Posted in Homeschooling
From the government's Department of Ridiculous Studies, it's reported that fully half of America's schools are underfunded. The NEA indicates that it has corroborated the results of the study with its own research. Alarmed, the Senate has formed an indipendent committee to increase funding to 150% of these schools' budgets. They also plan to monitor the other half of the schools, in the event that they too become underfunded. Contingency plans are already in place for this development by also increasing funding in the same percentage as above in the interest of remaining fair and balanced.
In related news, the NEA has placed little, red schoolhouse enclosures over each of its entrances at their DC headquarters to remind their staff of the true purpose of the NEA. It's also hoped that the structures will deflect the smoke from the staff on their hourly smoke breaks as well as the smoke from the money-burning department from being blown back into the building. A 10 year study on smoke particles from burning hundred dollar bills was found to be nearly as toxic as tobacco smoke. "As you can imagine, we were quite concerned," said NEA spokesperson Eromye Nomesaelp. "Our initial plan was to call in substitute teachers to filter the air by breathing it. That was only partially effective, so we've supplemented the teachers with ionizing air filters everywhere inside the building. The results from the EPA are still pending."
The ruling in California on homeschooling has caused quite a stir in some of the local homeschool communities. One mother who declined to give us her name, her phone number or even an e-mail address claimed that they were ready for whatever would come next. She said that she had stockpiled powdered milk, instant oatmeal and plenty of jean jumpers for the next year. Another homeschooling mom, Anna Bobanna of Stockton, planned to keep her children indoors in a makeshift fort they had constructed out of unused curricula. They planned to use their skills at hunting, knitting home-made yarn and legislation to safeguard their "little republic" as Mrs. Bobanna called it. Her twin children, Lana and Montana seemed to be fully adept at each and also helped re-program our correspondent's computer by correcting all the bugs in Vista. "I can't believe how they botched the code," remarked Montana, who will be 7 on Tuesday.
That's it for the Nearly News, Briefly team. I'm the only one on staff at the moment and I took a clue from Ford and just gave the entire company a vacation. Whether this is a cost-saving measure or an attempt at boosting morale remains to be seen. Whether this is a weak attempt at satire, however, has been fully proven.
In related news, the NEA has placed little, red schoolhouse enclosures over each of its entrances at their DC headquarters to remind their staff of the true purpose of the NEA. It's also hoped that the structures will deflect the smoke from the staff on their hourly smoke breaks as well as the smoke from the money-burning department from being blown back into the building. A 10 year study on smoke particles from burning hundred dollar bills was found to be nearly as toxic as tobacco smoke. "As you can imagine, we were quite concerned," said NEA spokesperson Eromye Nomesaelp. "Our initial plan was to call in substitute teachers to filter the air by breathing it. That was only partially effective, so we've supplemented the teachers with ionizing air filters everywhere inside the building. The results from the EPA are still pending."
The ruling in California on homeschooling has caused quite a stir in some of the local homeschool communities. One mother who declined to give us her name, her phone number or even an e-mail address claimed that they were ready for whatever would come next. She said that she had stockpiled powdered milk, instant oatmeal and plenty of jean jumpers for the next year. Another homeschooling mom, Anna Bobanna of Stockton, planned to keep her children indoors in a makeshift fort they had constructed out of unused curricula. They planned to use their skills at hunting, knitting home-made yarn and legislation to safeguard their "little republic" as Mrs. Bobanna called it. Her twin children, Lana and Montana seemed to be fully adept at each and also helped re-program our correspondent's computer by correcting all the bugs in Vista. "I can't believe how they botched the code," remarked Montana, who will be 7 on Tuesday.
That's it for the Nearly News, Briefly team. I'm the only one on staff at the moment and I took a clue from Ford and just gave the entire company a vacation. Whether this is a cost-saving measure or an attempt at boosting morale remains to be seen. Whether this is a weak attempt at satire, however, has been fully proven.
