Jun. 17, 2007 - Free audio story every week!
Sorry I've been so quiet. Busy as usual! I hope to start posting more regularly again, but meanwhile I wanted to let you know about a wonderful new resource . . . and it's free!
Have your children ever sat mesmerized while you read aloud?
Mine have (and precious little gets those boys to sit still).
But the time I've seen them most enthralled in a story is when Robert Green stood in front of my fireplace and spun a tale for his children and mine. They were spellbound!
Robert and his wife Rachel have been my dear friends for over a decade, and I'm delighted that they've finally decided to share Robert's storytelling gift with a wider audience.
Robert is now making FREE recordings of great stories available every week here:
You Need a Story
Happy listening!
Mary Jo Tate
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Dec. 17, 2006 - Praising God for His Provision . . . and Ways You Can Help Others
Whew--I've been too busy to blog!
But I had to share with you how God has provided for us this month.
A couple of weeks ago I received a $20 check in the mail from a friend's friend who stayed in our home overnight a couple of months ago. The next week I received a $25 check from a family in our homeschool co-op. Both checks were designated for me to have a "Mom's Night Out" or otherwise do something special for myself.
Last Sunday a friend at church told me that she wants to buy my children's Christmas candy again this year--as she has done for several years.
Last week our pastor stopped by to deliver an envelope from an anonymous church member. It contained $200 and a reminder that God supplies all our needs.
Today in church my 6-year-old and I sat with some friends we haven't seen in a while. In fact, Thomas had been asking about them on the way there. They slipped me $140 as a Christmas gift.
My business is booming, but cashflow has been slow for a couple of months due to the timing of several projects. These unexpected gifts took care of groceries and Christmas shopping.
For my readers who are single parents (or otherwise struggling), I hope my story will be an encouraging testimony of how God provides in unexpected ways. Praise Him for His goodness!
For those of you who read this blog for ideas of how to help others, please know that the two smaller gifts were just as meaningful to me as the larger ones. If you know a single-parent family, perhaps you can help out financially during the holidays. Providing child care while a single mom does her Christmas shopping would be a tremendous blessing--do you know how hard it is to shop for a child who's with you at the store?
Perhaps you can invite a single-parent family to your home for a holiday meal. Keep in mind that single parents may be alone on holidays when their children are with their other parent. Being at home alone, without your children, on Christmas, is depressing. Whom can you invite to share in your family's celebration?
May God bless you all with a joyous Christmas!
Mary Jo Tate
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Jul. 20, 2006 - We have a new dog!
As of today, we're the proud owners of Jodie, a beautiful Golden Retriever.
My boys have been wanting a dog for a long time . . . but we have 6 cats (Bullseye, Sir Francis Drake, Bilbo, Frodo, Dixie, and Snowball) . . . so I've been putting it off.
However, some friends are moving tomorrow and can't take their dog with them, so we adopted her.
She's 4 years old, spayed (after 1 litter), recently had her 3-year rabies shot, housebroken, indoor-outdoor, and used to living with cats.
Now honestly, if we were ever going to get a dog, now was the time, wasn't it? I don't think it could get any simpler than that.
I expected at least a few days of chaos from the cats, but after the initial hissing and hiding on the roof with fluffed tail (picture a bottle brush), they settled down pretty quickly and have been inside "with" the dog all day . . . cautiously peeking around corners and perching on top of the piano.
Late tonight one of the cats even ventured within one foot of Jodie! Quite a lot of progress for the first day, I'd say. I'm expecting to see a few of them snuggled up with her in front of the wood stove this winter.
So the cats are adjusting, the boys are wild with delight, and Jodie seems to be getting accustomed to her new home. Besides sharing the boys' pleasure, I'm enjoying having her around, and I know she will be a good companion for me when my boys are away visiting their dad. (I adore our cats . . . but they decide when they want to be companionable and when they want to do their own thing, y'know?)
My friends have responded by calling me everything from a really great mom to a sucker. A sucker! Can you believe it?!? I'll go with Group A. ;)
Hope you're having a wonderful summer!
Mary Jo Tate
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Jun. 19, 2006 - No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth . . .
You know it's been too long since your last blog posts when a dear reader e-mails to ask if you're OK! (I appreciate your concern.)
I've just been super-busy. Well, OK, that's nothing new. But it's a handy excuse, and I'm going to stick to it! :)
In addition to my usual editing business and kids' activities, I've been extra-busy with homeschool planning. Next year we're going to be joining a classical Christian homeschool co-op that meets once a week. It was really a struggle to decide to give up some of the flexibility and control of setting our own schedule and planning all our own lessons, but I decided the trade-off was worth it.
I have to face the harsh reality that there's too great a gap between my homeschooling theory and practice, and that my ideal homeschool dreams just aren't feasible as a single mom working almost full-time. My oldest son will be in 9th grade, and it seemed like time to call in reinforcements. He'll be studying George Grant's Gileskirk Humanities curriculum for history and learning rhetoric from a lawyer/homeschooling dad, among other things. There's also a local doctor who teaches the upper-level science courses (using Apologia curriculum).
