So, Friend Husband's intersession class didn't garner enough interest to "go" and we're on break.  This morning, we watched an episode of Lost In Space, which Friend Husband found (with great glee, I'm sure) at the library.  I'm just enough younger than he is to not have seen LIS when I was young and I find that I didn't miss much, aside from the hilarious campy humor exhibited by whomever it is who plays Dr. Smith.

This morning, Abby and Friend Husband were rollerblading in the house.  Do we have that large of a house, to allow for rollerblading?  No, we do not.  Do we have a huge and beautiful driveway on which to rollerblade?  Yes, we do.  Why were they not outside?  Two reasons:  1) it's cold and 2) Friend Husband can't skate.  Since Abby learned to blade in the house, she convinced Dad that it would be a good place for him to learn.  So I'm trying to clean up the kitchen from last night's Indian food massacre (what am I going to do when David and Keziah get big enough to eat like adults?) and I'm getting tugged either by FH, trying to keep from going down, or the twins, trying to keep from being run over.

Now they are upstairs having "sleeping bag rides".  I think I've posted a video of this.  They take an old nylon sleeping bag and either sit on it or hold the edge of it while Dad flings it around the kitchen and hollers.  Oops, now they're down here.  Apparently they are playing "Chase the Daddy", a game where they chase Daddy around the house, dodging the chairs and toys (and probably rollerblades) that he throws in their way, to catch him and bring him down like lionesses bring down a wildebeest. 

Yep, fun times are to be had during break!

Your True Birth Month Is January

Loyal Social Logical Easily jealous Loves children Rather reserved Highly attentive Likes to criticize Needs close friends Ambitious and serious Smart, neat and organized Hardworking and productive Loves to teach and be taught Quiet unless excited or tensed Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy Searches for the greatest romance Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds Romantic but has difficulties expressing love Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

Oh well...NOT smart, neat, and organized, but the rest of it is pretty good.

A couple of people have asked me (very nicely) why we don't celebrate Christmas.  I was going to use the coward's way out and either comment in their blogs or just drop it entirely but I won't.  I'm not trying to proselytize or say that anyone else's way is bad or whatever.  This is what we have decided over time is right for us.  And I hope that this post will be taken in the spirit of meekness in which it is intended.

To begin with, my husband's family is Jewish.  While his mother, being the New-Age secular-type of Jew that she was prior to her conversion to Christianity, did celebrate both Christmas and Channukah, the Christmas side of things was not so pumped up as it is for your average American.  They got together, exchanged gifts, had a nice dinner, and enjoyed one another's company.

When we got married, we did celebrate Christmas but somehow neither of us could get our heads around having a Christmas tree or other major decorations.  Part of that is that I am not a decorating maven and part of that is that it seemed like a lot of wasted money and effort.  And we love trees to be alive and not dead in our living room.  So we exchanged gifts with family and friends and enjoyed being together.

Over time, we came to find out that the origins of Christmas (and Easter) were Catholic reactions to pagan festivals.  That pretty much put the nail in the coffin of Christmas for us.  Being neither pagan nor Catholic, we didn't see the need to celebrate their holidays.  I do understand that other folks have turned Christmas into something that they see as their own holiday, religious or not as they choose.  As I said, if that works for you, super.  It doesn't work for us so we don't do it.

Here are some things we do around this time of year.  We bake a lot of cookies.  We amuse ourselves by critiquing Christmas light displays.  We spend a lot of time together (Friend Husband usually has three weeks off during the holidays).  We give each other gifts some years and some years we don't.  Some years we attend our brotherhood's New Year's meetings (like revivals), some years we don't.  Mainly we just hang out and enjoy being with each other and enjoy when others around us are also having a good time.  Do we go to Christmas parties?  Yes, we go to his boss's party and I attend the annual dinner that my quilting friends have.  We go because this is the time of year when people tend to do that sort of thing.  If they want to have a big party around August 18th, we'd probably go to that for the same reason.

