• Apr. 26, 2007
Learning to trust..

God has been speaking to me a lot about trust lately. Trusting Him specifically. Last year was one of the hardest years of our lives. DH was injured and had to have surgery. He was out of work for a month. Our air conditioner died in the middle of the summer and had to be completely replaced. We ended up leaving our church. We weren't able to sell our house. And I had two early miscarriages.

It's hard to say which of those things (among others) was most traumatic. But the combination of all of them together was devastating and hard to deal with. I remember sitting at my brother's house on New Year's Eve watching the clock count down thinking "PLEASE let this year be over already!!" I just wanted a new start.

See, somewhere in the midst of all of the happenings of last year I started to wait for "the other shoe to drop". I forgot that God was loving and truly cares for His children. To my shame, I decided that I didn't know if I could trust Him for the good of my family.

Now keep in mind I was a hormonal wreck with everything going on in my body. But I had no right to make God into someone He was not. I was reminded of the verse "You ARE good and do good..." in Ps. 119:68. God was good and I could trust Him. All the time. Every time.

Even though God has been teaching me this lesson it's still hard to trust sometimes. I'm currently almost 14 weeks pregnant (praise God!!) and I'll admit that it's a bit unsettling at times. Pregnancy before a loss carries some worry. But the pain of loss hasn't been experienced. You don't KNOW how you'll feel if it happens again. As of yet I don't have tons of movement from the baby yet to assure me of his or her continued presence. I feel pings and pangs but never know if it's just my imagination or not.

Some friends of mine who are pregnant after losing a baby have purchased a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat whenever they want to. But at close to $100 or more it's just not in the budget here. And DH and I both don't think it's a wise decision for US to buy a doppler. So God has whispered to me "Trust Me! Whatever happens, know that I am trustworthy. I will do you good." And so I place my trust in Him for another day. He loves my child more than I do. And He is very trustworthy.

All the grief and heartache of last year was worth it if I'm walking closer to God. He IS good and does good. Remember this if the midt of heartache. Preach it to yourself instead of letting fear and emotions prey upon you! He will always do you good!

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