I'll be teaching the 9th-12th-grade literature class and 7th-8th grammar. I've been having lots of fun selecting books and have probably spent too much time reading instead of doing work I get paid for. (Oh, but it's class preparation! Another excuse. :)
My two oldest are at Boy Scout camp this week, and the two youngest are at Vacation Bible School in the mornings this week, so the house is unusually quiet. I'm determined to use this valuable time for serious writing and editing instead of frittering it away in whatever.
I have three other blogs besides this one, and I post here least often. My blog for booklovers gets the most frequent posts, and that will probably increase as I work on this lit class.
http://www.EclecticBibliophile.com
Most single parents have to earn a living, so you might be interested in my blog about ideas and resources for entrepreneurs here:
http://www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/Entrepreneurs
And I offer writing tips here:
(Yes, you can begin a sentence with a conjunction in casual writing, like a chatty blog entry. I won't alert the Grammar Police.)
So if I stay too quiet here, hop on over to one of my other blogs and find out what's going on in my other personalities, er, areas of interest.
For that matter, you don't have to wait until I seem to drop off the face of the earth again. Feel free to visit right away!
Hope you're all having a wonderful summer!
Blessings,
Mary Jo Tate
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Apr. 13, 2006 - Homeschooling as a Single Parent: How You Can Make It Work
Let’s face it: being a single parent intensifies the challenges of homeschooling.
In many two-parent homeschooling families, the dad takes primary responsibility for earning the living and the mom takes primary responsibility for educating the children. The labor is divided and the support is multiplied. Although there are also many two-parent families where both parents contribute to the education and the finances—often through a family business—a single parent is often solely responsible for both. The labor is multiplied and the support is subtracted.
But, the increasing number of single parents choosing to educate their children at home testifies that it can work. Brian Ray of the National Home Education Research Institute says his studies show that about two percent of homeschooling families are headed by single parents, but it is his opinion that this figure probably underrepresents the true number.
I have been homeschooling for eight years—four of them as a single mom. The number-one question people ask me (usually with a breathless air of amazement) is “How do you do it all?”
My answer comes in two parts: (1) I don’t, and (2) I redefine it all.
Don’t Be a Lone Ranger
None of us—single or married—can homeschool relying on our own power. But God’s grace is sufficient for us, for His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t confess that some days I really don’t know how I can make it. There’s just not enough of me to go around. Sometimes I wrestle with exhaustion, discouragement, loneliness, and frustration. I have discovered, though, that the struggle is hardest when I focus on my situation and my inadequacies rather than on the love and providence of God. Turning my eyes to Him helps me remember to “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might” (Ephesians
God has indeed proven faithful: “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5, NKJV). He has provided for all our needs through work I can do at home, help from my parents, supportive friends, and the loving ministry of a godly church.
A support network is helpful for any homeschooler, but particularly crucial for single parents, who lack the help and sounding board of a spouse. Be involved in a local church, and ask folks there to pray for you. Seek out a homeschooling support group in your area. Nurture godly friendships. I frequently consult a few close friends about choices in training and educating my children, and seek advice about business matters from fellow Christian entrepreneurs who share my family-based priorities.
You Have Only Twenty-Four Hours in Each Day
Time is your most precious commodity. You can earn more money, but you can never have more than twenty-four hours in a day, so time management is a critical skill for single-parent homeschoolers.
Just as the three most important factors in real estate are Location, Location, Location, the three most important tasks for single parents are Prioritize, Prioritize, Prioritize.
Learn to say “no” to the good, in order to say “yes” to the best. Limit outside commitments. Too many extracurricular activities can crash a crowded schedule and steal precious family time. You don’t have to forego such opportunities entirely; just be intentional and very selective.
Routine tasks such as grocery shopping, going to the bank or post office, and medical appointments can consume far too much time if you’re not careful. I’ve noticed that I feel most overwhelmed when I’m on the go too much. Try to consolidate all errands that require leaving the house into one day a week.
The concept of “opportunity cost” revolutionized my thinking about prioritizing. Every choice you make has a potential opportunity cost. Although this may seem counter-intuitive to frugal homeschoolers, spending an extra hour driving to several different stores to save $5.00 on groceries may not necessarily mean you saved $5.00. If by working that hour you could have earned $20.00, you actually lost $15.00 by “saving” $5.00. I reluctantly realized that the time I spent running around to yard sales every Saturday morning would be much better used earning income.
Multi-tasking is one of my top survival secrets. This strategy works well for parents and children. I start a load of laundry or dust a bookcase when I’m on the phone, and pay bills or file papers during longer teleconferences. I have taught phonics lessons in doctors’ waiting rooms, explained basic business concepts in the emergency room, and discussed history and current events in the check-out line at the grocery store. My boys listen to tapes or watch educational videos while they fold laundry. We redeem time in the car by listening to books on tape or reviewing math facts, spelling, or grammar rules.
