressing out over him stressing out. We are seeking a Christian family counselor to help us and hopefully, we can see some improvement over the summer. I just worry that I damaged him emotionally when he was little and that is something I could never forgive myself for. I'm scared, I'm worried and I'm tired of the ups and downs!
Thank you, dear blog buddies, for listening to me vent and for caring aboutmy woes. It's been a bit lonely in my life lately and I've much appreciated these distant relationships!
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Jan. 30, 2007 - Ever wonder if God answers prayers?
Okay, so I still have my problems and I'm still laying low. However, last night I had a breakdown and cried all night until 3am this morning, and all day I've been laying down with a headache and tummy ache. Then, my internet had been not working, but kicked in this afternoon and I found this in my email box. Instead of linking it, I'm putting the whole article here, because I think it's very important to have it contrasted with what I wrote below. It's from Homeschooling Today, in their Homeschool Helper email.
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Recycled Mom
By Sherri Wilson Johnson
Have you ever felt that if one more thing went wrong in your life, you would jump off the planet? Have you ever thought God must have a candid camera and all the saints are having a blast watching you go through your daily life? I know that God does not sit up there waiting to strike us down for every act of disobedience, but He does have a bizarre way of luring us back into His arms.
On a cool September evening in 1999, the phone rang as I sat visiting with my father. The shaky voice of my husband on the other end of the line revealed to me that our lives were about to change. The company he worked for had unexpectedly closed its doors. He was now unemployed. Since we are a one-income family, and we homeschool, the thought of having no income was unsettling. However, the lack of income proved to be the least of our worries. The following Sunday morning our pastor collected a spontaneous love offering that met our financial needs for the next three months. I thought that things would be okay.
The long winter we faced with its short days and seemingly endless nights was a nightmare. As the children and I continued school as usual, my husband spent three miserable months looking for a job, followed by months of agony in a job not suited to him. He suffered a great deal emotionally from the job loss. Although I am by nature quite strong, the extensive months of being a fortress for everyone had become too much. The once pleasurable tasks of being a wife and mother were now tedious. More mentally exhausted than a soldier at the end of a long war, I found my reserve of strength gone. I no longer wanted to be a caregiver.
Spring arrived and I struggled to get through our days of school and rejoiced when our summer break finally came. I resisted even talking about beginning our new school year. I took a break from anything that involved instructing my children. My heart and soul went on vacation. My calling in life had become a prison sentence.
As the hot days of summer languidly passed, a great chasm grew between my children and me. They needed their friends more than they needed me. Their hearts had found a replacement for me. I was blind to the reasons why this was happening. I struggled because I truly felt called to have my children at home, yet that was no longer my desire. Why was I considering a nine-month boarding school with a three-month summer camp? Why could I not face another day at home with my children?
Caring friends often asked me, What does his job loss and struggle to find another career have to do with you not wanting to be a mother? I felt angry because no one understood me and because my husband could not seem to snap out of what had happened to him. I needed him to be my supporter. It was easy to take my anger out on the kids. Initiating the simplest act of love became suffocating.
What made my dilemma even harder was the lack of support from others. I could not blame anyone. This was my calling. No one can understand a calling unless it is his or her own. I found no comfort from those with whom I spoke. In fact, I sensed that some had even been waiting for this day to come. I felt torn because my desires were to give up and take what I thought would be the easy road. I do not mean to say that having a full-time job and placing children in school is easy, nor do I mean to imply that it is a sin. What I am saying is that if God calls you to do a task, it is a sin if you fail to do it. My struggle was between my will and God's.
Although I was weary, the only thing I knew to do was to set my start date for school, and trust the Lord to give me back the joy I had lost. Before that could happen, though, I had to ask forgiveness for closing myself off from everyone and for feeling like a martyr. I had to stop expecting anything from anyone and start relying on God totally for my strength.
Our first day of school that fall was awkward. Being back in the classroom, I tried to do more than just go through the motions of teaching. Amazingly, by the third day I felt like I was wearing my favorite pair of sweats. God gently pulled me back into doing what He wants me to do. He used His rod to discipline me. My misery had been part of my punishment.
Throughout the school year, I so often fail to take my burdens to the Lord. I ask advice from everyone I know and try to solve problems on my own. When nothing works, I then turn to God. He says He will make our burdens light, so why do we insist on carrying them ourselves? I see now that if I take everything to the Lord daily, He will give me the strength I need to face whatever He sends my way.
