Tales From Syelmänaye

The musings of a hopeful author.

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Chapter 1: The Stranger

Posted at 9:46 PM on Jan. 31, 2008

 

  Comments welcome, but be nice. :) Copyright 2008 Donna-Elisabeth Lee. Please do not reproduce without permission.

“Enter”, King Arrinyo called, leaning forward in his throne towards the other end of the room from whence the knocking came. Mueana obeyed, throwing open the heavy, oaken double doors with the kind of dramatic flair she was known for. “We wish to be left alone”, Arrinyo intimated to those surrounding him, not taking his eyes off Mueana’s shrouded face as the courtiers filed out, and whispering among themselves in a vain attempt to figure out what Mueana wanted alone with the king. 
She advanced forward until she reached the foot of the dais, and then bowed. With a sweeping gesture, she removed her cloak, letting it fall to the ground limply, her long, blond hair cascading down her green dress. Arrinyo started, and then arose in a futile attempt to cover his surprise.
“I see by your reaction that I have come closer than I thought possible after this long time”, Mueana commented, with the hint of a smile playing about her lips. The pair shared most of their singular features: their blond hair, diminutive stature, cat-like quality of movement, and disquieting green and yellow eyes.
Arrinyo marveled as he regained his seat, and his composure, “You look so much like her.”
“The council did not know her, did they?”
“Do not fear on that score”, Arrinyo smiled as if at a pleasant memory, “By the time she was a member of the family, she was dead. You know what you are supposed to do, do you not?”
“Completely”, the nod that accompanied this statement was equally decisive.
“Remember; come back with the twins, or not at all.”
“I shall commit that to memory.”
“Good, then go have fun”, Arrinyo dismissed her.
Mueana bowed and picked up her cloak from off the marble floor, leaving the room with one last parting shot, “Oh, I’m counting on it”.

***

“We’ll need apples, feed for the horses, and eggs since somebody tripped over the basket and broke them all”, Matina listed the necessary supplies, elbowing her brother playfully in the ribs at the last item.
Mateo went on the defensive, “How was I supposed to know you had placed them in the middle of the floor?”, he countered.
“I did not. We’ve been over this before, I have no idea how those eggs ended up in the middle of the floor.”
Mateo remained silent, testing how tender the bruise on his arm, which he had gained from that fateful incident, felt. It was in those few seconds that Matina heard the noise. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?”
“That noise you’re making. Here, stop.” The pair halted. “Now start again.” They walked forward three steps. “You make this clinking sound every time you step. And what’s that smell?” She suspiciously sniffed the air around her. “You’re not wearing the same cloak as you got all the egg on, are you? Do you want the village to think we’re idiots?”
“They already think we’re crazy.” Mateo pointed out. The fact that their family kept to themselves, rarely leaving their mountain, had earned them this reputation.
“Here let me have it. We have time to go back and get a new one.” Matina reached out and grabbed the offending garment, pulling it off her brother. Matina froze, cloak dragging limply along the ground.
“You have…The Sword.” She noted quietly. Mateo shifted his weight uncomfortably, gazing down at the weapon attached to his belt. “Here” Matina held out the foul smelling cape.
“You want me to take it back?” Mateo did not quite know how to react.
“It’s the only one you have that is long enough to cover The Sword.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, why?”
“You’re actually not yelling at me for carrying It.”
“Mateo it…it’s kind of hard to explain”, Matina searched her brother’s black eyes. Thismethod of gazing had contributed to their reputation of being mentally unbalanced. “It’s a feeling that you should, no, must do something and that tragedy will occur if you do not.”
“You feel it too?”
By way of reply, Matina reached up to her neck and unclasped a thin silver chain. Slowly, she pulled it out from under her long, black hair, and held it up to the sunlight. On the chain hung a perfectly round, crystal ball, about the size of the stones the twins would skip on their secret pond, inside a silver casing, which was what kept it on the chain. The ball had a light sapphire hue, with an even darker center of similar color. The innermost sphere seemed to be ever in turmoil, heaving violently, with large, purple tinted cracks appearing, and then disappearing. Throughout the outer circle ran colbalt-shaded bands, circling round and round. The whole crystal did not merely catch the sunlight; it shed a light of its own.
“You have The Stone” Mateo stepped back.
“How observant”, Matina quipped.
The pair stood in the path a moment, then turned and headed down towards the village, blissfully unaware of the eyes that were watching from the shadows of the surrounding forest.
The twins soon reached the town gate, stopping shortly to view the advertisements and announcements tacked up upon the community message board before proceeding with their business. Matina was so wrapped up in figuring out who had the best prices for horse feed that she only vaguely heard Mateo the first time.
“Matina.”
His voice cut through Matina’s thoughts, pushing aside all ideas of money and animals, with its numb fear. She sensed his body had tensed as she turned slowly towards him.
“What is it?” She asked.
“There”, he did not point however, so it took Matina a moment to discover the source of his discomfort. Then it hit her like a lightning bolt.

