Suga Mama on life with Chocolate Droplets
•
Aug. 20, 2006
-
You are amazing God
I don't even know what to title this blog... I guess it will come to me by the end of it.
So let's see... what have I been doing since my birthday?? We went to the library, and oh, I had my date with Bob.
I did tell you all about my man on the side, right?
I didn't tell yall about my daily 11 o'clock date with Bob Barker?
That is my show!!! During school I look at the clock strike 11 and sigh
as I go on with school, but not on the two week break! I was able to
enjoy Bob on The Price Is Right and holla out the answers to the bid
right along with everyone else. This particular show was good. This
young guy named Peter was so excitied to "come on down", that he began
to do back flips. Turns out, this guy is a professional tumbler!
What does a professional tumbler do, exactly? He did plenty of back flips after he won, "A New CARRRRR!"
Saturday I got up early and met my dear friend Shawn
at the farmer's market. I was sooooo excitited to be out of the house
early before the kids had a chance to stop me. I took the long scenic
route through the city to the farmer's market. We strolled through the
vendors and marvelled at all that was there. It was a field trip!
I bought a different type of kale and cooked it according to Jamie's
(the farmer who sold it to me) directions. Then I found something
really interesting, edible flowers called Nasturtiums
They were really good, I have to find were I can get some seeds and grow them on the porch.
Afterwards, I went home, gathered up the kids and baby sat for a friend
who is recovering from breast reduction surgery. That was fun, sitting
under the shade of the tree with the children, eating leftover pizza
and fruit from the farmer's market.
Came home, bathed the
kids, watched Mulan for the first time, put them in bed and had a long
talk with dh about various topics, one including the dreaded "What are
we gonna do about this potential of having more kids thing?" I am so
tired of having this conversation! If you've read the blog on "Raising
tomatoes" then you know how I feel. Right about now, I am giving up,
throwing in the towel, overdosing on birth control pills and following
it with a spermicide laced oj chaser! I spent much of the night asking
the Lord to change me, make me into one of those women who doesn't
care, who can't stand the thought of getting pregnant again. At least
we would be on the same page and I wouldn't feel this huge tug of war!
UUUGGGGHHHH!
Ok.....I feel better now. One of my coping
mechanisms is to visulaize myself "over or past" what ever my current
mountain is. So last night, I imagined what I am going to think about
this when I am 67 and after menopause. Will I think about allowing God
to control my fertility? Maybe. Will I be over it by then? I better be!
This Sunday's service was Indiscribable! The message was
titled so, and it was full of images of this universe that we call
home. It showed our solar system and the Milky Way galaxy and where we
live in that enormous vastness. Our planet was a speck in the lower
right corner! The speaker (I'm too tired to go upstairs and find the
bullentin with his name on it... forgive me) kept showing pictures like
the sun, the birth and death of a star. He explained how long it would
take us to get to the other galaxies and how it would take all
the energy of the US over a period of a few trillion years to be able
to run the sun for one second! Then he went way out and showed us even
more amazing stuff that was how ever many light years away. Finally, he
said he had one more image to show us, and this one was the furthest we
could go. It was a picture of our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross.
GIRLLLL, I lost it!!!! Normally my eyes water because of this new
makeup I'm trying, but this time it was because I caught a glimpse of
just how great and wonderful and awesome and powerful and words that i
don't have to describe how indiscribable my God is! He called the
stars by name all kazillion of them and yet he knows my name and wants to listen to me!!
That is too great for me to understand! I wanted to run and cry and
shout and sing how great my God is!!!! But all I could do was stand
there and cry and allow my soul to be humbled. This is how Moses must
have felt when he wanted to see God's glory and God only allowed him to
see the tail end of him.
And here I am mad,upset,worried,
about all the things that seem so big to me right now. Yes, they are
important, but I can't lose focus of Who loves me and how big He is.
Chris Tomlin said it best:
Indescribable,uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful,untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
Incomparable,unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amaing God
You are amazing God
|
Comments (
0
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Aug. 16, 2006
-
Is Today Your Birthday?
When
I was little, my Daddy had a whole bunch of records (remember those?)
that he would play for me. One of them had this little song to teach
you the days of the week. The young child would sing, "Is today my
birthday?" and the parent would say, "Not yet, today is Monday, Monday,
Monday!" Well, it has become a tradition in our home to sing that
little song to the birthday person starting a week prior to the date.
We all get a twisted sense of joy yelling "Not yet!"
Well, today I said, "It is, it is, it is my birthday!" Because it is my 32nd birthday today!!!
