Surviving The Testosterone
Sep. 4, 2008
Birth Order

Thanks Jaime for sending this to me!! 

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN 

1st baby:
You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.  

2nd baby:
You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby:
Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

_____________________________________________________

Preparing for the Birth:


1st baby:
You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby:
You don't bother because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby
: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

______________________________________________________

The Layette
:

1st baby:
You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,
and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby:
You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby:
Boys can wear pink, can't they?

______________________________________________________

Worries:


1st baby:
At the first sign of distress--a whimper,
a frown--you pick up the baby

2nd baby:
You pick the baby up when her wails threaten
to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby:
You teach your three-year-old how to
rewind the mechanical swing.

______________________________________________________

Pacifier:


1st baby:
If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby:
When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it
off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby:
You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


______________________________________________________

Diapering:


1st baby:
You change your baby's diapers every hour,
whether they need it or not.

2nd baby:
You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby:
You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it  sagging to their knees.

_______________________________________________________


Activities


1st baby:
 You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,
Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby:
You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby:
You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

______________________________________________________

Going Out:


1st baby:
T he first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby:
You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

______________________________________________________

At Home:


1st baby:
You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby:
You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child
isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children

______________________________________________________

Swallowing Coins:


1st child:
When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays

2nd child:
When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child:
When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

______________________________________________________


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Comments

Sep. 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by dartwns


poor Aden ~ he will feel so mistreated....

LOL!
Oh, one of our newer ladies have a cute chunk that will give Aden a run for his money on size!! He is about 15 months or so I think...and full of rolls!


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Oct. 27, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by alfredsmom


This was halarious! I love it. Very true.


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