Make Homeschooling Work
Be realistic in your expectations, particularly about how much time you can devote to direct instruction of your children. It simply may not be possible for your homeschool to match your highest goals, but you can still make it work. My ideal homeschooling scenario would include hours of daily reading aloud to my children, discussing ideas at great length, intensive one-on-one tutoring, and so on, but the necessity of earning a living simply precludes much of that. I relish building my own eclectic educational program from scratch, but it’s much more practical for me to use at least some prepared curriculum. I’ve learned to come up with a realistic educational plan that we can actually implement rather than wasting time fretting over the gap between theory and practice.
It makes sense to teach children together whenever possible. Skills such as math and phonics have to be taught at individual levels, of course, but most subjects can be taught to multiple ages. We usually begin our school time with the whole family coming together for Bible reading, prayer, Scripture memorization, poetry, and classic literature. Then, the boys split up for independent work and one-on-one instruction from me.
Children of varying ages can all study the same period of history, same topics in science, etc., with independent assignments at varying levels of difficulty. When we studied American history, for example, we were involved in a weekly co-op where the boys did hands-on activities and presented reports. During the week, Forrest (13) read high-school and adult-level history books, Andrew (10) read intermediate-level books, and Andrew also read easier books aloud to Perry (8).
As soon as my children become competent readers, I encourage independent learning. I would prefer a leisurely family-wide read-aloud time for history, for example, but most of the time it’s more practical to have the boys read on their own and use our time together to narrate, answer questions, or discuss what they have read.
Learning to take responsibility for their own education teaches children important skills that will be useful in college and adult life. Independent learning also offers the opportunity for each child to pursue his own special interests. Forrest’s passions are history and business, Andrew is a scientist and mathematician, and Perry is a talented artist. It’s a little early to tell what Thomas (4) will specialize in (demolition work, perhaps?), but he’s spending a lot of time these days drawing with Perry.
You can delegate some instruction to older children. I take responsibility for introducing new concepts in math and phonics, for example, but Andrew helps Perry review phonics flashcards, listens to him practice reading aloud, and instructs him on his map work. Perry helps Thomas learn his letters and numbers, and teaches him how to draw simple figures.
You can also delegate to technological tutors, but be sure to keep in mind the hazards of too much computer or video time. Forrest and Andrew are currently learning how to type with a computer-based instruction program, and we’ll soon be adding computer-based foreign language study. Audiotapes or CDs can be great aids for reviewing math facts, history dates, and so on, and recorded books can supplement live read-aloud time. My boys enjoy listening to Diana Waring’s history tapes and Jim Weiss’s storytelling tapes as they drift off to sleep each night.
Systematize for Success
Another helpful strategy is to establish systems to make things run smoothly. Some families find that a strict time-based schedule works well. A more flexible approach works better for my family, so I plan more in terms of a routine (things usually happen in a predictable sequence) rather than a schedule (things happen at a certain time).
I have found two systems that work well for my family. Our system for homeschooling involves weekly assignment sheets and an inbox/outbox system. I plan specific daily assignments a week at a time, type them up, and print out a list for each child. This helps ensure that the boys know what to do, even if I’m not available. I list all independent lessons, as well as the studies that require my direct instruction or that we’ll do as a family, such as Bible, poetry, and reading aloud. The boys check off each lesson as they complete it. (Our rule for schoolwork and chores: it’s not finished until it’s checked off the list!)
The assignment sheets double as my record-keeping system. Because I type them on the computer, I can make any needed adjustments (sometimes we add or rearrange lessons, and sometimes life intervenes in the best-laid plans), print out a clean copy, and save it in a binder for a permanent record of their work.
We keep stackable trays (available at office supply stores) in our school area, on top of a short bookcase holding current school books, binders, dictionaries, etc. Each child has an inbox where I put his assignment sheet and any papers needed for that week’s lessons, such as maps, worksheets, math tests, etc. The boys put their completed work in the top tray, which serves as their outbox and my inbox. After I check their work, I discuss it with them if needed, and then transfer the papers to another stack of trays; the boys can then add those pages to their binders or folders.
To deal with the rest of life besides homeschooling, my other system is a chart with an undated four-week grid for each child, listing all daily household chores and personal responsibilities. (I use a simple Excel spreadsheet, but you could draw a basic grid with a pen and ruler.) For example, Andrew’s chart includes: make bed before breakfast, brush teeth after breakfast, read Bible, brush teeth after lunch, complete all school assignments, sweep and clean the table after supper, brush teeth before bedtime, clean the litter box or feed cats, put dirty clothes in hamper, put away clean laundry, and drink four glasses of water. These detailed lists, which we tape to the refrigerator, remind each child of what he needs to do, free me from repeating routine instructions, and allow me to see at a glance what has been done.