Again, I hope this hasn't been offensive to anyone and I hope it answered the questions that were on the minds of the few who commented about it.  Best wishes to everyone, celebratory or otherwise.

Your 1950s Name is:

Lois Thelma

Your Old Fashioned Name Is...

Elinor Gosebourne

You've Changed 60% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. Your clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

This has already shaped up to be a bad day.  Maybe I'll blog about it tomorrow.

You Are a Chocolate Chip Cookie

Traditional and conservative, most people find you comforting. You're friendly and easy to get to know. This makes you very popular - without even trying!

Elizabeth, a smart and lovely young friend of mine, suggested something new to do this month.  She was so very impressed with the fact that I blogged every day last month (riiiiight!) that she came up with something new and fun for me to do this month.  Thanks, Elizabeth!

She suggested that I do a new blog quiz every day this month.  How fun is that?  So here's the one for today, enjoy!

is finally up on 11/25!

...at the beginning of a new month...

Well, the storm that's been creeping across the country finally reached us this morning.  I had another one of my insomniac nights, waking up at 3AM, completely hyper.  I've never experienced that one before!  So I got out of bed, put away a few groceries, and sat down to read the Bible.  At some point, the cat decided he wanted to come in out of the wind.  He was soaked when I let him in and the wind was howling but it was about 60º.  When I was going back to sleep at about 6AM, the alarm went off.  This was our forecast for the weather today:

Tornado warning (I think) until 10 AM.  Intermittent thunderstorms and high winds.  Gusts up to 60 mph expected.  Temperatures dropping throughout the day to a low of around 20º F.  Wind chills expected around 10º F.  Chance of snow flurries.

Sounds like a day tailor-made to stay in bed, yes?  Ah, sadly no.  I got up around 7:30 and resumed my motherly duties.  When Sarah came upstairs to watch the twins at 9:30, I decided that I really needed to go out and try to get the rest of the leaves off the lawn (the neighbor's tree vomited its leaves the day after our big leaf day) before the potential snow and ice hit.  I got suited up, went out, and discovered that our ditch was clogged with leaves so I had to haul those wet leaves out before raking up the rest of them.  Before I was finished with the front part of the yard, the rain and sleet/snow had started up.  I have the leaves piled on the driveway but at least the grass can "breathe".

Guess what I got a wild hair to do yesterday (is that "wild hair" or "wild hare")?  Anyway, I decided that what I really needed to do on the last nice hour (literally) of the year was to transplant decorative grass (think: monkey grass) along the sides of the new garden in the front yard.  The children were running wild in the front yard, playing hide and seek with the neighbor children and I dug, dug, dug clumps of grass out of my old garden.  I convinced Sarah to help me with the transplanting and we got it done in a hurry.  It got a good watering today!  I'm hoping that it takes root and makes a nice border alongside where I planted bulbs earlier in the week.

An epiphany I had the other day:  What I want does not instantly happen.  Sounds like a "duh moment", doesn't it?  Well, it's something that I'm coming to learn.  That and patience and waiting.  You see, up until the last couple of years, I've pretty much had the time to do what I wanted.  And the energy.  Now I have neither.  Or I have one and not the other.  I was thinking on Wednesday how nice it would be to "just run out and get some more bulbs" to fill in the new garden between the mums.  I'd finally got the last of the daffs and tulips planted and I wanted that garden to have a more finished look.  But I had to realize that I was fortunate to have gotten those 100 bulbs planted Wednesday much less begging trouble by going out and buying more.  I had to remind myself of that yesterday when I wanted to mow the grass and transplant more monkey grass but simply didn't have the time.  I was late enough as it was, trying to get ready for date night with Friend Husband (good thing he likes the "natural look" in women because I was pretty "natural" after being outside) and just didn't have time to do anything more than throw some grass down alongside the garden.

And I'm babbling.  Forgive me, it's been a long day.  But it's Friday and it's the beginning of a brand-spanking new month.  It means nothing, of course, but sometimes it's nice to have something "new" to spark things up.  Have a good weekend, everyone!

