I'm sorry I haven't written enough in a while. I've been trying to learn a new part-time job and because there is no manual for doing it, just a lot of "stuff," it gets a little stressful at times.
The kids bought a Playstation 2 with their birthday money this year and the scary thing is that I usually end up the one who plays it the most. It takes my mind off my symptoms and lets me focus on something that isn't necessarily work or writing. It also is something I can do when I can't really sit up and type.
The good news is that our house is no longer in immediate danger. YES! Thank you, God! We will not lose this house for financial reasons, just like God promised us over four years ago. Do we really deserve it? Who knows? Why is ours spared when so many these days are not? I don't have a good answer for that at this point. I do know that our home group will not be interrupted, which is huge. I know our family didn't have anywhere to go and the stress would have made my condition spiral, possibly for a long time.
I also see the number of things we've learned through all of this. When people would ask how we were doing, I wanted to tell them that we were just being reminded of how vulnerable we all are to losing what we hold dear. What a conversation stopper! But it's true. We are all just the next breath away from losing everything, unless God continues to provide us with oxygen for our brains, food for our stomachs, water for our mouths and clothes for our bodies. Only God's grace lets us live however many days we have. Although I would have likely denied it, I really was living my life by a subtle twist of belief that if I tried to do everything according to God's will, I wouldn't suffer. I now know that the road God has laid out for each of us can include pain and suffering for its own sake, not just as a corrective measure.
That isn't something that you see in the front of the church bulletin. It's not popular for discussion. There are even some out there that would say this is heresy, that God would never lead his children into suffering. These are probably the same people that don't understand Job very well. I'm not saying I'm as righteous as Job, but if God can lead him through that wilderness of pain, he certainly can lead others through similar circumstances. We don't want to hear that, though. We'd rather seek God by saying "Bless me! Bless me and mine!" That's because we think too little of the prize and too much of this vapor of a life, myself included. Still, like Rich Mullins said, "I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing."
That said, I'm relieved we are not losing our home. I'm truly grateful for so many praying for us and helping us. My children have a roof over their head and don't have to worry about losing it. That is a blessing to me.
The more I live in Christ, the more I realize how much it all relates back to that sacrifice of love on the cross and the Man Who made it for us. The deeper I go into my faith in Him, the more I understand about His love for me. It is no longer about gaining understanding or pursuing knowledge about God. Instead it’s about letting Him do what He wants with me and letting Him reveal Himself, Who He is as my provider, my shield, my comfort, my strength and my deliverer. The more He leads me through the wilderness, the more I depend on Him. I trust Him in those moments because of His love and His sacrifice for me. I am His child, bought with a price. That is one thing that affects me every day of my life.
I don't know if a whole lot of folks remember the group White Heart, but I was a big fan of their music. They had a song called Montana Sky that Rob Rumfelt used for some inspiration and follows the lyrics pretty well. You can download it from his site or watch it here on YouTube. It's worth the watch, once you get past the "Google Earth" beginning. (Caveat: Some still pictures from the crucifixion in The Passion of the Christ are used).
I loved that song. When this song was new, I wanted to do the same thing that Rumfelt did. I wanted to do that with a lot of the songs that moved me. Alas, the cinematographer in me never flourished. I had to be content watching Ric Florian dance around in an abandoned railyard. Oh well.
Brings to mind the line the prodigal's father said, "My son was once dead to me, now he's alive! He was lost, but now he's found!" We come alive to Christ every time we turn back to him.
Hopeful. Believing in what God has done and allowing belief to affect your outlook.
Hopeless. Cutting off all belief of what God has done and allowing disbelief to affect your outlook.
The journey between hopeless and hopeful is impossible for us to make without believing God and Who He says He is. It is impossible to know God without studying His Word, the Bible. Therefore, the first step from hopeless to hopeful is reading God's Word to know Him and His character. It is from this that we know that,
God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Prov 3:34
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Ps 84:11
I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly. Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land. Ps 85:8-9
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Ps 86:5-7
God will restore hope. We call to Him and He will answer. You can call to Him and He will answer. This is your first step.
The miracle of modern homeschooling is not that the product is academically superior. The miracle is that parents are discovering their children and finding they can provide their child with a moral context for the academic education. The majority of parents find their goal grows from providing a better education for their child to producing a whole adult who is ready to assume their role in society.
I have just read the best post I've seen in months, maybe years.
If that didn't get your attention, you're too busy so nevermind. The rest of you need to get a cup of coffee, tea or whatever it is that makes you pause while you drink or eat it. Sit down and read Melissa Wiley's Every Face I Look At Seems Beautiful To Me. It's so good, I italicized it. Finding this gem is the reason I read blogs in the first place. This one challenges me to stop looking forward to things and simply savoring all I can out of the moment I find myself in. Helping our kids nurture their love for learning is more important than deskwork, and Wiley's post reminded me at just the right time.
One more thought to add. My disability helps me see the wisdom of what she said. Often my condition puts whatever goal I had for the day or even the week out of reach for me. It's dumb, really dumb, to get frustrated about it. It doesn't change anything. Instead, I need to focus on enjoying what I can do, even if it's just lying still and breathing in and out for the next hour or two. I'm really grateful for this post.