My children do nearly all of the housework. I use two principles for assigning chores: divide repetitive tasks and assign work to the youngest child capable. Each of the oldest three boys is responsible for cleaning the table and sweeping the kitchen and dining room after a specific meal, which prevents debate about whose turn it is. When emptying the dishwasher, a taller child puts away glasses and plates into high cabinets, and a shorter child puts away items that belong in drawers and low cabinets. The two middle boys do most of the laundry folding, and the oldest three all put away their own clothes, plus another category of laundry: towels, my clothes, and the youngest’s clothes. I usually assign my four-year-old to pick up things from the floor (he’s closest to it!). He doesn’t have a regular sweeping assignment yet, but I often ask him to use his child-sized broom to sweep up little messes. The oldest two mow and weed-eat the yard after the youngest two pick up sticks and move outdoor toys to clear the way.
Balance Work and Family
The necessity of providing for our families financially, as well as training and educating our children, often presents the biggest challenge to single parents. Just as some two-parent families use creative scheduling (such as evening lessons) to maximize children’s time with Dad, single-parent homeschoolers can take advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling to meet their families’ unique needs.
Working from home has always been popular with homeschoolers, and this is a particularly good option for single parents. I work at home as a freelance editor, writer, and writing coach. Typically, I try to concentrate my instructional time with the boys in the mornings and assign them independent lessons, chores, and free time in the afternoons while I work. I also work in the evenings, especially after they go to bed (somehow it’s easier to concentrate when the house is quiet). Because my boys visit their father two weekends a month, I reserve that solo time primarily for concentrated work to free up more of my time when they’re at home. I also try to schedule a break for myself during their absence: lunch with a friend, a movie, or a couple of hours with a good novel.
Including your children in your work, when possible, is also helpful. Andrew does all my photocopying for a penny a page, and Forrest goes with me to entrepreneurial conferences, where he is learning skills that will help him support a family some day. Depending on their ages, children can learn to design or maintain websites, answer calls from customers, pack and ship orders, take inventory, and many other business tasks.
If your work cannot be done at home, perhaps you can rearrange your schedule to maximize your time at home. A family friend who lost his wife to cancer shifted his work schedule as a piano tuner to two ten-to-twelve-hour days a week so that he can be home with his two young sons most days. He hires homeschool graduates to care for his boys and home on his work days, and his mother and sisters help out occasionally as well. Because he is working more efficiently with this concentrated schedule, he is still earning about 75 percent of his previous full-time income.
Find Time for Fun
Finally, don’t neglect to make time for fun as a family. Particularly when you work at home, it is difficult to identify when your “work day” is over. I know just how hard it can be to pull away when deadlines are looming and the electric bill is due, but taking a break is good for you as well as your children, and it can actually make your work time more efficient. My boys know that no matter how busy I am during the week, on Friday night I’m all theirs. “Family Night” is a firm commitment around our home.
God Is Faithful
If God has called you to homeschool your children, He will provide the strength, patience, grace, resources, and time to do it. Let your family and your life be a testimony of God=s faithfulness.
Even with all the systems and routines I’ve described, things don’t always go exactly as I’ve planned. But through God’s grace, my children are growing, learning, and flourishing . . . right here at home with me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
May God bless you on your homeschooling journey!
Mary Jo Tate
This article first appeared in the September/October 2005 issue of Homeschooling Today.
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Apr. 11, 2006 - The Book Samaritan
I've just discovered The Book Samaritan, which provides FREE books and curriculum to homeschooling families in difficult circumstances.
Affording the books we need to educate our children is extra difficult for most single parents, so this looks like a wonderful resource.
And if you happen to be blessed with cash to donate, or even books you're no longer using that you'd like to share, they accept contributions.
Blessings,
Mary Jo Tate
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Apr. 5, 2006 - Editing and home business call now available online
So if you weren't able to get a line or if you missed the call, we recorded it so you can hear it again.
Just go to: http://www.EditingBusiness.com .
Under my picture on the right is a button that will allow you to listen to the replay online or download it.
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Mar. 30, 2006 - The Tightrope
What do a single mom and a circus performer on the high wire have in common?
The need for balance!
Picture an acrobat on a tightrope. He uses a long pole to help him balance, but he doesn't simply set the pole into one position and hold it there for his entire journey. Instead, he continually fine-tunes his balance, moving the pole a bit to the right, then a bit to the left.
This constant process of adjustment is a great metaphor for the lives of single moms as we struggle to balance the work necessary to provide for our families with spending time with our children and, in some cases, homeschooling them.
Lean too far in one direction (neglect the kids for work) or the other (neglect work for the kids), and we risk falling off the wire.
Of course, when our responsibilities pile up and begin to overwhelm us, it can seem like we're juggling while walking the tightrope. Some days we're even juggling flaming torches on the high wire! Now that's a circus act I'd like to see!
