Last night we went to City Hall for a workshop about a proposed Daytime Curfew. I had my list of questions carefully planned out. I had a summary of an alternative truancy program, that was less restrictive. All my thoughts were cohesive and I was ready.  However, when I go to open my mouth all that comes out is total mush! I stumble through a couple of my thoughts, then I get completely flustered, I cannot remember a thing and in my horribly nervous state to speak I had left my notes in my seat. I hope the seat enjoyed them and got some good use from them because I sure did not.

Now this is not the first time this has happened. It happens every single time I open my mouth in front of a group of say more than 8 adults. I am completely tongue-tied! I have often profound, brilliant thoughts ( at least I think so ), however all that ever seems to come out ends up as mush, it makes no sense to my ears and my brain and my mouth seem to have disconnected from each other. I did managed to get an A in Speech in College, which if you heard me speak you would think was rather amazing. I vividly remember being terrified each night before my class and Jonathan having to talk me into attending. Thankfully I had a wonderful, kind teacher who graded me based on my outlines and effort. After my first class when I got up and looked at the class and burst into tears, she took me into the hall and said she had been the same way when she first started, she said she always grades their students on how hard they try, not how well they do. So alas, my A was earned not for my speaking ability, but the fact that I tried.

When I was teaching kindergarten I had a particularly mischevious little boy, one morning I had pulled him into the hallway and asked him why he had done a particular thing. His response was " I I I am am am sorry MIss Miss Billington My brain brain just gets all all wrapped up and tied in knots and I I get confused.  Now I totally feel that poor childs pain. I think my brain does that as well, it goes into some sort of fast forward super speed and all my thoughts jumble together into one huge ball of who knows what.  

 Now this particularly baffles me because I can get up in church and sing on the worship team by myself and this does not happen. I prefer to sing with at least 2 others , but I have on occasion had to lead worship myself ( no one else showed up!).  Is this simply because when singing I do not have to think, I read the words and look at the people and it does not bother me one bit!  So this brings me to the conclusion that I am completely and hopelessly tounge-tied.  In  my opinion this is a handicap, I hope my life and  freedom never have to depend on my speaking ability, for I will surely lose or I maybe I can  write a letter instead.  Good  thing I did not become a lawyer, I would never win a case.

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