Y'all just have to see this video link that I shamelessly scammed from Jen's site.  I haven't watched TV news in decades but it made me guffaw.

Also, if you haven't already, go to Danae's site and read another guffaw for the day.  Maybe I'm just feeling giddy (and no, we haven't any Halloween candy around here upon which to get giddy) but it's been a funny day in my Internet time.

Big surprise coming...check later for details.  Well, it's not a giant surprise but it is a surprise.  Enough equivocating...hasta luego.

I usually do Monday Memories on Mondays but there are other things I want to talk about so I'll forego it.  I couldn't think of much good about which to remember anyway so there we are.

And pictures!  I have a bunch of pictures to share.  The twins and I went to a quilt show at the Cincinnati Nature Center yesterday afternoon.  That's not a journey so fraught with disaster as one might think.  The twins were safely ensconced in their double stroller, with books, and they were pretty content.  About the "worst" thing that happened was that they started "singing" at one point.  I kind of like their singing (they harmonize with one another) but they have no concept of volume control.

So anyway, this show was the annual show for the Contemporary Quilts and Fiber Artists, some of whom I know from my Big Guild.  There were lovely quilts, wearables, and dolls everywhere.  I talked to the dollmaker for some time (she's someone I used to work with a lot when I was president of the Big Guild) and marveled at the dolls she makes.  I could kick myself now for not having taken a picture of the hands on her dolls.  The fingers are so tiny!  I can't imagine the amount of work.  But she has a good time with them and they're very fun to look at.

My pictures will not do the items justice.  I was photographing on the fly and the venue was not well-lit, but we had a good time.  The first quilts were part of a viewer's choice competition.  Apparently the quilts had to have a hole in them somewhere or to depict a hole.  I wasn't really sure of what-all was involved. 

This was my favorite.

This was my friend Gloria's quilt.  It stands up off the wall (it's the same shape as a poppy) and the colors were totally hot.  Too bad I couldn't get a good picture of it.

Well, that's all I have time for for today.  Maybe I'll get a chance to put some more up later on this week.

A couple of ladies asked about fried green tomatoes.  I can't believe y'all haven't had fried green tomatoes!  Well, actually, I can because I didn't have them until I was at least in my late 20's.  My mama never had a garden so we never had green tomatoes.  My recipe is one of those "throw stuff in and cook it" recipes, so I scammed a recipe off AllRecipes.com for y'all.  There are some amazing fgt recipes over there.  Everyone but Melanie should go check them out.  They might make Melanie faint.

Have a good week, everyone!

INGREDIENTS

• 1/2 cup bacon grease
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cornmeal
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 green tomato, cut into 1/4 inch slices

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat the bacon grease in a large skillet over medium heat. In one small bowl, stir together the flour, cornmeal and pepper. In another small bowl, whisk together the egg and milk using a fork.
2. Dip the tomato slices into the egg and milk, then coat with the dry mixture. Place the breaded tomato slices in the hot bacon grease. Cook until browned on each side, about 3 to 4 minutes per side. Bacon grease burns easily, so adjust your heat if you need to.

Currently Reading The Great Influenza: The Epic Story of the Deadliest Plague in History By John M. Barry see related

