At the advice of a good friend, I’m announcing a new part of my blog. It’s a small expansion, but I hope it will be a meaningful one. For several years, I have dealt with back pain that seems to be getting worse as I go. It has gotten to the point where I’m unable to participate fully in most normal daily functions, including work, recreation and fatherhood, the most vital part of my life. For this reason, this new category in my blog will be called “Coping With Disability.” For those who are disabled, I hope this area brings comfort to you. For those who are not disabled, I hope it provides you with a window on the thoughts and feelings of a person who is facing disability. Perhaps it may help you see and understand what life is truly like for someone you know.

Again, I’m dictating this using my speech software. I try to catch the mistakes, but some may slip by. Some of the computer’s mistakes about my voice are quite funny, but that’s another story.

I will start off with my history. In October, 1993, I was on my way to work. I was running late, and although I don’t truly know what speed I was running at, I know that I did not have enough space to stop when the person in front of me stopped for a yellow light. She did what I did not expect, and instead of swerving around her like I should have, I panicked and slammed on the brakes. I was in a small import, and she was in a full size sedan. I was also overweight, and that adds significant risk when you’re driving. When my car slammed into her car, my seat belt did not engage immediately and, in a fraction of a second, I went forward until the belt caught me, stopping me inches from the steering wheel. This caused an injury to my thoracic spine from which I have never fully recovered.

After the accident, my car was able to be driven, but I was in pretty bad shape. My car insurance sent me to a chiropractor, but I couldn’t use the one who had treated me for years before. Although the new chiropractor was adequate, I believe our failure to arrest the inflammation caused long term damage.

In the years following, I moved from retail sales to telephone operator to office worker (the computer thought I said “topless worker.” Talk about casual Fridays!). Each position required less and less from my back, which helped me cope. However, in 2000 and 2001, two major household accidents and a few small ones sent me over the edge. The first major accident, my daughter, who was four at the time, was walking on my back, massaging out the stress of the day. Unfortunately, she thought it would be a good idea to jump up in the air and land on me with her bottom. Until that moment, I had no idea what a pro wrestler felt like. This caused me quite a bit of pain, but it was not as bad as the second accident. I was home from work because of— you guessed it— back pain, when I slipped and fell down the stairs. I landed on my bottom about three steps from the top and bounced off the step, falling shoulder first into a concrete wall. Did I mention I had a cookie in my mouth? It was not a good day.

Since then, I've seen 5 doctors (4 of them specialists), 2 chiropractors, 4 physical therapists, 1 podiatrist and a bevy of products and over-the-counter remedies I won't list. The medical expenses alone have been in the thousands of dollars yearly. I have taken ibuprofen (the 800mg horse pills), naproxen, vioxx, mobic, celebrex and just about every other anti-inflammatory pill out there. I have taken muscle relaxants and pain pills that would make most people higher than a kite. Usually, for me, I don’t get a high or a rush; they just make the pain bearable.

A lot of people ask me if I’ve tried natural supplements. I'm supplemented so much I don't know where I end and my supplements begin. I have found that while Omega 3, 6, and 9 from fish and flax oils don't necessarily have the anti-inflammatory properties my chiropractor promises, 3600 mg per day helps curb my cravings for chocolate and buttery treats, which helps me lose weight. Schiff makes a glucosamine-condroitin compound with "MSM" called Move Free that seems to help my back a little. I take 3 or more per day. My folks are pumping us with Usana supplements, but it's too early to tell. We also drink Xango, a mangosteen extract that is supposed to help inflammation (along with cure everything known to man). Perhaps the most helpful is 32 oz or more per day of green tea to help control inflammation. All this helps me maintain my back when I'm taking good care of it by giving it several rest times throughout the day and not subjecting it to too much stress or jostling.

For two years, I have been seeing a Christian chiropractor who is good at what she does. She used to adjust me three times a week but now we're down to once a week. I have fewer acute spasm attacks, but whether that's from the chiropractic or because I'm working less is a good question. It’s probably both.

The last doctor I saw said he can't do anything for me because I had tried all the conventional treatments he would recommend. He advised against surgery as well, stating it was a gamble that might make me considerably worse. He recommended pool therapy, which I am looking into.

On Tuesday, I had my third MRI, which I’m still awaiting the results for. I am hopeful, because this was the first MRI with contrast. Apparently, this makes certain tissues more visible and will help me and my doctors find the problem.

That’s the medical side of my disability. The psychological side is much more complex. I hope to explore this in detail in the days and weeks to come. Until then, I will only say this: the greatest pain of my disability is not in my back. The greatest pain comes when I want to do the fatherly things I was made to do, and I can’t.

I have to say, however, that living with a disability is not always a drab and dreary experience. For example, I was driving around Wal-Mart on one of those electric scooters while shopping with my family. Every time I would stop or start the cart I would hear what sounded like chipmunk chatter. At first, I thought the problem was with the cart. After all, carts tend to develop little idiosyncrasies including noises, sudden acceleration, and braking problems--yikes! But this noise was different. After 45 minutes and covering half the store, I stopped the cart, got down on the floor, and looked underneath it. To my surprise, something was stuck underneath. When I pulled it out, I found it was a stuffed toy with a voice box that would go off when you squeezed it! The poor thing looked like road kill! I took its remains to customer service, where I assume they gave it a proper burial.

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