In a sense, I had become a Jonah. I ran from what I knew God wanted me to do, only to return to it in the end. In my rebellion, I stopped teaching my children, and failed to be the kind of mother, wife, friend and Christian sister that I should be. I became a sponge only wanting to receive comfort instead of giving comfort to others.
The next spring, I found myself going through many of the same emotions as in the previous year. At the time, we attended a church where there were no other homeschoolers. We also had spent a winter full of sickness and isolation. Loneliness had gotten the best of me and a longing for normalcy was knocking at my heart's door. Once again, I considered letting that be the last year I homeschooled. I looked into working for local Christian schools so that my children could attend.
Once again, I placed my burden in the hands of the Lord. I prayed that if He wanted me to continue on this path, that He would give me the desire to persevere. It seemed like no time at all had passed before I was searching through catalogs for innovative ways to teach my children, buying used curriculum off the Internet, and consulting friends about their techniques. I received much encouragement and advice that truly touched my heart. Unless the Lord creates a new path for our family, I will be teaching my children until they graduate.
Through all of this, God was a gentle shepherd to me. He took His staff and led me along the pathway He wanted me to follow. My trials and my discovery of the blessings of obedience to the Lord were painful, yet necessary journeys.
Sherri lives in Georgia with her husband, Dan, and their children, Kayla and Seth. She has homeschooled for ten years. She writes Christian Romance and Bible Studies. A Christian for thirty-four years, she believes laughter heals all wounds. She is available to speak on homeschooling, grief, finances, and more. gottawrite@bellsouth.net
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Wow, can I just say that that lady must have read my blog, and then written this article! Anyway, it hasn't magically fixed my life, but it has offered me some things to pray about and think about over the next few days.
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Jan. 17, 2007 - A New Layout
I've decided to try a different layout. Eventually, I'll get the hang of html and blinkies and fun things like that and I can customize this blog the way I want to. In the meantime, I wanted a change and since purple is my favorite color and I love flowers...here you have it!
Anyway, we have had WINTERY weather the past week! In fact, today we're snowed/iced in! We have about 4 inches of snow! About 5 days ago, it snowed quite a bit and then stuck around. Then yesterday morning, it started snowing about 5am and didn't stop all day! It's so pretty and calming--I know when we're in heaven, there has to be tons of snow somewhere! But what do I know--I love the rain too and hope there's rain in heaven! :)
I find there's so much more I'd love to blog about--I'd love to be more inspiriational and encouraging in my blogging, rather than just giving updates or asking for help. However, right now it seems like too much work! So I'm off to begin a late school day.
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Jan. 5, 2007 - Am I sad or am I relieved?
I am amazed at all you wonderful bloggers that keep up your blog in spite of LIFE! I am neglecting many other duties right now to finally update my blog.
I come on the the tail end of a busy holiday season. Yesterday, my little man turned 6 years old! We are having a party for him tomorrow at a new bowling alley--he's so excited! I can't believe he's this old already--it was bad enough that my oldest daughter turned 8 in November and my youngest, 3-1/2 year old baby is suddenly speaking in sentences like a big girl and figuring out things we never knew she understood!
But the real reason that nudged me into blogging tonight is this. We (my husband, oldest daughter and I) slowly convinced ourselves this week that I was pregnant. You see, I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (http://www.pcosupport.org). I have had to do some sort of fertility treatment to get pregnant with all my kids. The ones I haven't used fertility drugs on ironically end up miscarrying. Anyway, because of my condition, I don't have monthly cycles at all and I need to induce a cycle every 3 months with medicine. I choose to use a natural form of progesterone called Prometrium. It usually works. But this time, it didn't. However, I had some spotting one day, then nothing. Now, 12 days post-medicine and I still haven't started! My dr. wanted to begin birth control right away, but I had a thought that maybe it was implantation bleeding and perhaps I was pregnant! So, she issued a blood test and my daughter got excited and then we started to also. Then, and hour ago, I found out the test was negative.