• It's chilly and rainy here and my brain feels frozen.  I even got to sleep an hour later than usual, as Friend Husband had to go in for his old fart bloodwork (don't worry, I'll be going in for my old fart mammogram soon) and I couldn't go to Curves.  Rats.    By the way, I still haven't visited Curvy Road Curves.  Friend Amy and other friends go to Snooty Curves and thus far we've been able to arrange to meet and have fun together.  Next week I'll go visit the other one and Friend Amy is going to visit there too.
• Biting into a jalapeno (even if it's cooked) wreaks havoc on your tongue.
• So does having your unshod foot stepped upon by your very own hubby, even if he doesn't weigh very much.  Although it wreaks havoc with your toenail and not with your tongue.  Small difference there.
• Any big plans for the weekend?  Our library is having a booksale so I'm hoping to hit that at some point.  We did a pile of yardwork this week, in anticipation of the rain that is now falling so I can't do any more work outside until I get some dirt.  And it stops raining this cold, cold rain.
• I've got ropes of tomato vines in my laundry room right now.  I read somewhere that pulling 'maters up by the roots and bringing them inside will allow them to ripen.  Some of them have.  Many of them will be fried green tomatoes, I'm thinking.
• I've been attempting to get back up on the weight loss bandwagon again.  It's hard.  I've lost total confidence in my ability to do anything like that.  But, in honor of the attempt, I've been hauling around my water for the day in a 2-liter bottle that formerly housed Minute Maid lemonade.  I feel somewhat like a stereotypic skid row bum with my big bottle of booze to drink out of all day.
• I've been reading this book about the 1918 flu epidemic (which is just horrifying to my daughters; they'll be happy when I'm finished with it) and it talks a lot about how civil liberties were breached by Woodrow Wilson as "war measures".  Amazing how that can happen and no one squawks.  It makes me wonder how much more we'll lose before people start protesting the loss of our Constitutional rights. 
• Eh.  Nothing much more to say so back to the grading.  And recording.  Pandora.com is my new best friend.  It helps drown out the itinerate noises of my children having a good time without me and gets me a bit revved up to work more efficiently.
• Have a good weekend, everybody!

Friends4Tea is having a contest, which I read about from a link from a BFS classmate.  How's that for a confusing sentence?  Anyway, here's my entry:

1. How long ago did you start blogging and why did you start?

I started my blog on Xanga a little over two years ago in order to be able to make comments on a friend's site.  I had absolutely no intention of ever writing myself.  Oh well...best laid plans and all that.

2. How did you come up with your username/URL address?

I'm such a slacker!  Friend Gina and I used to laugh about all those families with 10 children who were on the cover of that homeschooling magazine (and you know which one I'm talking about), all in handmade matching outfits.  We decided that we were way too slacker-ish to be on the cover of any homeschool magazine except for Homeschool Slacker Moms or something like that.  So there you are.

3. What do you enjoy most about blogging?

The interaction with other women all over the world.  It's such a boon!

4. What makes one blog stand out to you from all the others?

Humor, more than anything.  I love a good, funny blog.

5. On an average how long does it take you to write a post for your blog?

Hmmm...depends.  For the ones where I just talk about our lives, probably 10 minutes.  I joke that I'm always blogging in my head.  For the meme-based ones, like Thursday Thirteen or all the Friday ones, it could take up to an hour.

6. What has changed in your life since you started blogging?

Wow...we adopted the twins, for one.  My mother died.  My oldest daughter became a teenager.  It's been an eventful couple of years.

7. Does your family support you (if so how) or do they think you're a blog addict?

Both.  They love when I whip out a pencil and pad to take "blog notes".  They love it when I don't wig out over some broken bit of household miscellanea because I figure it'll make an amusing blog story (and because I figure that life's too short to get ripped over things).  They don't like it when they're trying to ask me questions and I'm in a "blog fog" and don't want to be interrupted.  I think they also don't like when I spend a lot of time online reading other peoples' blogs.  They do, however, enjoy reading mine (especially when they are featured therein) and sometimes when something tickles me greatly, I have them read it too and they enjoy that.

8. Have you ever gotten a negative comment?  If so, how did you deal with it?

Oh, sure.  Usually by the time I see it, someone else has made a supportive comment below that and that helps.  It also helps me to remember that all types are out there online and most of them won't agree with me.

9.How often do you check your blog for new comments?

Well, I don't have to now, as my various blogs are all set to send me an automatic update whenever a new comment is made.  Formerly, it was many times a day.  And I will admit to being crestfallen when I didn't receive any new ones. 

10. Do you have a blogging tip you can share?

Do what you want to on your blog.  It's for you, not for anyone else.