Isn't it good to know that we have the safety net of a sovereign God who loves us?
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms (Deut. 33:27).
Mary Jo Tate
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Mar. 26, 2006 - Juggling Family and a Home Business
As publishing options expand beyond books, magazines, and newspapers into e-zines, web copy, blogs, and e-books, more people have the opportunity to write and publish than ever before.
With all this writing and publishing going on, the need for skilled freelance editors is growing.
That's one reason why my editing business is booming.
I’ve been a freelance editor for 20 years. My clients range from university presses to self-publishers of homeschool curriculum like Jay Wile of Apologia Science to internet marketing gurus like copywriter David Garfinkel.
And as a single mom for nearly five years, I’ve learned a lot about balancing business with educating my four boys at home.
People frequently ask me two questions:
“How do you do it all by yourself?”
and
“How can I get started as an editor?”
My good friend Rhea Perry of Educating for Success has twisted my arm to share some of what I’ve learned.
I’ll be talking with Rhea on Tuesday night, March 28, at
Here are a few of the questions Rhea plans to throw at me:
How can you determine if you have a natural editorial instinct that makes learning everything else you need to know a piece of cake?
Which skills does an editor need?
Aren’t there different types of editing?
How do you juggle working at home and family responsibilities?
If you’d like to join us, just register for the call by going here:
http://www.educatingforsuccess.com/Editing_call.htm
There’s no charge for this call other than your regular long-distance fees.
If you want to learn whether freelance editing may be the right business for you, then don’t miss this call.
And if you just wonder how to balance a home business with family responsibilities, I hope you’ll be encouraged. Plan to join us!
I'll talk to you soon!
Mary Jo Tate
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Feb. 28, 2006 - To have written is satisfaction!
Nine years elapsed between the publication of The Great Gatsby and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s fourth novel, Tender Is the Night, which went through 3 plots and 17 separate drafts before publication.
When Fitzgerald was nearly finished writing Tender Is the Night, he wrote to Maxwell Perkins, his editor at Charles Scribner’s Sons, that he would deliver the manuscript in a month:
I will appear in person carrying the manuscript and wearing a spiked helmet. . . . You can imagine the pride with which I will enter your office a month from now. Please do not have a band as I do not care for music. (
I am delighted to announce that I am wearing my own spiked helmet tonight.
Just moments ago I sent the final portions of the revision and expansion of my 1998 reference book, F. Scott Fitzgerald A to Z, to my publisher, Facts on File. The new volume, Critical Companion to F. Scott Fitzgerald, will be published in late 2006 or early 2007.
As one of my writing coaching clients recently told me, “Writing is fun, but to have written is satisfaction.”
I couldn’t agree more.
And I love music, so feel free to strike up the band!
Mary Jo Tate
Learn how to build a successful business around your book:
http://www.kickstartcart.com/app/?af=335858
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Feb. 7, 2006 - Fake Truant Officer
A homeschooling mother and her 8-year-old daughter were accosted in a Maine restaurant by a man who falsely claimed to be a truant officer and who threatened to arrest them.
The mother—who exhibited admirable self-control—simply ignored the man.
Read all about it here:
http://www.hslda.org/hs/state/me/200602060.asp
Mary Jo Tate
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Jan. 29, 2006 - Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
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Dec. 28, 2005 - Year-End Challenge: What's Your Big Dream?
A couple of years ago one of my Mastermind teammates challenged me to answer these three questions:
* What would I be doing if nothing stood in my way?
* What stands in my way?
* What do I need to do to achieve my goals?
I resisted it, put it off, said I didn't have time to think about it . . . but finally I thought about these questions and wrote down my answers. I named the computer file "Big Dream."
As we approach the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006, I'd like to challenge you to do the same. You'll be amazed how powerful this process is.
Around the same time, I began writing down lifetime, yearly, and weekly goals in three categories: personal, family (including homeschooling), and business.
During this final week of 2005, I'm evaluating the year—how I did on meeting the goals I set for the year, what I accomplished, and areas that need more work. Then, I'll write down specific goals for 2006. This process works so much better than the typical "New Year's Resolutions" that nobody ever keeps!
The keys to setting goals are making them specific and measurable: not "make more money in 2006" but "double my income in 2006"; not "read more" but "read x number of pages, chapters, books, or hours each week."
One more key to effective goals: you have to review them from time to time! As I've begun evaluating 2005, I've found that I've accomplished quite a lot and have done well on my weekly goals but seemed to lose sight of some of my yearly goals along the way. I need to build in a regular time (probably monthly) to review those yearly goals and lifetime goals to make sure my weekly goals support them. Otherwise, it's too easy to get caught up in the daily grind and the tyranny of the urgent and lose sight of my long-term strategy.
If you'd like to share your own Big Dream and goals, feel free to leave a comment.
