The weather's getting colder and that seems to be affecting my health, which isn't uncommon given that my arthritis makes me weather sensitive. I'm 34, by the way, the age when I should be enjoying my activity and challenging myself. Instead, my best friend is Ben Gay and two words that make me smile is the phrase "sleeping deeply." Sitting at the computer is a challenge, not a restful activity like it should be. Am I angry about it? Not furious, but I get frustrated enough. I am thwarted by my own body. I should not be down for 3 days after just going outside to toss the ball with my son. Yet, this is my world.

Someone who is very dear to me got promoted (died) the day before yesterday. It's very hard to see her go, even though it was definitely her time. I know that she is young again, youthful. Her knees don't ache, her hands are new and she sees wonders more beautiful and amazing than what I've ever seen, even in Colorado. I really envy her in a way, although I don't expect to die for many, many years yet, and God is going to have to personally drag me from my family. Still, heaven can't be all that bad and I'm looking forward to living free of this pain and lack of ability. Really looking forward. I have a sincere understanding of Romans 8:22-23:

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

Still, a part of me really likes autumn. Summer, I almost hate to say it, it gets old. I don't get tired of green, but it just loses it's specialness. I suppose I'd get tired of white if I lived further north, too. I love the football season, hot coffee, curling up under a blanket (when I'm not under the weather-ha!) and a good book. Kim Hill's lyrics from Black Shirts come to mind.

I love fall
And living by tall trees
And I love having a fire
Just before the first hard freeze
And I thank You for making all of this
And holding me in Your hands
I think I'm finally growing up
I'm starting to understand

What am I beginning to understand? I'm understanding what God said to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness." God isn't interested in how good we can be out of our own strengths. When my strength fades like the green from the leaves, His color comes through, revealing his glory. Is it the way I've chosen? No, but it's the best way He can be glorified in my life and I will accept that. He's holding me in His hands. Why would I choose anything else?

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