Dangerous

Matina Stragova and Mateo Stragovo.
Twins, possessing black hair and eyes,
About five and a half feet in height.
They may be able to communicate
Without speaking and carry extremely
Dangerous weapons.
They are wanted for committing such
Crimes against his majesty, King Arrinyo
Such as treason, pretentions to the throne
Of Syelmänaye, and consorting with the
king’s enemies.
wanted dead or alive with any weapons
under their possession or in their home.
Generous reward offered.

 

“Wow.”
“What do you mean wow?” Matina’s voice went shrill.
“I mean that somehow we’ve really done it this time.”
“We have to get out of here”, she turned, heading back up the path at a brisk trot. “Don’t just stand there.”
Mateo hesitated a moment, then he tore the poster off the wall and ran.
In that instant, the weather changed in that way it does when something bad has just happened. No more did Mateo hear the chirping of birds, or the breezes playing happily in the tops of the trees. Instead, the harsh cawing of the Storm Crow, declaring an imminent rain, grated against his ear, and the biting wind chilled the very marrow of his bones. Still he ran. On and on, over the never-ending path. They reached a section of the forest from whence a less traveled road branched off the one they were on. Instinctively, the twins headed for its comparative gloom. Darting in and out of the trees, neither of them noticed that they had left the path and were heading into the shadows. Neither did, that is, until they beheld the giant oak that signaled the middle of the forest. Mateo tried to stop, but merely succeeded in slowing slightly. Hurtling towards the gargantuan tree, his only choice was to throw himself clear as it raced towards him. He cleared his thoughts, gauging the distance so that he would not hit another of the trees in an attempt to avoid this one. He jumped, sailing past the oak, and tripping over one of its large roots. He hit the ground rolling, and continued to do so for a sizable distance, narrowly missing some of the large trunks. His world was tumbling over and over, he lost the ability to move, to think.
“Mateo!” He could hear his sister scream. Then he hit it. It was soft. That was, at least, an indication that it was not a tree his clouded mind decided. He attempted to rise, only then becoming aware of the way his world was churning. Gazing in wonder at the antics of the forest growth around him, he felt his stomach clench. He swayed, coughed, and then wretched violently, bent over double, the tears streaming down his face. “Mateo!” Matina sound miles away, though he could feel her hand on his elbow. Slowly, the world righted itself and he stood up. “Are you alright? I was so…”
“Don’t move.” A voice from behind them commanded. “Who are you?”
The twins knew they had the same thought: change your name. The voice, however did not give them time to answer. “Matina and Mateo. Turn around.”
They obeyed slowly; fear rising in Mateo’s recently appeased stomach. The first thing the pair beheld was the arrowhead. Next came the shaft, closely followed by the feathers and the menacing bow. At last, Mateo beheld her face. She was about five and a half feet tall, clad in green, with long, blond hair tied up in a ribbon, and the oddest eyes. “Sit.” She carefully relaxed the bow, replacing the arrow in her quiver.
“Who are you?” Matina asked nervously.
“They call me Neama. I am sorry for my abrupt interruption, I do not often receive visitors, though I was expecting you two to come along sometime.”
“You…how…how could you expect us?”
“Because I got a powerful elf wizard to make certain circumstances conspired against you two.”
“But why?” Mateo asked. Matina arose, noticing the stream nearby.
“May I get a drink?” she asked.
“I don’t see why not.”
Matina dipped her head under the ice cold water, coming up to hear Neama’s explanation of her conduct while lapping more water from her hands.
“Because you two are the king and queen of Syelmänaye.”