Mary Jo Tate
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Dec. 22, 2005 - Assigning Widows and Single Moms to a Particular Deacon
Thanks to Lisa Baker over at Homeschooling with Grace (http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/cmphotomommy/) for offering this suggestion in the comments:
One of the ways my rather large church keeps up with the needs of widows and single moms it to assign those who are without families in town to a particular deacon. They just did this with me recently. (My father passed away in March, leaving me without family in town to help.) If I need help, I just call my deacon, and he will either take care of it or refer it to a ministry in the church that can help. It was a real blessing before Christmas to have someone come over and help me get things out of the attic and put up lights. This is not a perfect system, and as of yet I am not convinced it can stand alone in meeting the needs of orphans and widows, but it is a good step toward helping.
What a fantastic idea! Folks, share this suggestion with your own churches. Having a designated deacon to call could really encourage widows and single moms to ask for help when otherwise they might not be sure whom to ask or might feel uncomfortable making a request.
Mary Jo Tate
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Dec. 21, 2005 - More Ideas for Blessing Single Parents
I've written before about ways that the church can help single-parent families, and it's wonderful that my own church's ministry to my family provides such plentiful ideas!
I thought I'd share some new stories from this year to serve as examples for others who want to bless single-parent families.
My 13yo son Forrest went on a church mission trip to Peru for a week this summer (along with 10 adults). Each person was supposed to raise $700, and the church mission fund paid the rest. Forrest was able to earn $200, and an anonymous donor from the church contributed the extra $500 on his behalf. Forrest was able to take his first plane flight, visit a foreign country, and, most importantly, minister to the children there. He came home talking about working as an intern in Peru for a year between high school and college. This life-changing trip was made possible through that anonymous donor's generosity.
With natural gas prices skyrocketing, I determined to use our wood stove, rather than our central heat, as our primary heat source this winter. I posted a note on the church bulletin board, asking if anyone had leftover firewood after switching to gas logs (we got a truckload of firewood from someone in this situation last year) or if anyone knew of an affordable source for firewood. Three people offered to give us firewood. One couple and their grandchildren delivered a trailer-load of wood that they had cut on their property—lots of beautiful red oak that burns slowly and generates plenty of heat!
A couple of weeks ago an elder from our church told me he had some things for my boys sent by friends of his former next-door neighbors. We had met the neighbors about 4 years ago, and they have sent clothes for my boys from time to time. (We love hand-me-downs!) The neighbors had told their friends about us, and one of the friends happened to be a doctor in the same medical practice as the missions chairman of our church (who spearheaded the trip to Peru). They sent a bike that their boys had outgrown. It was just the right size for my 9yo Perry, who learned to ride it in about 5 minutes. They also sent two large bags of clothes in excellent condition. Right in the top of one of the bags were two pairs of size 10 khakis—and I had just resigned myself to needing to buy some size 10 khakis for Andrew!
The biggest blessing was a check that arrived in the mail last week. Each year our church takes up an offering as a "birthday gift to Jesus" after the children's Christmas program. Those gifts are put in a special fund to be used for needs of members and friends of our church, such as people with medical emergencies or other unusual financial needs, and also single parents. I have received a check each December; the amount always varies (one year it was $400, another $100), and it's always providentially appropriate to our needs each year.
Although my home-based business is growing, this December was a particularly tight month for us financially. Several payments that are due me probably won't arrive until January, and I must confess that I had stewed in anxiety over our finances quite a lot for a couple of weeks. My credit cards were maxed out, and I couldn't see how I could finish paying the month's bills, much less do even minimal Christmas shopping. When I opened the envelope from the church to discover a check for $1,000, I cried for 15 minutes! That was exactly what we needed for the rest of the year. I hadn't told anyone how tight things were, but our Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills knew just what we needed.
I called the chairman of our deacons to ask how the fund works and how the amount is determined. He said that the women of the church and the deacons work together to identify needs and apportion the available funds. This is not part of the regular church budget but is funded solely through the yearly Christmas offering. This is certainly a program that any church could implement.
I would love to hear what other churches are doing to help single parents. If you have given or received help, please share your ideas!
May God bless each of you at Christmas and throughout the new year!
Mary Jo Tate
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Dec. 15, 2005 - Looking after Widows and Orphans: How You Can Help Single-Parent Families
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world (James
I never expected to be a single mother. When my husband left me for another woman nearly four years ago, I was shocked, angry, and scared. I was embarrassed to be divorced; for a while I felt as though I wore a scarlet D emblazoned on my dress. Our four sons were bewildered, and their world was turned upside down. I was deeply committed to remaining at home with my children and continuing to homeschool them, yet I wondered how I could support us all financially.
But God has proven faithful. “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5, NKJV). He has provided for all our needs through work I can do at home, help from my parents, and the loving ministry of a godly church.