If you answer the secret question that's here but not written out, you get entered twice!

No, I'm not necessarily tired of tea...was that the bonus question?

The "and" post

And here's what a dip I am:  Pam subscribed Thursday and I totally and utterly missed it.  So welcome, Pam!  She is such a truly kind and loving person, as well as being a talented singer and songwriter.  I enjoy seeing her every year at camp.

And I meant to identify the stuff from Wednesday as well and didn't.  Of course, the top picture is tomatoes and basil (and Italian parsley).  The middle picture is lemon balm, which Abby helped me gather.  I dried it to use in herbal tea.  LouAnne was the only person to guess that the bottom picture was flower seed heads.  Those are the seed heads from purple coneflowers.  I dried them and need to get them bagged.  I'm hoping to use them to pretty up my garden in the spring.

AND apparently enquiring minds want to know why I have tuna under my bed.  We eat a lot of tuna.  In times past, we ate it multiple times a week.  Friend Husband adores tuna, particularly his very own concoction which we call "curry tuna".  So when tuna is on sale, we buy it in bulk (like by the case) and store it under our bed because our room is close to the kitchen and we have a very high bed.  So there it is.

And regarding our Wiggles conversations, Friend Husband was in on a lot of that, making furry chest/furry Wiggles comments.  They still did not appreciate my flu conversation.  I thought it was quite timely, myself.

And I guess I can't go to the gym here in town.  I'm meeting Friend Amy on Monday at the Snooty Curves.  I'm going to pick up a "travel pass" and visit another nearby Curves.  This would be the Curvy Road Curves, as it is at the end of several curvy roads.  I hope it's less snooty.  If it's not, I give up.  I refuse to spend my money to support that location anymore.

And the family is off to the Museum, store, and library today so I am free to enjoy the quiet and serenity of my very own home.  It's upstairs to continue grading.  Have a glorious day, everyone!

Currently Reading The Chocolate Bridal Bash (Chocoholic Mysteries) By JoAnna Carl see related

Fall "Break"

Friend Husband is home from his job because it is "Fall Break" at his university.  He's too sick to go out so he has deemed this the official day to change from summer to winter clothes.  Please note my utter lack of enthusiasm in this endeavor.  More bulletins as warranted.  Bleah. 

October 15th Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I've lost two babies to miscarriage and I know of a good many people I know online who have also had losses in this area.  It's different for everyone.  For myself, I will never stop missing what might have been.  I have two little babies waiting for me in Heaven.  Sometimes that's comforting, sometimes it hurts.  But mostly I just thank God for getting me through the pain and I look forward to meeting them there.  For those of you who are currently mourning the loss of a baby, my heart goes out to you.  This is definitely a sisterhood none of us would have wanted to be a part of, but it's one that we do share.  I wish I could be there to give you a hug and a shoulder.  Your loss is real.  Your pain is reasonable.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray hard.  It will get better but you have to give it a lot of time. Here is a website dedicated to remembering those babies we've lost.

Currently Reading The Great Influenza: The Epic Story of the Deadliest Plague in History By John M. Barry see related

It was a lovely Saturday.  Friend Husband is still not feeling up to snuff but he insisted on watching the children today as usual.  I did some school stuff, then thought, "You know, it's a beautiful day and you've wanted to dig a garden for Abby.  Do that now and grade later."  So that's what I did.  I ended up digging a garden for Abby and another one for myself.  Then I went on a search for soil, with which I was unsuccessful.  Alice said she got hers at Home Depot last week but we don't seem to have any out here.  I'd sure hate to buy it from the wholesaler because it would be even more work than usual.  We do need to grade the slope to the house on two sides and add more dirt to the new garden I got when our swimming pool plans went awry but if we have a big pile of dirt on the driveway, that means that I will have to do all the work.  I'm trying to not make big plans that I can't finish quickly because I don't have the energy to keep them up these days.  Oh well, I'll figure something out.  We have pansies, tulips, and daffodils to plant before much longer.  Abby wants pansies, daffs, & roses in her little handkerchief garden.  In the spring, she wants to transplant some of the lemon balm plants from my herb garden to her garden.  She helped me harvest this week and got a real kick out of it.  I think she wants to plant some purple coneflowers too.  That's how it gets started...you make a little garden and it just keeps growing.  I started out with expanding the garden around our flagpole when we moved in, and putting in the herb garden and now I have eight gardens to take care of in addition.

