Jun. 24, 2006 - CURRICULUM FAIR
Yay!!!! Today I went to a curriculum fair and I am so-so-so energized for next year! I can't wait to sit down, make my final decisions and order my curriculum. Then I can take the rest of the summer to do lesson plans (so I'm prepared ahead of time this year, instead of flying by the seat of my pants each day like this year). Then maybe--m-a-y-b-e--I can get my house more organized and ready for school---maybe even clean! Woo-hoo! I feel great! Praise the Lord for homeschooling! :)
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Jun. 9, 2006 - Oh I just remembered!
I can't believe I forgot this! Two major things happened concerning my oldest and I need some encouragement from other Mom's!
My 7-1/2 year old, very mature and intelligent daughter--and I had the sex talk. She's been asking some questions and we were at a science museum with a display on reproduction. So we sat down and I explained sperm and egg and monthly cycles and God's plan. She then asked how the sperm and egg get together and I briefly explained God's plan for our bodies and used a puzzle analogy. She said gross and we talked about marriage some more then went on our way.
Then, about 2 weeks later (just 2 days ago this happened), she overheard a few conversations and I was put into a situation where I had to give a more in-depth definition of homosexual. I have always told her that there are people in this world who don't ascribe to the kind of marriage that pleases God. We've left it at that. But I had to give a little more info (mostly because I have a relative who she knows who is living this lifestyle and that's how this came up). Anyway, there wasn't too much info given and she again thought it was gross and wrong.
So, even though it's too late to turn back time--did I do right? OR have I completely scarred her for life? I found out about sex when I was 5, but I also had some exposure to distasteful magazines by then and had no father. So, my situation was different. Is there any follow up I can do--a book or something--that can help the situation? Or is it best just left alone until she comes to us?
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Jun. 9, 2006 - I know it's long, but I've been away for awhile!
So I have taken a short absence from my blog (although my MySpace one has been updated a little--don't worry--my page is clean!). My friend Lisa at Bunco tonight told me I needed to update my blog--so at least I know one person's been reading it! (thanks Lisa!) :) Anyway, we're winding down the school year and facing some major decisions for next year. I already touched on some of my life changes taking place in my last blog, but even more have come up. I will briefly summarize and if anyone has any insight, please share!
1. After making the decision to pull my son out of our tried and true K program, and after long hours of praying and deciding to put him in a K program at our local ALP school that we used for my daughter this year--things have changed! With some changes going on in our ALP (alternative learning program, sponsored by the school district), we're finding that we may have to not use this program at all. All this after he's seen his classroom and met his teacher! And to make this even harder.....
2. Our ALP has suggested that my 7 year old daughter skip 2nd grade next year and go into 3rd. My pride immediately wanted to say yes, but I didn't. I know that it would be helpful if I ever put her into PS (slim chance), but I'm so torn right now on using ALP's that I can't think straight about increasing her hours there for next year.
3. I don't feel like I was very successful this year homeschooling. My approach stunk and I lost my patience way too much. I didn't plan ahead enough either. This bothers me because it looks like I'll be HSing 2 kids next year in a 1000 sq ft home with no extra room. Our house is so small that my 3 year old keeps bumping into things because we're so cramped! They all 3 share a room and we are smothering each other! More room would make my HSing goals a tad bit easier to think about and accomplish.
4. My husband has started his own business and is moonlighting for City Parks & Rec, teaching golf camps this summer. His business is giving private golf lessons to kids. All the start up costs have strained the budget and I am so wary of having money issues, especially with curriculum season coming up!
That's just a few of the decisions or changes I'm facine. My major woe tonight is that I feel like we are at a bridge where we have to decide which side of the river we stand on--public or home. I like some of the things I have access to by using our ALP, but by nature, I am a person who has opinions and stands up for those. At the heart of my homeschooling, I disagree with these programs. I may be at the point where I have to stand up for that decision. I don't know. Do any of you ever feel like throwing in the towel and enrolling them in public school?
Well, enough of my whining.
If any of you so desire, could you please pray for wisdom for me and my husband? I could use some direction from him and as of yet, he's not jumped into the water with me too deeply. He's a shore dad--homeschooling from the shore but not deep in the water! Also, I need prayer for my house situation (should we sell now or wait a year? CAN we wait a year? Do we want to move or add on?). Oh-h-h-h!!! The pressure! It's weeks like these that help me relate better to the phrase , "Lord, please don't tarry!!!"