I thought a lot about how to celebrate. I think birthdays are very special, cause its the one
day in the whole year that you should feel especially special. So I
wanted to do something that would make me feel just that. A trip to my
favorite museum and having a pic nic at a very nice park would make my
day.
The museum didn't work out (I still had four children to tend to), but
we did make it to the park. I asked a good friend to visit with her
children and they were the perfect compliment to my day. On the way
home we drove through downtown listening to my favorite smooth jazz
station. I tell ya, its the little things that make me happy.
Last night I cooked a large pan of Baked Ziti
and my favorite Cranberry apple toss salad. I made enough so that
I wouldn't feel like I cooked on my birthday. After dinner the family
went out for ice cream.
I have soooo much to be thankful for. I had a great childhood for the
most part, my parents are still alive and well, my dh and I are still
happily married and I have four gifts that I get to open up every
morning.
Above all that, I have a relationship with the One who made heaven and earth, He wants to talk to me and hear from me. I am richly blessed !!!
|
Comments (
2
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Aug. 5, 2006
-
Looking through the trees
Saturdays
are always big let downs for me. Its not Saturday's fault, its mine. I
always have these high hopes for Saturday, like cleaning the whole
house, that never get done.
I actually planned only 3 very realistic things for today. Give a child
an enema (long story), finish laundry for the week and destroy the dust
bunny family residing in my bedroom under the air conditioner.(Sorry
dust bunnies, nothing personal) I could have done these 3 things
if it were not for two reasons. My 11 month old and a serious case of
sleep deprivation because of the 11 month old.
We did manage to give the enema, that had to happen. The laundry is not
finished and its 11:49 pm and the dust bunnies get away yet again.
Needless to say I was very frustrated! I was so sleepy that I probably
wasted some time walking around in circles. Finally, when I realized I
was going no where fast, I decided to give up and join the kids. We
went out side and laid down on a blanket.
There are few things in life that are as simple and satisfying as lying
on your back on a warm summer day (with little to no humidity) and
gazing up through the trees at the perfect blue sky! The only thing
that made it even better was doing it with all my kiddos. It was soooo
cute! All our heads lined up on the blanket next to each other,
pointing out the dead branches on the trees, waving at the airplane
that flys by and praying no bird poop falls into our eyes!
At that moment, I realized how trivial my frustrations were. Yes, they
are valid and important to me, but at that moment I realized that
somewhere in the world, a mother cannot lay on a blanket outside her
home with her children. Instead of counting birds, they would be
counting bombs and missles. Running after fireflies would turn into
running away from gun fire.
Too many times, I take my life here in America for granted. Well, not tonight.
Thank You God
for the blessing of looking through the trees
and being able to do so
in peace.
How ever You see fit
to bring peace, bring it.
In the mean time, use me
as your servant to
serve those in need
because of war in their homeland.
Help me to be a better keeper of
my home
and
thank You
for the lessons learned while
lying on my back
on a blanket.
|
Comments (
1
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Jul. 26, 2006
-
10 O'clock in the Morning
There
is something about 10 o'clock in the morning, something that I love to
catch and hate to miss. I realized it two weeks ago as I was dropping
off the older two at VBS. By the time I saw them safely in the building
and got the two younger ones safely strapped in their car seats, it was
10 o'clock. 10 o'clock and something warm and exciting came over me.
Maybe 10 o'clock represents a second chance. You know how you plan on
doing something in the morning, but you haven't gotten it done yet?
When 12 noon rolls in, its too late, the am is now the pm. But 10
o'clock allows time to finish that morning task.
Maybe 10
o'clock is just the perfect time of the day. Not too early, not too
late. just right! Its not too hot in the summer and not too cold in the
winter. Just the right amount of sun in all seasons. The time that has
demanded a merge of breakfast and lunch.
I've found,
however, that 10 o'cock only has its signifigance when I remember to
acknowledge it. I am disappointed when it slips by me and its already
eleven thirty or some other "just not right time of the day". I almost
have a little "party" within myslef at the site of the hands strike ten!
Our school days are at their greatest when we are on time by 10
o'clock. That means that preschool / handwriting is done and I have
completed 30 minutes of individual time in either reading or math with
a child, with one hour and thirty minutes still within in my grasp! Oh
TEN O'CLOCK I LOVE YOU!!!
So, now that you all think I am crazy, why not solidify my room with the padded walls with a poem dedicated to 10 o'clock:
It could be one, two, three or five
that gets me going, keeps me alive.
Six, seven, eight are fine
when I want to wine and dine.