I didn't realize how much I don't want to be done with babies until this happened. We decided a while back, when our youngest turned 3, that we were done. We have a very small house, a very small income, bad spending habits, and a schedule that cannot take any more stress. We know that another baby would stress us in ways that the other 3 didn't. But then, I pray for God to give me word that my womb is closed, or at least that our family is done growing. I haven't recieved any closure on this. As much as I don't want any more children, I still want more children! As much as I know my health probably cannot handle any more children--I STILL want another baby! As poor as we are and as crowded as we are-God has not closed our hearts to more kids! What's wrong with us?
I know all the logical reasons that it is good to be done. However, it doesn't help much when I allowed myself to dream a bit--where would we put the baby; how would we afford it; what would we name it; what if it's twins; would my surgery go well because it didn't last time; would my mom be happy or sad; how excited our kids would be--all this began to take root in my heart and mind and now I find myself at bit down.
On another topic, homeschooling has gotten a bit easier. We've actually attempted to do school 3 days this week, in spite of being sick. We didn't get everything on my list done and I'm continually looking for ways to make this easier with less sit down time and more fun stuff. But at least I feel like we're getting something done. One thing that has helped is something my friend Angel showed me, called Homeschool Tracker (www.homeschooltracker.com). Between using that this week and finding a place to hang my maps, I for some reason feel like I can do this! Plus, I got quite a few encouraging comments after my last post and that helped me a lot!
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Nov. 14, 2006 - Contemplations
I sit here, staying up too late again, contemplating the future. Here's the problem--there is not enough time in the day to get everything done. I know, everyone has that problem, but it seems to me as if I have it worse than anyone I know. The truly negative aspect of that is the one thing that has gotten pushed back the past 8 weeks has been school! Last year, it wasn't a bid deal, beacause my oldest was smart enough to get by on what we were doing. This year, it's not working. My oldest is not learning as much as she could be--not a comparison, just a truth. My Kindergartener is in a class setting twice a week and he appears to be the furthest behind in writing. So, I am in a quandry. I am seriously considering public school--not for this year, because I worry about continuity. But for next year, I'm thinking about putting my daughter in the Gifted/Excel full time program and putting my son in 1st frade. But then I have all the reasons why I'm homeschooling floating in my head. I know I need to re-evaluate and re-order my days and my schedule, but I don't have the time to sit down and do that.
Today, I shampooed my carpets (because my daughter, who turns 8 today--I say today because it's 1am--anyway, she's having 10 girls stay the night Friday and our floor is awful--pray for me!) and while I was putting all the stuff back, I noticed at least 15 GREAT books that I have that I've never read. Some of them will be of no use to me soon, as my children will be past the stage that they're useful in. That fact just depressed me. So, I'm not sure what to do.
I don't expect any answers--I know my answers ultimately will come from the Lord--if only I had the time to really talk to Him and to really, really listen! :)
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Nov. 7, 2006 - Magic Eraser cleaner is harmful!
I've never used these, but have been tempted to. I still might try them, but am now aware to use gloves and keep away from faces after reading this post on another blog I found (wonderful blog by the way!).
http://kerflop.com/2006/11/02/chemical-burn/
Forgive me but I am not blog saavy enough to know how to make one of my words a clickable link! I'm so oldschool!
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Nov. 6, 2006 - WHERE have I been?
I cannot believe it has been this long since I last posted! School started and activities and LIFE just got hectic! I should be in bed right now, but I have a touch of insomnia. Why? Because....
1. We had a birthday party last night for me that was a bomb.
2. My son decided a few days ago, while in class at our Christian homeschool co-op, to angrily utter the word D--N when his best friend wouldn't sit by him.
3. Same 5 year old son tried to hit Grandpa last night at my bd party.
4. I have been doing great on a new diet and then the last 2 days, BLOWN IT!
5. We are behind in school already and I'm gonna be too tired tomorrow to hold a regular schedule, which I haven't done for about 6 weeks because I've been too busy with our co-op stuff!
So, I cannot sleep.
Does anyone else have cobwebs in the corners, dirty toilets, piles of books, grime in the corners of the floors, a filthy shower, and a garage that needs cleaning? This keeps me up as well.
Plus, I'm 32 now. WOW! Just saying that seems weird. When did I even hit 30?
Also, we've been taking a class at church on Sunday nights, called The Truth Project (put out by Focus on the Family--it's GREAT!). I'm thinking a lot about how to be bolder with my faith. I wish I could be less emotional and more eloquent, as well as know the right way to bring up God in conversations without offending or being worried about offending.
