Posted in Fatherhood
I just stopped by the blog of my new friend OreoSouza. She had a great post
about what her husband Tim's take on manhood, honor, and other manly
stuff. They have some excellent ideas, ones that I would recommend to
anyone.
Having lived under a father who was not there for me early on and then during my teen years invested a great deal in me, I have had an opportunity to see both sides of fatherhood. Tim was very right in saying that the man brings out the boy. This is invaluable! If I were to try to teach my girls how to put on makeup, they'd all leave the house looking like Tammy Faye or a circus clown. Watching my wife get ready, I get the essentials, but not the nuances. In the same way, women can teach boys a lot, but there are subtleties that men have too, although they don't usually involve grooming.
There are certain things every boy should know before he leaves home. Basic home maintenance comes to mind. Basic car maintenance like changing oil is also something I would expect my son to know when he starts driving. But not all of it is a drudgery. According to John Eldridge in Wild At Heart, every man has a desire to explore, build, and conquer. This holds true for the cerebral boy as much as for the rambunctous one. To explore books, mountains, forests, even a park or a backyard, is something deep down every boy has a desire to do. Building, whether it's a treehouse, putting together Legos and K'nex, or putting together billion dollar empires is a way men and boys express themselves. And men have a desire to conquer. This is not the Napoleonic vision, necessarily. It's to have mastery over what they see, whether it's a garden, a horse, or a country.
These are basic needs of men and boys, but the ways these needs express themselves are as varied as the size and shapes of the men and boys they come in. Still, there are few rules I would recommend.
A Code of Honor
As Tim and OreoSouza said, even the street gangs and jungle tribes have their own codes of honor, although they're not ones to adopt necessarily. But boys can understand codes of honor, that there are actions that define and exemplify who you are. My 6 year-old son opens the door for his mother and sisters out of habit. He also understands that as a protector of the fairer sex, he must never ever strike a woman under any circumstances. He understands that out of respect for his mother and her things that he is not allowed to play ball in certain areas of the house. Yet he knows that he is free to run around and be strong and brave and fight with swords and use his imagination as much as he likes.
As protector, my 6 year-old son will sit with his 2 year-old sister and watch movies with her. Does he want to? Not really. But he will sit with her because she gets scared when the puppy is in danger or the gorilla comes on the screen. My son is there for her to give her the strength to watch what a 2 year-old might find a little scary. He goes with his older sister to the mailbox for the same reason. I encourage him whenever I can and I think he gets it!
For the sake of brevity, I will continue the other rules in subsquent posts. This is more than enough for now. In the meantime, I would highly recommend the two books below.
Click here for Part 2 of Bringing Up Boys In A Feminine World
Click here for Part 3
Recommended Reading
Wild At Heart has been out for a few years. It doesn't resort to jungle drumming and being a jerk, which is how many feminists define masculinity. It is an honest, in-depth look at what a man's desires are and how to awaken the masculine soul.
Captivating is the Wild At Heart for women. It is something my wife and I are still working through. Both books are great devotionals because they are so rich in meaning and full of substance.
Click on the books for more information.
Having lived under a father who was not there for me early on and then during my teen years invested a great deal in me, I have had an opportunity to see both sides of fatherhood. Tim was very right in saying that the man brings out the boy. This is invaluable! If I were to try to teach my girls how to put on makeup, they'd all leave the house looking like Tammy Faye or a circus clown. Watching my wife get ready, I get the essentials, but not the nuances. In the same way, women can teach boys a lot, but there are subtleties that men have too, although they don't usually involve grooming.
There are certain things every boy should know before he leaves home. Basic home maintenance comes to mind. Basic car maintenance like changing oil is also something I would expect my son to know when he starts driving. But not all of it is a drudgery. According to John Eldridge in Wild At Heart, every man has a desire to explore, build, and conquer. This holds true for the cerebral boy as much as for the rambunctous one. To explore books, mountains, forests, even a park or a backyard, is something deep down every boy has a desire to do. Building, whether it's a treehouse, putting together Legos and K'nex, or putting together billion dollar empires is a way men and boys express themselves. And men have a desire to conquer. This is not the Napoleonic vision, necessarily. It's to have mastery over what they see, whether it's a garden, a horse, or a country.
These are basic needs of men and boys, but the ways these needs express themselves are as varied as the size and shapes of the men and boys they come in. Still, there are few rules I would recommend.
A Code of Honor
As Tim and OreoSouza said, even the street gangs and jungle tribes have their own codes of honor, although they're not ones to adopt necessarily. But boys can understand codes of honor, that there are actions that define and exemplify who you are. My 6 year-old son opens the door for his mother and sisters out of habit. He also understands that as a protector of the fairer sex, he must never ever strike a woman under any circumstances. He understands that out of respect for his mother and her things that he is not allowed to play ball in certain areas of the house. Yet he knows that he is free to run around and be strong and brave and fight with swords and use his imagination as much as he likes.
As protector, my 6 year-old son will sit with his 2 year-old sister and watch movies with her. Does he want to? Not really. But he will sit with her because she gets scared when the puppy is in danger or the gorilla comes on the screen. My son is there for her to give her the strength to watch what a 2 year-old might find a little scary. He goes with his older sister to the mailbox for the same reason. I encourage him whenever I can and I think he gets it!
For the sake of brevity, I will continue the other rules in subsquent posts. This is more than enough for now. In the meantime, I would highly recommend the two books below.
Click here for Part 2 of Bringing Up Boys In A Feminine World
Click here for Part 3
Recommended Reading
Wild At Heart has been out for a few years. It doesn't resort to jungle drumming and being a jerk, which is how many feminists define masculinity. It is an honest, in-depth look at what a man's desires are and how to awaken the masculine soul.
Captivating is the Wild At Heart for women. It is something my wife and I are still working through. Both books are great devotionals because they are so rich in meaning and full of substance.
Click on the books for more information.
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