One way that “God sets the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:6, NKJV) is through the ministry of fellow believers, particularly the local church. My pastor, Tim Fortner, explains our church’s commitment to single-parent families this way:
We take seriously the covenantal implications of caring for all the members of the church in a family context. The whole congregation takes vows to help with the children—not only to be an example but also to meet particular needs of modeling, encouragement, and financial support. The need is expanded when the father is not there. Galatians 6:10 tells us, “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (NASB).
Ministry to “widows” may be broadened to include those who are single through divorce or desertion. In addition, military deployment of a spouse temporarily brings many of the challenges of single parenthood. The church’s obligation to “orphans” includes any children in homes without both parents present, for whatever reason.
Sadly, in our fallen world, single-parent families abound. They live in the house around the corner, stand next to you in line at the grocery store, and occupy the adjacent pew at church. What are some specific, practical ways that believers can follow the biblical injunction to “look after” these parents and their children?
Prayer, Encouragement, and Counsel
Parenting, always a demanding job, becomes doubly challenging when tackled alone. Praying faithfully for single-parent families is one of the most important ways you can minister to them. Letting these families know you are upholding them in prayer multiplies the blessing. Single parents often feel overwhelmed and discouraged, so make sure to praise the positive things in their lives and encourage them not to grow weary in doing well. Their children need encouragement too. One man in our church sent my boys a treasured note praising the way they honor God by their behavior in church and by their helpfulness to me. Such support inspires them to continue to grow spiritually.
Without a spouse to help make decisions about childrearing, finances, and so on, single parents particularly need godly, wise counsel. A newly-single mother whose husband previously handled all the family finances may need instruction in planning a budget and being a good steward of her resources, or assistance in finding ways to earn income—preferably from home. I frequently consult a few close friends about choices in training and educating my children and seek advice about business matters from fellow Christian entrepreneurs who share my family-based priorities. To prevent the appearance of impropriety, avoid private counseling sessions between men and women.
Money
Many single parents need financial assistance, especially during the immediate transition after a death or divorce. Life insurance or child support and alimony—if they exist at all—often fall far short of meeting a family’s basic needs. Single-parent families, especially those headed by single mothers, often rank among the country’s poorest. Our church’s deacons’ fund has provided monetary aid to my family several times. In addition, individual church members have sent us cash and gift cards, sometimes routing these blessings through the church office to remain anonymous. God's providential care has clearly orchestrated the timing of such help. During seasons of comparative bounty, financial gifts rarely arrive. However, when we need them most, assistance miraculously appears—even when I have told no one about our situation.
Material Gifts
You can also help by sharing material things, both new and used. Several families regularly hand down their children’s clothing to my boys, and when my youngest child outgrows the clothes, we pass them along to others. One lady blessed me with three beautiful new outfits. Another time a $100 gift card to a department store arrived in the mail—with instructions to use it for myself, not my children—shortly before an entrepreneurs’ conference where I was scheduled to speak. The gift was more than enough for the new suit I needed, and it served as a precious reminder of God’s faithfulness in clothing not only the lilies of the field, but also His children (Matthew 6:28-30).
One year a family in our church gave us a brand-new train table for the boys to use with their wooden train set, saving me the time and expense of Christmas shopping as well. Another friend thoughtfully asked me for a list of my children’s favorite Christmas candy so that she could provide that part of our holiday. Our pastor taught me how to build a fire in our wood stove, and several families have given us firewood. One man in our church clearly has a mindset for ministry. When the electric company cut down a tree in his yard and offered to haul it away, he chose to keep it until he found a family who needed the firewood—ours.
Time
The gift of your time can be a tremendous blessing. After a year of commuting twice weekly from a town an hour away, I decided to move closer to our church. Several ladies helped me pack my kitchen, and others helped me clean the new house before we moved in. On moving day, church members helped load, move, and unload our belongings; at all times throughout the day, there were at least ten men helping with the move, while two ladies alternated caring for my children in their homes. When my parents gave us a swingset kit for Christmas, several men volunteered their time in the evenings to build it. At one point a doctor, a banker, an accountant, and an engineer were all working together in our backyard. And they took the extra time to let my boys help.
Over a period of several months, one dear lady from the church came to our house for two to three hours one afternoon every week so that I could go to the grocery store and run other errands without four boys in tow. When she had to take a break due to back trouble, another lady—whom I barely knew at the time—offered to take her place. These women became my friends and blessed me immeasurably, but they also ministered to my children by reading to them, playing games with them, bringing treats, and showing them God’s love. We were likewise blessed when a summer youth worker who wanted to teach the young people in our church to serve others encouraged the older teens to provide free babysitting.
Hospitality
Another opportunity for ministry is including single-parent families in special events or outings and holiday celebrations, which can be particularly difficult during the transition to singleness. Keep in mind, too, that some single parents may be alone for the holidays when their children are visiting the other parent; that can be a particularly lonely time when joining another family’s celebration would be welcome.