A violent coughing sound came from the river. Matina had accidentally inhaled her handful of water. She recovered, then turned to the impassive Neama.
“I’m sorry, I must have heard you wrong, could you repeat that?”
“I said you two are the king and queen of Syelmänaye.”
“I see.” Matina turned towards the river, gazing up through the trees. Mateo marveled at his sister’s composure, but his wonderment ceased when she turned around.
“Are you crazy? Syelmänaye has a king. This would mean civil war. What are you trying to pull, anyway? How can we even trust you? Are you wanted dead or alive?” She let forth a tirade of questions.
Neama sat through it all, then she spoke. “Last question first: No, I am not wanted dead or alive.”
Mateo inched his hand closer to the hilt of The Sword. “I am merely wanted dead. Neither am I crazy. The man who sits on the throne is not the king. I’m trying to get you two to join the resistance movement against this tyrant, and trusting me is a choice you must make.” She calmly stated.
“We have always been happy here, and we plan to keep it that way” Matina affirmed,
“We have become proficient at raising horses in the way of our parents.”
“What about the wanted poster?” Neama interjected.
Matina hung her head, watching some ants busily scurrying across the forest floor. “That would be a problem.” She conceded.
“Look, I understand that this has come as a shock for both of you.”
“That’s an understatement” Mateo rolled his eyes.
“But I do think this is important. If I am a traitor, you will die, if I am not, but you stay behind, you will probably die as well.”
“That’s encouraging.” Matina quipped.
 “I can’t tell you what you want to hear, only what is true. Why not die in an attempt to save yourself, rather than just sit in your cottage waiting for them to come?”
“We could run off alone without you”, Mateo pointed out.
“Where to? And your parents will...” Neama stopped, frowning slightly at the look that crossed Matina’s face.
“Our parents died last week.” Mateo explained quietly.
“Oh. I’m sorry”, Neama studied the ground, “My parents died when I was about your age. Tell me, did they die of a mysterious illness?”
“Yes, but how did you guess?” Matina looked up.
“That will take some explaining.” 
Matina glanced at her brother, raising her eyebrows slightly. He nodded imperceptibly.
"Alright, we’ll come.”
“Good”.
“But we should stop by our house to pick up some things.”
“Not so good. I do not think this is a very good idea.” Neama warned, rising.
“But we can’t just up and leave”, Mateo pointed out, “There are horses in the barn, chickens, important family heirlooms.”
“I understand. I know of a place where you may store some of your items until the Arrinyo problem is settled.”
“Thank you.” Matina smiled. “If you really believe us to be in so much danger, we had best get going.”
Upon reaching the house, Neama decided that she would wait for the twins while they gathered up any items they viewed to be necessities. Matina tore through the tiny attack searching for treasured keepsakes stored away there. Truth to tell, she was in no great hurry, not sure whether to believe Neama. Downstairs, Mateo packed some food, several items of his warbrobe, which he deemed to be invaluable, and other such objects before running out to set the horses free.
As he re-entered the house, he heard a clinking noise down the path, in the direction of the village.  Peering out the tiny, round window in the front room, he beheld five men, riding on horseback, the sun glinting off their cold, steel armor.
“Matina.” He called to his sister, who was climbing down the ladder from the attic, the bag flung across her shoulder.
Matina slowly approached, glancing around the room to see if Mateo had missed anything.
“What?” She asked, reaching out for a painting of her parents placed on the mantel.
“Come here and look.”
Matina stopped and joined her brother at the window.
“Soldiers.” She breathed.