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May. 16, 2006 - Lessons from the Lord, Part 2
Okay, so with all the Kindergarten drama this week, it was also my baby's 3rd birthday. We think we are done having children and so this was a hard week for us. Three seems so old! I planned a large party for her (as I do for most birthdays) and by the end of the week, we realized it wasn't gonna happen. Did I mention we've all been sick? And that my mom is sick--she was hosting the party. So anyways, my usually large, well planned, cute themed party was not going to be well attended. Attended at all, really. So, I cancelled it and we took her to Chuck E. Cheese with my best friend's family. Then on her actual BD, we met our families for dinner at Red Robin. So, another object lesson from the Lord that my expectations will not always be met.
But, to add fuel to the fire, two days before her party, I decided she needed a large trim on her hair. I figured, since I was just blunt cutting it and since we had no money (I spent it all on the party!) that I could cut her hair! I ponytailed her below-shoulder length hair and attempted to cut it off! The end result was a disaster. My two older children immediately began consoling me and her, and my mom (when called) could do nothing but mutter "Oh Stacie, what did you do?" So, I took the baby to Great Clips (because I had to fix it before her dad came home and freaked out) and after more hair came off, her curly locks now resemble a 1920's flapper hair-do. Or maybe even Ramona Quimby. Or how about Dora the Explorer? The thing is, it's darling and sets her apart as so different from the other 2. Do you see it--the Lord made her different in my eyes so I would really see her as different. And she is--she really is.
So, all this is happened and I'm having my eyes opened. All I can hope and pray for is that this will make me a better Mommy. I feel like time goes so fast and so much gets wasted--I don't want anything to get in the way of a job well done. I feel like the Lord is taking care of that bit by bit. Why did no one tell me how truly painful it is to be a parent? :) And BTW, I know that she isn't a baby anymore. I just am not ready to have no more babies in the home!
Her long hair and pigtails
See the long, full hair down her back?
New 'do--I know, it's cute, but still--not in my plans or expectations!
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May. 16, 2006 - Lessons from the Lord, Part 1
This week was a hard one. Lots of object lessons that have been culminating for a few months. I have a hard time seeing my children as individuals. Actually, let me go back further. I have a hard time with things not being fair. With the injustices of this world. Therefore, I try to make all things equal and the same for my children--same kind of school experience, same kind of photo albums, same rules, etc. I'm not saying this is healthy or normal, I'm just saying this is how it is. A dear friend of mine has recently been praying for me and giving me guidance concerning some problems I've had with my son for the last 5 years (he's 5 by the way). Anyway, she has encouraged me to really pray about seeing all three with their individual strengths and weaknesses and meeting their needs that way. This week, the Lord spoke to me.
Here's the lowdown. I put my kids in a preschool/pre-k/kindergarten at a local church that focuses on lots of singing on stage and performances. My oldest thrived there all 3 years, performing in the end of the year musical each year and even starring as Snow White the last year. My son likes it, but his 2 years there have been mediocre. This year's musical is next week--Cinderella. My pre-k son decided last week that he doesn't like singing on stage and will not be in the musical next week (this he tells to a momma who majored in vocal performance!). With that in mind, we came to the conclusion that the kindergarten program is not a good fit for him. This is very hard for me. He (and we) wanted him to be the big Kindergartener there, just like his older sister. He (and we) wanted him to go to school with his little sister in the preschool, just like when he was in PS and big sister was in K. The sameness of life has been thrown off kilter. And it shatters my expectation that I will have a kindergartener there next year, something that I didn't realize meant so much to me until this week.
This also brings about a new situation--I will be homeschooling him sooner than I thought and I don't feel ready. This saga to be continued.
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May. 10, 2006 - Where's the love, my fellow homeschoolers?
Before I begin, let me say that I do not think that ALL homeschoolers think the way that I am discussing here. I know that it's more than likely a small percentage. I just need to vent.
Okay, I have an issue to work out. Any insight would be highly appreciated. I have chosen the option of enrolling my child in a public school program. She goes 2x a week for 5.5 hours each day. She is considered a full time public school student by the state. I have a conference with her teacher every 45 days and I log my hours. I am able to pull her out at any time with no ramifications. I am able to use the resources as much or as little as I want. And it gives me some time to focus on my two younger children.
I admit this program we're using is not ideal. But it affords my children a compromise--they get a little bit of "school" that they desire--recess, lunch with friends, a desk, learning centers--and I get a little time to clean the house and focus on my 2 year old. In theory, I am not fully supportive of these programs, but see that this works for my family right now.