My boys and I remember with pleasure a Fourth of July cookout with several other families. The children enjoyed shelter-building and corn-shucking contests, and the men and boys competed in tree-chopping and shooting matches. (The men taught my boys how to shoot and my oldest how to swing an axe.) Having fun with these other families was so refreshing, and this was a great opportunity for my sons to learn manly skills.
Mentoring
One of the greatest ways to serve is to mentor children from single-parent families. Daughters of single fathers will benefit from training in womanly arts and biblical femininity, and sons of single mothers need godly men to show them the true meaning of manhood. Although ongoing mentoring relationships prove especially helpful, short-term projects can also be a blessing. An engineer from our church took my mathematically-inclined nine-year-old son to help him survey the church parking lot. He taught Andrew about the surveying instruments and reported enthusiastically about Andrew’s skill as a rod man. A writer and photographer plans to take my twelve-year-old on a photo shoot for a magazine article. This same son has also enjoyed sailing with our pastor, who knows that Forrest receives far more than seamanship skills from the time they spend together.
Ask and Offer
If you are a single parent, don’t be afraid or too proud to ask for the help you need. Others are blessed by ministering to you. If you want to help single parents, however, don’t wait for them to ask. Volunteer your assistance, or ask what they need. Be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I have been amazed at the multitude of creative ways in which people have ministered to my family, and especially at God’s providence in meeting our needs at just the right time.
I would love to hear creative ways that you have helped or been helped by others, as well as further suggestions for blessing single parents. Please post comments!
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Dec. 9, 2005 - List of Resources for Homeschoolers
MaggieRaye has posted a list of resources for single parent homeschoolers here:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/maggieraye/53998/
I look forward to working my way through the links and reading other single parents' stories.
Thanks, MaggieRaye, for a great resource!
Mary Jo Tate
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Dec. 9, 2005 - My Articles on Single Parenting
MaggieRaye asked in a comment whether the Homeschooling Today article I wrote is different from the one in Family Reformation.
Yes, they are completely different articles on different topics. The Family Reformation article (winter 2004) is about how people can help single parents. It's available here:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SingleParentsAtHome/56407/
The Homeschooling Today article (Sept/Oct 2005--magazine currently available) is about practical strategies for making homeschooling work as a single parent.
A couple of folks have asked me to e-mail copies of the homeschooling article, but I am not able to do so while the magazine issue is current. You should be able to find it at Lifeway and other stores that carry Christian magazines.
I filled the homeschooling article primarily with strategies from my personal experience of 4+ years homeschooling as a single mom (9+ years homeschooling altogether). I'd love to hear other single parents' best tips for making homeschooling work, so please leave comments!
Blessings,
Mary Jo Tate
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Oct. 29, 2005 - Homeschooling as a Single Parent: How You Can Make It Work
Don't miss my article on this topic in the September/October issue of Homeschooling Today.
I tried to blend the reality of the challenges with encouragement and practical suggestions for making it work.
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
Mary Jo Tate
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Oct. 21, 2005 - A Piano at Last!
I've wanted a piano in our home for years.
I took lessons in 5th-8th grades, and played during high school and college, but then my folks sold the piano, and it's been 20 years now since I lived with a piano.
I've been looking for an affordable piano (almost an oxymoron) off and on for the past several years. I kept checking out pianos from the classifieds, always to have them ruled out by my piano-teacher friend Dianne (who evaluated them over the phone as I played scales for her) and her piano-tuning son John (who steered me away from brands notorious among tuners for needing lots of repair).
I was beginning to think I'd never find one.
Then a couple of months ago, John called and told me a friend at his church had not one but two pianos to sell.
Here's the crazy part. I had actually been to these folks' home last spring to see the spinet they wanted to sell to make room for a nicer upright they had been given. John nixed the spinet, and that was about the time I gave up. But now this family wanted to sell the upright because their teen daughters thought it was too old-fashioned and didn't want it in the house!! John and Dianne both thought the piano sounded decent for being about 75 years old and not tuned in several decades, and John thought he could tune it into good shape. Apart from a few ivory keys with ragged edges, it's actually quite pretty and appears to be well cared for.
So, for a mere $150, and four loaves of homemade bread to the deacons who helped move the piano, we now have music in our home!
I was able to sell my engagement ring for enough to pay for the piano and the tuning, with perhaps just a bit left for some music books. I've been holding on to my ring through 4 years of divorce, wanting to sell it for something I wouldn't otherwise have. I didn't want the only financially valuable remnant of a 15-year marriage down the tubes to go for just groceries or the electric bill; I wanted it to be something meaningful, lasting, and rewarding.
My playing is more out of tune than the piano, but even over the course of a single week it's improving. And my musical 10yo Andrew is already teaching himself to play from the piano primer the previous owners left in the bench for us.
Praise God for His provision!
Mary Jo Tate
Oh, by the way, the first song I played on our new piano was "Great Is Thy Faithfulness."
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