“Neama wasn’t kidding. We have to leave now”, Mateo grabbed Matina’s sleeve, dragging her towards the back door.
“But Mother and Father…”
“We don’t have time.” They dashed out the back door right as the soldiers dismounted in the front yard. Scattering the recently liberated chickens they marched purposefully towards the house.
The twins rushed down the steep incline behind their house towards the forest.
“Don’t look back!” Neama was yelling from the shade of the trees urging them on, lest the soldiers notice the ravaged house and follow them.
The twins entered the woods, pausing to catch their breath.
“Did they see us?” Matina gasped.
Neama, however, had other ideas. She took off running, and the breathless twins had no choice but to follow her.
They crashed through the underbrush, wooden twigs grasping at their clothing. Mateo began to wish he had not brought The Sword. Its scabbard hit him hard every time he took a step. His side began to ache
“Try breathing”, Neama suggested. She was holding back to keep up with the twins.
Mateo smiled wanly, and then took her suggestion. The pain did not go away, but his side did feel better.
They broke out of the forest, only to see that they had reached a sheer rock wall. Matina and Mateo slowed down, staring up at the great height. Behind them, they could hear a crashing sound in the trees.
“Oh no”, Matina panted, “They saw us!”
Neama beckoned them over to the sheer rock face.
“We can’t climb that!” Mateo observed.
“Shhh.” Neama pushed aside some of the bushes near the cliff, revealing a large cave. “Crawl inside. Quickly.”
The sound of the approaching soldiers grew nearer as the trio clambered through the matted foliage. Just as Neama finished replacing the bushes, they heard the voices of the soldiers outside.
“Are you sure you saw them head this way?” The commander asked.
“Absolutely” the one who replied possessed eyes too small in proportion to the rest of his face, with an aquiline nose and jet black hair.
“Circumstances generally prove you right, but this time you may have met your match”, the leader observed.
“Unless they can fly.” S******ed [Argh! this is a valid word, but they censored it 'cus the middle is another, racist associated word. How annoying. It's synonymous with snickered.] one of the other three men.
Hawk-Nose whirled around, but the speaker did not identify himself.
“Maybe they’re along here somewhere.” Hawk-Nose then turned towards the base of the cliff, searching them for any sign of a hiding place.
Mateo felt fear for the third time in one day. He worried vaguely about being a coward, but those thoughts were quickly pushed aside by the very real and present danger. In case the men could see inside, he pushed himself up against the cave wall, suddenly aware of how small the cavern, which had at first appeared to be huge, really was.
Neama, leaning against the opposite wall, gazed fixedly at the stone ceiling.
“Zylia!” she half whispered. A pool of water appeared in the middle of the floor. “Don’t touch it.” Neama warned.
A face appeared in the glassy water. She was an elf, with black hair and bright blue eyes. Behind her the twins could see a garden, more elves running, or walking through the trees and flowers.
“I heard my name, Neama.”
“We’re having a crisis,” Neama explained.
The soldiers outside had each gotten a stick, each beating the bushes and rock face for hollows in which to hide.
Tap…tap…tap.
Zylia closed her eyes, swaying slightly, her lips moving, but without any sound.
The Hawk-Nosed one drew closer. Matina sucked in her breath, pressing herself even harder against the cave wall.
“This might not work”, Zylia stopped momentarily, “I’m not entirely sure I have your precise location. Geography was never my…”
“Keep going!” Neama interrupted, urgently calling to the puddle of water.
Mateo’s hand wandered once more to the hilt of The Sword. He wondered if he was actually capable of killing anyone. Banging his stick against his bushes, the soldier drew nearer.
Tap…tap…tap.