My issue comes with fellow homeschoolers. Where's the love? For one thing, why assume I'm a complete idiot just because I haven't homeschooled as long as someone else? Why assume I haven't read hours of research and why assume I haven't made an informed decision? If I am a homeschooler, does that mean I also have to judge people and think that I am better than others? I am no better than anyone else--public schooler or homeschooler or in between.
Now I understand the complaints of the homeschoolers who are against these public school programs. One complaint is that the students attending these programs are not counted by the state as homeschoolers, therefore, it supports the idea that homeschooling is on a downswing. However, I found out today that our school doesn't send in our intent to homeschool forms. But I can send one in to the district myself, therefore, I count as a homeschooler by the state. So far, I cannot find a reason why this won't work (yet).
I am so sick of this underlying attitude that there is a righty way for everyone to homeschool. We are not cookie cutter people, therefore, we should not cookie cutter homeschool. Like I may have said, in theory I agree that these programs are not ideal. I feel guilty for being considered a public school family by some. But I put enough guilt on myself and don't need it from other homeschoolers.
Anyway, I could say so much more and I know I 'm ranting and please forgive me (if you've made it this far). I've just had a few negative experiences during this first year of homeschooling that have made me question a few things. I'm deflated and done now.
Any insight would be appreciated.
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May. 3, 2006 - Lost in Space
I have been MIA, lost in space--I got caught up doing a MySpace page and have lost track of this blog! Before you judge me for partaking in something as immoral as MySpace, let me justify my actions. My Sis-in-law set me up there so we could converse easily and since then, I have found my half-sister who I haven't spoken to in 6 years; numerous old friends from high school; an ex-best friend who hopefully is ready to make amends; numerous ex-boyfriends (which makes me feel good about my life, that I married my husband and not them but hoping that they don't look me up and see how big I've gotten!); tons of old friends from Jr high (they've all seemed to get skinny while I have gotten bigger); and 3 cousins! Plus, a little sister of an old boyfriend--I used to be quite close to her and it's great to meet up again as adults! Anyway, I've been able to avoid most of the deviant stuff and use it to network with old buddies!
Good news however! These past few weeks, I have learned something important about my oldest daughter's learning style. She prefers to have a more "school-like" setting, with a desk and a bulletin board and me teaching from the white board a lot. She also has hated reading, until we tried these Harcourt textbooks that I got from a friend who got them from a school text book supplier guy! My daughter seems to thrive in a more traditional, text book, school like setting, while I have been forcing a Classical/Charlotte Mason education on her and forcing her to exclaim (last week)--"I just hate learning!" So, I have a lot of thinking to do in the next few weeks. And I need a lot of wisdom. And a new house with more space if this kid thinks she's actually gonna get a school room! :)
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Apr. 15, 2006 - Oh Happy Day Part 2
So the day after passover, which was Good Friday, a wonderful thing happened with my son. After a long 5 years of struggle (he's 5 years old by the way), I finally saw a heart-spirit connection in my son. I was needing to discipline him and was doing so, when he complained of a stomach ache (he does this a lot when he wants attention or needs to go potty to get out of trouble). I said that we don't have time for that and we need to finish up what we're doing and get in the car. He said, "No Mommy, my tummy hurts because of all the sin in my heart. I have so much sin in my heart because I do bad things all the time." So I helped him confess and pray for forgiveness. I hope that this means he really understands how his actions have a consequence. Either way, it was a good thing to happen on Good Friday, just like a good thing happened on Passover. Now something MARVELOUS has to happen on Easter tomorrow--oh wait, it already happened through Jesus! Yeah! Happy Easter everyone!
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Apr. 14, 2006 - Oh Happy Day
This week has been hard because last week (spring break) we were busy everyday. So, I am behind in every way, not even taking B. to pre-k or M. to her academy classes. And of course, school is behind as well. But today--today is an awesome day! If only for one thing--I saw tremendous fruit in my daughter today! We've been reading about Moses and the Ten Commandments. The part in Exodus where God is speaking to Moses and is talking about the book of life--we were there. I read it to her and said, "You know, if you're a believer (and she is) then your name is written in this same book of life that God is talking about. It's not just some girl from Vancouver either. It's M.E.P.T. (I said her whole name here)." She got a little teary eyed and said, "Really?" I nodded and she said, "I think I'm going to cry." At that point, her tears welled up and spilled over and she began to sob a little. I hugged her (crying too) and told her how much God loves her heart that is so tender towards Him. She said, "I just love Him so much!" Oh what a day today was! Even now I'm tearing up! Ironically, it's passover today--which doesn't have anything to do with today, except that it's neat to have a wonderful spiritual event on a spiritual celebration day! Praise God that my children are loving the Lord in spite of our weaknesses!