Nine, eleven even twelve are great
for a party or a play date.
But if a smile is what your after
then let it be 10, because 10 o'clock is when I begin
to shine from the inside with a radiant glow
why it happens
I don't excatly know
but it does everyday at the end of 9:59
the world stops for me
on the turn of a dime
for now its my duty, now its my time
to wink at the clock
and silently grin
for the Good Lord had granted
me the good
time of
ten!
SugaMama
|
Comments (
0
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Jun. 21, 2006
-
TheLesson for today: Stand up fpr your self!!!
Let's
see... what happened today... oh yes, eye doctor appointment for all
four kids. The baby Zori (that's the first time I used one of my
kiddies real names... you should feel honored!) has Duane's Syndrome
in one of his eyes just like his Daddy. So that has to be monitored to
make sure that the vision in that eye doesn't diminish. After that we
went to Dunkin Doughnuts were the lesson for the day began to take
root.
I had a coupon for $1 off 50 Munchkins. (I know, I
know a big whooping savings, but a buck is a buck) So I told the guy
about the coupon and he acted like he didn't hear me. He filled the
order and rang up the total without subtracting the dollar. I reminded him of the coupon and tried to compensate for the language barrier ( I had not been using my Rosetta Stone like I should) in order to get my savings. Mind you, a line is forming behind me and I began to put the pressure of "holding people up"
on myself. The cashier had to read it for what felt like 15 minutes and
then call someone else over to give me my coupon savings. Even she
didn't take off a dollar. Instead of fighting it, I quietly took my
Munchkins, said thank you and tipped out the door.
Next
example of the lesson of the day came in the form of a friend. A friend
who threw her arm out of socket was asked by another friend to watch
her kids. The dislocated shoulder friend told me she was agonozing over
telling her friend that she couldn't watch her kids. She didn't want to
say no. I promptly found courage that I had lost in Dunkin Doughnuts,
and called the lady with kids and said my arm in the sling friend could
not watch her kids and was afraid of hurting her feelings to say so.
One minute I'm the Lion with no courage and the next I'm BraveHeart!!!
Go figure!!
Lastly, tonight on the phone with my sister, I am
trying to understand why her fiance has saved up all this money for a
house to move into in four weeks after they get married, but
still insists on moving in with one of their parents to save money???
She explained the need for privacy in a new marriage and wanted them to
move into an apartment untill they find a house, but he does not want
to do that. Moving in with his parents is a nightmare waiting to happen
for various reasons (that I should not share with thousands of total
strangers). Moving into my parents home isn't that much better, but at
least they would have the upper apartment (Its a duplex) with its own
kitchen, living room and bath. (Albeit the bedroom is directly
above my parents ......) (My sister is currently living there
now) The only problem there is my sister's friend who has been living
in the smaller bedroom for a couple of years now. It ain't cool to be
with your new husband when your single girlfriend is living in
the bedroom next door!!! SHE GOTTA GO!!
So, I told my lil
sis to send her packing (in a nice way). My sistah begins with
,"Wouldn't it be unfair to her?" And I'm thinking, are you crazy, its
time to think about you and what kind of marriage you are gonna have!!!! Give her 4 weeks notice and she can find another place to live.
Although I was frustrated by my sister's lack of ... oh I don't know
what to call it.... selfishness for lack of a better word, I was more
struck by how much I do the same thing. Compassion and common courtesy
is one thing, not giving yourself what you need is unhealthy. So,
I have made a resolution.
AS OF JUNE 21, 2006 AT 11:15, I WILL NO LONGER PUT MY SELF IN HARMS WAY, NEGLECT MYSELF OR ( AND THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY BOILS DOWN TO ) IGNORE THE GOD GIVEN PLACE I HAVE IN THIS WORLD TO BE AND TO RESPECTFULLY HAVE MY NEEDS MET.
I can choose to be unhealthy or healthy. I choose to be healthy, I choose life!
Suga
|
Comments (
0
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Apr. 19, 2006
-
The Question
You
know the scene. You're with your youngest child and another mother
walks up. You glance at each other, say hi and do the mother
acknowledgement of each other's baby.
" AHH, how cute!"
Then the age question.
"How old?"
If your not sure of the sex, we hunt for signs of blue or pink. If we
thin we know, but are not sure, what do we do? We half ask and half
tell the mom what we assume.
"Girl. Right?"
After this little
exchange, some moms are satisfied and after doing what ever they have
to do with their little one, they march off to play.
Then
you have some who go a little further for reasons I am still searching
my own heart to find. This happened to me in church 2 weeks ago.
