• Apr. 26, 2007
Learning to trust..
God has been speaking to me a lot about trust lately. Trusting Him specifically. Last year was one of the hardest years of our lives. DH was injured and had to have surgery. He was out of work for a month. Our air conditioner died in the middle of the summer and had to be completely replaced. We ended up leaving our church. We weren't able to sell our house. And I had two early miscarriages.
It's hard to say which of those things (among others) was most traumatic. But the combination of all of them together was devastating and hard to deal with. I remember sitting at my brother's house on New Year's Eve watching the clock count down thinking "PLEASE let this year be over already!!" I just wanted a new start.
See, somewhere in the midst of all of the happenings of last year I started to wait for "the other shoe to drop". I forgot that God was loving and truly cares for His children. To my shame, I decided that I didn't know if I could trust Him for the good of my family.
Now keep in mind I was a hormonal wreck with everything going on in my body. But I had no right to make God into someone He was not. I was reminded of the verse "You ARE good and do good..." in Ps. 119:68. God was good and I could trust Him. All the time. Every time.
Even though God has been teaching me this lesson it's still hard to trust sometimes. I'm currently almost 14 weeks pregnant (praise God!!) and I'll admit that it's a bit unsettling at times. Pregnancy before a loss carries some worry. But the pain of loss hasn't been experienced. You don't KNOW how you'll feel if it happens again. As of yet I don't have tons of movement from the baby yet to assure me of his or her continued presence. I feel pings and pangs but never know if it's just my imagination or not.
Some friends of mine who are pregnant after losing a baby have purchased a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat whenever they want to. But at close to $100 or more it's just not in the budget here. And DH and I both don't think it's a wise decision for US to buy a doppler. So God has whispered to me "Trust Me! Whatever happens, know that I am trustworthy. I will do you good." And so I place my trust in Him for another day. He loves my child more than I do. And He is very trustworthy.
All the grief and heartache of last year was worth it if I'm walking closer to God. He IS good and does good. Remember this if the midt of heartache. Preach it to yourself instead of letting fear and emotions prey upon you! He will always do you good!
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• Aug. 8, 2006
Knitting for Winter in this heat!
Since I am a crazy woman I thought I'd knit felted wool slippers for the kids during the hottest days of summer! But kids always like slippers don't they?
This is a pattern from www.littleturtleknits.com You knit up the slippers in wool then put them in the washing machine to felt them. They turn into this wonderful soft fabric that's just so comfy! They're so soft and warm!!
Here is what they looked like before I felted them:
And here they are after they're felted:
The kids were so excited about them! And it's most gratifying to hear "Thank you thank you thank you Mommy!!!!" It melts my heart!
If you don't knit th patterns at www.littleturtleknits.com are a great way to learn. This is the Felted Family Mocs Pattern. I've cast on a pair for DH and I'm knitting The Wild Things Crown for DS for his birthday later in the week!
Happy knitting!!
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• Aug. 6, 2006
It's been awhile..
I'm so sorry I haven't been keeping up on my blogging. It's been a crazy summer.
I got pregnant in May and miscarried in June and that's been quite an ordeal. It's just been hard to get over mentally. I know God is in control but it's hard to understand His ways sometimes. We're patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) trying for another little one. We've decided to pursue adoption in a few months if I don't get pregnant.
DH also hurt his knee and had knee surgery in July. He's been on short-term disability since then and will go back to work in a few weeks. I've enjoyed having him home and we've done a lot of relaxing and just enjoyed one another as a family.
DH is also looking for a pastorate which might move us out of state. We're hoping to move to the mountains on North Carolina, Georgia or Tennessee.
Life never slows down does it? I promise to be more faithful in my blogging!! I hope to post some knitting projects soon!!
God bless!
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• May. 6, 2006
Financial Decisions and Doubt!
DH and I have been talking about finances lately. That's always fun, isn't it? Actually we have been very blessed recently with a small inheritance . We were able to pay off some debt which was very nice.
For the first time in our lives we are sitting down and taking an HONEST look at our finances and trying to plan for the future. We knew we would homeschool before we had children so we always figured we'd be broke! And we have been!! But honestly we've been "broke" more often because of poor financial decisions and not being frugal enough. We have no "Gucci" bags but we buy or spend when we do not need to. I'm also having to babysit and teaching classes at the gym and DH has to work 50 hours a week to break even.
So we have come up with a radical plan. We are going to move out of the home we bought last year and rent it out for 5 years or so. This will make us a little bit monthly but more importantly this housing market is booming and our equity with skyrocket over the next few years while someone else makes our mortgage payment. This will allow us to sell it if we choose in a few years and make a good bit of money on it.
We will move into DH's grandmother's home (who passed away in January) with the blessing of my MIL at no cost for as long as we'd like. It is smaller but not tiny. We will save at least $500 a month doing this and it will allow DH to pursue his dream of teaching which will provide a smaller income than what he is making now.
Financially this seems to be the best thing for us. And yet I lie awake at night and wonder "What in the world are we doing?!?!?!?" This is "Our House"! It was our dream.
But our "dream" came with a lot more pressure than we bargained for. I want to be able to sit down with my children without having to worry about teaching a class at the gym or whether I need to babysit or not. I want to be able to put a little in savings! So we're making a radical decision that will (hopefully) net us a little financial freedom in the future..
But it's still so scary!!!
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• May. 6, 2006
Write about what you know?
Have you ever heard someone ask what they should write about and the answer "Write about what you know!" is given. I'm sitting here thinking "I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old! I "know" nothing about homeschooling! I can't make up my mind when it comes to curriculum! I haven't started teaching DS how to read. I've made out several different schedules and something seems to derail my plans every time! How can *I* write anything about homeschooling?"
So I sat here and thought and thought and thought. And the more I thought the more tense I got. About the idea of blogging. About the idea of a new venture. About my abilites to homeschool my own children. Sometimes it *all* seems so overwhelming, you know?
Then I remember my husband sitting on the bed with our 2 year old daughter today. DH said "Baby, what sound does a cow make?" DD screwed up her face and gave a prolonged "Moooooooo!" "What sound does a penguin make?" "Ork, ork, ork!" (Arms, flapping wildly in penguin fashion)! She proceeded to correctly name every single animal and their sounds. Have I ever "sat down" with this child and homeschooled her? No way! She has learned from playing, reading, singing and living and loving life.
So maybe I can relax a little and learn something from a 2 year old tonight. We learn every day, all the time. I know how to love. I know how to live. And I certainly know how to laugh! If I keep the joy and love of learning at the center of my homeschooling we'll all do just fine. Even if I don't have a teaching degree!!
And maybe we'll throw a little phonics on the table just to make sure it all balances out..