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Apr. 9, 2006 - I wanna be a star!!
An update on my friend with the gallbaldde surgery-she's home from the hospital and doing well! Praise the Lord! Thank you all who prayed for her.
Last night, my husband and I were blessed with free tickets to see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". I absolutely love musicals, so it was a real treat for me. Sadly, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be, but I love Broadway shows so much that it was still worth my time to be able to say I've seen it. It's hard for me to go watch these shows, though, because it reminds me of the dreams I gave up to live the life I'm living. I don't have any regrets that I made the choices I have, or that God had plans for me that were different than my plans. But I still have this burning desire to be up on stage and to be singing and dancing--to be a Broadway performer--or even just an off-off-off-Broadway performer would be fine! Going to these shows makes me sometimes feel like I missed a calling and----frumpy. Here I am, a homeschooling, sahm, who's over-over-over-weight! I have a small house, small bank account, and a large family. I feel like I don't do much as well as I could and feel most days like time is moving so fast and I just want to sit down and watch it rather than try to keep up with it. I know that I'm following my true God-given calling, but seeing a version of what I "could have" been doing makes me wonder, even though I am happy and joyful and content--it still makes me wonder if I'd listened more closely to God when I was younger (like I was advised to do) would I be up on that stage or would I still be here? I know--if I was up there I wouldn't be here, with all the joyful blessings I do have. But still I wonder. Does this make any sense? I hope I'm not showing uncontentment by wondering. I think it may be a common emotion among us keepers of the home, to have so many dreams outside of the home that keep pulling on our heartstrings. It's hard to set those dreams aside and know without a doubt that the life we're living is the right one, even when we stay close to God.
Anyway, I didn't mean to be so sad or philosophical! The blue sky is peeking out here in the NW and I have laundry to fold. Yes, I know--it's the Lord's day. I usually don't do chores on Sunday, however, we cannot see our floor in the living room due to clothes and I have to choose between the lesser of two evils--honor the Lord's day by not working or honor my family by giving them a pathway to walk on!
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Apr. 6, 2006 - Encouragement and a prayer request
Today at breakfast, my oldest daughter said, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a mommy! And I'm going to homeschool my kids too, just like you!" Then she looked at her sister and said, "You too, you can be a mommy and homeschool." Next, to her brother, she said, "But not you--you leave the school to your wife and you have to go to work to pay for it all!" But seriously, even in all my feelings of not doing hs good enough, my child still knows that it's good for the family. This is in spite of her having occasional yearnings to go to a "real" school. It also brings to my mind that God uses all things for good. He's even working in the hearts of my children. I know He's called me to hs--having children of the same mindset is encouraging!
I have a prayer request for those of you who don't mind--a fellow homeschooler and friend of mine from church had urgent gallbladder surgery done today. The surgery had a few complications and she ended up with a traditional incision versus a laparascopic. Also, they found golf ball size gallstones and gangrene. Please pray for her and her husband, 7 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter. The ironic thing is--I had my gallbladder out 1 month ago and was telling her all about it and what the pain is like, etc. She thought maybe she had it and should see a dr. I'm not sure of all the details, but again--it's God using all things for good. Maybe she knew to go to the dr. when the pain started because of my experience. Anyway, please lift her up in your prayers for a speedy recovery with no complications.
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Apr. 4, 2006 - Having some success
Just an encouraging note--I have been accomplishing a few of my goals with the Lord's help. Yesterday, the kids and I attempted to go to OMSI, a local science museum and found that it was closed. Instead of letting the day go down the drain, we ended up going to a movie. I KEPT MY COOL! Then today, we were planning ongoing to OMSI again but changed our minds due to the wonderful weather and ended up at the zoo! Even though I was going on 3 hours of sleep, we had a good time. Tomorrow, we will go to OMSI and Thursday we are going to The Childrens Museum with some friends. So, I am cramming in all the field trips I promised this year into one week, but we're having fun! So Praise The Lord!
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Apr. 2, 2006 - A blessing from the Lord
Yes, I had a bad week. And I really haven't had any time to pray or read my Bible, so what happened this morning was a complete blessing from a gracious God. Getting into the shower this morning, getting ready for church, I had a strong urge to put the radio in the bathroom with me and listen to praise and worship music. I did and showered and midway through (I pray in the shower) I got so emotional and just broke down crying. I felt the Lord telling me I was experiencing an anointing. To my knowledge, I've not experienced this before and after talking to my dear husband, I'm sure that's what it was.
