Posted in Homeschooling
I have received gobs and gobs of e-mail asking me for step-by-step instructions on how to destroy your child. I put my mind to it and figured out how to destroy your own kids. Here's what I have so far:
Obviously, I’m being sarcastic to prove a point. Without any intention, parents take steps exactly like these, believing it to be the right way to raise their children, even in homeschool. Perhaps the last step is the most devastating because your child will never really learn the skills and the strength with which to judge the world and its concepts. Hopefully, we’re better than this… a lot better.
First, withhold love from them based on the assumption that they are unworthy. You have given up so many things to make their lives possible, so they really should have to work for your affections.
Second, insist that they never share openly how they feel. This will build up a backlog of repressed emotions that will take years of therapy to unwind, assuming they don’t remove themselves from the gene pool. It’s especially helpful when you refuse to validate how they feel. This will contribute to the crushed self esteem that you set in motion in step one.
Third, refuse to give them grace, even in extreme circumstances. Life has rules, and even the slightest infraction should bring the harshest response.
Fourth, demand their respect, especially when you don’t deserve it. You are the almighty parent. You make the rules. It’s especially helpful if you act capriciously and with a subtle but malicious intent.
Fifth, set them up for failure. This links with the performance mentality you have built up in step one. If you deliberately raise the bar too high, they will learn that failure is just a part of life and they had better get used to it. Any success should be fleeting and unsatisfying in order to keep them hungry.
Last, you need to refuse to release them when they show the slightest shred of independent thought. They cannot and should not think for themselves. What you say should be good enough for them for the rest of their lives.
Obviously, I’m being sarcastic to prove a point. Without any intention, parents take steps exactly like these, believing it to be the right way to raise their children, even in homeschool. Perhaps the last step is the most devastating because your child will never really learn the skills and the strength with which to judge the world and its concepts. Hopefully, we’re better than this… a lot better.