LAST thing keeping me up: I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Why would I be out here on the computer instead of in bed with him then? Well, we just celebrated 10 YEARS of marriage (but this Juen we celebrated 15 years of being a couple). Anyway, 10 years! And I'm rediscovering my love for him all over again. I realized tonight that when I look into his eyes while we're talking, my heart beats faster. I also found while at church tonight that I love his smell. This is good, since we suffered a rough patch a few years ago that has since been healed, but being a homeschooling mom with 3 kids and TONS of activities doesn't leave a lot of time for romance--so just that I have gooey feelings for him leaves me with lots of hope for the future!
And with that, at 2:30am, I will leave you to go join my delicious hubby's choir of snores! :)
Glad to be back!
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Sep. 3, 2006 - How do you go about the process of dying?
Okay, so I got a quick request in at the end of my last blog, asking for prayer for my friend Lisa. Well, today I found out that she has stage 4 brain cancer and a very optimistc prognosis of 2-3 years. Not good years, mind you. This hits home on so many levels for me. My grandma died of brain cancer 6 years ago, and yes, I carry around a nice little wound from that. More than that, I love Lisa. I hardly know her yet I love her and her husband Louis. They have 2 adolescent children and she homeschools them both. She's vibrant and loud and funny and supportive and caring and only 40!
My mind cannot fathom going about the process of dying. Especially her--she exudes life. Even now, in the face of this, she radiates life. We are in the same bunco group and there's been a time or two that I didn't feel like going. But I did to see Lisa, because she makes me laugh. So I'm pondering the question of how to go about dying when you have so much life left in you? Do you try to cram in every activity you ever wanted to do while you can, regardless of money? Do you continue to do the daily's, even if you hate them? Do you give in and try to wrap it all up? Or do you fight until the very end, refusing to do any memory albums or letters to the children on their wedding day, because by doing those things, you're concedeing?
This is too much for me to even think about. I don't know why it's affected me so deeply, other than the reasons I've already given. But I've been crying all day and now, at 2:30 am, I can't sleep.
I'd hope to get to know Lisa and Louis better, invite their family over for dinner and stuff like that. And I still will, because I love them! But it feels like the rugs been pulled out from under me in this friendship. I cannot even fathom what her husband and kids are feeling. What she's feeling. It's too much for me to even comprehend right now. This world is an awful world.
...he will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
he will remove the disgrace of his people
from all the earth.
The LORD has spoken
Isaiah 25:8
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16
I pray that Lisa and Louis, and thier children, hear the Lord through this and respond to His calling. I pray that they know that if they pray for healing, it will come, just maybe not in our way or our time. I pray for them to depend upon the strength of the Almighty Lord to carry them through this time. Please, Father God, may she know you and love you and lean on you and may she be the recipient of a miracle if that be your will. Father I place these 4 hurting people at your throne and ask for you to do your will in their life. Thank you God for loving us and giving us a way out of this sinful and dying world through Jesus your son. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Sep. 2, 2006 - So long to summer
So, summer is almost over. I have this weird feeling like this will be the last summer I'll ever have--I don't want it to end! But so much has happened this summer, even though we didn't fill it full of activities. There was time to enjoy each other and stuff like that. First of all, my long lost high school best friend and I reconciled. We are beginning a new chapter in our friendship and I LOVE it! Then, my son changed so much over the summer--emotionally he's matured so much! And this was the last summer before our little baby girl starts preschool and ballet and soccer. No more babies in the house (boo hoo). My oldest daughter decided that she LOVES to read this summer (it really concerned me that she didn't get into it like I'd hope she would, but currently she's tackling The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe and she's only 7. This after reading 12 abridged classics over the summer, plus about 10 other chapter books. Whew!) Also, my cousin turned 40 and she's the closest thing I have to a sister. I quit drinking pop, Coke in particular. I can't remember a time in my life that I didn't drink Coke. And we decided to not sell our home, to stay where we are, cramped and cluttered and all! What a sense of contentment it's brought. We've also decided to pull back a bit from a public school ALP and get more involved in a local CO-OP, where I'll be teaching Kindergarten (egads!) My 5 year old son began violin lessons this summer and it turns out he's a natural with a real gift! WOW! And I learned how to use Ebay to sell stuff I no longer need, thus increasing our comfort here in the tiny house and releasing me from 'stuff'! Plus I'm making money!