Now, on to church (Communion Sunday)--I just felt so close to God and kept thinking "How can I be so broken and so healed at the same time?" The Lord has truly blessed me today.
How does this relate to hs-ing? I plan to focus on the joy of the Lord and not what needs to be done this week. This week is Spring Break for us and my goals are as follows:
1. Have fun and do lots of field trip type activites
2. Parent with patience, grace, kindness, love and compassion
3. Not yell
4. Review my curriculum for the last 2 months of school and salvage what I can of the year
5. Welcome the challenges of hs-ing as a blessing rather than a negative
There--I will concentrate on that and relish in the joy that comes from my "new song" I now sing in the Lord.
Oh, and BTW, we got a cat this weekend. Our first official pet. It's going well and he's a wonderful pet so far, considering he's a stray. Right now his name is George. We'll see if that sticks. But yet another blessing from God--a loving and so far easy new addition to the family!
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Mar. 29, 2006 - Of sleepless nights and lack of routine
S, my midnight visitor
So after my almost bad day yesterday, I had hope that today would be better. It wasn't. S, my 2 year old, kept me up all night. She got out of bed so many times that I didn't even try to lay down, I just sat up all night on the computer, getting up every 20-30 minutes to lay her back down and rock her or rub her back or admonish her. Finally, at 3:30am, I fell into bed. Five minutes later, here comes the pitter patter of feet and my door being loudly opened. I started to cry and said to my snoring husband, "I can't do this anymore--please can you help her?" He ended up with the same problem for the next hour. So, enter today. I was exhausted and cranky and slept when I could, leaving the kids to fend for themselves a bit. It made my day awful. I even yelled at them, which is something I am no longer being held captive by.
So, I sit here, looking at piles of laundry and lessons to be planned and schoolwork that wasn't even touched today, knowing that I need encouragement that my kids are better off with imperfect me at home than they would be in public school. I just keep hoping that next year, or even sooner, that I would get my act together and find a routine and have a relatively organized house and day and that I would go to bed aat a decent time and get up at a decent time and that we could actually have a regular routine of school! UUHHGGGG! There--I've said my peace and vented and now I can finish folding clothes! Then, maybe I will go to bed before midnight!
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Mar. 28, 2006 - Can a migraine and no sleep really undo God's work?
Okay, so I stayed up way too late last night, playing with this blog thing. Today, I paid for it! God has recently healed me of an anger problem, as well as a problem with selfishness. Apparently when I have no sleep and a migraine developing, I tend to forget that I am no longer a slave to my old sin! I struggled a bit today with shouting at the kids--2 in particular, who I refer to as TweedleDee and TweedleDum! My two youngest should have been twins, the way they play with each other and look for trouble. Anyway, I just feel like I didn't get everything done for school that should have been done and that it's impossible to hs with younger kids around.
I also know that next year things will be so different, with everyone in school of some sort. I also know that not too many hs moms get everything accomplished on thier school to do list. However, days like this make it too easy for me to forget where I've been and where God's taking me--they make me feel like quitting. And I don't like to be a quitter. So you know what I did to deal? After I took a short nap to try and deal with this migraine (the 2 oldest were doing computer games and watching a movie, while the youngest was napping) I got the kids dressed and sent them outside to run off the energy. I picked up the house for my tired husband to come home to and tried to make the rest of this day go better. So maybe I haven't totally forgotten what I've learned lately, just had a mild setback. Plus, I get to try again tomorrow! Praise God!
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Mar. 28, 2006 - The reason for this wild adventure called homeschooling
M (now 7 years old) S (almost 3) and B (now 5 years old)
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Mar. 28, 2006 - Trying something new
I am so new to this--blogging and homeschooling! I've been homeschooling now since September and am still trying to find my way! We just got a new computer and I've been reading so many different blogs and I just got inspired to start one. No real rhyme or reason, just jumped in!
But I have been thinking on something big this past week and I believe that is what may have inspired me the most. I attended a ladies retreat with my church last weekend and the Lord changed me. I feel like a new person and that is why I picked the title "Singing a New Song" for my blog--I feel like I'm singing a new song everyday and have never felt so sold out to the Lord in my life. It's a long story of what happened that can be shared another day, but I'm sitting here at my computer at 12:30am, trying to figure out how to transform my homeschool to reflect the changes God has made in me. Pray for me! :)
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