Baby and I were in the crying room since I barely nursed him before
rushing out of the house that morning. Another mom comes in with her
little girl. You could tell by her speech that she was a mom in love
with motherhood. You've heard the jargon before.
Spoken in the sugaryest, sappyest sing-songyest way imaginable
"Hi honey!!! You want some "Mommy Milk?" Here we go honey bunny!!"
So after latching her bundle of pure joy on, she turns to me and asks
the normal drill of questions. With each answer, she replies with some
mother wisdom like, "I sure remember 'those' days" or "Just wait until
he gets to be 'her' age!" I just smiled and nodded. And then the
"question">
"Is he your first?"
Now, I ask you,
why do we, myself included, ask this question? Are we looking to
give advise? Do we categorize a mom into experienced or inexperienced?
Patient or impatient? Fertile or infertile? Do we rank them as 1-2 kids
= fair. 3 kids is average and 4 or more is supermom? And since when did
4 children equal a large family?
So I answered her with,
"He's number four" and she gasped quickly concluded that there wasn't
much more "advice" that she could give to me. She had only one child
thus far. But that's not so. There is a lot to be learned from everone.
I once thought that a mom with a large number of children was a better
mom than me. I also had to confess my pride and selfishness when I
wanted a large family b/c of how it made me look.
It
wasn't until I met a mom with a number of children that were unruly
that it clicked. "A large family does not a good mother make. "
So now I am cautious when ever I ask this question. What are my
motives? Am I looking to boast or encourage? What about you? What are
your reasons for asking "the question".
|
Comments (
1
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Mar. 28, 2006
-
A Reminder
Going
through the bills is a real time of faith and trust around here. I
really did not used to be this way. I was the "The Lord will make a
way" type. Something must have happened, 'cause I'm more of the "What is we gonna do" type now!
(sigh) After we were through robbing Peter to pay Paul, I went back to
folding laundry and had a little talk with Jesus. It went something
like this:
"Lord, how can I supplement our income?"
silence
"Can I drive kids to and from school?"
"No, you would need a bigger car for that."
"Ok, so can I baby sit?"
"No, you are living within your emotional limits with the four children you alread have from sun up till sun down."
"Oh, yeah, right. Well, what about..."
"Why are you trying to figure out something new? You already know what you should be doing."
"I do, Lord?"
"Yup"
silence on my part
"What is your job?", asks the Lord
"To love and support my dh and to teach and love my children and be a keeper of my home."
" And how much are you saving your family by teaching them at home?"
"Umm, any where from 16,000 -20,000 a year"
"Not to mention daycare and formula if you went back to work."
"yeah, your right Lord. So I guess I better look at my lessons for tomorrow and stop feeling sorry for myself, huh?"
"You are forgetting one thing."
"I am? What's that?"
"To simply trust me. "
"I trust you Lord."
"Oh Yeah, with what? Everything? Your fears, your needs and even your dreams?"
Feeling like a child caught in a lie, I bow my head and quietly mumble,
"Yes, God I do trust you with it all. Even the stuff I don't
understand."
"Ok, now you go do what you're supposed to do and leave the rest up to me. Have I ever failed you? Have your needs ever gone unmet?"
"No"
"Alright, come give me a hug. I love you."
"I love you too"
|
Comments (
4
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Mar. 26, 2006
-
Suga Mama Struggles
Hesitation
is the best word that comes to mind when I describe how I often begin
blogging. Questions of what to say, how much to say fill my mind
before I begin typing. After reading other bloggers and noting their
whimsical entries or provocative ones that leave me questioning why I
do what I do, I wonder about the mood of my blogs.
Are they
boring, depressing? The stuff I want to blog about are my mess ups and
mishaps during the day and how I have learned from them, hoping that
someone who reads it will learn something from it too. It all boils
down to weakness. There I said it. Ya wanna know some of mine? Alright,
but I hope you're prepared to still love me when we're through.
I have a hard time welcoming my "mother's helper" into our home. She's
a nice girl and all, but she's needy. She needs me to speak proper
Engllish to her, to demonstrate Godly womanhood and the worst and
hardest of it all, she needs me to feed her. Now, I know what you're
thinking, 'How hard can that be?'
Let me tell ya, when pennies are few and far in between and you have
more month than money (some of yall know what I'm talking about) it
gets kinda hard to watch your family's lunch tomorrow ( and dinner
leftovers if you're lucky) being devoured by the bottomless pit
of a growing teenager! It wouldn't be so bad if she actually watched
the kids and did a good job of it. And on top of all that, I agreed to
pay this child? Lord have mercy and please forgive me for my
selfishness!