David was totally hyped up today.  Even now, I hear him upstairs, flailing from side to side in his crib.  Keziah fell asleep in my lap as I was attempting to do her hair tonight.  I took her and two of the Big Girls with me to the store when I went to look for dirt and she tried to fall asleep on the way home.  They're trying very hard to give up their naps and believe me, I want no part of that!  Here's a picture of David that Rachel took while I was gone.

We opted not to go to the singing at one of our sister congregations tonight.  One of our fellow worshippers has been teaching a singing school there this week and the girls have been there every night.  FH took them the first night and I took them the rest of the nights.  Consequently, FH and I haven't seen each other all week.  And since he's not feeling well yet, we just decided to stay home.  It's a shame, though.  I do enjoy singings.

Monday and Tuesday are "Fall Break" at the university where FH teaches so we're also taking a break.  I hope it doesn't rain too terribly much.

As you can see, not too much going on.  I bid you a fond good night.

This was the day I got to meet Lori and her family and watch Casey play football!  It occured to me as I sat down on the bleachers next to Lori and her parents, that I hadn't been to a football game since 1988, and that was a Longhorn game, quite a different venue altogether.

We had a great time!  And the Lions won!  Yay! 

I snapped a few shots to share.  Most of the football shots didn't turn out great because it's a lot of random people running around, but I did also enjoy the fall scenery around the field.  The boys who played looked like they had such fun...that was a lovely thing to see.  I think a lot of times children who are playing sports don't look like they're having fun at all.  After the lineup to shake hands, the boys gathered and just jumped for sheer joy that they'd won.  Most of them have only been playing together this year.

And, as I said, I got to meet Lori and her family, including her mother and father.  (I think it's so cool that Lori's mom has a Xanga.)  During the game, I chatted with Lori and her parents, met Caitlin, and had occasional T, Cameron & Kiernan sightings.  After the game, I got to give Darci a small squeeze and meet Mr. Lori, aka John and Casey.  I'm sure it sounds ho-hum but it was a delightful afternoon, spent in a delightful way and I was grateful for it.

Here are a few pictures:

Lori and Darci are tiny people...I knew that about Lori, because Mary mentioned it on her blog once, but I always think of Darci's personality rather than the person herself.  It was a lot of fun...thanks, Lori!

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

A couple of people have commented in the last week that people can be anything on their blogs.  This is very true.  I've been surprised on occasion by someone who's turned out to be totally different (and usually not better) IRL than they were on their blogs.

For myself, I don't have the energy for that.  Maybe I don't have the smarts.  Who knows.  Anyway, I'm pretty much who I am in my blog IRL. 

Except for my depressions. 

I try to shield those really low times as well as the times when I'm just cranky as all get-out because I don't think they're terribly fruitful.  Now I've been honest about feeling down in the past but I usually don't talk about how very deeply down I can get and do get.  I probably won't do that today but I will make a nod toward that in this blog, because quite frankly, I feel like a phony if I don't.

I do tend to be depressed.  I've not been a terribly up person, at least from teenagerdom on.  Could be hormones, could be brain chemicals, could be rotten parenting on the part of my parents.  Could be all three or none, I don't know.  I just know that I've been pretty depressed since I was about 14.

When I met Friend Husband, I met a man who brought light and life into my own life.  He actually believed and believes in me and sees abilities in me that I'd never dreamed of.  I realized that life could be different if I wanted it to be.  By and large it has been.  We have a happy marriage, something I never saw growing up.  (Nor did he, truth be told.)  We have an amazing family full of fun, smart, and funny children.  We have friends.  We are in a community of believers where I know that if I needed something and they had it, I'd have it as soon as they could drive it over here.  What an amazing thing that was to realize!  Nothing like what I had growing up.

