Ohhhh-kay...It's not that cleavage...I'm talking about "Leave and cleave," here, something required for any marriage.

In Genesis, when God is laying out the plan for mankind to Adam and Eve, He said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." In the King James Version, it says "a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife." Leaving and cleaving is not just good advice, it's God's design for a family.

Leaving
In the traditional American wedding, a bride is escorted down the aisle by her father. When they arrive at the front, the minister asks, "Who gives this woman to be married?" Her father responds, "Her mother and I." It is a symbolic releasing of their daughter to the care and love of her husband.

It would be awkward, but sometimes I wonder if a similar releasing ceremony wouldn't be all that appropriate for the groom. The assumption, of course, is that the man has already been standing on his own, which isn't always the case. Parents must realize that at the wedding, they release their children to their future with their spouse. The breaking of ties is necessary for their children to have a life of their own. This means that the parent moves into a role of a friend and peer, one with more experience that can offer their advice, but just advice. According to the design, they can no longer correct their child, discipline them, or guide them. Advice that's taken is usually solicited by the person in need. Parents need to be sensitive to where they intrude in their child's life with unsolicited advice, which always comes at the risk of hurting their new relationship after the wedding.

Cleaving
Cleaving is the second part of the two-step process. To cleave in this case means to cling to, resisting any separation. The husband and wife must become inseperable. The Bible goes so far as to call it becoming "one flesh." The husband is loyal to his wife and her needs, and the wife is loyal to her husband and his needs. Any other considerations, including the "needs" of the parents of either, must come second. No relationship with anyone else, including that with a parent, should rival that of the husband and wife. The intimate details of their lives should be known only to each other, with no "insiders" having access. The primacy of this relationship is toyed with only at the risk of weakening or destroying it.

Becoming One Flesh
By leaving and cleaving, a man and wife become one flesh. They love and respect each other before all others. The unity found in this principle gives them a solid foundation that they can depend on. It relieves the pressure on the relationship that in-laws can sometimes put on the relationship, intentionally or not.

Perhaps the strongest test of how successfully a marriage has stuck to the design of leaving and cleaving is when the in-laws of either spouse have a disagreement with their child or their child's spouse. Leigh reports some trouble from this Easter weekend. Because she wants her children participate in Easter as a sacred event rather than a secular "eggstravanza," her in-laws think of her as "that evil woman that is trying to keep Bobby and the children away from them and spoil all of their fun." What a problem! While "leaving and cleaving" alone will not solve the issue, it will simplify it considerably. Imagine the trouble if her husband remained silent in his defense of his wife or worse, sided with his parents! By sticking to the plan, Leigh and her husband will preserve the unity of their marriage and make any criticism by his parents much easier to bear. Eventually, the in-laws may come around, but until then, Leigh and her husband must agree to leave his parents and cleave to each other. Please pray for wisdom and strength for this couple, as well as a change of heart for the in-laws.

God has a plan for each couple that joins together in His name. Some of this plan is already spelled out in His word, the Bible. Respect for the design he has put in every human heart is a critical element for living the "good life."

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