So, there you have it. My first confession of
weakness! Thank God for His word. I was reminded that 2 Corinthians
12:9 says ...My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to
boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through
me. I have decided to add to my blog a section that contains my
weakness and to boast about them, all the while receiving the power of
Christ through them.
Pray for me as I try to "make Jesus
come out" as the younger ones on my family say. I think I already know
my weakness for tomorrow... chocolate chip cookies!!!
|
Comments (
1
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
•
Feb. 28, 2006
-
An Allegory
Why, Why should I care what other people
do with their tomato plants? You know, sometimes I wonder why God
placed this burden on my heart for tomatoes in the first place. I
cringe when ever I see someone handling their young plants tooo harshly
or when I hear folks complain endlessly about caring for their tomato
plants.
But the one thing that sends a cold chill down my
spine is when folks engage me in the conversation of wether or not to
plant any more tomato plants. When they hear how many I've begun to
grow, enter the gasps and the clutching of the pearls."I could never
tend to that many plants", they lament. "You are a brave woman", some
say or "You are crazy" is the other reply. To which I normally just
smile and look at my ripening veggies and move on.
To these
"on lookers" I am not too surprised by their responses. But its the
reply of my fellow gardeners, those called to till the soil with me,
that give me reason to shake my head and then sratch it in disbelief
and wonder, well... am I crazy?
You know, I go back and
forth on this one. "I" thought that we, soil tillers, keepers of the
garden, tomato seed planters, if you will, were supposed to yield our
gardening gloves to the Great Gardener. Isn't that why He gave us the
ability to plant tomato plants in the first place? To plant as many
tomatoes as He allows us for His enjoyment?
Now, I don't know
about my fellow gardeners, but I believed Him when He said he knows
every day of my gardening experience before one of them came to be.
Does this not imply that He knows just how many tomatoes He wants me to
grow for him? For some there may be many rows of tomatoes, for others
just a few, for some, only one and perhaps some of my gardening friends
will till the soil and never get a tomato, but prepare the soil for
other plants.
Yes I know growing tasty tomatoes is a lot of
work. You have to plant the seeds, water them, protect them. Keeping
them safe from bugs and other pests require lots of time and hard work.
Binding them to strong stakes requires strength. And let's not mention
the emotional baggage tied to it. The planting stage can be the most
scary. You never know what kind of tomato you might get. Will it turn
out ok? My back aches from bending over so much!
All of these
are important and valid, but are we not forgetting something... or
someone? We are not doing this alone! The Great Gardener is right where
you are , walking through your garden, admiring the hard work you are
allowing Him to do through you.
So when I'm asked am I going to plant any more tomatoes, I want to
yell, I'll have as many as the Great Gardener desires of me. Even
though it hurts my back, worries my soul, keeps me from enjoying more
"life" outside the garden, its the least I can do. The Great Gardener LOVES tomatoes
and wants to enjoy all of them. He is the one who allows me to plant
and harvest this crop. And when I think of all He has done for me, who
am I to say no to Him? There is no request that should be to hard
or to big, especially when he is doing the gardening work with me.
If you are a gardener who rejoices with each new tomato plant and would
be content with what ever the Great Gardener gave you, wether more or
no more, I am with you. You might be a cultivator who would like to
yield your pack of tomato seeds to the Great Gardener, but you are
afraid, trust him. He is worthy of our trust and has an eternity of
tomatoes and tomato growers to prove it. Maybe you've even said you
enjoy gardening much more now, since the "threat" of growing tomatoes
is gone. To that I'd say, go find a quiet place in the garden. Lay down
your gloves, gardening hoe,and fertilizer. Shush the sounds
coming from outside the garden, sounds inviting you to join them.Lay
your heart before the Great Gardener. Allow him to weed through the
intimate thoughts that produced the lack of desire for more
tomatoes. Surrender those to Him and hear what He has to say.
Lastly, if you are like me, and you are the left handed glove willing
to yield to the Great One your ability to plant more tomatoes,but the
right handed glove is not, offer your will to the One who reaps the
harvest. Tell him your heart and trust that He is the Great Planter who
can breathe life into dust. |
Comments (
1
) :: Post A Comment! :: Permanent Link
|
|
|
|
About Me
A window into my daily ramblings of growing Godly Men and Women while loving my husband, being a keeper of my home and staying sane all at the same time!! |
Page
1
of
1
Last Page | Next Page |
|