And yet the depression lingers.

Now I will say that it's been a nice little while here that it hasn't been hovering over my face, obscuring my vision.  I've actually felt reasonably competent and confident.  But I noticed the cloud hovering, then descending and it hasn't moved away.  I have taken steps to try to blow it away but by and large they have been unsuccessful.  So I'm going to the next step and taking more drastic (yes, JoAnn, medication) steps to try to elevate my mood.  To tell you the truth, I was pretty depressed after we brought the twins home (not that I admitted it much here, because that would have been unacceptable) but I haven't been this depressed in years.

No, I don't know exactly what has caused it this time, but I think I know what the main thing that really plunged me in the last few weeks has been and I've taken steps to eradicate that from my life as well.  I also think that my brain chemicals have finally been depleted and they need some kind of chemical stimulation to make them produce again, much like David needs steroids to direct his kidneys to function correctly.  But it's frustrating and irritating to have it happen.  So I haven't said much about it.

I haven't wanted to blog much, although I think it's good for me.  I haven't wanted to do much of anything, but I force myself to do it because I know it's good for me.  I'm sitting here, having exercised, dressed, fixed my hair and face.  Outwardly, I look good.  And that helps somewhat.  I'm trying to do what's good for me, no matter how hard it is.

And why am I blogging about all of this?  Because I think it's important to be honest.  Because I think it's good for me to blog and it helps to not have to hide the extent of the gloom.  Because I want those of you who I've known through this medium for a while to understand if I just can't force myself to get on here and type something out one day.  Because this is my blog and I wanted to...

I hope you all have a good weekend.  This promises to be a gorgeous day here in Greater Cincinnati.  Tomorrow I get to meet Lori and her family (including, I hope, Darci).  I'm very much looking forward to that, even if Lori said that my Texas twang is all gone.  Have fun, enjoy the lovely season!

This is on the billboard of our local megachurch, the title of some series of lessons they have going.  We laugh when we drive past because when you adopt, you certainly do choose your family.  You choose your family in other ways as well, especially if your family is spread out over the country.  You can choose to be part of the extended family or you can let it all fade into nothingness.

I've been faced with this dilemma since my mother died.  My brother and I have been close since he got married, but as my sister (or my half-sister as I'm sure she'd prefer to be known) has grown up, we've grown apart.  This has grieved me no end over time, but it doesn't really matter because she's made the choice not to have my family as a part of her life. 

My sister is 14 years my junior.  She was born from my mother's second marriage and she was born at a time in my life when I was very much ready to nurture.  I got up with her to give her the 2 AM bottle, I changed diapers, got her dressed, played with her, read to her, the whole nine yards.  Girls that age either love to play with babies or they could care less and I just enjoyed my sister.  When Doug and I married, she came to stay with us during the summers, which was nice because I could continue being with her even though we lived a thousand miles away.

As she got older, naturally her interests took her to other places and she didn't spend time with us in the summers.  Over time, we lost touch.  I have, on occasion, called her or written but haven't heard back from her.  She claims to have been offended by something I wrote about her here but the lack of response predates my blog by years, so I can only imagine it's disinterest.

So at what point do you give up and say, "Fine.  I respect your wishes, although I don't like your decision"?  At what point do you choose to let them go?  Or at what point do you allow them to let you go? 

I really don't know the answers to the questions, but it seems as though she wants to stay gone so I have to respect that.  I'll treasure the memories we shared when she was young and I'd like to know who my sister is as an adult, but I won't have that option.  You can't get water from a stone and you can't force someone to communicate with you against their will.

If you're reading this, K., know that I am sorry that we don't know each other as adults.  I think it would be great to have a sister but I obviously can't force it upon you.  I wish you all the very best in your life to come and pray that God holds you and your dad in the palm of His hand.