~Donna-Elizabeth

Post A Comment!

*applaudes*

Posted by NimrodelTinuviel at 12:25 PM on Jan. 31, 2008
That was absolutely amazing! Your writing style leaves me craving more! *grins* Can't wait for the conclusion! (Or rather, the next chapter.)

Regards,
Tinuviel
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Posted by writer4him at 12:30 PM on Jan. 31, 2008
Wonderful beginning!! And suspenseful ending...can't wait to read more!
~writer4him
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Posted by writer4him at 2:16 PM on Jan. 31, 2008
Hm, that's a good idea...but whatever you decide is fine :-D. I understand not wanting to lose something you've worked so hard on!
~writer4him
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Posted by Altariel at 7:27 PM on Jan. 31, 2008
Goodness, what a place to stop!

This is really fantastic - you get right into the action and it's horrendously gripping, while also being quite well developed, with some great characterisation budding!

I love the opening scene between Mueana and King Arrinyo, it's so intense and has such undertones running through the whole interaction. Not knowing what they're going on about I find it a little confusing at the moment, but it's a brilliant piece nonetheless!

We still haven’t found out why the twins are so hated apart from the fact that they're royalty. Is that the only reason, and how did King Arrinyo find out about them if they were kept so isolated? I also think that, had they done nothing they knew of to invoke his wrath, they'd be first confused and taken aback by the poster, before they even considered the effect it might have on them.

So they can communicate through their thoughts? How is that? Are they not entirely human?

Their flight is pretty dramatically written - I like the 'everything suddenly seemed scary' take in it.

The conversation with Neama is another great scene. Your line, “Last question first: No, I am not wanted dead or alive. I am merely wanted dead." is a really great one.

And then the action at the end was very hold-your-breath-as-you-read-ish. And you threw in another great line, “This might not work”, Zylia stopped momentarily, “I’m not entirely sure I have your precise location. Geography was never my…”. In the middle of such an intense scene this just seems extremely funny, as well as adding to the intensity at the same time.

Overall the whole thing was great, and I'm longing for more already! My expectations were high, but you have managed to surpass them!

- Altariel
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Posted by Altariel at 11:09 PM on Jan. 31, 2008
Actually, I've recieved the dreaded 'colossal, gigantic, immense and generally enormous comment' award several times now.

I have a tendancy to just... rant. And go on and on without stopping.

*sigh*

Sorry.

But hopefully it was an overall encouraging rant?

- Altariel
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Posted by writer4him at 9:50 AM on Feb. 1, 2008
Really? I'm glad you think the fight scenes sound good....I was afraid they would come off a bit cheesy and repetitive, since I don't know ANYTHING about fencing! I'm not sure were I learned to write...reading, mostly. Have you read the Crown and Covenant series by Doug Bond? I really try to imitate his writing style.
Still waiting for chapter two.... :-D
~writer4him

Edited by writer4him on Feb. 1, 2008 at 8:50 AM
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Great stuff!

Posted by SuzyScribbles at 11:48 AM on Feb. 20, 2008
It's a good sign when the reader--in the very first chapter--comes away with a feel for the characters and an indication of what the conflict in the story is going to be. You did that and it looks like there will be plenty of action and conflict here. I think your first few paragraphs were a great idea--from the POV (point of view) of N. (Can't remember how to spell her name). Then the switch into the main story was smooth and the opening light-hearted with the twins. Nicely done.

You are well on your way to creating a great, very readable fantasy adventure here!

I can't believe all the fantasy writers on HSB! If the publishers would take a look at these blogs, they would see that fantasy (Christian) is alive and well! I go to writers conferences and hear the "we don't take fantasy" line from publishers, but my, my, my! It seems that...second to horse-loving girls...fantasy is second on the list of what you all like. :-)

Keep it up!

Edited by SuzyScribbles on Feb. 20, 2008 at 10:50 AM
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