I could go on. This summer that was so not busy held a lot of surprises for me. And now as I enter into our school year (we will officially start on Tuesday) I find that I'm much more relaxed than I was last year (which was my first year). I'm excited and have been staying up WAY too late planning. I'm one of those that needs a plan in order to be productive. Anyway, summers almost gone and hectic, busy schedule is upon us and I wanted to send out a GOOD LUCK (with crossed fingers, crossed arms and a british accent--anyone get it? Clue--Haley Mills? Comment me if you get the reference) to all of you as we enter fall.
Oh, and please, if you pray and wish to do so--a fellow homeschooler, who I've mentioned once before in a blog, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She had surgery and they removed 80% of the fist-sized tumor that was located behind her right eye, but as of yet I haven't heard a pathology report or course of treatment. She is 40 years old, has 2 adolescent children, and has a wonderful husband who can't do much work around the house due to prior injuries. PLEASE pray for this dear woman! They don't attend a church or anything like that, so our Bunco group is doing meals for her family for awhile. But other than that, they could use any kind of support from near or far!
Happy Homeschooling!!!!
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Aug. 8, 2006 - Just so everyone knows....I'm GLAD!!!!
Updates regarding my last few posts......
My old friend who I've reconnected with truly is a believer, saved and all! YAY!! AND her very best friend has recently decided to try taking a break from a religion that considers itself Christian, but really isn't. So, I'm so glad to be part of this exciting time in her life. I'm so glad she's my friend again. I'm so glad her boys, whom I love, are in my life again and that my children love her even though they're too young to have memories of her. I'm just glad, glad, glad!!! Praise the Lord that He works in our lives, even when we've given up. Praise Him for sorrow and heartache and for joy and gladness! Having her back in my life is like having a piece of my heart back!
The family situation with my husband's family seems to have worked itself out. Lots of words and opinions were exchanged through email, but after a few days of cooling off, life went back to normal...ish. Bottom line, we know we love them and they love us. Ironically, some of them came to church this Sunday and our pastor preached on what to do when the people you love don't love the Jesus of the Bible. Thank you, God, for again telling our pastor what's in my journal! LOL!
I have a very big thing to blog about that I have been saving for when I have a lot of time to think and write, so for now, this is it. But I will try to get back here in the next day or two!
August is here--I smell school in the air and autumn crispness on the edge of every dusky breeze! I love back to school time, even if we don't participate!
Check out my myspace page if you get a chance--it's not evil like other myspacers can be!!
www.myspace.com/happyhomeschoolhousewife
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Jul. 28, 2006 - A Fun Day
We had a wonderful day today! The Lord has blessed me recently by bringing an old friend back into my life. We had split on bad terms about 7 years ago and in the past year have rekindled the friendship. Just recently, because of communication on MySpace, we have been hanging out and reconnecting. What a joy it has been to see our kids (hers are 12, 9 and 4 while mine are 7, 5 and 3) enjoying each other's company. It's been so fun to spend time with her 2 older boys, who I knew as little guys, and get to know her littlest one, who I DIDN'T know as a baby! I pray that the relationship will progress without any bumps and that we can each do things right this time (last time, I do believe the demise of our friendship was mostly my fault).
Anyway, we spent the day at the zoo. As with any new relationship, it's taking time to get to know each other again. With us, at least we can talk about old times or old friends, but doing that sometimes makes it easier to fall back into old habits of gossiping or slander. I fear I did some of that today and so badly want to do everything right this time around, that I worry I become too negative.
Another thing that is interesting is years ago, one of the things we constantly disagreed on was my belief in Christ and her disagreements with that. We didn't fight, but it's always a tense subject between 2 who don't agree. Anyway, she's now a believer! We haven't been able to really talk about it much--but I can't wait to spend time alone and really find out what she believes and how she got there and all that good stuff! I'm prepared to accept that maybe we STILL don't see everything the same, but I can't wait to talk about it and get to know each other as truly grown up, 30 something women AND as believers AND as mothers!
YAY!!! Rejoice with me on this renewed friendship and the possiblities it suggests. God is a good God and I believe He's in control of everything, even this friendship!
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